red lips

I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it, but I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me. nineteen. hecate. ananke.

[jasmine-rouke]

:( 

[jasmine-rouke]

[jasmine-rouke]

CAN WE PLEAAAAAAASE BRING THIS BACK

[jasmine-rouke]

:(

[jasmine-rouke]

I MISS EVERYONE AND EVERY CHAR AND ITS HURTING A LOT EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT MY CHEST HURTS 

[jasmine-rouke]

[jasmine-rouke]

[jasmine-rouke]

[jasmine-rouke]

can erick punch cayne? can he can he?

also hi i failed at life and hi im here

[soberlydrunk]

Visit Original Link

[jasmine-rouke]

And sometimes I like living in my own world Disconnected and so naive But the truth is I I hate the truth And I would rather live and die in fantasy

[thezeen-deactivated20170417]

Visit Original Link

[jasmine-rouke]

...7.24am i'm cackling 

[jasmine-rouke]

hi 

my sleeping pattern is a disgrace

goodbye

[cameronthorn]

There’s a line between drinking with your friends once in a while or getting wasted when you have a bad day, and doing it on a fucking daily basis. Same with screwing around— sex makes everybody feel better but doing it with a different guy every day just adds up to your misery.  You say you have hope but you don’t even try to get better. You have been this way since I met you and you’ll continue to be until the day your liver stops working and you fucking die! Old habits may die hard, but I think you’re just going to die with yours, like I’m going to die with mine— we’re really not that different.  ”He’s happier not worrying”. You’re such a fucking amazing daughter, aren’t you?  Let’s be honest, the real reason you don’t tell your father is because you know he’d do something about it like you should have done but you were too fucking scared of your ex-boyfriend.  So what if I’m blunt and offensive? I can only offend people if they care about what I have to say. When you call me blunt and offensive you’re also being blunt, just not offensive because I don’t fucking care about what you have to say about me.  I don’t lie so I guess I’m serious, but honestly I spend 23 hours of my day high so I don’t think anyone should take me seriously. But they do and then they get offended and take it out on me by calling me offensive instead of minding their own fucking life and trying to fix their shit.  Because I don’t have anywhere else to go? I thought that was pretty obvious. I don’t stay because I like it, I stay because it’s my only option. Do you really think I can just leave Olympus and go wherever the fuck I want? I have a fucking family who’s counting the days until I turn 21 so they can send me to some rehab clinic in fucking Europe because the further I go the happier they will be. And I’m already fucking disowned, erased from all their fucking wills, and money doesn’t grow on trees. While I stay in Olympus my bitch of a mother will send me money, if I leave I’ll get cut off for good.  Not everybody has a really good family with a really good father and a really cute little brother who will welcome you home if you decide to leave.

I’m not screwing you over, they are! They are the ones screwing you over, lying to you, but you don’t fucking care because they make you feel better, because they paint you this nice picture of the future and you forget everything. Your ex treated you like crap, that guy—Andy or something—left you, James fucked you and then left you for Juliet, Travis fucked you and your sister, but you don’t fucking care and you forgive them all because they hug you and they tell you that everything is going to be okay and you like to hear that.  But still, I make you unhappy because I don’t do that. I don’t tell you that things are going to be okay and that makes you unhappy, but guess that? That’s fucking reality so just wake the fuck up and stop lying to yourself and stop letting them lie to you.  I never said you hurt me. I never accused you of doing anything to me. I don’t do this to get back at you. You’re not that special.  Yes, I’m an hypocrite. Big fucking deal.  What do you even want me to admit? You never like anything of what I have to say. What’s the point of being honest right now if you still think I’m the one who keeps screwing you over and are not going to like anything of what I have to say?  Besides nothing of what I have to say is gonna change the way this is going to end— whatever this is.

[jasmine-rouke]

I'm trying, Cam! I really am! I just can't do it… But that doesn't mean that I've given up trying! I don't want to be like this! No matter what I do I'm miserable so so what if I drink and fuck a few people, that makes me feel better even if just for a little bit. It's better than nothing. Shut the fuck up, alright? Just shut the fuck up. It's my choice whether or not I tell my dad, I love him and that's exactly why I don't want to tell him. You didn't know Harry, you have no idea what he's like, I don't want him in my life in any more! I don't want to bring my dad into it, it'll only mean I have to face him all over again. Nobody wants to hear it! Tell me of a single person who wants to have every single one of their flaws and every single one of their fuck ups repeated back to their face? You think I don't run over each of them already? They run through my head over and over again I don't want to hear it from someone else as well! So what? I thought you didn't care about anything... you've told me before - multiple times - that you're going to die young so what does it matter if you're on the streets? There's no use for you here and what use will a rehab centre do for you? 

