hiii & welcome <33 this pac will dive into how i (a tarot reader hehe) would describe you! pls do remember that this is a general reading and pls take what resonates!
masterlist ⨾ଓ my kofi shop
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⨾ଓ ┆꒰ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ .ᐟ ꒱
⨾ଓ hi my pile one’s, and welcome to ur reading :3 okay so i feel like you are someone who is very observant. in my mind's eye, i see you in a crowded room, kind of nodding and looking around the room. you notice things quickly, and you're just very aware in general. so aware that you may also always have backup plans in case something happens. you are someone who may be more logical than emotional. you mostly focus on making plans and then taking action to achieve them. you have a goal for your future, a specific vision you want to manifest, and you will do everything to achieve it. you may be in your mid-late twenties (some of you!). your energy feels mature (no matter ur age!) and again, like you know exactly what you want to do with your life.
⨾ଓ you are someone who likes to start new beginnings no matter how long it takes. you are someone who is consistent and may like routine. You don’t mind doing the work. you wake up every day with a goal for the day, something you want to accomplish. you believe in your vision board, you know in your heart and soul what you need to do in order to accomplish your dreams. you may think so much of your future that it could be an obsession/addiction. this could make you not be as focused on your present. you may be hard on yourself, and if something you wanted didn’t come into fruition, you may blame yourself and be in a negative headspace.
⨾ଓ you may also focus so much on your future/goals/career to avoid feeling your emotions. your emotions could be currently imbalanced or get imbalanced. it’s hard for you to be someone who goes with the flow; instead, you are someone with an “all or nothing” mentality. you could also try to force outcomes.
⨾ଓ because you're so focused on your goals and dreams, it’s hard for you to be spontaneous sometimes. but when you do have fun, you go all out! when you're in the mood to splurge, you don’t mind spoiling yourself! you may book vacations with friends or just you. you could have expensive tastes and like to stay in nice hotels. i’m getting an image of the four seasons in bora bora (oooh so pretty!)
⨾ଓ you don’t mind releasing your inner childhood sometimes and watch old movies/shows from your childhood. you may be going through the journey of healing your inner child or have already healed.
⨾ଓ the word i keep hearing in my head is “boss” like you are such a boss, and you don’t take any bs from anyone! you have very high standards for yourself and for the people you want to surround yourself with. you only want to be friends with people who are in the same frequency as you. it has been difficult for you to find true friends and you have dealt with a lot of fake people in your life. over time, you have learned to walk away and not engage in that energy. “whatever. I don’t have time to deal with that. i’m too grown for all that.” is what i heard in my head.
⨾ଓ lastly, i would describe you as someone who is so naturally beautiful hehe! your energy just pours out of you. i don't know what this means, but i’m hearing “your beauty is tied to mother earth.” which again reminds me of you being naturally beautiful! there's lots of earth and fire energy in this pile. you're authentic, you know yourself, you're humble, you're beautiful, you're ambitious, and i wish you the very best my pile ones!!! <333
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⨾ଓ ┆꒰ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ .ᐟ ꒱
⨾ଓ hello my sweet pile two’s! this is random, but i feel like some of you may be in college or in your early-mid twenties because i’m getting visions of my college era, so i thought i’d share lol. or you may be thinking about college in general? or just recently graduated (congrats!!)
⨾ଓ okay the first message that is coming out so strongly is that you are someone who deeply values your connections with others. whether its platonic, familial, or romantic, you value all of them deeply. you would move mountains for your people! you are a ride or die, and there truly is nothing you wouldn’t do for them.
⨾ଓ i know that being whimsy right now is a trend, but you guys are the og whimsical, curious, free thinkers! you probably were made fun of in your youth for liking “nerdier” things, such as anime, cartoons, books, video games, etc. i feel like you had hobbies that brought you genuine joy, and some of you may still do those same hobbies. i also feel like your aesthetic/clothing also shows how whimsical you are hehe!
⨾ଓ you have a curious mind and you may be the type to go down rabbit holes in the middle of the night about conspiracy theories or topics that interest you. you may be the type to know a lot of random facts because of this, and i’m getting deja vu right now because i feel like i wrote this for a future spouse reading before? idk, but your future spouse may also be like this so i thought i’d share haha.
⨾ଓ knowledge and education are extremely important to you. you may also have a strong spiritual connection to your religion/whatever it is you believe in. some of you may also be spiritualists, tarot readers, witches, etc.
⨾ଓ i also feel like you’re someone who has never felt a strong connection to your hometown. you may have always dreamed about leaving and going far, far away. this could be going to a school that’s farther, wanting a job that requires travel, or simply moving somewhere else. you may feel a strong connection to a specific state/country, and it’s your life goal to live there.
⨾ଓ you may sometimes feel like your mind is running so fast and constantly that it’s hard for you to think and focus. you may feel overwhelmed with all of your thoughts that sometimes it’s hard for you to describe in words what you're thinking and feeling.
⨾ଓ some of you may feel like your past is still holding you back and you're having trouble moving on to your future. you may currently feel unsure about your future and how it’s going to play out. but you're someone who has a vision, who has drive, and patience. you are practical and you will fulfill your goals!
⨾ଓ i think as you grew up, you became confident in yourself. someone who learned to understand themselves, your connection with yourself feels so deep and beautiful :’) i love that you're not afraid to use your voice! your aura, beauty, voice, everything about you just feels so magnetic! people can’t help but gravitate towards you. i feel like people just want to listen to you talk, as you have so many creative ideas and thoughts. i feel like you say things that are unconventional, and that’s what makes you so unique and you.
⨾ଓ i’m hearing that you are a wonderful mother (whether it’s pets, if you want kids in the future, etc.) and a wonderful human being in general.
⨾ଓ don’t put so much pressure on yourself my pile two's! you may feel like you haven’t tapped into your full potential yet, but worry not, because you will, and that should excite you! <333 the world is yours! you are capable of achieving your dream life! <333
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⨾ଓ ┆꒰ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ .ᐟ ꒱
⨾ଓ hello hello my pile three i hope you're all doing good <3 okay right off the bat, i feel like no matter how much i say, no matter how many cards i pull, it will never be enough to describe you and your soul. you are someone who has so many layers, so many facets, that you may not even know them all yet. i feel like you’re still discovering things about yourself. you are someone who constantly evolves and i honestly think that is so beautiful.
⨾ଓ i feel like ever since you were young, you always preferred solitude. you may have hated group projects and having to do things with others. you preferred to do things on your own. it made you feel safe and comfortable. you feel like no one else understands your vision and doesn’t respect your opinions, which is why you prefer being solo.
⨾ଓ you may have always felt like the odd one out, the one who just never fit in with anyone. some of you may have wished to be more “normal” and “conventional”. you saw the way people easily connected and communicated, and it made you feel like something was wrong with you. but the thing is my pile three, you are not unlucky, and omg i just realized that the picture for this pile says, “lucky me!” ah the concept of you always feeling unlucky in life and choosing the pile that says “lucky me!” and that's the thing, you are lucky! in your own special way, and i hope that you can see that <3 i hope you can see the beauty in your uniqueness :)
⨾ଓ you are someone who could have had a rough upbringing. having lack of security (financially, family, etc) and it made you feel like you were just living to survive. you have had to rebuild your life from scratch, and that’s not easy. people always say that god/the universe always gives its toughest battles to its toughest soldiers, and you may resonate with that. i commend you for everything that you have had to endure in life as i know it hasn’t been easy. but you should stand tall and proud because you are still here my pile threes, and that is beautiful! you are beautiful!
⨾ଓ i wish i could tell you this in person as i wish you could see my face, my eyes as i tell you all of this hehe. if you are ever having a rough day, i hope you can read this and remind yourself of your power! of everything that you have gone through and everything you have overcome!
⨾ଓ i also love how real you are! you are so genuine and authentic. and that’s what you didn’t realize when you were younger. you were always genuine and authentic, and you were naive to believe that everyone around you was as well. but you realized how many people wear fake masks in order to fit in.
⨾ଓ you have this raw, authentic energy, that people who are on the same frequency gravitate towards. it’s like you have this inner light that only certain people can see. and you are someone who is so giving and kind with your people. you are always there, listening to their problems and issues. you are someone who is empathetic and just so human. you are the definition of what being human is.
⨾ଓ you may be currently going through the process of building your life and figuring out what you want to do for your career/next job. you may have an inkling about something, but you're not feeling confident about it. my pile three, believe in yourself and in your power. share your art to the world, you have so much talent!
⨾ଓ goodbye my beautiful pile three's, you have such an authentic energy about you that it is meant to be shared and seen! <333
⨾ଓ ah i just want to say thank you so much for reading and for all the love and support you have sent my way! <3 i hope this reading resonated with you and pls do let me know if it did! this reading was truly so much fun to do as i learned a bit more about my collective hehe. you all have such beautiful energies and i thank you for allowing me to tap into your energy. i hope you are all doing good and i'm sending nothing but love and light always! <333
with so much luv,
your witchy tarot reader jas <3
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Okay, so for anyone saying that Kaoru ‘only liked Haruhi’ and that he ‘wasn’t actually in love with her’, this is why I disagree.
Kaoru realized early on his feelings for Haruhi, way earlier than anyone else did. He didn’t say anything for Hikaru’s sake, and he may have never told him if Hikaru wouldn’t have confronted him about it. From the beginning he liked her, but he was never going to tell her how he felt until he saw how slow Hikaru was about acting on his feeling for Haruhi. Everyone already knows that he loves Hikaru more than himself, so it doesn’t matter how much he loved her in the end, he would never take her from him.
Even though he wasn’t going to act on his feelings until he realized Hikaru needed that little push, that doesn’t mean he didn’t love her as much as the others. I think he’s just really good at hiding his feelings, and had Haruhi been interested in him as well, I don’t doubt that he wouldn’t have went for it. He can handle not ending up with the person of his choosing (Haruhi), and he also knew that Hikaru needed to learn how to love someone other than himself. Honestly, almost everything Kaoru did was self-sacrificing and selfless. However, here we see Kaoru acting a bit more selfish than usual. All of that pent-up stress from holding back his feelings, constantly having to be the more mature and civil twin, and not allowing himself to act on or say what he truly wants to kind of just all comes out at once. He even stated that although he felt guilty, he had to be harsh so that Hikaru would take his own feelings seriously.
Remember when he talked with Hani about his feelings?? They were pretty strong, and Hani knew just how strong Kaoru’s feelings truly were for her.
Hani told him multiple times to stop thinking about everyone else and to just focus on what he wants, but Kaoru absolutely cannot do that. If Kaoru didn’t love her, why would all of this had been so hard? If she was merely just a crush, why would this whole situation bring him so many tears and cause so much stress?
He did love her. He’s just selfless to a fault, and he even said that he cherishes the club too much to jeopardize it’s current status. He knew that if he acted on his feelings, it would cause problems for everyone, as he also knew how Hikaru and Tamaki felt. You can see how much he loves her, but he knows that Hikaru needed this more than he did. He knew that Hikaru would benefit more from loving her than he would, as he felt Hikaru would grow tremendously from this.
Yes, he confessed because he wanted Hikaru to realize his feelings. But I also think he did it for himself a bit as well. He’s had this on his chest for a while, and even though he knew she didn’t feel the same way, this was that little push he needed to accept his feelings and vocalize them. Even though he did it for Hikaru, I think he gained closure from this, and it made him happy knowing that Hikaru had finally realized just how serious his feelings for Haruhi were. (Even though we all wanted a better outcome for him, because in all honesty he deserved so much more than he got, in the end I think he was okay with all of this. I know it probably hurt, and he probably cried a lot over this, but I think this made his heart happy knowing Hikaru had one less person fighting for Haruhi’s feelings).
Even though Kaoru may have not loved her as much as Hikaru or Tamaki, he still did love her. Although he loved Hikaru more, enough to step aside, despite his own feelings for her.
👠Your style: based on your Rising and Venus Sign- part 1 👠
👠Aries Rising with:
Aries Venus - prefers black and red, between modern elegant and biker aesthetic, definitely has a tattoo or multiple piercings, prefers silver accessories
Taurus Venus - likes brownish leather material, loves those big leather shoulder bags, boots are the best, likes to wear braided hairstyles
Gemini Venus - loves flashy red clothes, eyeshadow with glitter is their go-to, sunglasses are a must, loves basic T-shirts
Cancer Venus - a mix between punk and cottagecore, loves to wear berets and adds many accessories to them as well
Leo Venus - simple yet bold, accessories are the most important element
Virgo Venus - a romantic and daring style
Libra Venus - is a mixture of two completely different aesthetics/ styles
Scorpio Venus - uses different techniques to accentuate their sharp features, especially with smoky eye makeup and face contour
Capricorn Venus - loves gray and dark or sienna brown
Sagittarius Venus - loves the 'messy' effect
Aquarius Venus - definitely has dyed their hair bright orange
Pisces Venus - loves those lacey-silky outfit sets
👠Taurus Rising with:
Aries Venus - statement jewelry, sharp textures
Taurus Venus - loves monochromatic outfit combinations, especially on the cream-coloured side
Gemini Venus - comfortable basics
Cancer Venus - flowing fabrics, pastel colours,lenas more on the vintage side
Leo Venus - the definition of glamorous comfort
Virgo Venus - everything minimalistic
Libra Venus - the most feminine-styled out of them all, always has a comforting romantic flair
Scorpio Venus - a luxurious and mysterious style
Sagittarius Venus - they always add a bohemian twist to their style
Capricorn Venus - they like to invest in more expensive, but high-quality basics that last very long
Aquarius Venus - comfortable basics mixed with an alternative style
Pisces Venus - flowing, romantic clothes
👠Gemini Rising with:
Aries Venus- the number one fan of leather jackets
Taurus Venus - loves to wear well-tailored trousers and soft accessories
scorpio venus/mars - striking features, natural contrast, beauty marks, eye bags, defined lips. dark feminine, 90s gothic chic. oversized clothing, sunglasses & gloves (keeps the mystery of what's underneath). knee-high boots, skirts (maxi or mini). abstract/animal prints. velvet, silk, lace, mesh, leather. deep colours: purple, black, burgundy, brown. hyper-specific detail: stillness in the face & body (very little unnecessary movement).
sagittarius venus/mars - bangs, dimples, long legs, peachy bum, tan lines, sun spots, big smile, lifted nose. bohemian/ whimsical style. animal print (esp leopard). hyper-specific detail: hair falls into face and isn't fixed immediately.
capricorn venus/mars - defined bone structure, resting serious face. style is neat & classy, clothing has pleats & ruffles, with boring colours (beige, balck, white).
aquarius venus/mars - unusual features, androgynous touches. authentic & unique styling (80s/00s maximalist, chelsea lee art vibes), mismatched layering, statement earrings, holographic accessories, clothing with fringe & sequins. chipped nail polish, editorial makeup, space buns. hyper-specific detail: body angles slightly away even when facing him.
pisces venus/mars - glossy eyes, pouty lips, dark hair. flowy fabric, frilly accents. light blues & sea-foam greens. somewhat modest (as pisces is imaginative). hyper-specific detail: expressions "melt" rather than shift sharply.
…have i missed any juicy ones? i’d loveee to hear your additions
Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Not every message is meant for you. Energy is sacred here, so keep your cheating ass away from my content. Do not copy, repost, remix, or plagiarize anything from this page. I see more than you think. And if you think you can steal and get away with it, remember this: I may not catch you, but I’m God’s favorite child. What’s meant for you will find you, and what you take unfairly will cost you twice as hard. Respect the work or stay out of the space.
Kindly select one or however many piles you feel inclined to and check your pile messages down below🌸
PILE 1 -> 3
PILE 4 -> 6
PILE 1: People get nervous around you because you radiate a sense of emotional fulfillment and “having it together” that they feel they can’t match. You come across as someone who knows what happiness looks like and either has it or expects it. That makes others feel like they’ll be measured against a high emotional standard. They may worry they won’t be enough for you, especially in close relationships. Your ability to create or expect deep, meaningful connections can feel intimidating to people who are unsure of themselves.
PILE 2: What makes people nervous is the feeling that things could become unfair or exposed around you. You give off an energy where inconsistencies, lies, or hidden motives don’t sit well. Even if you’re not actively confronting anyone, people feel like they could be “found out” or judged. There’s also a sense that you don’t tolerate imbalance, which makes others anxious about how they’re showing up. They may feel like they have to be careful around you, because you won’t easily ignore what’s wrong.
