Always Canceling @janed3-blog1 - Tumblr Blog

“I hate solitude, but I am afraid of intimacy. The substance of my life is a private conversation with myself which to turn into a dialogue would be equivalent to self-destruction.”

— Iris Murdoch, Under the Net

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“I’ve spent so much time in my head and in my heart that I forgot to live in my body.”

— Tara Hardy, Bone Marrow

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#Anxiety

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via weheartit

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“If I had the ability to touch anyone else in this world, I still don’t believe I’d want it to be anyone but you.”

— Jus Accardo, Touch

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“Sometimes you imagine that everything could have been different for you, that if only you had gone right one day when you chose to go left, you would be living a life you could never have anticipated. But at other times you think there was no other way forward–that you were always bound to end up exactly where you have.”

— Kevin Brockmeier, The View from the Seventh Layer

Vices

I don’t know why, but female dealers are kinda a turn on.....

vanish

daydreaming about stuff that’s probably never going to happen is my favorite hobby

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Her love effect on me.

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xx

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i want to be the person you feel safe with. your favorite voice, favorite scent, favorite touch. i want to be the prettiest person in the entire world to you.

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“The deeper the wound, the more private the pain.”

— Isabel Allende, Paula

Advice: When You Hate the Other Best Friend

I’m sure I’m being unreasonable. I feel as if I am. But I can’t help how I feel. So I hate, like disdain with a passion, my best friend’s other ex-best friend. My Friend (A) had always been friends with friend B before I even came into the picture - or maybe it was an overlap. Anyways, we had all worked together, but I never saw B as anything but a work acquaintance. She is a nice person, friendly, but just really dizzy. I don’t handle “stupid people” well. We all tried to be friends before and it did not work out! It was awful. B would tell A I was being bitchy when I was trying to be civil; but honestly I think my “fake face” is almost worse than my own purposeful bitch face. Anyways, we had a falling out bc B let some secrets slip about A, and though she did not mean it, it was due to her lack of common sense and etc. I’ve made it clear over and over again I don’t want to be included. A can have whatever friends she wants and does not need to include me. I’ve stated it, but she wants to “include me,” which (I guess) is sweet? I don’t know how to get over it. Once again we are in another situation where 1) we are all hanging out, but in a group setting (that I didn’t want to attend) - but I’m bringing a friend of my own, so it will be okay. and 2) A & B want us to all hang out. But once again I have said go after and go hang with her. I don’t want to be part of it. Why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like the shitty person? This is a person I never wanted as a friend, never saw as friend, nor do I want to “catch up” with someone who has not spoken to me in 3 years. Am I being petty? I’m sure A and others would consider myself being childish. I know my weaknesses and I’m aware of my behavior. I just don’t want to be part of it or be stuck in a situation I am not happy about to begin with.