Did you listen to me at all? I don't care, I just want to forget. They're not screwing me over because they're giving me what I want. I don't care if you don't think that's good for me because I do. I've never forgiven him! I'll never forgive Harry! I was happy before Harry, I had a future before Harry. I don't want reality because reality is a fucking sick and twisted joke. Oh you think I see myself as special? What gives you the right to talk to me or anyone the way you do? Don't you think it's funny how nobody else around here walks around as though their view on everything is right? You're not special... You're just a fucked up asshole with nothing, and so you project you're miserable life onto others to make yourself feel better. When have you ever cared about whether or not I like what you're saying? And don't pretend like you're about to start.  I thought you knew what this is, Cameron… Or at least, what it's not. We're not friends, and we don't care about each other. 

[james-walkerrp]

You can say that. I know..I know she has my eyes. Its amazing, right? It doesnt sound stupid. I know what you mean. 

I know that feeling. But you’re back now and that’s all that matters. And just so you know, Jas. Right here is your home. With all of us. 

[jasmine-rouke]

Has it been alright so far? I mean, the whole being a parent thing?

I have a home; i have a home with Oscar and Dad... They both need me and I need them but I always come back here. 

[cameronthorn]

No, it wouldn’t make me feel better to hear you saying it out loud because I don’t have anything to feel better about. But I do think that you need to hear yourself saying those things out loud because you can’t even admit to yourself that you have a problem. You get defensive every time someone says anything, and you might wanna fix yourself but you can’t even tell your own father about your ex-boyfriend. Don’t they say that the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem? You should probably work on that.  I don’t do things to hurt anyone— except maybe my family, but that’s a different story.  Messing with people? Sure. I like messing with you and I like messing with Princess and call her a Nirvana wannabe groupie, but I’m just a druggie so no one is supposed to take me seriously.  No one ever takes me seriously, you’re the only one who gets all worked up and defensive about every little thing that I say.  Maybe if you weren’t such a fuck up like me, then the truth would be more pleasant and you wouldn’t be so hurt about what I have to say.  But then again, if you weren’t a fuck up, you would have walked away from me and from Olympus a long time ago, wouldn’t you?  But if you wanna stay away this time, then do it. Fucking do it. Does it look like I give a fuck, Jasmine? Because I don’t. And I have the right to do whatever the fuck I want and treat people however I want! Free world, right?  And I am human, just not human enough to be likable. Not that I care. I don’t need to make friends, I don’t want them.  Humanity is overrated anyway.

You tried to be my friend at your own risk. Don’t act like I asked you for your friendship and then stabbed you in the back.  Did I ever tell you I wanted to be your friend? Did I ever tell you I wanted friends? No, I fucking did not. You’re the one who wanted to label this and call me your friend. Not everybody wants to be your friend, not everybody needs other people in their life. I like being friendless. I like not having to be dependent on anyone else.  Why would even want a friendship? So I could ruin it two hours later? Think I’m gonna pass.  I don’t “go on about it”, I just find it fucking hilarious how other people completely screw you over but I’m still the bad guy. Everybody lies to your fucking face, but I’m the terrible one because I fucking tell you the truth! What an horrible human being I am. Such a liar. I really deserve being compared to your ex-boyfriend who practically ruined you.  There’s nothing to admit. There’s nothing at fucking all.  For once I’ll do as you want and keep my mouth shut.

[jasmine-rouke]

You think I don't know that I have a problem? There has to be a problem! I wouldn't fucking feel like I do all the time if there weren't a fucking problem. Drinking makes me feel better, drinking makes everyone feel better… There's no reason why I can't drink! And who said I can't sleep around? Why does it have to be a problem? I like sex… Sex is fucking great and I'll fuck whenever I want to, whoever I want to. I'd love fucking regardless of my past. My dad doesn't need to know about what happened, why would he? He's happier not worrying and I'm happier not making him worry. Oh shut the fuck up you do! So what you're not "fake" but you're a fucking asshole, and by choosing to be an asshole you're choosing to hurt people! You could say nothing, but instead you're blunt and offensive. What is it? Are you truthful and "don't sugar coat things" or not serious? because you can only be one and I'm sick of being treated like I'm supposed to know which one you're choosing to be on each day of the week. So what I come back to Olympus, I don't see you going anywhere. Why is it you stay here, Cameron? If you don't care about anyone and don't want anyone to care about you why aren't you alone? Why don't you find a shitty apartment and buy yourself a netflix log in and never have to face anyone at all? I wouldn't bother you… Nobody would bother you. So, why aren't you alone? If you don't care about humanity then do it, shut yourself away… Make us all better off. 

Fine. You wanna hear me say it? You are at the bottom of my list. You make me feel like shit and you make even more unhappy then I already am. So what if they lie to me?! I don't care, I just want to forget. Nobody is screwing me over other than you. So yes, you are the bad guy. I've never hurt you, Cameron. I've never tried, and I've never wanted to. I don't get what I did wrong.  No. No you fucking won't. You want me to admit all this crap about myself but you won't admit anything? You're a fucking hypocrite. 

[jasmine-rouke]