Jass' Blues @jassbluess-blog - Tumblr Blog

thecraziethewizard

Bali, Indonesia

by Jeremiah Probodanu (IG: @thecraziethewizard)

to be-

be in the present be less anxious, fearful be living in the moment be balanced

be more organized be motivated be persistent, dedicated be independant

be self-aware be careful with words be open minded, understanding be empathetic, compassionate

be hopeful be honest be kind be giving be loving

#20180528 #jassblueswords

YOU

Why do you defy yourself from happiness? you could’ve had it all you could’ve stood tall, embraced opportunities as oppose as any enemy you could’ve looked past the border into the deep horizon you could’ve nurtured the rootless, spread fruitful seed as you grow until you reach six feet tall you thought you did. but you thought you did you thought conflicting feelings merely were side effects you held it all together but you were never six feet tall you crawled a thousand miles without burning desires in your mind?! you thought better days soon will be here well damn it, ‘no day’s better than today’ and you thought you did try yet why did you defy yourself from happiness? why do you deny you are only but a little stubborn? you can really have it all you can switch lanes, detour, or drill down to the core and plant a fruitful seed under the barest vast open as if turning on a switch for feelings to flood you can also feel it all you can just have it all you can reconcile, for the better days to come you can allow unconditional love to happen you could’ve believed you were enough you could’ve been wrong you can just have it all.

#jassblueswords #040118 #being22 #midnightreflection #nightwriting

Blurred

It’s like I’m in this altered state of reality trapped in the shadow of my own emotions What if once they see me as I am, they decide to go? What if someone touches the depth of my sorrow where even I couldn’t reach, and decide to stay? Will I be able to take it? Exposing the flesh of my own sin, uncovering this side of me am I ready? I’d rather slowly dissolve into nothingness I’ll disappear someday, where I’ll be safe under the dark shade Call out to me, call out to the open sea where I’ll be safe and sound still, as the heart of the sea…

But you shut people out because you fear rejection cutting strings off before they were even formed Is that the life you want? Living inside the shell you built for your own? Wallowing in self pity, crawling deeper into the pit every minute until the sky’s too far out of reach until you get too comfortable being one with darkness life stuck in a blurry haze trapped in the shadow of your own emotions circling in this altered state of reality not realizing the one thing require to excape is nothing else but the will, of your own a will to conquer, to defeat; to rediscover the strength to breath, to embrace and set free, to love and to live, to reach infinity…

I’m trying, I am trying, nothing seems to work I’m crawling, I can do this, my head screaming STAY FOCUS, stay calm, everything fell out of place. I can go on, keep trying, this too shall fade..? Head spinning, palms sweating, think fast. I can end this, be one with the darkness world that falls into utter silence what would I give for such serenity… NO. ‘Head up, stand tall,’ just do it, 'sky will clear up, one day you too will be strong’ I’m okay, I should go on, (i’m okay.. i’m okay….) I fall to p i e c e s .

#jassblueswords #nightwriting #being21

21-抑鬱是什麼？

抑鬱是什麼？有人說症狀猶如感冒。輕質，重質，偶爾靈魂會累了也需時覆原；如崩緊的神經，勞累的身驅也需時放緊鬆弛一樣，就偶而一下的，在人群以外一角停頓稍會，休憩之時耐心等候覆原，再起步。

是季節性流行感冒，無目標方向的會隨意附上任何身軀，纏住血管大小動脈，塞住內外角個活口，連呼吸也逐漸變困難。  如感冒病患者一樣，怕此累人的寄生病菌拖跨別人；怕閃避的目光，怕被批濫用籍口，怕被嘲本質弱，怕是本質弱，而選擇不語。

 亦有人說，如像處於龍捲暴風的中央，眼看四周一齊被風暴無情摧毀，被拆解成殘渣，一點一滴如被潑上過琉酸，融解掉剩餘的陽光。似被氣泡包圍捲瑟於風眼中心位置，無助的觀看整個世界以極限速度旋轉，變色，剝落，變調，見證着這絕望壯舉。在暴戾摧殘中由空隙穿透出的吶喊，又被周遭狂吼的猛獸支配聲量，輕易蓋過。在視野觸不到的陰霾籠罩底下，腦海反覆翻轉，緩緩遞出的手也一口被吞噬。 

也聽說過這病毒令人忘卻所擁有的力氣與節奏。生命的熱度，隨獨一無異的節奏感覺起舞，每每熟練而又低調地替我們編織人生舞台上一場藝術鉅獻，從而默默欣賞着，過渡。失去了舞動的節奏，遺忘了追求舞台原有的氣力，這病毒惡疾般在各部位漫延，彌漫着煙霧繚繞整座舞廳。什麼是抑鬱？是困惑，無聲，自憐，是安靜，是危險的。

#jassblueswords #being21 #depressedpotato #抑鬱夜