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@javaj240
Paperless Post!!!
So, you all know that I am a Procrastinator Extraordinaire, right? For example, not that I need to provide examples to those of you who know me (!), I promised to write this post by tomorrow and here it is almost tomorrow and here I sit writing this post! Frankly, I feel ahead of schedule, but I think the fine folks over at Paperless Postwho provided me with some âcoinsâ (thatâs their currency)âŠ
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Lots More Questions Than Answers!
Lots More Questions Than Answers!
Is it just me or is life chock full of questions without answers? Iâm not talking about stuff that you can Google, like âIs global warming real?â, Iâm talking about the head-scratching stuff that is human behavior. Someone really ought to study that. In the interest of science, letâs explore some of the things that have recently caused me to go âhuh?â.
As I took my nightly walk in the park lastâŠ
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Where I've Been, Where I'm Going...
Where Iâve Been, Where Iâm GoingâŠ
You may have noticed that I have been out of the writing loop for a while. I donât have a note signed by âJuan Epsteinâs motherâ to excuse me but I do have reasons for my prolonged absence.
I didnât give up writing. What I did was I gave up publishing what I had written. Because it wasnât funny. It was, in fact, very angry. Essays that were meant to address the frivolities of life in what IâŠ
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The "Eleven-dollar Nap"
The âEleven-dollar Napâ
Recently we, Fang and I, have seen a few movies. Weâre not big moviegoers. Sure, we talk about going to the movies a great deal. But then, and mostly because we have to put on pants and, often in this weather, boots, we just donât go. Pants, as anyone who wears them regularly can tell you, require both zippering and buttoning, boots need lacing. On the weekends, who wants to be bothered with allâŠ
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Small Town News: A Christmas Eve To Remember
Small Town News: A Christmas Eve To Remember
I have been feeling a little âdown in the dumpsâ lately. To illustrate that I have not completely lost my sense of humor, to restore your faith in me as a âhumor bloggerâ, and to reward those of you who have stuck with me, I will tell you one of my most favorite âripped from the headlinesâ stories. Itâs a knee-slapper. I promise. It has gotten me through one or two dark moments.
I do not alwaysâŠ
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Am I Wearing A 'Kick Me' Sign?
Am I Wearing A âKick Meâ Sign?
 Lately I find myself grabbing at the back of my shirt, in search of the âKick Me!â sign that I am oh, so certain I am going to find there. What other reason could there be for people to feel that it is perfectly reasonable to do just that. Kick me, that is.
I spend far too much time while I am at work wrestling to get my emotions under control. Not bursting into tears, not coming apart at theâŠ
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So, You Want To Be A Bad Manager?
So, You Want To Be A Bad Manager?
Donât say it!
Under no circumstances should you respond to a staff memberâs âGood Morning, how are you today?â with actual words. A grunt and a dismissive hand wave will send the message that you would rather not waste your precious time with the likes of them!
Pick one, any one.
Each day be sure to choose one lucky employee to single out for inefficiency. That this womanâs biggest mistake mayâŠ
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I Have Evolved. Really. I Have.
I Have Evolved. Really. IÂ Have.
 I do not have a short fuse. I have evolved. Really. I have.
I am aware that I complain a lot, but that does not mean I am angry. Frankly, the complaining is what keeps whatever anger I may be feeling from being bottled up and, subsequently, exploding.
Think of me, if you will, as a carbonated beverage. A guilty pleasure. Effervescent and sweet when stable. Put the contents under extremeâŠ
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Resisting the "No!"
Resisting the âNo!â
It is so easy to say, ânoâ to things â particularly âthingsâ that require getting out of bed, schlepping somewhere, or putting on pants; in some cases, all three. Activities outside the home, particularly ones that involve other humans, require effort. More and more, as opportunities that involve these herculean tasks, specifically the donning of pants, present themselves, my initial reaction isâŠ
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Why I CANNOT Vote For Trump
Why I CANNOT Vote For Trump
I cannot vote for Donald Trump. My reasons are not high-brow or intellectual. Still, I have put a great deal of thought into them. I hope my tribe of liberals can forgive me.
 Putting Trumpâs message and his demagoguery aside, my reasons have more to do with his hair and his love of self-tanner, than they do with his political beliefs. On the face of it, a personâs appearance may seem like aâŠ
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It Won't Be Like This For Long
It Wonât Be Like This For Long
I awakened in the dead of night in a cold sweat. I dreamed that I could not find my daughter. It felt so real. So much so that I was, momentarily and, quite literally, panic stricken.
Once I had convinced myself that it was just a bad dream I made a few vain attempts at getting back to sleep, but the images from the dream continued to haunt me every time I closed my eyes.
I finally fell asleep.âŠ
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Shuddering At the Thought
Shuddering At the Thought
Joeâs Crab Shack announced yesterday that it is instituting a âno tippingâ policy in its restaurants. Instead, they announced, they will be paying their wait staff a wage of $14/hour. One might think that I, a lifelong server, would applaud this move. I am going to reserve my ovation for the moment.
While this may well be a step in the right direction, I am concerned about the hourly rate. How,âŠ
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#shutupaboutthecupsalreadyandbegrateful
Like many other people in the country â so many that there is a trending Twitter hashtag (#starbuckschristmas) devoted to this extremely important issue â I feel the need to weigh in on the whole âStarbuckâs changed its Christmas cup to appeal to the complainers in the world who want to take Christ out of Christmas!â brouhaha. Like many other people in the country, I honestly cannot rememberâŠ
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Tales From "The Annoying Bar & Grill": If You See Something, Say Something!
Tales From âThe Annoying Bar & Grillâ: If You See Something, Say Something!
Last night I overheard a customer who was sitting at the bar ask my bar partner what my name was. I had no idea why this guy wanted this information; I had had absolutely no interaction with this customer at all. âGreat!â, I thought to myself, âWhat the hell did I do NOW?â Because, yeah, I always think the worst. Iâm Irish: it is, alas, in my nature to be a pessimist. Also, it has been myâŠ
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Exceeding Expectations
I was listening to Jackson Browneâs seminal album, Late for the Sky(1974), today. One of my favorite songs from that album is entitled âFarther Onâ. It felt appropriate today to listen to this particular song. The New York Mets players and their fans â of which I am one â awakened this morning to the sad reality that this season is over. Like this song says, our âdreams have come up torn andâŠ
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Committing to Baseball
Committing to doing a thing â and then actually doing that thing â is, oddly enough, what not doing a certain thing taught me. (Donât worry, that sentence will make complete sense in a minute.)
Several years ago I committed to living an alcohol-free life. And then I thought, âOkay. What now?â Literally, âwhat now?â How does one fill the time in the absence of the thing that had taken up so muchâŠ
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She Won't Be Needing Hair Mousse For a While!
She Wonât Be Needing Hair Mousse For a While!
A fiend and alert reader posted this to my Facebook page today. The photo, taken in a hospital waiting area, depicts a woman who, supposedly, confused a can of builderâs foam with a can of hair mousse.
My first thought was, âWhat an idiot!â (The victim of the incident, not my friend!) My second thought was, âOh, wait a minute. I once did something like that myself! (âWhat an idiot!â) Of courseâŠ
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