PILE 3: People feel nervous because your energy challenges control and authority. You don’t come across as someone who blindly follows rules or accepts dominance easily. This can make others feel like they can’t control you or predict your reactions. There’s also a sense that you might resist, question, or disrupt structures that don’t make sense to you. For people who like order or control, this is unsettling. They don’t know how to “handle” you, which creates tension.
PILE 4: You make people nervous because of your focus, discipline, and work ethic. When you’re doing something, you do it properly, and others can feel that level of dedication. It can make them feel like they’re not doing enough in comparison. There’s also a sense that you notice details and put in effort consistently, which makes people feel observed or evaluated. Even if you’re just minding your own business, your commitment to improvement can pressure others without you saying a word.
PILE 5: People get nervous because your direction and energy can feel uncertain or hard to read. You may come across as someone who is still figuring things out, but at the same time, not easily guided by others. This creates confusion, others don’t know where you’re headed or how stable things are with you. That unpredictability makes them uneasy, especially if they’re looking for clarity or control. They may feel like they can’t rely on a fixed version of you.
PILE 6: What makes people nervous is the sense that you’re not fully committed or invested in a conventional way. You may come across as someone who is still exploring, learning, or not taking things as seriously as others expect. This can make people feel like they don’t know how much effort you’ll actually put in or whether you’ll follow through. There’s also a slight unpredictability in your approach, like you might change direction or lose interest, which makes others hesitant around you
Pick A Ryan Gosling: What Signals Are You Missing? (and from whom?)
missed doing this but here I am back at it again :)
credits to @jerseyastrology for the suggestion!
Paid Readings are OPEN right now and you can book with me via tumblr DMs
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Lets get into it shall we?-
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Pile1:
Who is sending the signals?
Alright… so the person sending you these signals is not random at all. This is someone who has gone through something. I’m talking about a person who’s been knocked down emotionally before—like, really knocked down—and it changed how they show up now. They’re not impulsive anymore, not reckless, not “lemme just go for it and see what happens.” If anything, they’ve become the complete opposite (which… yeah, frustrating for you 😭). They think a lot before acting, sometimes too much, to the point where they end up not acting at all.
This person feels like they exist in this weird in-between space with you. Like they want to come forward, they feel drawn to you, there’s softness here (and omg the emotional pull?? it’s very real), but they’re constantly second-guessing themselves. It’s giving “I could reach out… but what if I mess it up?” energy. And instead of risking that, they kinda just… hover. Linger. Watch. (yeah, I know… sir/ma’am please 😭)
There’s also something about distance—not necessarily physical for everyone, but emotional or situational distance. Like they feel like they’re not fully in your world or don’t belong in it yet. Almost like they’re standing at the edge of your life, trying to figure out how they’d even fit into it. And because of that, their signals come through in very subtle ways. It’s not loud. It’s not obvious. It’s in the pauses, the glances, the moments where they almost say something but don’t.
And here’s the thing… this person actually has a very gentle, emotionally aware side. They feel deeply. They notice things about you. They care more than they let on. But they’ve trained themselves to keep that contained, to not overflow, to not be “too much.” So what you end up getting is this toned-down, controlled version of someone who internally is like ??? full heart eyes ??? (it’s kinda cute but also… communicate pls 💀)
You might even perceive them as inconsistent or hot-and-cold, but it’s not because they don’t feel—it’s because they’re trying to regulate themselves so they don’t get hurt again. They’re healing while also being drawn to you at the same time, which is… yeah, messy.
And that’s kinda your bridge into the next part, because the why behind their signals? It explains everything.
Why / what signals are they sending?
Okay so… this person is not showing up clearly because they themselves are not fully clear or confident in how to approach you. Like at all. There’s a lot of internal confusion, mixed signals within them, which is why what you’re receiving feels so ??? blurry ??? (you’re not imagining that btw).
They have this desire for something stable, something real, something that means something—but at the same time, they don’t feel fully secure within themselves to build that yet. It’s giving “I want something serious… but do I trust myself in it?” energy. And so instead of coming in directly, they send these half-signals. Little openings. Tiny invitations. Things that can be brushed off if not received well (self-protection 101, honestly).
Also… communication?? yeah that’s a struggle here. They overthink what to say, how to say it, whether it’s the “right” time, whether it makes sense logically… and then they end up saying nothing or something very minimal. So their signals might come through more in actions or energy than actual words. Like showing up around you, finding ways to be in your space, subtle attention shifts, or even just lingering presence (you know exactly what I mean 😭).
There’s also this layer of them not fully aligning with traditional ways of doing things. Like they don’t want to approach you in a cliché or expected way… but at the same time they don’t know what their way is. So they get stuck in this loop of thinking instead of doing. Meanwhile you’re over here like “HELLO?? WHAT IS THIS??” 😭
Emotionally, they do see potential with you. Like real potential. But they’re scared of idealizing it too much or getting their hopes up, so they kind of keep one foot in and one foot out. And because of that, the signals they send are… confusing. It’s like they’re offering you a beginning (a seed, a chance, a possibility), but it’s wrapped in uncertainty and hesitation.
And the biggest thing? They’re waiting for some kind of confirmation from you. A sign. Something that tells them “okay, it’s safe to move forward.” Because right now, in their head, it feels risky. It feels like they could lose more than they gain. So they’re testing the waters instead of diving in.
So the signals you’re missing aren’t loud declarations—they’re quiet invitations. Soft openings. Subtle emotional nudges. The kind that are easy to overlook if you’re expecting clarity… but once you see them, you’re like “oh… wait a damn minute.” 👀
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Pile 2:
Who is sending the signals?
Oof… this energy is a little chaotic but also kinda intense in that “I can’t look away” way. This feels like someone who was in your environment — or still is — but things didn’t exactly flow the way they were “supposed” to. There’s a sense of something that almost came together… but didn’t. Like missed timing, missed cues, or just… two people standing at the edge of something and nobody taking the step (ugh, you know that tension right??). This person could’ve been around you in a group setting at some point — mutual friends, college, workplace, social circle — but the connection between you two always felt a bit… off-beat. Not wrong, just not aligned yet.
They come across very observant, mentally sharp, maybe even a bit guarded emotionally. Like they clock everything you say and do, but they don’t necessarily show you how much they’re paying attention (sneaky but in a cute way 😭). There’s also this vibe that they’ve seen you in your element — laughing, socializing, being YOU — and it lowkey shook them. Like it disrupted whatever idea they had about you before. And honestly… I feel like this connection hit them unexpectedly hard. Not in a soft, romantic movie way, but more like a “wait why am I thinking about this person so much??” type of realization (lmao they hate it here).
But here’s the thing — something ended or shifted abruptly. Either communication stopped, energy dropped, or there was some kind of emotional or situational “break.” And instead of addressing it… they kind of retreated. HARD. This is someone who, when overwhelmed, doesn’t lean in — they pull away and try to process everything on their own. Which means you might’ve interpreted their silence or distance as disinterest… when in reality, it was the opposite (I know… annoying).
They also might feel like the “window” between you two has closed or become harder to access. Like maybe your paths don’t cross as easily anymore, or there’s some kind of barrier — social, emotional, or situational — that makes approaching you feel… complicated. And instead of navigating that directly, they’ve been watching from afar, trying to “figure it out” before making any move (overthinking final boss energy fr).
So yeah… this is someone who knows there was potential, felt the shift deeply, but now feels unsure how to re-enter your space without it being awkward, rejected, or just… too late. Which leads perfectly into why they’re sending the signals they are 👀
Why/ what are they sending?
Okay sooo… this person is trying to come across as put together. Stable. Grounded. Like they’ve got their life handled and they’re not pressed about anything (pls the effort 😭). But underneath that?? There’s still lingering heaviness from whatever happened between you two. They haven’t fully moved on from it — they’ve just reorganized how they carry it. So instead of openly expressing anything, they’re trying to show up in subtle, controlled ways.
The signals you’re missing are not loud or obvious. They’re practical. Consistent. Lowkey. This could look like them showing up in your vicinity more often, engaging in small but meaningful interactions, or trying to build some kind of neutral ground with you again — especially in environments where it feels “safe” to do so (like work, shared spaces, group convos). It’s giving “I’ll start small and see how they respond” energy.
At the same time though… they’re releasing a lot of internal pressure. They don’t want to come off as desperate, overwhelming, or like they’re carrying emotional baggage into this. So they might actually be holding themselves back from doing too much. Which ironically makes their signals even harder to catch (sir… this is not helping your case 😭).
There’s also a big theme here of fairness and timing. They don’t want to step in unless it feels right. Like unless they believe you’re open, receptive, and not going to shut them down. So instead of direct communication, they’re testing the waters — watching your reactions, your openness, your energy. They’re basically asking, “Is it safe for me to come forward yet?” without actually saying it.
Butttt… there’s hesitation. A lot of it. They can get in their own way, overthink their approach, or even delay taking action because they want it to be “perfect” (it won’t be, babe, just go talk to them 😭). And sometimes, this hesitation shows up as inconsistency — like they might seem warm one moment and distant the next.
However… the second they feel a clear green signal from you?? Oh they’re MOVING. Quickly. Like all that pent-up energy suddenly has a direction (we love a dramatic shift 😌). They just need reassurance that they’re not misreading everything.
So the signals you’re missing aren’t absent — they’re just… quiet, calculated, and wrapped in layers of hesitation. This person is trying to rebuild something without risking everything all at once. And whether you meet them halfway or not? That’s where the story starts to shift 👀✨
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Pile 3:
Who is sending the signals?
Ooo okay pile—this energy is… layered. STACKED. Like soft but also a little “don’t come too close or I might combust” (you know what I mean? 😭). So the signals you’re missing are actually coming from someone who is way more emotionally invested than they let on. This person didn’t start off light with you—they came in already carrying something heavy. There’s a past sadness here, like they’ve lost something or someone before, or they’ve just been disappointed enough times that they don’t trust good things easily. And then you showed up… and it kind of shifted their whole emotional baseline (like?? rude of you to just exist and shake their world like that 😭).
What’s wild is—on the outside, they might seem fine. Even content. Even thriving. But internally? There’s this constant back-and-forth between “this could actually make me happy” and “don’t get your hopes up again.” And that’s where you come in. Because you do make them happy. In a very quiet, fulfilling way. Not chaotic, not confusing—just… good. And I feel like that almost scares them more? (like why is it healthy… where is the catch?? 😭)
They’ve been observing you a lot. Like… a LOT. In shared spaces, group settings, work/school environments—this is someone who notices how you collaborate, how you carry yourself, how you respond to people. And every time you show up grounded, consistent, real—it chips away at their defenses a little more. But here’s the thing: they don’t act on it. At least not directly. Because every time they think about making a move, something in them goes “wait… what if this ruins everything?”
And I need you to hear this part clearly—this person has almost reached out multiple times. Almost said something. Almost made it obvious. But then they pull back. Not because they don’t feel enough, but because they feel too much and don’t know how to handle it. There’s a hesitation here that’s honestly kind of endearing (and a little frustrating ngl 💀). It’s like they’re standing right there at the edge, fully aware of what they feel, but waiting for… something. A sign. A green light. A moment that feels “safe enough.”
And meanwhile, you might be interpreting their energy as disinterest or emotional distance—but that’s not what’s happening at all. They’re just guarded in a very… soft way. Like not cold, just careful. And you missing their signals isn’t because you’re oblivious—it’s because their signals are subtle as hell 😭. Glances, small shifts in attention, lingering presence, trying to be around you without making it obvious… it’s giving “I hope you notice but also please don’t perceive me too much” energy.
Now here’s where it transitions into the why behind all of this—because their signals aren’t random. They’re actually very intentional, just… quiet.
So why are they sending these signals the way they are?
Why/what are they sending ?
First of all—this person is not as confident as they might appear. There’s a whole internal narrative of “I don’t want to mess this up,” “I don’t want to come on too strong,” and honestly… “I don’t even know if I’m enough here.” That little message you picked up—“I’m just a girl in the world”—yeah, that’s exactly their energy. There’s this softness, almost a vulnerability in how they approach feelings. Like they’re trying to navigate something big while still feeling small inside (and it’s kinda 🥺).
They’re testing the waters with you emotionally. That’s why the signals come through as light, playful, sometimes even inconsistent. One moment they’re open, warm, curious—and the next they pull back and act neutral again. Not because they’re playing games, but because they’re trying to balance their emotions. They don’t trust themselves to go all in without knowing where you stand first. So instead, they send these little feelers out—hoping you’ll meet them halfway.
There’s also this part where they really care about how they’re perceived by you. Like… they don’t want to look desperate, they don’t want to look messy, they don’t want to lose their composure. But at the same time, they’re naturally quite expressive and emotionally open when they feel safe. So there’s this push-pull between “I want to show you how I feel” and “nope, let’s stay chill, let’s be normal” (they are not being normal 😭).
And another thing—you bring out a version of them that feels lighter. Happier. More playful. And they’re not used to that feeling sticking around. So they’re handling it carefully, almost like “if I go too fast, I’ll lose this.” That’s why their approach feels slow, a little hesitant, a little… circling instead of direct. They’re trying to sustain the connection, not rush it.
But make no mistake—they do want something here. It’s not casual in their mind. It’s not fleeting. They’re just navigating it in a way that feels emotionally safe for them. And the moment they feel even a slight confirmation from you? Oh they will move. Like that hesitation? Gone. Replaced with surprising boldness (I’m not kidding 👀).
So the signal you’re missing isn’t absence—it’s subtle presence. It’s in the small things, the repeated attention, the almost-actions. This person isn’t loud about their feelings… but they are very real about them. And honestly? You might be closer to something unfolding than you think (hehe 👀).
----
That's it for this one!
Thanks for reading I will be back with more :]
(If you've got suggestions for future PACs, please comment it and I'll make sure to add it to the list)
your supremacyyyyyyyyyy. . . ⋆˚꩜｡ pick a card. ⋆˚꩜｡
a tarot reading about some of your best qualities with an 18+ section about people's ideas of ur best 18+ qualities, if u so desire. . . ⋆˚꩜｡
all of the messages are channeled. . . ⋆˚꩜｡
pile 1 --> pile 2
pile 3 --> pile 4
1. leaf: aquamarine vibe, coffee, evil eye, waves, pink, ice, mint, light pastel blue//
okay my cupcake. . . you've been so quiet about yourself, haven't u?? so careful, so composed. . . you walk into rooms and people FEEL you before they clock u. theres something mythical about your presence. it gives off aquamarine vibes, clean, fresh, soothing to the mind. ice comes to mind. like a scrumptious Diet Coke with ice in it. mmm. anyway. . . once u open ur mouth its OVER for everyone in the room. that brain of yours. . . sharp, clean, a little cold when it wants to be, warmer than anyone expects when it decides to be. you genuinely have a knack for surprising people with your antics. you're very entertaining to read for hahaha ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ꒳ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾
people are genuinely obsessed with knowing what u think. they think about what you might be wondering a lot, sometimes you have that weird expression in your face that makes others wonder what you might know about them. like a very secretive side eye kinda. people have this thing where they need you to weigh in on x or it doesn't count. your opinion matters a lot to them, you are held in high regard by your ppl. u are someone's personal supreme court and I love that for u.
one of ur best qualities is that u don't perform, not for anyone. u don't dress the truth up, u don't soften it to make it more digestible, u don't manage people's impressions of you. u dgaf. u just. . . are. and in a world full of people who are constantly curating themselves, that is DISARMING. people trust you immediately and they don't know why and the why is that you're one of the only people they've ever met who actually means what they say. what u say lands differently because of that. people carry ur words around with them. i hope u know that. as I said, you matter a lot to those around u. u are also a doer. not in the hustle culture way.. . when you say you're gonna do something, it gets done. full stop. that reliability, that steadiness, that composure of yours. . . it makes people want to be near you. like just. . . in your orbit. something about the way u hold yourself, the way ur eyes take everything in before u decide to speak. ur not rushing. ur not scrambling for anyone. and that patience reads as power because it IS power. period. physically: something about ur eyes specifically. they can go cold and completely unreadable and then warm in a second and people are chasing those warm moments like a drug. they want to be the reason for the warm ones. might be more voluptuous, a little cake situation, a whole thing going on. ur hands are also noted by the universe and by me personally.
