Short of a couple marbles

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Listen—

I be makin’ weird shit when I’m alone—

[theamazingbard]

modern witcher au where geralt is still a witcher and yennefer is still a sorceress

but jaskier is a magician. yenn and geralt have NO IDEA how he does magic. they know it’s not real. they know there’s a trick. but they can’t figure it out and it pisses them off

[theamazingbard]

jaskier: is this your card?

yennefer: how the fuck did you do that? you HAVE to be using magic

geralt, clutching his medallion: he’s?? not??

[penny-anna]

i like posting about the witcher bcos if I’m ever unsure how to finish a dialogue post I can just put end it with ‘Geralt: hm’ and let people interpret that however they like

[jaskierek]

that’s also why geralt just hmms so it will seem like a response and people can interpret it however they like

[penny-anna]

unfortunately jaskier has got sufficiently fluent in Geralt Noises to tell when he’s actually trying to communicate something and when he’s just hmming

[punk-jaskier]

Geralt: Hmm

Jaskier: oh come on that one didn’t even mean anything! I’m trying to have a conversation here!

Geralt: Hmm.

Jaskier: Thank you, see, I knew you had an opinion on the matter!

Everyone else:

[this-is-a-job-for-vesemir]

If you don’t think this scene is better with propeller hats you’re wrong

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

This elevates this scene to a whole new level

(Also i vote for propeller hats for the bath scene but the propeller hats are uhh

Not on their heads)

[fruithoods]

okay so... when geralts on the road and doesn’t have a lot of money for a while, his hair grows right? so imagine this: geralt with shoulder length or longer hair, and it’s so long that his classic half down half up doesn’t keep it out of his face anymore. after watching him grumble about it for days, jaskier steps in. he had four sisters and can do hair pretty well, if he does say so himself.

jaskier, watching geralt rip tangles from his hair after a fight and cringing: come here

geralt: what

jaskier: just do it

geralt: fine but wtf

jaskier gently takes geralts hair and brushes through it with his fingers, undoing all the knots and smoothing it out. he then starts braiding it, a single, simple braid that goes down geralts back.

it becomes a tradition. geralt keeps his hair longer, and jaskier does it for him. increasingly complex, multiple braids that end together, messy buns for when they’re camping. jaskier humming his newest song and braiding small strands all over geralts head while geralt sharpens his sword at his feet. it relaxes both of them, a moment of vulnerability after the excitement of the road every day.

heads turn while they walk down the town road and into the tavern because is that a Scary Witcher(™) with dandelions braided into his hair???? what the goddamn fuck. (geralt had been unsure but jaskier insisted he “needed some color contrast because all he wears is black leather honestly geralt” and geralt didn’t want to start that argument plus a part of him was glad, it made the children less scared of him)

geralts hair is always wavy when he takes the braids out at night (jaskier has yelled at him reminded him any many times that he can’t sleep in them because it’s bad for his hair)

and geralt gets used to it. (a part of him loves enjoys it)

and then one day jaskier leaves, and he doesn’t come back.

geralt cuts his hair with a sword and hates it almost as much as he hates himself.

[rayrotho]

Pointing out Jaskier’s flaws is allowed for friends and family members only.

[jaskiernowwerehere]

[jaskierek]

what about a really punny jaskier? like, another bard is talking shit about another instrument and jaskier just goes “wow, what a lyre” and geralt’s unamused as always and jaskier’s all “get it? because he plays a lyre? and i said-” “i get it, jaskier”.

or they get kidnapped or something and they’re being held in a dungeon and jaskier goes “it’s so dark in this castle, probably because it’s filled with knights” and geralt’s like

and jaskier’s like

and he goes “because-”

“JASKIER WE ARE LITERALLY IN PRISON RIGHT NOW”

[izzy-hands]

Jaskier + Hands

[penny-anna]

‘jaskier can flirt just not when Geralt is around’ is such an amazing hc tho… strong possibility that Geralt has NO idea… he’s known Jaskier for like 20 years and remains baffled as to how he has so much game when his idea of flirting is to tell someone they have a neck like a sexy goose. he concluded a long time ago that it’s just one of those things he’ll never understand.

but then it comes up around Yennefer and she’s like ‘oh yeah his powers stop working when you’re around’

Geralt: his what now?

Yennefer: his powers of charm & seduction. they stop working when you’re around.

Geralt: ?????

Yennefer: he says your face throws him off

Geralt: jaskier has powers of seduction?

Yennefer: of course he does?? how did you think he got me to sleep with him? he’s very charming. but only when you aren’t there.

Geralt: …

Geralt:

[lilacsdandelionsandonions]

is this the post you were looking for?

[andyethereweare]

Join The Witcher fandom!!

We have:

Idiots in love

Pining

Bard deep in love with a witcher

Strangers to friends to lovers

Gay romance

Sexual tensions

Himbo™ and Twink™

Gay bromance

and yet, here we are

Love poems to your bEST FRIEND

Real idiots in real love

Immortal Bard™

G a y

Heartbreaking breakup, but fix it tag

we could go to the coast together

The Most Iconic Bath Scene In Cinematic History

[dechart]

Join l o s e r s and try not to go insane as you wait for season 2

[ilovejaskierthebard]

[weakforjaskier]

You forgot that everyone is fucking thirsty and extremely horny

[clown-of-rivia]

Witcher Cast and their custom cakes

From Jaskier to Ciri

From Ciri to Jaskier

From Geralt, Lambert, and Eskel to Vesemir on his birthday

Lambert had to bring the cake for Thanksgiving. He isnt allowed to anymore

Jaskier to Yen on her birthday

Yen to Jaskier on his birthday

Eskel to Lambert and Geralt after he did did week for the first time and got drunk on his 21st. He did feel really bad.

Yennefer and Lambert share a birthday. This was delivered to the party. It could be for either of them.

From Lambert and Aiden after to Geralt when Geralt lost his virginity. He was the last of the brothers to do so.

Geralt's response

[littlelarkandthewhitewolf]

Geralt, looking at Jaskier, still a little loopy from a surgery: Those are…the PRETTIEST eyes.

Jaskier to the physician: *absolutely giddy* Can we keep him this way?

[ganylus]

Sweet kiss

[vindicatedwitcher]

Geralt: Jaskier, can I speak to you in private for a moment?

Jaskier: Ooooh, someone's in trouble!

Jaskier: It's me, I don't know why I did that.

[thewitcherdaily]

*Internal panicked “Hmms”*

[inber]

*Camera pans to Jaskier with a laser pointer*

[andyet-here-we-are]

Best addition ever

[nbspacegay]

Love these idiots

[thedaywasnew]

Geralt: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as “Eagle One”. Yennefer, code name “Been There, Done That”. Jaskier is “Currently Doing That”. Triss is “It Happened Once in a Dream”. Eskel, code name “If I Had to Pick a Witcher”. Vesemir is…Eagle Two.

Vesemir: Oh thank God.