#1 FEARS DON’T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE GOOD
This is what my parents always told me about. They never said it this way. They never spoke the exact thing. But I know that this is what they always wanted to teach me.
Nung bata ako (hanggang ngayon actually) takot ako lagi. I am always scared of everything. I am scared of the dark, of the thunder, of the lightning and of everything else. The first one among my fears that I can remember was when I was entering school. Naaalala ko, hinatid ako ng yaya ko sa school ko. Sobrang umiyak ako. Ayokong iwan ako ng yaya namin, gusto ko nakikita ko lang siya. Kaso syempre kailangan niyang umalis. Kaya umiyak lang ako. Di ko na maalala nangyari pagkatapos nun. If I had other fears before that, I cannot remember them. This is the first one I can remember and it spoke a lot para sakin. Imagine, kung hindi ako pumasok nun, kung never akong pumayag na mag-aral, asan ako? Hindi ako magbloblog dito kung ganun yung nangyari.
Next experience, almost the same thing, just in a different time. Last year, 2015, we moved out of our house and moved into another. And unfortunately, I had to move into another school too. Parang nangyari lang ulit yung nung sa bata ako. Pagpasok ko, hindi pa naman ako umiyak pero pag-uwi ko ng bahay, tsaka na ko naiyak. People there were different. They were different from me and from the people I used to be with. That was the first day of the classes. On the second day, ayoko pumasok. Umiyak ulit ako. Pero kailangan ko pumasok talaga kasi nagagalit na mama ko. Medyo nalate ako dahil dun sa pag iyak iyak ko pero okay naman. First week was just like that. Second week was still like that but I just kept it all to myself. Third week was already kinda different. I already told them stories about my classmates (not a good thing but that’s all I can do) but I never told them about mine. Di ko sinasabi na hanggang fourth week o hanggang second month na takot pa rin ako. Lahat yun, tinago ko sa sarili ko. Siguro napansin na lang din nila na hindi ko pa masyadong kaya. Kasi nagalit ulit sila sakin. Bakit daw ba natatakot pa ako. Napaisip din ako. I realized that these fears that I face today are far from the fears that I faced when I was a child though halos parehas lang naman yung nangyari.
When I was the child who cried at pre-school, I just cried because I don’t want to be away with the people that I know. When I became the girl who cried at home because of school, I cried because I don’t want to be with the people I don’t know. There was a difference between my fears. But what is the real difference?
Yung difference ng dalawang kwento ko, ay nung bata ako, ginamit ko yung emosyon ko para magpatuloy sa school. Di ko na siguro naaalala yung mga nangyari pero alam ko na pumasok ako nun dahil nagustuhan ko na. Ganun naman ang mga bata. Last year, pinagpatuloy kong pumasok kasi yun yung gusto ng magulang ko at yun yung naisip kong tama. Ginamit ko na yung isip ko. Ginamit ko din yung sermon ng magulang ko. Kasi paulit-ulit na nilang sinabi sakin na kung matatakot ako, hindi ko mararanasan yung mga bagay na naranasan nila na gusto ko ding maranasan. Hindi ko magagawa kung ano yung gusto ko.
Until now, I admit, I am still afraid. Of going to school? Maybe. But there are other things that I fear. I learned this thing at age 15 and I am still learning about it.
Medyo napalayo yung kwento ko pero parehas lang naman yun about sa fears ko hahahah. Sorry din kung hindi niyo pa nagustuhan yung mga sinasabi ko. But I hope that you’ll look forward to my other posts. Thank you for reading. :)