18+++++++++++: okay so. . . here's the thang. u give off dom energy and ur probably not even a dom. . . hahaha. that is the funniest and most devastating thing about u, this composure I spoke about previously. the fact that u don't immediately scramble or perform or chase. peoples brains go immediately to u being in control and it short circuits them completely. they think about ur hands and the way they encompass their necks. specifically girls in some cases?? theres some feminine simping energy here. they think about what it would look like if u finally let that composure slip, just a little, just for them. . . that question lives in people's heads rent free and honestly good for them they deserve to yearn a little. ₊˚⊹ᰔ
2. bunny bag: amethyst vibe, lollipop, candies, radio, baccarat rouge perfume, pears, radio, gold rings, long nails, wavy hair// sugar honey. . . ur always in motion aren't you. always mid-journey, always mid-becoming, always three chapters ahead of where everyone else is still trying to catch up. and people find that genuinely addictive. not because ur trying to be mysterious /ur not/. . but because there's something about someone who is always moving FORWARD that makes everyone around them want to know where they're going. can i come. please. i'll be good. (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ
ur best quality-- and it's a big one!!!-- is that u lead with ur heart and u never let it harden. u've had the attachment stuff (. . . do I smell some avoidant anxious attachment issues??) u've had the staying too long, u've had the person who thought they could fix u (baby they could NEVERRRR). and u still came out curious. still upgrading yourself through new feelings and new experiences like they're software updates for ur whole persona. this naivety of yours is why people can't stop thinking about u. ur very cute in general hehe ˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀
and they DO think about u. more than u'd think. u have this quality of being genuinely hard to reach- not because ur cold, but because ur so focused on ur own becoming, ur own fun, ur own next thing, that people feel like they have to earn ur attention. and when u give it? when u actually look at someone and decide they're interesting? they feel like they won something. that's ur power and u carry it so casually it's actually insane. ur the prize baby.
u probably get people who poke at u just to see if they can get a reaction. little tests. little provocations. they wanna see if they can make u need them. they can't! and that makes them need u more!!!! the cycle of it. . . ur so unbothered and it is breaking people. ughhh. it girl vibes.
physically: the way u move. u talk with ur whole body without realizing it, there's something sensual in how u just exist in a room. and ur mouth. people think about ur mouth. the way it looks when u laugh, when u talk, when ur about to say something. water or fire sign, either way something warm is coming off u that people physically orient toward like plants toward sunlight. you have very harmonious features somehow.
18+: okay so people's fantasies about u are specifically about doing things TO you. not the other way around. they want to be the one who gets ur full attention, who gets to keep u still for a moment, who gets to have ur mouth and ur warmth all for themselves. u make people feel so chosen just by looking at them that they want to hold onto that feeling by any means. they think about ur lips being bitten, about holding u a little longer than they should. they also enjoy the idea of your nether regions a lot, they want that warmth for themselves. they wanna eat u 24/7. also the idea of making you cum non stop is top tier to them. huh. . . it's a whole thing over here. they are not normal about u and that's ur fault entirely. ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ
3. macarons: VS lingerie vibes, tigers eye, diamonds, citrine, pink quartz, brushes, flower perfume, pink perfume, braces// oh you. . . u are unmistakably, beautifully, fully human. not in a plain way but in the rarest way. theres a quality to u that is completely inhabited. . . and people feel that immediately. something about u makes them want to be known by you specifically. not just liked. known. . . because u have this rare gift (and curse imo) of seeing people like he real shape of them, not the version they perform. . . and doing it without judgment, just. . . genuine curiosity. and who doesn't want to be seen like that? who doesn't spend their whole life hoping someone will just. . . actually look? and see what they see without judging it? its beautiful. . .
one if ur best qualities as a person is that curiosity of yours. ur genuinely interested in people and humanity, ant that interest is extra rare to witness. you might be even inclined in looking for justice for others, standing up for others. . . people feel like ur both a protector and a therapist of sorts. a healer. thats how people catch feelings from having ONE conversation with u. u actually ask questions and wait for an answer. u genuinely wanna know. men especially will try to completely convince themselves something is happening between u 2 because u were nice and present and real with them (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
thats how potent ur attention is. be careful who yo give it to because babyyyy people are quick to fantasize about you and them as a married couple hahaha parasocial vibes for sure., you also give off innocent vibes so people are more inclined to yap to you. you might be someone who knows a lot of secrets about everyone just because they can't stop yapping hahaha. careful tho ! !
ur also genuinely skilled at something creative. especially when it involves other people. maybe u wanna be in a band, maybe u do collaborative art(?), but collaboration is ur magic. maybe u use multiple tools, or maybe you have a following already. I see lots of people surrounding your creative energy. funny! theres a mastery in u that sits right next to real humility and this combination is extraordinary. people wanna follow u and u just keep being all about work instead. thats the mark of someone actually great at what they do.
physically: ur face, ur someone who could be conventionally attractive. conventionally very beautiful. also the register of ur voice makes peoples brains go a little blank. specifically when you slow down to say something direct. that does something to people they cannot explain and will NOT recover from ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)
18+++++: let me be fr. people wanna conquer you. dom you. put u in different positions for their eyes only. also they wanna ruin your lingerie??? rude. its like they wanna tear you apart in the most sexiest way possible. not you, but the barrier between your bodies. they don't want any interference once they start touching you. theres something about ur sunshine energy combined with the sense that theres something wilder underneath it that makes people want to be the one who gets to see it. they assume ur a freak. the cards are NOT disagreeing. . . u also attract very slutty people, or people with high libido. they come to u like they were called. . . people are so unwell about u. u have fuck-me-eyes according to my intuition. people find it terribly hot. the best 18+ thing about u are ur eyes and ur chest according to peoples fantasies about u. they specifically like to imagine you looking at them while you eat them out/suck them off. ｡𖦹°‧
4. dragonfly: boho vibes, dark eyes, dark hair, unique pieces of jewelry, emerald, quartz, opal, brown bag, ginger, a passion for fashion//
okay u. . . ur the one who's always holding everything everyone together and making it look like ur barely trying. u remind me of a circus worker who has seventeen plates in the air and who's not even sweating. maybe ur sweating a little but no one can tell because ur so good at hiding it. ur so good at hiding things in general. . . theres something about u that just understands timing, when to move, when to talk, when to wait, when to leave. . . that discernment, knowing when to leave the table gained u ppls respect. people know ur gonna leave when u say youre gonna leave. they take you seriously. and sometimes that makes them fear u, which is ironic. . . because ur actually someone who's so generous. your best quality is your generosity, not the performative kind but actually being a good friend/partner. u give ur time and ur energy and ur attention to people without expecting anything back, just respect. you don't do scorekeeping, you don't make people earn basic warmth from u, and in a. world where everyone is constantly measuring and protecting themselves. . . you are just wow. the first word that comes to mind is lovely but it would be more akin to extraordinary. people just don't know what to do with someone who is actually there for them, actually present. . . actually in it without an agenda. it makes them feel chosen. u are such a good person, even if u may not feel like it according to the cards.
there is also a creative chaos in u that is always looking for the right moment to emerge, something u might have been putting off for a while. something new is trying to begin and the main thing between u and it is the 3am thoughts- the spiral, the catastrophizing, the accounting of everything that could go wrong before it's even started. that's anxiety. ur allowed to begin anyway. do it scared ! ! NOW ! ! <( ⸝⸝•̀ - •́⸝⸝)>
physically: ur laugh. fast, unperformed, arrives before uve decided to let it and people want to cause it again immediately. and ur whole face when u talk about something u actually care about. . . u are so visibly alive and people notice it before they realize they're noticing it. u are ike a shot of espresso to people. youre energizing. its like u motivate people to do better.
18++++: idk why but ppl specifically imagine ur moans to be the hottest thing in the world ever. like they wanna hear u moan so badly and pull your hair. like the hottest thing about u in their 18+ fantasies is your voice while they f*ck u. they're also willing to submit to ur fantasies a lot, like wearing maid costumes??? its not like u give off dom or sub vibes but when people think about you, they imagine u as a switch they want to appease in any way possible. . . that includes roleplaying, costumes, you have some very fiery and creative simps there. . . also they think ud be more open minded than other people, ur willing to try different stuff with them in their minds. this is the freakiest pile by far ngl (˶°ㅁ°)!!
your supremacyyyyyyyyyy. . . ⋆˚꩜｡ pick a card. ⋆˚꩜｡
a tarot reading about some of your best qualities with an 18+ section about people's ideas of ur best 18+ qualities, if u so desire. . . ⋆˚꩜｡
all of the messages are channeled. . . ⋆˚꩜｡
pile 1 --> pile 2
pile 3 --> pile 4
1. leaf: aquamarine vibe, coffee, evil eye, waves, pink, ice, mint, light pastel blue//
okay my cupcake. . . you've been so quiet about yourself, haven't u?? so careful, so composed. . . you walk into rooms and people FEEL you before they clock u. theres something mythical about your presence. it gives off aquamarine vibes, clean, fresh, soothing to the mind. ice comes to mind. like a scrumptious Diet Coke with ice in it. mmm. anyway. . . once u open ur mouth its OVER for everyone in the room. that brain of yours. . . sharp, clean, a little cold when it wants to be, warmer than anyone expects when it decides to be. you genuinely have a knack for surprising people with your antics. you're very entertaining to read for hahaha ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ꒳ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾
people are genuinely obsessed with knowing what u think. they think about what you might be wondering a lot, sometimes you have that weird expression in your face that makes others wonder what you might know about them. like a very secretive side eye kinda. people have this thing where they need you to weigh in on x or it doesn't count. your opinion matters a lot to them, you are held in high regard by your ppl. u are someone's personal supreme court and I love that for u.
one of ur best qualities is that u don't perform, not for anyone. u don't dress the truth up, u don't soften it to make it more digestible, u don't manage people's impressions of you. u dgaf. u just. . . are. and in a world full of people who are constantly curating themselves, that is DISARMING. people trust you immediately and they don't know why and the why is that you're one of the only people they've ever met who actually means what they say. what u say lands differently because of that. people carry ur words around with them. i hope u know that. as I said, you matter a lot to those around u. u are also a doer. not in the hustle culture way.. . when you say you're gonna do something, it gets done. full stop. that reliability, that steadiness, that composure of yours. . . it makes people want to be near you. like just. . . in your orbit. something about the way u hold yourself, the way ur eyes take everything in before u decide to speak. ur not rushing. ur not scrambling for anyone. and that patience reads as power because it IS power. period. physically: something about ur eyes specifically. they can go cold and completely unreadable and then warm in a second and people are chasing those warm moments like a drug. they want to be the reason for the warm ones. might be more voluptuous, a little cake situation, a whole thing going on. ur hands are also noted by the universe and by me personally.
18+++++++++++: okay so. . . here's the thang. u give off dom energy and ur probably not even a dom. . . hahaha. that is the funniest and most devastating thing about u, this composure I spoke about previously. the fact that u don't immediately scramble or perform or chase. peoples brains go immediately to u being in control and it short circuits them completely. they think about ur hands and the way they encompass their necks. specifically girls in some cases?? theres some feminine simping energy here. they think about what it would look like if u finally let that composure slip, just a little, just for them. . . that question lives in people's heads rent free and honestly good for them they deserve to yearn a little. ₊˚⊹ᰔ
2. bunny bag: amethyst vibe, lollipop, candies, radio, baccarat rouge perfume, pears, radio, gold rings, long nails, wavy hair// sugar honey. . . ur always in motion aren't you. always mid-journey, always mid-becoming, always three chapters ahead of where everyone else is still trying to catch up. and people find that genuinely addictive. not because ur trying to be mysterious /ur not/. . but because there's something about someone who is always moving FORWARD that makes everyone around them want to know where they're going. can i come. please. i'll be good. (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ
ur best quality-- and it's a big one!!!-- is that u lead with ur heart and u never let it harden. u've had the attachment stuff (. . . do I smell some avoidant anxious attachment issues??) u've had the staying too long, u've had the person who thought they could fix u (baby they could NEVERRRR). and u still came out curious. still upgrading yourself through new feelings and new experiences like they're software updates for ur whole persona. this naivety of yours is why people can't stop thinking about u. ur very cute in general hehe ˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀
and they DO think about u. more than u'd think. u have this quality of being genuinely hard to reach- not because ur cold, but because ur so focused on ur own becoming, ur own fun, ur own next thing, that people feel like they have to earn ur attention. and when u give it? when u actually look at someone and decide they're interesting? they feel like they won something. that's ur power and u carry it so casually it's actually insane. ur the prize baby.
u probably get people who poke at u just to see if they can get a reaction. little tests. little provocations. they wanna see if they can make u need them. they can't! and that makes them need u more!!!! the cycle of it. . . ur so unbothered and it is breaking people. ughhh. it girl vibes.
physically: the way u move. u talk with ur whole body without realizing it, there's something sensual in how u just exist in a room. and ur mouth. people think about ur mouth. the way it looks when u laugh, when u talk, when ur about to say something. water or fire sign, either way something warm is coming off u that people physically orient toward like plants toward sunlight. you have very harmonious features somehow.
18+: okay so people's fantasies about u are specifically about doing things TO you. not the other way around. they want to be the one who gets ur full attention, who gets to keep u still for a moment, who gets to have ur mouth and ur warmth all for themselves. u make people feel so chosen just by looking at them that they want to hold onto that feeling by any means. they think about ur lips being bitten, about holding u a little longer than they should. they also enjoy the idea of your nether regions a lot, they want that warmth for themselves. they wanna eat u 24/7. also the idea of making you cum non stop is top tier to them. huh. . . it's a whole thing over here. they are not normal about u and that's ur fault entirely. ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ
3. macarons: VS lingerie vibes, tigers eye, diamonds, citrine, pink quartz, brushes, flower perfume, pink perfume, braces// oh you. . . u are unmistakably, beautifully, fully human. not in a plain way but in the rarest way. theres a quality to u that is completely inhabited. . . and people feel that immediately. something about u makes them want to be known by you specifically. not just liked. known. . . because u have this rare gift (and curse imo) of seeing people like he real shape of them, not the version they perform. . . and doing it without judgment, just. . . genuine curiosity. and who doesn't want to be seen like that? who doesn't spend their whole life hoping someone will just. . . actually look? and see what they see without judging it? its beautiful. . .
one if ur best qualities as a person is that curiosity of yours. ur genuinely interested in people and humanity, ant that interest is extra rare to witness. you might be even inclined in looking for justice for others, standing up for others. . . people feel like ur both a protector and a therapist of sorts. a healer. thats how people catch feelings from having ONE conversation with u. u actually ask questions and wait for an answer. u genuinely wanna know. men especially will try to completely convince themselves something is happening between u 2 because u were nice and present and real with them (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
thats how potent ur attention is. be careful who yo give it to because babyyyy people are quick to fantasize about you and them as a married couple hahaha parasocial vibes for sure., you also give off innocent vibes so people are more inclined to yap to you. you might be someone who knows a lot of secrets about everyone just because they can't stop yapping hahaha. careful tho ! !
ur also genuinely skilled at something creative. especially when it involves other people. maybe u wanna be in a band, maybe u do collaborative art(?), but collaboration is ur magic. maybe u use multiple tools, or maybe you have a following already. I see lots of people surrounding your creative energy. funny! theres a mastery in u that sits right next to real humility and this combination is extraordinary. people wanna follow u and u just keep being all about work instead. thats the mark of someone actually great at what they do.
physically: ur face, ur someone who could be conventionally attractive. conventionally very beautiful. also the register of ur voice makes peoples brains go a little blank. specifically when you slow down to say something direct. that does something to people they cannot explain and will NOT recover from ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)
18+++++: let me be fr. people wanna conquer you. dom you. put u in different positions for their eyes only. also they wanna ruin your lingerie??? rude. its like they wanna tear you apart in the most sexiest way possible. not you, but the barrier between your bodies. they don't want any interference once they start touching you. theres something about ur sunshine energy combined with the sense that theres something wilder underneath it that makes people want to be the one who gets to see it. they assume ur a freak. the cards are NOT disagreeing. . . u also attract very slutty people, or people with high libido. they come to u like they were called. . . people are so unwell about u. u have fuck-me-eyes according to my intuition. people find it terribly hot. the best 18+ thing about u are ur eyes and ur chest according to peoples fantasies about u. they specifically like to imagine you looking at them while you eat them out/suck them off. ｡𖦹°‧
4. dragonfly: boho vibes, dark eyes, dark hair, unique pieces of jewelry, emerald, quartz, opal, brown bag, ginger, a passion for fashion//
okay u. . . ur the one who's always holding everything everyone together and making it look like ur barely trying. u remind me of a circus worker who has seventeen plates in the air and who's not even sweating. maybe ur sweating a little but no one can tell because ur so good at hiding it. ur so good at hiding things in general. . . theres something about u that just understands timing, when to move, when to talk, when to wait, when to leave. . . that discernment, knowing when to leave the table gained u ppls respect. people know ur gonna leave when u say youre gonna leave. they take you seriously. and sometimes that makes them fear u, which is ironic. . . because ur actually someone who's so generous. your best quality is your generosity, not the performative kind but actually being a good friend/partner. u give ur time and ur energy and ur attention to people without expecting anything back, just respect. you don't do scorekeeping, you don't make people earn basic warmth from u, and in a. world where everyone is constantly measuring and protecting themselves. . . you are just wow. the first word that comes to mind is lovely but it would be more akin to extraordinary. people just don't know what to do with someone who is actually there for them, actually present. . . actually in it without an agenda. it makes them feel chosen. u are such a good person, even if u may not feel like it according to the cards.
there is also a creative chaos in u that is always looking for the right moment to emerge, something u might have been putting off for a while. something new is trying to begin and the main thing between u and it is the 3am thoughts- the spiral, the catastrophizing, the accounting of everything that could go wrong before it's even started. that's anxiety. ur allowed to begin anyway. do it scared ! ! NOW ! ! <( ⸝⸝•̀ - •́⸝⸝)>
physically: ur laugh. fast, unperformed, arrives before uve decided to let it and people want to cause it again immediately. and ur whole face when u talk about something u actually care about. . . u are so visibly alive and people notice it before they realize they're noticing it. u are ike a shot of espresso to people. youre energizing. its like u motivate people to do better.
