This is a song fic based on Immortal by Reinaeiry.
Thanks to @cute-and-angsty-princess for helping me with ideas and editing!!!
Tw: Implied character death, angst
Sometimes when I look in the mirror,
I still see your face resting on my shoulder,
And my heart beats so fast, that I start to feel alive again,
He felt pressure on his shoulder, almost as if his love was still there. Looking in the mirror in the morning gave him chills, pictures taped onto the frame of different versions of his love.
He looked very different in each one, but all the versions of him had the same soft lavender eyes. The earliest ones just simple sketches faded with time. Janus felt his heartbeat as though he were alive, something that wasn’t possible but made true by the mere thought of his love.
He turned away from the mirror, with hints of tears in his eyes. He smiled a sad smile, as he drowned himself in a blanket that had been crocheted by Patton, one of the past names of his love. Several paintings hung around his small house, all of which had been painted by Roman, an artist, and actor with a loud laugh and strong body. His arms had always protected Janus from thoughts and worries. Oh, how he longed for that feeling again...
And the rain, it washes away all the pain
‘Cause it feels like the sound of your voice
And I’m comforted by the sweet smell of dew because the sunrise reminds me of you,
He hadn’t slept in a while… Not that he needed to anyways. It was mid-summer, monsoon season, and he would stay up for days just to watch and feel the rain. Memories of dancing in the rain with his loves. Logan, an astrologist insisted on stargazing every anniversary. Inevitably they would stay in their garden until sunrise… the smells of fresh morning dew surrounding them. It comforted Janus, it was almost as if Logan was still there.
Now all Janus does is spend every day watching the sunset… longing and waiting for his love to come back to him again. Some may think it's hard, or not understand how he knows when it's a different body every time... but he knew who they were every time… Those lavender eyes always gave it away… and their soul was too beautiful to mistake for anyone else.
And I’ll always find you again, and again,
And I’ll love every version of you,
And you’re never truly gone
As long as a part of you in me lives on…
He had found him once again. This time he had been named Virgil. A skinny man with dark circles under his eyes. He had dark brown hair and the cutest smirk. His eyes, however, were the same as every time before, shining with intelligence and in this lifetime… a hint of anxiety behind them. They were the same lavender shade as always though.
Virgil had been apprehensive at first, not completely trusting Janus and his, at that time, outlandish claims. You could tell he remembered though, seeing old photographs of his past lives in the arms of a man who looked undeniably like Janus. That night they cried in each other’s arms, feeling whole once again, relieved they found each other once again. Janus showed him letters from his past self. As Virgil read them, he kept getting glimpses from his past life…
In one he was a heavy-set man with muscled arms. A kind face and the same lavender eyes. His name had been Patton then and he was a baker in a small village. He remembered the smell of roses and ash… the smell of his love as he curled in his arms.
Another one when he was a tall man with a confident stature… An aspiring actor whose eyes twinkled with hopeless love at the comforting sight of his immortal husband.
In another letter, he was an astrologist, a bright and intelligent man whose cold persona warmed immensely at the thought of waking up to his husband's face every morning.
His first life, Remus, a strange man with a constant air of mischief. A doctor who had helped repair Janus’ heart after losing his friend Thomas. Remus had been so gentle with him, a stark contrast to his usual personality. Janus had fallen in love with him so quickly. Many nights spent worrying about the future and many mornings spent blissfully wrapped in his partner’s arms.
‘Cause I’ll always find you again and again.
And I’ll lose you every time
But my love, I will hold you close to me
‘Til you fade from my arms peacefully
Many tears were shed over the years. It never hurt any less every time his beautiful soul faded away. As he held Virgil in his arms, Janus couldn’t but see hints of Remus in him. The first version of him he had fallen in love with. It comforted him, a reminder that there would be another version of his soul. In another lifetime. A new face, but same glimmering eyes.
So until then he would watch every sunset and stand outside after every rain to smell the morning dew.
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