Sometimes, pole is hard. I love it with all my heart, but sometimes I hate it a bit. Recently I was in an advanced class, and it was everyone else’s first time, whereas I had taken the class a couple times before. All the first-timers were able to nail moves that I have been practicing for months with no progress, or what felt like none. Then trying out a new move, the Allegra, my body just couldn’t contort to the right position while maintaining grip--even the instructor couldn’t quite figure out what was going wrong. The curse of short, thick legs and poor flexibility. Even though almost every other day, I feel like a superhero coming out of pole, like I can take on anything and like I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, I felt let down that day, like I’d failed. Why was this so hard for me? What was I failing to do? Why could everyone else do it, but not me, even after all the practice hours I’d put in? I felt weak, stiff and clumsy.
But I followed it with an amazing erotica and exotic dance session, with some of my favourite people, and felt infinitely better. Afterwards, I was able to remind myself that everyone progresses at their own pace. During our exotic routine, I threw in some things that I’m great at, that I didn’t have to work hard at to nail. We all have the things we are mysteriously great at right off the bat, and we all also have things we mysteriously suck at for weeks and months and think it will never happen....until it does. One day that leg extends. One day that hand lets go. One day you find the right rotation and the right muscles activate, and BOOM you're holding the most awesome pose you’ve ever held, yelling at a classmate to take a photo before you slip.
Sometimes I have a hard time watching friends and new classmates quickly surpass me at many things that I want very badly to excel at. Part of that comes from a lifetime of body image problems, of never being The Athletic One and feeling generally down about myself physically. But I am stronger, fitter, more confident, and much happier than I have ever been, thanks to pole. I am proud of myself and my body. And I know I can get all those many (so many) nemesis moves. It will take time, and for most it will take me a lot more time than it takes other polers. But that’s okay. And those others are all awesome ladies (and men) who will cheer for me the whole way, and do a happy dance with me when I get it.
Let’s all take a deep breath and celebrate our baby steps, no matter how silly they feel. That extra inch that you lifted your butt off the ground, even if it wasn’t a full invert or shoulder mount from the floor. That extension slightly longer than it was last week, even if it wasn’t quite a straight leg...yet. That extra half-second you could hold your Superman before it burned. That centimetre lower you sank into your splits this week. Those little steps are so important, and they’re exciting! They ought to be celebrated, to balance out the hard times.
We all have bad days, but they’re nothing to be ashamed of. Laugh it off, take a deep breath, and try again. Remember you’re amazing at lots of other things--it’s okay (and super common) to suck at something for a long time! When we push through, the bad days make us stronger.