18++++: idk why but ppl specifically imagine ur moans to be the hottest thing in the world ever. like they wanna hear u moan so badly and pull your hair. like the hottest thing about u in their 18+ fantasies is your voice while they f*ck u. they're also willing to submit to ur fantasies a lot, like wearing maid costumes??? its not like u give off dom or sub vibes but when people think about you, they imagine u as a switch they want to appease in any way possible. . . that includes roleplaying, costumes, you have some very fiery and creative simps there. . . also they think ud be more open minded than other people, ur willing to try different stuff with them in their minds. this is the freakiest pile by far ngl (˶°ㅁ°)!!
Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Not every message is meant for you. Energy is sacred here, so keep your cheating ass away from my content. Do not copy, repost, remix, or plagiarize anything from this page. I see more than you think. And if you think you can steal and get away with it, remember this: I may not catch you, but I’m God’s favorite child. What’s meant for you will find you, and what you take unfairly will cost you twice as hard. Respect the work or stay out of the space.
Kindly select one or however many piles you feel inclined to and check your pile messages down below🌸
PILE I PILE II
PILE III PILE IV
PILE I : People see you as someone who naturally commands attention without even trying. There’s a strong, magnetic presence around you that makes others assume you’re confident, bold, and used to being in control. You come across as someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to go after it, which can be both inspiring and a little intimidating. Many people perceive you as a leader type, someone who others either admire from a distance or feel slightly nervous approaching. There’s also a sense that you’re passionate and driven, but not easily impressed. Some might even think you have high standards or a bit of an ego, even if that’s not entirely true. Overall, your energy reads as powerful, ambitious, and hard to ignore.
PILE II : You are perceived as warm, comforting, and emotionally safe to be around. People often feel a sense of familiarity with you, even if they’ve just met you. There’s something gentle and kind in your aura that makes others open up easily and trust you with personal things. Many see you as someone who values connection, memories, and emotional depth. At times, people may project innocence or softness onto you, assuming you’re more sensitive or nostalgic than you actually are. Some might even underestimate your strength because of how approachable and kind you seem. Still, your overall image is that of someone loving, genuine, and deeply heartfelt.
PILE III : People tend to see you as someone who has been through a lot and is constantly in a state of inner transformation. There’s a restless energy around you that others pick up on, like you’re always processing something beneath the surface. You might come across as unpredictable at times, shifting between being withdrawn and suddenly active or expressive. Some people may perceive you as emotionally or mentally overwhelmed, while others see you as someone trying to break free from stagnation or healing phases. There’s also an impression that you don’t fully “rest” or switch off, which can make people view you as intense or deep. Overall, your energy feels like someone evolving, recovering, and trying to find clarity.
PILE IV : You are perceived as patient, observant, and someone who takes their time before making decisions. People often see you as thoughtful and grounded, someone who doesn’t rush into things without carefully considering the outcome. There’s an energy of quiet evaluation around you, like you’re always measuring effort versus reward. Others may view you as hardworking but also selective about where you invest your energy. At times, people might think you’re slow-moving or hesitant, especially if they don’t understand the depth of your thought process. Still, you come across as reliable, mature, and focused on long-term stability rather than quick results.
trying to figure out if a memory of mine actually happened or if its a hallucination a dream i had or a lie i told a bunch of times and forgot was a lie
•what are you supposed to learn from your past live?
•pile 1-check energy:
Looking at these cards, the energy surrounding you right now is incredibly grounded and harmonious. It feels like you’ve finally reached a place where your emotions and your practical life are shaking hands.
With the King of Cups and Temperance leading the way, there’s this beautiful sense of emotional maturity. You’re not reacting impulsively to things anymore; instead, you’re finding a middle ground and staying calm, even if things around you get a bit hectic. It’s like you’ve mastered the art of keeping your peace.
On the material side, the presence of the King, Queen, and Nine of Pentacles is massive. This tells me you’re in a "boss" era. You’re feeling independent, secure, and very much in control of your resources. You aren’t just dreaming—you’re building something real. The Three of Pentacles and Three of Cups suggest that this success isn't happening in a vacuum; you’re surrounded by a supportive circle or a team that actually values your input, leading to moments of genuine celebration and connection.
At the base of it all, The Star brings in a breath of fresh air and hope. It’s that feeling of being "on the right path" after a long journey. With the Knight of Pentacles there too, you’re moving forward—maybe not at lightning speed, but with a steady, unbreakable rhythm. You’re committed, you’re stable, and honestly, you’re glowing with a very quiet, powerful confidence right now.🥹🪻
This is the energy of the pile 1 ; if it applies continue, if not check the other piles. 🪻
•First question:
In your past life, things started in a bit of a haze. With The Moon reversed, it feels like you spent a long time trying to escape a state of confusion or perhaps a "hidden" truth that was finally coming to light. You were someone who worked incredibly hard—Eight of Pentacles shows a soul that was dedicated, perhaps a craftsman or a healer, someone who spent years mastering a skill. However, with The Magician reversed, there was a period where you felt powerless, as if your tools were there but you couldn't quite manifest the reality you wanted, or perhaps someone else was pulling the strings.
Then, everything changed with The Tower. This wasn't just a small shift; it was a total foundation-shaking event that stripped away everything that wasn't authentic. It looks like a sudden collapse of an old way of living, but it was necessary to clear the path for The Empress. You rose from those ashes into a position of immense fertility, creativity, and abundance. You became the nurturer, the one who turned a chaotic situation into a thriving empire.
The Ten of Pentacles combined with the cards at the base—the Three, Queen, and Knight of Pentacles—tells a story of long-term success. You didn't just survive; you built a legacy. You were likely a matriarchal figure or a woman of great influence who managed both the family wealth and the community's respect. You were the one everyone looked to for stability, the person who stayed consistent and grounded through every storm, eventually securing a stable future for generations to come.🫢🥹🪻
•second question:
The primary lesson for this group is about mastering the delicate art of detachment within abundance. With the Ten of Pentacles and The Empress, you are naturally aligned with wealth, comfort, and nurturing energy. You have the "Midas touch." However, the universe is teaching you a vital distinction through the Four of Pentacles and The Devil at the base. The lesson is: Are you owning your life, or is your life owning you? You’re being asked to move away from a "scarcity mindset"—that tight grip where you fear losing what you’ve built—and instead, move into the flow of Justice and the King of Cups. This means finding emotional stability and fairness in how you treat yourself and your resources.
There is also a significant lesson here about emotional choices. The Two of Wands and Knight of Cups suggest you are often standing at a crossroads, looking for the "perfect" emotional fulfillment. But with the Four of Cups sitting on the surface, the warning is clear: don't let your search for "more" or your fear of "not enough" blind you to the beautiful Nine of Cups (your wish fulfillment) that is already right in front of you.
Ultimately, your lesson is to realize that true security doesn't come from holding on tighter (Four of Pentacles/The Devil), but from standing in your power (The Empress) and trusting that you are worthy of all the good things coming your way without needing to control every outcome. It’s time to trade obsession for inner peace.🪻🤍
•pile 2-check energy:
The energy for this group feels like standing on the edge of a massive breakthrough. It’s a bit of a "waiting game" right now, but it’s not passive—it’s purposeful. With the Knight of Pentacles and Strength, you’ve been showing incredible patience and inner resilience. You’re not rushing into things; instead, you’re moving with a slow, deliberate pace, making sure every step is solid before you commit.
However, there’s an underlying feeling of "not knowing everything" yet. The Moon suggests that some things are still hidden in the shadows, or perhaps you’re dealing with a bit of uncertainty about the future. But don’t let that worry you—the Wheel of Fortune is turning in your favor. It’s as if the universe is shifting the gears behind the scenes to bring you exactly where you need to be. With Three of Wands and Temperance, you’re looking out at the horizon, waiting for your "ships to come in," while keeping your internal balance steady. You’re learning how to stay calm in the midst of change.
The most exciting part is the energy at the base: Judgement, The Fool, and The Magician. This is a powerful triple-threat of rebirth. You’ve heard a "calling" to change your life, and you’re ready to take a leap of faith into a new chapter where you finally realize that you have all the tools to create whatever reality you desire. You’re moving from a period of quiet endurance into a phase of total manifestation.🫢🪻
This is the energy of the pile 1 ; if it applies continue, if not check the other piles. 🪻
•First question:
Your past life wasn't a calm one; it was a life defined by a fierce struggle for independence and truth. Looking at the Five of Swords combined with the heavy presence of the Sword Court (King, Queen, and Knight of Swords) at the base, it’s clear you were born into a world of conflict, intellectual battles, or perhaps a society where you had to fight just to be heard. You were likely a rebel, a whistleblower, or a warrior-strategist who lived by a strict code of ethics in a place that was often unfair. You had to sharpen your mind like a blade just to survive the betrayals or the harsh environments surrounding you.
But you weren't just a cold fighter. As you grew, you evolved into the Queen of Wands. You discovered a fire within you that was more than just "survival"—it was passion. You became a magnetic leader, someone who could inspire others with a single word. You were the Page of Wands, always seeking the next adventure and refusing to be tied down. There was a period of "juggling" where you had to balance your survival instincts with your creative desires, trying to find stability in a chaotic world.
The beautiful part of your story is how it settled. Despite the early battles, you found your tribe. The Three of Pentacles and Three of Cups show that you eventually built a community or a sisterhood based on mutual respect and shared joy. You moved from the "solitary soldier" energy of the Swords into a life of celebration and collaboration. Your journey reached its peak with the Ace of Cups—a moment of profound emotional or spiritual awakening. You went from a life of "cutting through lies" to a life of "overflowing love." You ended your days not as a tired warrior, but as a person who finally allowed their heart to open, leaving behind a legacy of both strength and deep compassion.🪻🤍
•second question:
The core lesson for this group is a powerful shift from defense to manifestation. In your past life, you were a fighter. With the Seven of Wands and Strength, you spent so much energy protecting your boundaries, standing your ground, and surviving challenges. While that made you incredibly resilient, the lesson you're meant to carry into this life is that you no longer need to fight to be secure. You are being asked to put down the wand of defense and pick up the coin of creation.
With the King and Queen of Pentacles surrounding an Ace of Pentacles, the universe is trying to tell you that your natural state is one of absolute mastery over the material world. Your lesson is to realize that true "Strength" isn't about how well you can withstand a storm, but about how much beauty and stability you can grow once the storm has passed. You are meant to embrace the energy of The Empress—to stop "surviving" and start "thriving."
There is also a very personal lesson regarding The Lovers and Two of Wands. You are being taught how to make choices that align with your heart's truth rather than just what is "safe" or "practical." Through The Moon at the base, you're learning to trust your intuition even when the path ahead looks foggy. The lesson is to stop looking for external validation or waiting for the "perfect" moment to expand, and instead, choose the path that makes your soul feel alive. You’ve already proven you are strong; now, the universe wants you to prove you can be happy, settled, and abundantly whole.🪻
•Pile3-check energy:
The energy here is a fascinating mix of stillness and sudden movement. With The High Priestess at the center, many of you are in a deeply intuitive phase. You’re not talking much about your plans; instead, you’re observing, listening to your gut, and waiting for the right "vibe" before you act. There’s a quiet power in you right now—a sense of Strength that isn't about shouting, but about holding your ground with grace.
However, it’s not all peace and quiet. The Ten of Wands shows that you’ve been carrying a heavy load—maybe too many responsibilities or a mental burden that’s started to feel exhausting. But here’s the shift: the Knight of Swords and the Knight of Pentacles are working together to help you break through. You’re moving from the "struggle" into a more strategic mindset. With the Five of Wands reversed, the external noise and petty conflicts are finally starting to fade away. You’re choosing to walk away from the drama to focus on what actually matters.
At the base of the reading, The World and the Queen of Pentacles suggest that you are closing a major chapter and stepping into a much more stable version of yourself. You’re learning the "dance" of the Two of Pentacles—how to balance your spiritual side with your practical needs without losing your mind. You’re becoming the master of your own environment, turning chaos into a steady, grounded rhythm. You’re not just surviving the day anymore; you’re starting to own it.👍🏼🪻
•First question:
Your past life tells the story of someone who lived in a "gilded cage." At some point, you experienced a significant loss or a failed beginning (Ace of Pentacles reversed), but you didn't let that define you. In fact, you rose to become a person of immense independence and luxury. You were the Nine of Pentacles—someone who lived a life of refinement, surrounded by beauty, gardens, and comfort. On the surface, your life looked perfect; you were part of a vibrant social circle (Three of Cups) and were eventually recognized as a pillar of your community, achieving the ultimate stability of the Ten of Pentacles.
However, despite the wealth and the celebrations, there was a sharp, intellectual coldness to your world. As the Queen of Swords, you had to be incredibly guarded. You learned to lead with your head instead of your heart, perhaps because you had to protect your status or your family's name. But the most turning-point moment of your life came with the Eight of Cups. One day, you simply realized that the "golden life" wasn't enough. You walked away from the wealth, the status, and the noise to find something deeper.
The base of your story shows the internal struggle you faced—the Nine of Swords suggests nights of anxiety and deep soul-searching. This led you to become The Hermit. You likely spent the latter part of your life in solitude or as a spiritual seeker, trading your silks for a lantern. By the end of that journey, you found what you were looking for. You transformed into the King of Cups—a master of your own emotions. You went from having "everything" on the outside to having "everything" on the inside. You died in peace, knowing that your Nine of Cups (your true wish) wasn't a bag of gold, but a quiet, overflowing heart.🥹🫢🪻
•second question:
The journey for this group is all about finding the balance between personal desire and spiritual integrity. Your past life gave you a taste of success (Six of Wands) and comfort, but it also came with a heavy price. The core lesson here is to recognize the difference between "what feels good" and "what is good for your soul."
Through The Devil and The Lovers, the universe is teaching you about the power of choice. In the past, you might have been "chained" to a situation—perhaps a relationship, a status, or a habit—that looked fulfilling but was actually a trap. Your lesson in this life is to use the energy of Justice to cut through those illusions. You are learning that true Nine of Cups fulfillment (having your wishes come true) isn't about indulgence; it's about making choices that align with your highest truth. You're being asked to move from the "addiction" of the ego to the "devotion" of the heart.
The cards at the base—Three of Wands and the Pages of Swords and Wands—suggest a lesson in curiosity and vision. You are being taught to keep your eyes on the horizon and stay open to new ideas. Don't let your desire for stability (Knight of Pentacles) turn into a cage of boredom. Your soul’s evolution depends on your ability to stay curious, to speak your truth even when it’s uncomfortable, and to follow a path that feels like a constant adventure rather than a predictable routine. The lesson is simple but profound: Choose freedom over security, every single time.🪻
Summary: It was supposed to be a secret. No one—as in absolutely no one—was supposed to know you were that type of person. A fanfiction writer for fun. It wad harmless, right? Not until your family friend's son and your biggest enemy—Jeonghan—manages to find out, and he decides to use it against you for his own gain.
Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x Fem!reader
Warnings/tags: 18+ MDNI, smut, fluff, angst, crackfic, college au, non idol au, enemies to frienemies to lovers, fake dating, lowkey forced proximity, flashbacks, Jeonghan is an asshole at first, but don’t worry, he changes, very self-indulgent since I AM a fanfiction writer lmfao, vague american football mentions (I have no prior knowledge to how playoffs work in college except for my romance books), mentions of alcohol consumption, protected to unprotected sex, p in v, creampies, slight breeding kink (if you squint), oral sex (f & m receiving), multiple sex scenes, dom!Jeonghan, praise kink, pet names, semi-public sex, car sex, best friend!97 line, mention of Twice members as friends.
A/N: Part two because tumblr fucking sucks but it is here lol. Anyways, this not how I depict the idols in real life, this is purely a work of fiction! Enjoy!!
Word count: 27.5k (out of 41.5k)
Dividers from @diviniyae
Title from That's The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift
PART 1 || PART 2 || BONUS
SATURDAY, 5:47 AM
Early in the morning, you stirred, uncomfortable and groggy as you shifted slightly. Still clouded with sleep, you groaned when you couldn't move, something warm enveloping you…
You frowned, not remembering bringing your weighted blanket with you. You shifted once more before hearing a grunt behind you, confusing you. As you opened your eyes, you looked around, seeing the time on your alarm clock and groaning at how early it was before looking down to see an arm around your waist.
Since when did you sleep with someone in your bed—
Wait. Jeonghan.
You clenched your jaw as you wriggled around, trying to get out of his grasp, only for him to tighten his hold on you and let out a strained noise.
“Stop... stop moving,” he muttered tiredly, another strained grunt leaving his lips.
“Let go of me, then—” you grumbled, as you continued to move before freezing suddenly.
Jeonghan cursed under his breath as you realised the hard poking feeling against your lower back. You clenched your jaw before speaking up. “What... what is that?”
“What do you think, angel?” His voice was as strained as yours, but there was a hint of a teasing tone. You shrieked, scrambling off the bed as you glared at him. He rubbed the sleep off his eyes as he sighed.
“It's natural, you know. Plus, you were rubbing yourself all over me—”
“I was not rubbing myself against you!” You hissed as you hugged yourself, cold from the morning air and the loss of his body heat.
You could feel your nipples pebbling, and Jeonghan was shamelessly gawking, his sleepy eyes staring at your chest. A scoff left your lips as you crossed your arms against your chest, trying to cover yourself.
“Come back to bed, you're cold, and it's too early to start arguing, we both know it.” He reasoned with you, patting the empty space you had left.
“I'm not getting in bed with you while you have a hard-on!” Your scowl deepened, and he rolled his eyes.
“It's down now, you turned me off when you started shrieking like a freak.” Jeonghan patted the space once more. “Come back to bed, now.”
“I'm sleeping on the couch.”
You were about to head to your sofa when he grabbed your wrist, tugging you back into bed with him as you squealed. He kept you trapped against his chest, not letting you move an inch as he made you lie on top of him.
“Stop moving, or you'll give me another hard-on,” he threatened, and that settled you down. He grinned as you huffed, clenching your jaw as you pressed your cheek against his chest. “Go back to sleep.”
“Fuck you.”
“I mean gladly, but your rules prevent me from doing that.” He chuckled when you managed to get your arms free and hit him. “Just go back to sleep, angel, stop trying to fight me so early in the morning.”
You could hear snickering. You furrowed your brows sleepily as you started to wake up once more, opening your eyes as you saw your mother and younger brother, Tommy, tugging your mom as she took a picture of you on top of Jeonghan.
“Mom–?” You muttered groggily as she cooed at you. You grumbled something incoherent as she giggled at how dishevelled you looked.
“Good morning, sleepyhead. You seem to have a little drool there, hm?”
Jeonghan stirred at the commotion, his grip tightening on you before opening his eyes with his face lightly scrunched. “Wha–what’s going on..?”
“Oop, they’re waking up, let’s go before they start yelling at us, hun,” your mom murmured as she ushered your younger brother out of your room and closed the door.
“What the fuck was that..?” Jeonghan muttered as he looked at you, his eyes half-open. You were about to shrug when you realised what position you were in and how close he was, before you shuffled off him, falling from your bed in the process.
“Why the hell are you sleeping on my bed?!” You hissed at him as you brought the blanket along, wrapping yourself like a burrito in it, leaving Jeonghan blanketless. “You were supposed to be sleeping on the couch, remember?”
“Angel, I think you’re experiencing short-term memory loss, because from my standpoint, you were drooling against my chest, and sleeping peacefully a moment ago. And we agreed we’d sleep on the same bed because we’re together, hm?”
Right. The fucking fake dating deal from yesterday. You had hoped it was just a nightmare within a nightmare, that Jeonghan didn’t actually read your work and… and had a boner because of you just a few hours ago. Closing your eyes and looking up at your ceiling with a sigh, you tried to recollect your scrambled thoughts.
Fake dating your enemy for two weeks. The rules. Good god, why do these things happen to you?
“I suggest we go downstairs together—” Jeonghan sat up, rubbing his eyes before you cut him off by grabbing him and pushing him out of your room.
“No, get out, I need to make a call.” You gave him a quick fake smile before slamming the door in front of his face. Scrambling to grab your phone, you immediately Facetimed Mingyu.
He answered after four rings, a groan leaving him as he was enveloped by sheets. “The fuck do you want? It’s like 8:30 on a Saturday…”
“I need to talk to you about something very important, and you can’t tell anyone, I mean anyone, not even Hao or Seokmin.”
“Uhhh… okay? What is it?” He rubbed the sleep away from his face as he looked at the screen with a scrunched expression. “Are you dating Jeonghan or something?”
That made you freeze. How the hell did he know? Did Jeonghan say something to him before you could? I mean, he couldn’t have just announced that you were his girlfriend, right—
Scratch that. Yoon Jeonghan totally would do that if he wanted to.
You shook it off mentally before schooling your expression and cleared your throat. Your silence caught Mingyu’s attention, making him open his eyes wider as he connected the mental dots in his head.
“You’re dating Jeonghan?!” He practically screamed, seeing him sit up as he rubbed the remnants of sleep from his face once more over the screen. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me… Was that why he texted me last night?”
“He what?” You furrowed your brows at your best friend’s words as his lips turned into a thin line, a tell when he was trying to hide something. “Yah, Kim Mingyu, spill.”
He groaned, running his fingers through his bedhead, looking exasperated as hell. “He texted me to ask about the things you liked. I thought it was suspicious, but he said it was “an olive branch of sorts.” And now you’re calling me. You’re gone for one day, sweetcheeks. What the hell happened?”
“Well—er, we just.. Uhm..” You faltered, unsure of how to explain it to him. Mingyu was your best friend—he’d read you like a book if you lied. He’s been there through thick and thin, so there was no point in hiding this from him, right? Scratching your neck, you bit your lower lip and opened your mouth to speak before a loud knock came to your door.
“Babe, your mom is calling us. Is your call going to take longer? Breakfast is already on the table.” You could hear Jeonghan’s voice through the other side of the door, making you look at your confused best friend before looking back at the door.
“Give me a second, Hannie, I’ll be right there!” You called out before turning back to your best friend. “We just decided to date, you know? Look past our differences and whatnot—”
“Since when? And Hannie? Since when do you call him ‘Hannie’?”
“Since forever, we don’t do nicknames in public—anyway, I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Byeee—” Before Mingyu could finish saying your name, you ended the call, sighing as you got up from your bed and opened the door with an exasperated expression. Jeonghan had his head cocked to the side, amused at the look on your face as he spoke up.
“Hannie, huh?” You groaned at the teasing tone, punching his chest without holding back, which caused him to double over. “Okay, fair enough.”
He coughed, rubbing his chest as he followed you downstairs. You were greeted by the delicious smell of various breakfast foods, and the table was full of them. You muttered a quick good morning to both your mother and father before sitting down beside Jeonghan, not because you wanted to, but because it’d be suspicious if you didn’t. You ignored your fake boyfriend’s advances to make conversation, grumbling soft one-word answers as you ate your food.
“Baby..” He murmured into your ear, low enough for your parents not to hear. “Are you testing my patience? Do you want me to announce that you write filthy smut in front of Tommy? Hmm?”
You were sure that Jeonghan was the devil reincarnated, because he was pretty but fucking evil when he wanted to be. And he was currently exploiting his knowledge of your writings against you, using them to get what he wanted, the bastard. So, you just hummed in response, clenching your jaw as you turned your head to face him, his nose gently brushing against yours.
Jeonghan’s breath hitched slightly, not expecting you to do something so bold in front of your parents, but he played along—this was his game, after all. He glanced down at your lips before looking back up at your eyes, seeing the fiery defiance in them. Leaning in closer, he pecked your lips.
“Morning, pretty girl.. Stop being mad at me?” He murmured, and you grunted softly, looking away to take a bite of your pancakes, licking the syrup from your lips.
You had expected the kiss to happen, but you still weren’t prepared. This was pretend. This was pretend—you repeated to yourself as you took a breath. You were just pretending, so why did it still make your heart thump out of your chest as if you had just run away from a serial killer?
Glancing up at your parents, you noticed both your parents seeming to hold their breaths until a whiny groan left Tommy.
“Eww! Hannie and big sis kissed! They’re spreading cooties!” That seemed to cut the tension growing in the dining room, causing you to snort.
“Since you’re so against cooties, Tommy, I’ll kiss you too!” You got up from your seat, your younger brother screeching as he ran away from you and your kisses. You easily caught him, holding him as you pressed kisses all over his cheeks and spreading your “cooties” all over him.
Jeonghan looked enamoured at the sight, finding himself cracking a soft smile before looking away and clearing his throat. That didn’t escape your mother’s keen eye, but she didn’t comment on it.
After breakfast, Jeonghan went to wash up, leaving you in your room to deal with your thoughts. Running your fingers through your hair, you decided to whip up a quick fic, working on your works in progress, little by little. You typed on your keyboard, ignoring the incessant vibration of your phone, notifications blaring from the group chat.
You groaned when you saw your name being spammed by Mingyu.
You: ???
Gyu: finally. I’ve spammed you like 20 times.
Hao: Yeah, and you spammed the rest of us 20 times, too. What is this about anyway??
Gyu: nothing, I just need her to answer her DMs 😑
Seok: you never spam the gc for that though????
You: I’m busy writing my fic, just call me dumbass.
Gyu: 🖕
You sighed, pressing your DMs to see what Mingyu had texted you, only for him to call you. Rolling your eyes, you answered the Facetime call, propping your phone on a plant on your windowsill by your bed. “What’s up?”
“What’s up? What’s up with the fact that you’re dating Jeonghan! You need to explain yourself. Now.”
Of course, Mingyu will want a follow-up to your earlier conversation. He never lets topics like this go unless he knows the whole story. You let out another sigh before speaking up.
“There’s nothing to explain, Gyu…” There totally is so, SO much to explain. “I’ve.. I’ve actually been dating Jeonghan for about uh.. A month now?”
“You’ve been what? I—how? And you decided to tell me now? I—wow, I just—wow,” he muttered as he shook his head. “I don’t know how you’ve hidden this for a whole month from me—us, actually, but as your numero uno, and closest best friend, I’ll keep it a secret from Hao and Seok. Until the two of you go public, that is.”
You felt guilty lying to Mingyu about this, but you had to keep your end of the bargain with Jeonghan. He’d keep your secret on the fanfiction writing, while you stay his girlfriend for the next two weeks. That meant selling the lie. Even to your closest friends.
Jeonghan soon entered the room after his shower, a towel wrapped around his waist and a smaller one in his hand to dry his damp hair. Mingyu could see him in the background as you pretended to pay no mind to it. You schooled your expression as you turned your head to interact with your fake boyfriend. “How was your shower, Hannie?”
“Eh, could’ve been better with you—oomph… Okay, fair.” He chuckled as you threw a plushie at him, hitting him straight in the face again as you glared at him. “Is that Mingyu?”
“Yeah.. uh, hey man..” Mingyu called out from the phone, looking at you with an incredulous look on his face. He was talking to you with his face now—best friend code.
‘Why the fuck is he changing in your room?’ His face clearly said, and you shrugged as if it didn’t bother you. You could see Jeonghan shuffling around in your peripheral vision, rummaging in his luggage for clothes, before you turned your head to look at him.
“Hannie, can you go get changed in the bathroom, please? Gyu and I have some stuff to talk about.” You tried not to linger your gaze along the expanse of his back before looking back at your phone with a slight flush on your cheeks. That made Mingyu squint, but not say anything just yet.
“Mmm... Call me once you’re done, okay?” He grabbed his stuff, but not before walking over to you, giving you a forehead kiss, and looking at Mingyu after he pulled away. “Mingyu, don’t forget to send me that list.” He winked and left the room. You managed to let out the breath you were gently holding before Mingyu spoke up.
“What the fuck was that?”
“What was what?” You mumbled, trying to calm your racing heart down from that stupid forehead kiss. Your cheeks were tinted with pink, and Mingyu could clearly see how flustered you were.
“That! You’re acting as if you’ve been hit by Cupid’s motherfucking arrow and acting all flustered for Jeonghan of all people! It’s… It’s baffling!”
God, you hated this. You hated how you looked like what Mingyu just described, and for your enemy of all people. You wanted to groan and complain to your best friend about it, but you had to keep him out of the loop if you wanted this whole thing to work.
Mingyu was just concerned about your change of heart for Jeonghan, and you got it, you really did. If he were in the same situation as you, you’d also question the fact that he was dating someone he clearly didn’t like. You despised Jeonghan, and now you were just… Dating him? For a month at that, and managed to keep it a secret until now? It surely didn’t make sense to him, but he was your best friend, and as long as you were safe and actually happy, he’d support you.
He sighed before asking something important that you had expected him to ask. “How did it happen?”
“It, er.. It started during that one econ project last semester,” you started, and saw Mingyu’s eyes go wide in slight realisation. “I gave him my number so that we could work on it, and we started talking, and I realised he wasn’t that bad. He made me laugh, and he took me out on one date. And the rest is history.”
You were lying through your teeth, but it went smoothly enough for Mingyu not to seem suspicious, but he still frowned.
The truth was that you absolutely hated working with Jeonghan during that project, having done most of it without his help, and just reading from the notes you’d given him on the day of the presentation. He was a leech, and your hatred for him grew even more back then, but it was a good cover for your ruse, and it made sense within the timeline.
Of course, it did. You were a writer, after all; you could make a story work no matter the circumstance of the meet-cute.
Mingyu seemed convinced, but then another question rose to his throat that he wanted to voice out.
Your crush on Seungcheol.
You cursed in your head for being so obvious about your crush on Jeonghan’s best friend, and now it was biting you in the ass.
“It was a ruse,” you grumbled, glancing away from your phone screen. “Seungcheol was in on it. That’s why he ditched me. And that’s also why Jeonghan was with me when I came back downstairs that night.”
It hurt to lie like this, when the truth was that night crushed you, and you drank your feelings away, and now you had to dismiss those feelings so that he’d believe you were in a relationship with Jeonghan. Mingyu hummed at that, his brows still furrowed, but he seemed to have given up on interrogating you.
“I–okay, I believe you. But you didn’t have to do all of that just to hide your relationship with him, you know? We would’ve understood… kind of. I still find Jeonghan strange. Just.. just stay safe, okay? I’m here to talk if you need to.”
You just nodded slowly, taking a small breath before checking the time and cursing. “I gotta go, Gyu, I promised Tommy I’d go to the mall with him today with Jeonghan.”
“Alright, keep me updated.” He teased, making you roll your eyes at how quickly he was to switch up between serious and playful. “And use condoms—”
“Mingyu!” You hissed, glaring at your best friend as he cackled and bid his goodbyes. You let out a deep sigh, relief washing over you that it was partially over. You would still have to explain everything to Minghao and Seokmin—the latter being easier to convince than the former.
Jeonghan knocked and entered your room about five minutes after your call with Mingyu, fully dressed and with his hair dried. He seemed to be smug about something, but you were too drained to ask.
“You’re paying for my therapy.” You deadpanned, and he snorted as he grabbed his wallet from his bag. “You don’t know how hard it is to lie to my best friend.”
“He seemed to buy the whole 'we fell in love during our shared project together' thing, so I must say… your writing skills are paying off.”
“You eavesdropped?” You looked at him, mouth slightly agape, before scoffing at his audacity.
Jeonghan shrugged, not seeming to care about how you thought of him at the moment, and gave you a once-over instead. He clicked his tongue, shaking his head at how you looked.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to the mall wearing pyjamas. As much as I love embarrassing you in public, that won’t do while we’re dating, angel.” He tutted, and you huffed at his words.
“I was going to get ready—get out.” You got off your bed, grabbing clothes from your luggage before opening the door for Jeonghan to leave, but he only stayed in his spot by your sofa.
“Sweets, I’m your boyfriend. I supposedly have seen your body before, so just get dressed in front of me. It’ll take off suspicion from your parents that you keep kicking me out of your room.” He stated bluntly, crossing his arms as he tried to convince you not to kick him out, but you shook your head.
You needed your privacy, and he was your fake boyfriend. Jeonghan’s never seen you in your underwear before, and you’re hoping he never has to. “Jeonghan, I mean it. Get out.”
“I’ll close my eyes and turn around. Scout’s honour.” He put his hand over his chest.
“You were never a scout.” You deadpanned, but sighed, knowing he wouldn’t back down from this, and closed the door. “Fine.. you better not peek, or I’m smothering you with my pillow.”
“Trust me, angel, I’m an asshole, not a pervert.”
He turned around and closed his eyes, giving you the privacy to get dressed with him in the room. You waved your hands around like a lunatic to check if he wasn’t truly looking before quickly removing your pyjamas and putting on new underwear and a bra before putting on your outfit—it was a simple sundress, adorned with a small flower pattern embroidered near the hem. You brushed your hair and put on some lip gloss before looking at yourself in the mirror.
“We can go,” you murmured, causing Jeonghan to turn back around and open his eyes. You were tempted to give him a twirl, but you reminded yourself that this was your enemy, and that you shouldn’t be getting comfortable around him.
You didn’t notice how Jeonghan’s expression seemed to harden at the sight of you looking so… pretty. What the hell was going on with him? You shouldn’t be invoking such a reaction out of him, yet you were.
He schooled his expression before grinning. “Trying to impress someone, angel?”
A scoff left your lips before he watched you grab your purse from the hanging rack on your door. “Let’s just go, smartass.”
Jeonghan followed you down to where your six-year-old brother was waiting for the two of you, watching some show on TV. When the kid looked away from the big screen, his eyes widened, and he ran up to the two of you. “Are we going to the mall now? Are we, are we?”
He asked excitedly, and Jeonghan watched as you picked your younger brother up into your arms, resting him on your hip. You called out to your mother, letting her know that you were leaving, Jeonghan following you out of the house and to his car.
Unlocking the car for you, Jeonghan continued to watch you silently from the driver’s seat, his expression unreadable as you tended to Tommy, buckling the rowdy kid up in the backseat before entering the passenger seat.
You glanced at him before speaking up. “Uh.. you good?”
“Huh?” He snapped out of his thoughts before, giving you a curt nod, mentally cursing to himself for being so occupied with whatever he was dealing with, not noticing that he was acting stranger than usual. “Yeah.. Yeah, I’m fine.”
He grumbled, pulling out of the driveway, focusing on the road instead of his lingering thoughts about how pretty you looked or how concerned you seemed for him. It didn’t matter. You hated him, and he hated you. Right?
Getting to the mall, Jeonghan managed to find a parking spot closest to the entrance, with Tommy cheering softly at the small victory of not needing to look for the car later. You giggled at your younger brother’s antics and unbuckled your belt to get your brother out of the backseat. Before you could do that, however, Jeonghan stopped you.
“Let me,” he just murmured, getting out of the car first and running over towards the backseat door, and opened it to get Tommy out before opening the door for you. He held out his hand for you to take, and you reluctantly took it, huffing at his behaviour.
“What is this?” You muttered to him, and he shrugged with a small smile—something rare in his eyes as you squinted at him. “What are you planning, Yoon Jeonghan?”
“Mmm, nothing. I just wanted to be nice to my girlfriend.” He closed the door after you got out, still holding your hand as he held out his other to your brother. Tommy gladly took his hand, and the three of you headed into the mall.
While the three of you window shopped, there were a few things that caught Tommy’s eye, making you note them down on your phone or take a picture of them when the younger kid wasn’t looking. Jeonghan seemed to notice, curious about it, he decided to ask against his own will.
“Why are you writing down everything he pays attention to?”
“Huh-? Oh, uh, his birthday is soon, and I wanna kind of spoil him, y’know? You only turn seven once, plus Mom and Dad won’t be able to stop me from spoiling my cutest little brother.” You watched your brother play in the kids’ area with a fond smile, Jeonghan letting out an ‘ah’ sound.
When Tommy got bored with the kids’ area, he walked over to where you and Jeonghan were sitting and tugged at the hem of your dress. “Can we please get ice cream? Pretty please, big sis?”
When he gave you those puppy-dog eyes and a pout, you chuckled; it reminded you of a younger version of Mingyu. You got up from the bench, stretching your arms before offering your hand for your younger brother to hold.
“Sure, Tommy, anything for my favourite soon to be seven year old.” The kid cheered as he took your hand into his and Jeonghan’s with his other hand, causing him to be between you and your fake boyfriend. You looked at Jeonghan, offering him a small smile, and he gave you a quick, lazy grin before getting lost in his thoughts again. It made you wonder what he was suddenly thinking about.
After finding an ice cream shop, the three of you ordered your preferred flavours. You cringed at Jeonghan’s choice.
“Mint chocolate? Really?” You snorted gently as the three of you waited for the vendor to hand you your treats. Jeonghan raised his eyebrow at you, intrigued by your reaction to his flavour choices.
“It’s an elite flavour. You picked what? Vanilla?”
“And strawberry. I have better taste than you.” You thanked the vendor as she handed you the cold treat. You watched as she ogled Jeonghan shamelessly as she passed him his ice cream. Rolling your eyes briefly, you gave Tommy your dessert for him to hold while you took out your wallet from your purse.
When you were about to pay, Jeonghan swooped in, stopping you and taking his card out from his wallet to pay instead. He smiled at the vendor, making her giggle, which caused you to cross your arms and scoff. Once Jeonghan finished paying, he led you and Tommy to sit by the tables, your expression as sour as the lemon sorbet Tommy was licking.
“Big sis, your ice cream’s gonna melt if you don’t eat it!” The younger one pouted slightly as he finished his snack in record time. You gave him a small smile before taking a bite out of your cold treat, the sweetness not pacifying your inner bitterness towards Jeonghan’s earlier behaviour.
Obviously, he noticed, having done that on purpose to coax out your reaction, and he seemed to have gotten what he wanted. “Angel…” He started, trailing off as you gave him a pointed look.
“What?” You muttered, taking another bite of your dessert, not fully enjoying it as you thought.
“Are you jealous?” Jeonghan grinned, resting his chin on his palm as his smile reached his eyes; a mischievous glint shone through. You sputtered, giving him a baffled look before scoffing.
You? Jealous over Jeonghan? Hell would freeze over before that could happen. Sure, you disliked the way he smiled at that vendor earlier and how she seemed to eye-fuck him earlier, but you were not jealous. You rolled your eyes at the man sitting across from you, finishing your food before speaking.
“In your dreams, Jeonghan. I’d rather…” You trailed off, glancing at your brother, who was preoccupied with the free colouring paper on the table, but you covered his ears either way. “I’d rather step on horseshit than be jealous over you. Flirt with whomever you want.”
Jeonghan pursed his lips at that, taking the last bite off his ice cream before wiping his lips with a tissue. “Not gonna flirt with anyone else but my angel, baby.”
He suddenly got up from his seat, surprising you when he leaned down and kissed your lips. It wasn’t long, but it wasn’t a peck either. This kiss was sweet and lingered, as if to reassure you that he didn’t want anyone else but you. He pulled away when Tommy let out a disgusted noise, making Jeonghan chuckle as he sat back on his seat, leaving you surprised and buffering.
“Eugh.. I don’t get why people kiss. You and big sis kiss, Mom and Dad kiss. What’s so nice about kissing?” Tommy muttered, scrunching his nose before Jeonghan pinched his cheek and spoke up.
“You’ll get it when you find a girl you’re very intrigued with and want to know about more.”
You recovered after that sentence, looking at Jeonghan as your breath hitched gently. You hadn’t expected those words to come out of him, of all people. Trying not to linger on it, you paid him no mind, focusing on your younger brother instead and asking him about his birthday plans.
“Will you be coming with Hannie? Please tell me you’ll come!” Your brother pleaded, a slight pout finding itself on his lips again.
Easter was in two weeks, and Tommy’s birthday was just about a week away, so you could afford to miss a few classes to drive back home a day or two earlier. You knew why he was pleading with you, and you felt bad for having missed his birthday last year because of exams.
“Of course we’ll come, bud, I promise we’ll make it this time. Isn’t that right, Jeonghan?”
You looked at Jeonghan as you roped him into the conversation, already having moved on from the earlier kiss. He nodded before ruffling your brother’s hair. “Of course. We’ll be there and bring you lots of presents.”
“Yay! You and big sis are the best, Hannie. I’m glad you guys are dating.”
A lump grew in your throat, knowing that Tommy was getting used to seeing you like this with Jeonghan—dating, being together. He was attached to Jeonghan and growing even fonder of him. It was going to be hard to break it to him when the two weeks were up, and you and Jeonghan were going to have to go back to your ordinary lives—bickering and disagreeing over the most trivial things.
A part of you didn’t want this to end for some reason. Maybe it was because of Tommy, but you knew the truth was uglier—more complicated than you wanted to admit. For some reason, seeing this part of Jeonghan was giving you mixed feelings, and it was messing with your head. It was fake. But how much faking does it take until it starts being real?
You decided to shake it off, focusing on the now rather than the later. That was future you’s problem.
After another hour at the mall, you noticed Tommy getting tired and signalled to Jeonghan that it was time to go home. He nodded, picking the younger fella up with ease, the latter immediately snuggling into Jeonghan’s shoulder.
By the time you got to the car, the kid was already knocked out cold, making the man carrying him chuckle softly as he settled him into the backseat. He opened the door for you, prompting you to roll your eyes but play along before he took the driver’s seat and started the car.
Once you got back home, you let Jeonghan carry Tommy to his room, letting the kid nap before dinner while you stayed downstairs to talk with your dad.
“So, how was the outing? I hope the little man wasn’t much of a menace.” He chuckled tiredly as he took a sip of his coffee, his eyes tired but warm. He was sitting on a stool by the kitchen island, hunched over. You sat down beside him, shaking your head gently.
“Nah, he was good. I’ve got a whole list of gifts to buy him, though.” You shrugged as your father said your name sternly. “What? It’s not like you haven’t spoiled me back when I was seven! Let me have this.”
“No wonder you’re his favourite family member… He even said so in school.” He grumbled as he sipped his now lukewarm beverage. Your eyes softened at the admission of being your brother’s favourite, glad to be someone close to his heart, even with your age gap.
That’s when Jeonghan decided to announce himself, clearing his throat as he greeted your father. “Sorry to disturb your little conversation, but, uh…”
He trailed off, acting sheepish as he looked at you, sending you a quick wink before looking back at your father, asking for permission to take you out for a night drive, which surprised you. You weren’t expecting him to have anything planned, but you were proven to be wrong.
“Yeah, you guys can go, just don’t do anything too stupid like swerve off the road and hit a pole—”
“Dad.” You groaned, rolling your eyes as you got off the stool and went over to where Jeonghan was standing. Jeonghan chuckled, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pressing your body close against his.
“We won’t swerve, I promise.”
“So…” You started as you entered the passenger seat once more, glancing curiously at him. “Where are we off to?”
“It’s a surprise, angel. I take it that you know what those are?” He started the car once more, shifting into gear as he drove. He handed you the aux, just like when you drove back home. “Turn on something.”
You did as he said, but still had questions. You couldn’t help it, you were curious by nature, and you couldn’t help but try to guess. But Jeonghan just shook his head at your incessant questions, shushing you. “You’ll get to know once we get there.”
“I just hope it’s not somewhere where you plan to murder me.”
“Your imagination is astounding, angel, truly.” He snorted gently, shaking his head as he focused on the road, the sun already setting on the horizon. You just huffed, letting him keep his secrets as you watched the pretty view of trees surrounding you out the window.
Jeonghan parked the car in a vast field, the setting sun facing you as he turned off the ignition and unbuckled his belt. You followed suit, getting out of the car to follow him to the trunk, where he had a cooler and blanket that weren’t there before. He took it out before heading over to the warm hood of his car and sat down.
He patted the space beside him as he took out two beers from the cooler and then revealed the bag of takeout he had with him. You cocked an eyebrow at him, surprised at the whole thing. “Where’d you get all of this from?”
“Ordered takeout from your favourite restaurant chain. Thought the beer would be a nice beverage to drink with it.” He shrugged as he handed you your portion and the utensils. You were surprised he knew your favourite order, only to remember what he had said to Mingyu.
Right. The list. Mingyu probably told him about your order. But that didn’t make the gesture any less sweet. You thanked him softly, sitting down cross-legged on the hood of his car, enjoying the moment before speaking up.
“Did you get my order from Mingyu?” You asked in between bites of your food. Jeonghan glanced at you before chuckling and shaking his head.
“No, sweetheart, I didn’t.” That answer confused you as you looked at him with a befuddled expression before he continued. “I notice things about you more than you think, you know. I don’t need the list from Mingyu to know what food you like and what you dislike.”
Your breath hitched at those words, not expecting him to admit something so… real. Clearing your throat, you looked ahead of you instead of Jeonghan, watching the sun set, and changing the topic.
“So, uh.. How’d you find this place? Was it your past makeout spot with girls or something..?” You grumbled as he scoffed, taking a bite of his own food before swallowing and speaking.
“You think so lowly of me, angel.. But no, this is my own private spot I used to go to. Just to clear my head and whatnot. Now, it’s our spot,” he murmured, sounding almost soft as he continued eating his food. Jeonghan had been revealing so many parts of himself these past 24 hours that it was giving you whiplash. Was this the same Jeonghan you’d been bickering with for the past decade?
Finishing your dinner, the two of you decided to drink the beer he had brought to wash the meal off. Only after a few sips, you could feel yourself loosen up, leaning against Jeonghan as you shivered, the sun fully setting on the horizon, leaving the sky a dark midnight blue.
“You cold?” He teased, but you only hummed, scooting over closer to him, which made Jeonghan stiffen before relaxing. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer as you sipped on your beer. “I didn’t expect you to exploit me of my warmth, angel.”
“Well, I am, so shut up,” you muttered, closing your eyes as you handed him your half-empty beer bottle. “You'd better get this away from me before I finish it whole and do something I might regret…”
“Like what, angel?” He murmured, voice soft as he placed both your beers into the cooler before lifting your chin to make you look at him. “Tell me.”
“No.. It’s stupid,” you practically whined, burying your face into his shoulder as you inhaled his scent. He smelled nice. Nicer than you expected, as you sighed softly.
“Come on,” Jeonghan cooed, coaxing you to say what was on your mind. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
You moved your head away from his shoulder to gaze up at his eyes—piercing through you with an unspeakable softness. You mumbled, incoherent to Jeonghan as he leaned down to hear you better. “Mind repeating that, angel?”
“I want you to kiss me.”
Jeonghan’s breath stuttered, hearing you say those words so carelessly, stirring something in him. He looked at you—searching for any hint of regret or withdrawal from your words, but he found none. A soft curse left his lips as he chuckled.
“Angel…” He murmured, voice slightly strained. “You don’t mean that, do you?”
“I mean it. Kiss me.”
Jeonghan wanted to. For some godforsaken reason, he truly wanted to kiss you until you were breathless and gripping onto him tightly, but something was stopping him. Was it because you probably weren’t thinking straight? Maybe. He wasn’t the type to use you while you were under the influence of alcohol. He may have been an asshole, but he’d never be that type of bastard.
“Baby, I can’t.” He brushed a few strands of hair away from your face, hooking them behind your ear. He chuckled when you pouted, making him kiss you on the nose instead. “God, you’re insufferable when you don’t get what you want.”
“You’re the insufferable one,” you muttered, huffing softly as he laughed again.
“If I give in, you’re not gonna pull away until I say so, hm?”
He leaned in, and he couldn’t help but smirk when he heard your soft gasp. “What’s it gonna be, angel?”
You only nodded, causing Jeonghan to pinch your side, and making you yelp as his smirk widened at the small noise.
“Use words, baby.”
When you were about to give him the green light, your phone started playing a stupid ringtone you had set for your group chat, which made you realise what you were doing and pushed yourself away from Jeonghan.
It was like a splash of needed, cold water for both of you. Jeonghan grabbed his beer, taking a swig of it as he tried to calm himself down. You weren’t thinking straight. You didn’t mean it. You hated him, and he hated you. He just managed to find you insanely attractive right now because of the goddamn alcohol in his system.
“We should.. We should head back,” he rasped, finishing his beer before tossing the empty bottles into a trash can not too far away from the car. He brushed off the dust from his pants before looking over at you, staring at your phone after what seemed an accidental dial to the group chat by Seokmin. Jeonghan sighed, calling out to you softly, causing you to come back to reality. “I said we should head back.”
“Right— right. Sorry.”
You scrambled from the hood, entering the car without a word, and let him fold the blanket you had been sitting on for the past hour and a half. He packed the stuff back into the trunk, one last sigh leaving him before he entered the driver’s seat with a clenched jaw.
It was going to be a long ride home.
The ride back was silent, your thoughts consumed by the near-kiss you had nearly shared with Jeonghan. The call from the group chat must’ve been divine intervention, saving you from doing something stupid like kissing Jeonghan when you clearly didn’t have the reason to.
You didn’t even try making conversation. What were you supposed to say after almost kissing your enemy?! Thankfully, Jeonghan didn’t seem to want to say anything either, as the only thing that accompanied the silence were your soft breaths and the gentle rumble of Jeonghan’s car.
After parking in the driveway, he turned off the car, the rumbling of the engine cutting off and leaving the two of you in complete silence. Neither of you moved until Jeonghan opened his mouth to say something, only for you to speak up faster.
“I’ll head up first, thanks for the food.” You managed to utter in a hurry, getting out of the car as you slammed the door and scurried to your house.
Unsure why, but your heart was pounding, and you didn’t want to hear what Jeonghan had to say, even though your curiosity wanted answers. Was he going to address the almost-kiss? Or was he going to tease you like he always did when you made a mistake? You’d tear your hair overthinking it, so you focused on getting to your room unnoticed by your parents instead.
Managing to avoid a full-blown interrogation from your parents, you went to the bathroom to wash up and change, splashing your face with cold water a couple of times to cool it down. Why the hell did you still feel so hot after a refreshing shower?
You entered your room, a small sigh leaving you when you didn’t see Jeonghan in there, probably downstairs talking to your parents. Great. That gave you time to collect your thoughts and write. You’d been itching to do that all day, Jeonghan just had to take you out on such a romantic outing—
Wait. Romantic outing? Was that supposed to be romantic?
Your brain buffered as you were halfway through grabbing your laptop from your bag before shaking it off. Definitely not romantic. This was fake, you reminded yourself. It was only for show, for goodness’ sake.
Sitting down at your desk, you opened your laptop and loaded the Google doc you had been editing for the past few days. You were partially done with the smut section, typing more to the scene before fully moving on to something else. You bit your lip as you tried figuring a scene out, struggling as you typed and deleted it, backtracking and reconstructing the sentence to make it make sense.
“You need help, angel?” Jeonghan’s voice suddenly materialised behind you, startling you from your seat as you turned around to see him peering over your shoulder. “You seem to be struggling.”
He pointed out nonchalantly, making you scoff and face your laptop once more. You continued to type the edited scene, ignoring the fact that Jeonghan was lingering over your shoulder, reading what you were writing. For some reason, his presence didn’t bother you as much as it usually would. And he seemed to notice that too when you turned to look at him, as if waiting for his feedback.
“It’s good so far, angel. Don’t stop on my account.”
His voice was low and encouraging, and you couldn’t help but let a few butterflies flutter in your stomach. You caged them soon after, shaking your head mentally as you continued typing on your laptop. Soon, Jeonghan grabbed a nearby chair, sitting down behind you as he read and watched you write. His presence alone made something tingle between your legs, making you nibble on your lower lip once more as you crossed them.
Did this count as foreplay for writers? Letting the guy you found incredibly annoying watch you write and read what you were typing?
You weren’t sure, as you just continued to let inspiration flow through you until another smut scene bubbled through the document. That’s when you decided to pause, and Jeonghan let out a frustrated noise.
“What?” You murmured, confused as you were about to close your laptop, but he stopped you.
“Finish writing that scene.”
“Jeonghan—” You looked at him as he held your wrist, preventing you from closing your laptop. He only looked back at you with what seemed like a serious expression, though a hint of desperation shone through his eyes.
“Angel, I said finish writing it. I wanna know what will happen.” He let go of your wrist, but was still looking at you as you contemplated writing the rest of the scene. If you were being honest, you weren’t sure how to write the scene with Jeonghan scanning through the screen intently.
So, you let out a shaky breath before opening your mouth. “I–I’m not sure how to go with it…”
Jeonghan frowned at that, not fully believing that you were struggling to write a smut scene of all things. “What were they supposed to do?” He asked, set on helping you with this scene whether you wanted to or not.
“After the kiss, the male lead was supposed to trail his lips down her body, to you know…” You trailed off, feeling hot all of a sudden. Why were you getting so nervous over something so trivial as smut?
You were used to discussing scenes with Mingyu, even asking him about certain positions he’s tried on girls before, but now you were shying away from the conversation like some… prude. It was ironic.
“Uh huh, and then what, angel? You need to talk to me if you want me to help.” You swallowed thickly, your eyes roaming around the room as you fidgeted in your seat, your legs still crossed as your thighs clenched. “Come on, sweetheart, speak up, you’re the expert.”
“He eats her out.” You blurted out, cheeks flushing as you finally said it. Jeonghan hummed, as if to think of how to write the scene, only for him to turn your chair to face him, caging you between him and the backrest.
Your breath got caught in your throat when Jeonghan leaned in, nosing your jaw gently before pressing a feather-like kiss to your neck. He was testing the waters, and you were letting him, staying still. His hands moved from the handrest of your chair to your legs, prying them open.
When you instinctively tried to close them, he nipped your soft skin before whispering into your ear. “Keep them open, sweetheart. Be good for me.”
The soft command made you shudder, unsure why, but you wanted to be good for Jeonghan, at least at the moment. Your curiosity got the better of you, and you wondered where this would lead.
A soft noise left your lips when Jeonghan sucked on your collarbone, leaving a small mark before shifting from his seat and kneeling between your legs, slotting himself perfectly. He tugged you gently, causing you to lean against your chair a bit more as he hooked your legs over his shoulders.
“Jeonghan—” you whimpered in protest, but he shushed you, gazing up into your half-lidded eyes.
“Let me give you inspiration for the scene, angel. Focus on me.”
He only muttered before kissing your inner thighs, occasionally nipping the supple skin. He then focused on your clothed cunt, pressing a soft kiss against your mound, which caused your hips to buck. Jeonghan only seemed to chuckle at that before pushing the gussets of your shorts and panties to the side, not wasting time as he groaned at the sight of your pussy. “Such a pretty pussy, baby.”
Your toes curled when he pressed a soft kiss to your clit, biting your lower lip as you tried to muffle your moans. Your hand flew to grip his hair, carding your fingers through the soft locks as he finally flattened his hot tongue against your slit, lapping up your arousal.
Jeonghan moaned against your cunt when you tugged on his hair, the sharp pain sending his blood down to his cock as he continued to lap at your juices like a man starved. He watched as you threw your head back against the plush backrest, his eyes darkening with pleasure at the sight of making you react this way.
“Open your eyes, angel. Watch me ruin you for everyone else.”
You obeyed, your eyes fluttering open as you looked down at Jeonghan, holding onto the undersides of your thighs tightly, you were sure that they were going to leave bruises, while fucking you with his tongue.
Your wet hole clenched around his muscle, his tongue skilled as he switched from fucking you to swirling it around your pudgy bundle of nerves. You panted as Jeonghan worked hard against your cunt, making sure to pleasure you with his mouth alone.
“Jeonghan—Hannie, I’m–I’m so close—” You whined, feeling the familiar heat coiling in your abdomen as your clit throbbed from the attention of his mouth. He hummed, slowing down his ministrations on purpose to draw out your pleasure until you were trembling and whining for him to let you cum.
“Do you deserve to cum, baby? Do you deserve to cum on my mouth?” Jeonghan crooned, kissing your soaked pussy lips gently as he looked up at your wrecked state. You nodded, heaving as your cunt drooled more slick. “Yeah? My angel deserves to cum, does she?”
“Yes, Hannie—please, please—” you begged.
You’d never expected you’d be begging for your enemy to make you cum, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
With that, Jeonghan increased his fervour, suckling on your sensitive, throbbing bud, one of his hands moving towards your cunt and plunging two fingers in without warning, and it made you moan out loudly before you covered your mouth with your hand. You hoped your parents were still downstairs, busy with whatever they were doing, while you got eaten out by your fake boyfriend.
Jeonghan grinned lazily at the fact that he made you react to him in such a way, his fingers curling just right to find that spongy spot which made your vision blur. You whimpered into your hand as he felt your hole spasming around his digits, signalling him that you were getting closer to the edge.
“Cum for me, sweetheart,” he murmured against your mound, suckling on your clit just right, causing the band in your belly to snap, igniting your insides as you came hard around his fingers. Slick gushed from your spasming hole, as Jeonghan continued to fuck his fingers into your squelching pussy, the noises making your face burn from embarrassment and arousal.
Once you rode out your high, he pulled his fingers out of you, a whine leaving your lips at the loss. He chuckled as he sucked his fingers clean before lapping up your cunt again to ‘clean you up’ until you were whining from overstimulation and pushed his head away.
You sighed, your body limp from the orgasm you had just experienced, as Jeonghan stood up from his position and wiped the remnants of your essence from his lips before leaving the room without a word.
A frown formed on your lips as you sat up straight, confusion bubbling up in your chest as to why Jeonghan just… left.
That was when post-nut clarity hit you, your eyes widening as you covered your mouth in realisation.
You had just let Jeonghan eat you out. On your office chair. In your childhood bedroom.
Jeonghan was fucked.
What had gotten into him that he did that, of all things? He had locked himself in the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face, trying to calm himself down. He groaned as his dick twitched in his jeans, his mind muddled with you.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty you looked when you came around his fingers, muffling your noises as you rode out your high. The way you panted and mewled his name like it was the only thing you knew.
The way your pussy clenched so tightly around his digits when you came that he wished it was his dick in there instead—
A groan left his lips when he decided to mutter “fuck it” before unbuckling his belt, undoing his jeans, and shimmying them down to his thighs. He shoved his boxers down, letting his cock out of its confines as he hissed at the cold air hitting his leaking tip.
Jeonghan panted softly as he teased his shaft, rubbing the slit of his tip, making a mess of himself, smearing the precum along the length of his cock. He pumped his hand along the base before teasing the tip once more, giving himself some time to build up to his release, not wanting to cum too fast just yet, as he relived eating your sweet pussy out.
His eyes screwed shut, imagining the way your tight pussy would spasm around his cock, pleading with him to keep fucking you as you whimpered. He shuddered when he imagined the way you’d whimper out his name in that needy tone.
Jeonghan. Hannie.
He cursed to himself as he felt the familiar knot forming in his stomach. Jeonghan stroked himself faster now, fucking his fist as he imagined it was your cunt he was filling up instead, hating himself for wanting you so much when he finally came into the toilet bowl with a pathetic grunt.
He needed a shower.
A cold, long one if he was going to try and survive the night without touching you.
You were already in bed, facing your window as you contemplated the life choices that brought you to this moment. What possessed you to let Yoon fucking Jeonghan do that to you and leave the room without explaining himself?
It was fucked up, but such was your life.
And now you were thinking of a way to somehow confront him about it. But where would you even begin? It wasn’t like it meant anything, right? He just ate you out for your fanfiction research purposes—
You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard the door open and close, and saw Jeonghan in his clothes, his damp hair, before he grabbed his pyjamas and left the room again. He came back five minutes later with furrowed brows as he sat down on your sofa. You bit your lower lip, but you decided to say something.
“Are.. are you not going to bed with me?” You asked hesitantly, and that made Jeonghan tense up before relaxing. He looked at you with a clenched jaw, as if he was thinking of what to do before sighing and getting up from the sofa to settle under the sheets with you.
He didn’t dare touch you, which you silently appreciated as the two of you lay there, looking at your ceiling. Your breathing grew calmer as you got more comfortable, settling as you turned to your side, facing Jeonghan, while he stayed still, as stiff as a board.
“Good night..” You mumbled, closing your eyes as you tried to catch some shut eye, turning around to face your window instead. While your body seemed to stay calm, your brain wouldn’t shut up as you kept reliving the same scene over and over.
When you came around his fingers. His mouth.
The way he grinned up at you when you moaned.
And the way he just left.
You wanted to thrash around and crash out, but Jeonghan was right beside you, so that was a no-go, so you just stayed still, breathing through your nose as you let sleep take you soon enough.
SUNDAY, 9:33 AM
It was the morning the two of you were going back to campus, and Jeonghan was silent all morning, which was unsettling since he’d always have some teasing quip to send your way. By the time breakfast was over, however, he was back to normal, all smiley and teasing.
“Done packing, sweetheart?” he asked from behind you, spooking you as you decided to hit him on the shoulder.
“Stop sneaking up on me like that.” You hissed, frowning as Jeonghan chuckled and held his shoulder where you had assaulted him. “And yeah, all packed.”
He took your luggage after you closed it, not even trying to stop him, since it was quite heavy with all the stuff your mother had decided to give you. A bunch of snacks you liked that you couldn’t buy near campus, a few tupperwares since you kept losing yours (cough Seokmin’s fault cough), and a whole ass wok. You weren’t sure what you were going to use it for or what you were going to cook in it, but the gesture was sweet nonetheless.
You squeezed your brother goodbye, promising him you’d come back soon, as the kid just pouted, close to crying, as your father whisked him away with candy before the poor boy could start bawling his eyes out. You hugged your mother the longest, rocking side to side with her until she pulled away.
“You look happier with him, you know?” She suddenly spoke softly, confusion painting your face.
“With who, Mom?” You tilted your head as she chuckled and shook her head at how oblivious you were.
“Jeonghan, silly. I see the way you look at him. And I see the way he looks at you. I swear, that’s the same way your father looked at me when we were your age.”
You swallowed thickly at that, glancing at Jeonghan who had just packed all your stuff into the trunk, wiping the sweat off his forehead as you looked away before he could catch you staring. Chuckling at your mother’s words, you easily dismissed them, waving your hand in front of you.
“It’s not like that, Mom.. we’re just…”
“Dating? Oh, honey, I know.” She patted your cheek before continuing. “But I’m sure of it. When the time comes, you’ll realise how much you lo—”
Jeonghan called out your name, cutting your mother off. “You coming, pretty girl?”
“I’m coming!” That didn’t sound good. Your ears burned as you quickly bid your mother goodbye and rushed to the car, seeing Jeonghan’s smug smirk. “Shut it, Yoon.”
“I didn’t even say anything.”
You were greeted by your friends waiting under your apartment building. Mingyu squinted at Jeonghan as he took your stuff out of his car and handed it to your best friends.
“Do you wanna come up?” You offered, crossing your arms unconsciously as you remembered the deal. Two weeks. You could pretend in front of your friends for two weeks, right?
“Nah.. I’ll come over tomorrow. Pick you up for breakfast, what do you say? My treat.” He counter-offered, grinning as you hummed and nodded. “Perfect.”
You stood there awkwardly as you glanced at your friends, who seemed to be waiting for something to happen, and you sighed. “We should kiss...”
Jeonghan seemed intrigued by your bold whispered statement, but he only shrugged before grabbing your waist and leaning in to kiss you.
You gasped against his lips as they moved slowly against yours, not faltering once as you got used to it. Getting the hang of it, your hands found their way to his shoulders, squeezing gently as Jeonghan restrained himself from slipping his tongue into your mouth.
Mingyu cleared his throat loudly before speaking. “We don’t have all day, lovebirds!”
Jeonghan pulled away first, his cheeks dusted with pink as he panted, giving you one last peck, and his signature grin came back to his lips. He squeezed your waist gently before letting you go. “I’ll see you tomorrow, angel.”
“Mmm.. see you.” You waved weakly, watching him enter his car, giving you a wink before driving off.
“God, I can’t believe I had to witness you make out with your enemy. I thought you were pranking me over the phone.” Mingyu muttered.
“Wait, you KNEW—” Seokmin pointed at his best friend accusingly while Minghao just rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long day.
“There’s no way the two of you started dating during that period; it doesn’t make sense!” Seokmin complained as you had explained the whole story—a lie—to them. Unfortunately for him, it did, in fact, make a lot of sense. There were no plot holes; you made sure of it. This lie was actually foolproof, and no one could see through—
“Then why’d you lie? You could’ve just told us you changed your mind about Jeonghan, and we’d probably be against it at first, but in the end, it’s your love life. All we can do is support you and kick his ass if he hurts you. There was no point in hiding it with a ‘crush’ on Seungcheol.” Minghao voiced out his thoughts plainly, and you clenched your jaw. This was what you loved and hated about him; he always made sense and clocked you on your bullshit immediately. But he also seemed to buy the lie, so there was no point in arguing.
“Yeah, I know.. But I just—I was so used to hating on Jeonghan, you know? Plus, it was a good cover to keep it private until we were ready…” You trailed off, scratching your cheek as you acted convincing. You looked at them apologetically and watched their reactions.
They bought it. The three of them bought it, and you were off the hook for now, as you got your freedom for the rest of the day. Mingyu had left for football practice; Minghao had a meditation group meeting to hold, while Seokmin went to meet up with one of his friends. You could finally write in peace.
That was until your phone buzzed with a notification from Jeonghan. You groaned.
You: What now??
Jeonghan: That’s not how you’re supposed to greet your boyfriend, sweetheart.
You: fake boyfriend***
You: anyway. What? I was busy writing
Jeonghan: Was it that part?
Your ears burned at the implication of what he meant. It wasn’t even 24 hours, and he was already teasing you about it. You scoffed as you continued to text him, trying to fight the smile forming on your lips.
You: none of your business. Now spill, you’re literally wasting my time
Jeonghan: Ouch, that hurts, angel.
Jeonghan: But I just wanted to say, look out your window.
You: ??
He didn’t reply after that, making you grunt and get up from your chair before looking out your window to see Jeonghan leaning by his car with a bouquet in his hand, waving up at you. You huffed, rolling your eyes as you headed downstairs in your silly Hello Kitty pants and plain tank top.
“What are you doing?” You crossed your arms as you paused just a few steps from him. He rolled his eyes at the distance, grabbing your upper arm to tug you into his personal space as he handed you the flowers.
“Giving my girlfriend flowers? Isn’t that obvious?”
“At 6:48 pm? Yeah, totally not strange.” You took the flowers anyway, taking a whiff of them and pressing your lips into a line not to smile. “Seriously, Jeonghan, what are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to see you.. Is that so bad?” He tilted his head to the side, a lopsided smile on his lips as he seemed to sound genuine.
Your enemy. Wanting to see you? The world must be ending.
When you huffed, he only leaned down to peck your lips, causing you to gasp softly. He then kissed you again, this time lingering as he smiled against your mouth. You couldn’t help but move your free hand to tug him by the material of the loose hoodie he was wearing. Jeonghan chuckled as he pressed a couple more kisses, each one longer than the other, until the two of you were making out again.
His hand slipped from your waist to your cheek, caressing gently while his other hand stayed on your waist, squeezing. Jeonghan’s tongue slid across your lower lip, and that caused you to whine out softly before opening your mouth for him. He groaned against your mouth as he tasted the sweetness of your mouth—mint and chocolate. Ironic combo coming from you. He liked it, maybe a little too much, but you weren’t aware of that.
He only pulled away for air before diving back in, overwhelming you slightly as you squeaked and turned your head away. It was a silent “enough”, and Jeonghan understood, pecking your cheek before giving you space.
“Oh, and I have one more thing for you,” he murmured after recovering from the kiss, opening the backseat of his car to grab a zip-up hoodie. “Since you know. I’m your boyfriend now.”
“You just want to see me swim in your clothes.” You deadpanned but took the hoodie either way. You managed to get a whiff of it—it smelled like him.
“Maybe. And maybe because you’re mine,” Jeonghan whispered, voice low and intimate now as his gaze trailed along your body before back to your face, causing you to feel a little too exposed in your clothes. He gently grabbed you by your chin, caressing your jaw.
“I’m yours for two weeks.” You corrected him, feeling heat suddenly coil between your legs at the way he looked at you.
“Two weeks is enough, angel. You’re mine either way. I’ve ruined you for anyone else, remember?”
You shuddered at the reminder of what had happened last night, your mouth slightly agape before Jeonghan gave you one last peck. “Okay, back to writing you go, angel. I don’t wanna waste any more of your precious time.”
He grinned as he ruffled your hair and got into his car, giving you a wave and a salute before driving off, leaving you a flustered mess.
You swear, Yoon Jeonghan was going to be the death of you one of these days.
The next morning came by faster than you expected, waking up from the alarm on your phone, grumbling softly as you got up from your couch, realising you probably dozed off while writing the evening before.
You stretched, checking the time—6:45 AM. You didn’t have class until nine, so it gave you some time to get ready, but you remembered that Jeonghan was supposed to pick you up for breakfast.
For some reason, a voice in your head told you to put on the zip-up hoodie over the lace-trim camisole you were wearing, matching it with some flared, dark, faded jeans. You put on a few pieces of jewellery before checking your phone, seeing a message from Jeonghan from a few minutes ago.
Jeonghan: Morning, angel :) I’m waiting downstairs. Take your time.
Jeonghan: I also already bought you your breakfast, so hurry up, actually.
You scoffed at the juxtaposition of his messages, rolling your eyes as you put your shoes on and grabbed your bag with your laptop and notebooks along with your keys. Locking the door to your apartment, you headed down to see Jeonghan wearing his usual loose t-shirt and jeans, with a grey jacket over them.
You gave him a small wave while he let out a low whistle, giving you a quick once-over. “I see someone’s trying to impress someone. Is it me, angel? Hmm?”
He teased, but you decided to play his game, giving him a twirl. Jeonghan snorted, shaking his head as he tugged you into a short hug before opening the door to the passenger seat for you. Entering the vehicle, he closed the door and hurried over to the driver’s side before you could grab the cup with the coffee.
“Ah-ah, that’s not yours. This is yours.” He handed you the warm cup with tea. “Green tea with honey, right? I also got you some pastries from that bakery you frequented.”
You blinked at him, your face expressionless as Jeonghan looked at you, confused. “Is.. Is everything alright, angel?”
Unsure of what to say, you just grabbed the bag with the pastries, checking if they were indeed the ones you liked. They were.
How the hell did Jeonghan know all of these things? You were sure you weren't that predictable or that Jeonghan didn't pay enough attention to you to notice what you liked or not, so you were sure he got the list from Mingyu this time around. How else was he supposed to know how you liked your tea, your favourite flowers, or the pastries you loved?
You swallowed thickly before speaking. “Thank you. You... uh, you didn't have to. Since you know, we're faking it and all.”
“...right.” Jeonghan looked away from you as he started the car and started driving towards the campus park.
The drive was short to the park, and once the car had stopped, the two of you got out of the car and leaned against the hood of it, enjoying the fresh March air. It wasn’t too cold nor too warm, spring having been around the corner. You silently sipped on your tea and ate your pastries, while Jeonghan drank his coffee with a small frown on his face.
You weren’t sure what he was frowning about, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask as you just basked in the oddly comforting silence. For once, it was nice to be around Jeonghan after years of animosity and bickering. If you told your past self where you were right now, she’d probably scoff and look at you as if you had grown three more heads.
“Is it good?” Jeonghan suddenly spoke up, and that made you look at him. “The pastries, I mean. Are they good?”
“Do you want a bite?” You blurted out your offer, passing the paper bag with the pastry towards him as he paused before leaning in and taking a bite. He hummed, pursing his lips gently before licking them.
“It’s.. It’s not that bad, I guess,” he murmured, washing the sweetness of the pastry off with some more coffee. “Not as sweet as you.”
He added, soon after, with a tiny grin on his lips, causing your whole body to warm up at his words. You were never going to live this down, were you?
After your short breakfast, the two of you decided to take a walk around the park, letting some students see the two of you act all close and ‘lovey-dovey’. You clung to Jeonghan’s arm, smiling sweetly and laughing at his jokes as the students you passed by had their mouths hanging slightly. I mean, since when did you laugh at Yoon Jeonghan’s jokes? And clung to him as if you were in love with the man?
Most people knew how much the two of you hated each other—it was a whole thing around campus because of how popular Jeonghan was with the girls. He was as notorious a fuckboy as Seungcheol. If not worse than him. So, seeing him act so… enamoured by you was strange to say the least. He didn’t look at other girls the way he looked at you, that was sure.
When it was almost time for your first class, Jeonghan walked you to your building, even though his was on the other side of campus. “See you during lunch? I need Seungcheol to see that we’re a thing.”
“Can’t—I promised Mingyu and Jihyo we’d hang out at the library.”
Jeonghan just let a soft ‘ah’ at that before nodding and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “Alright, then.. I’ll see you later.”
You hummed as you gave him an awkward wave, not expecting the forehead kiss and easy acceptance of the fact that you had other plans with friends.
“He let you hang out with us?” Mingyu raised his eyebrow, skepticism laced in his tone. “Lowkey thought he’d be one of those semi-possessive pricks that wouldn’t let their girlfriends hang out with guys.”
“Mingyu—you were literally telling me to use condoms last time we called.” You swatted your best friend as he snickered, eating a chocolate bar. Jihyo was interested in gossip, so you had told her most of what happened; her reactions were the same as those of your three best friends.
“The two of you started dating way back then? Was it already serious back then or..?” Jihyo, seemingly more observant than your male friends, questioned about the whole nature of the relationship.
“No, we started being more serious just about two weeks ago.” Jeonghan suddenly appeared from behind you, startling you as he sat down beside you. “You don’t mind if I join you guys, right?”
“Jeonghan…” You murmured, surprise still filling you as he hummed, handing you a paper bag that seemed to contain a cream cheese bagel from the cafe you liked hanging around at with your friends.
“No, we don’t mind, but why are you here?” Mingyu seemed suspicious at the sudden appearance of Jeonghan, but the latter kept it cool. “Aren’t you supposed to be with your friends or something?”
“Nah, I ditched Seungcheol to spend some time with my pretty girl here.” Jeonghan ruffled your hair, causing you to swat his hand away and huff before giggling.
“My pretty girl?”
Both your friends sounded surprised at the new nickname used, glancing at your unbothered reaction, when you’d normally have scoffed by now or insulted Jeonghan in some type of way. But no, you just playfully swatted his hand away and giggled.
Jihyo recovered from her shock first, and Mingyu followed as the former decided to continue grilling the two of you for answers. “So you haven’t slept with anyone within the month the two of you were casually seeing each other?”
“Nope.” Jeonghan easily answered as if it were the truth. You wanted to scoff, remembering that the last time you went over to his dorm, he was with someone. Noticing your slightly disgruntled expression, Jeonghan leaned to whisper something into your ear. “It was porn.”
You snorted at that, your best friends looking at you confusedly before you continued your little whispered conversation with Jeonghan. “Who watches porn that loud?”
“I did it to pretend to have someone over, you know, so that people would leave me alone.. I haven’t slept with anyone since I told my mom I was dating you.”
That admission seemed to make you feel a bit better for some reason. You weren't sure why, but knowing that Jeonghan hadn’t slept with anyone for the past month because of some blatant lie he'd told his mom was incredibly endearing. But then again, you vividly remembered the girl calling Jeonghan’s name.
“The video said ‘baby’, not ‘Hannie’, angel.” You seemed to have said your thoughts aloud, making him answer your concern before pecking your cheek in front of your friends. “Trust me, if I were to sleep with someone, it’d only be with you. I’m yours as much as you are mine.”
Those words made your whole body flush, and that made Jeonghan grin, cocking his head to the side in slight awe of your reaction. This was fake, this was fake, this was—
“Ahem. We’re still here, you know? You can do this little intimate bubble later.” Mingyu deadpanned, squinting at Jeonghan and you as he crossed his arms.
“Mingyu, shut up, I wanted to see them kiss!” Jihyo whined, hitting your best friend for ruining the moment between you and your fake boyfriend.
As much as you started to enjoy pretending with Jeonghan, you knew this was dangerous for your heart, and were quietly thankful for Mingyu’s intervention, even if he didn’t know the truth. That was your best friend's intuition for you.
“Shit.. I need to get going, I have cheer practice, and you,” she tugged at Mingyu’s hoodie. “Have football practice. We’ll leave you two to your devices. Don’t have sex here, though, have some decency.”
Jihyo winked at you before dragging Mingyu out of the library, leaving you and Jeonghan alone. You immediately scooted your chair a little further away from him, only for him to scoot closer to you again, making you furrow your brows.
“Even if your friends aren’t around, other students are. Better safe than sorry, angel. I still have that file saved on my phone.” He cooed, teasing and taunting you with the same thing that made you agree to this dumpster fire of a relationship.
“Here I thought you’d stop being an ass.” You huffed, rolling your eyes. Glancing at the untouched bagel, you took it out and took a bite, sighing in pleasure as the flavour of the cream cheese hit your tongue. “You’re lucky Mingyu was nice enough to comply and give you that list of things I liked, because I would've cursed you out by now.”
Jeonghan was about to correct you, but he hesitated before deciding against it, shaking his head with a soft smile as he let you believe what you wanted to believe.
Jeonghan wasn’t sure where it started; when he’d start paying attention to every little thing about you. He swore he just loved riling you up and seeing you so pissed off at him, but ever since that night, he couldn’t get you out of his head. It was like everything that he had noticed had accumulated, and he remembered everything. The way he overheard how you liked your tea, or that you loved strawberries, or the way you’d scrunch your nose when someone got your order wrong. He noted everything down mentally without even realising it.
He both hated and loved the fact. Hated it because it showed that he cared more than he’d like to admit, but loved it because he’d get to see that surprised expression on your face every time he did something right. It was both a reward and a punishment.
So, when he watched you enjoy the bagel he bought you from the cafe you liked just outside of campus? It made his heart squeeze in both doubt and certainty. He was going to have your heart by the end of the two weeks, or he’d die trying. Otherwise, he’d rip himself to shreds.
“We should get going. Do you have any more classes?” He asked when you finished eating, grabbed his bag, and slung it over his shoulder. When you shook your head, Jeonghan hummed as an idea popped into his head. “Okay, good, I wanted to take you somewhere. It’s a surprise, though, so I’m gonna have to blindfold you. We just have to go to my place for a minute so that I can get said blindfold.”
“Are you sure you’re not trying to kidnap me?” You snorted as you packed your stuff and crushed the paper bag before throwing it away by a nearby trash can. “Also, why do you own a blindfold?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, angel?” He winked playfully, making you flush as he chuckled. He was going to make sure you’d like this surprise, already planning how he wanted to woo you fully.
The drive to his dorm was a short one, and Jeonghan didn’t take long to grab the blindfold, leaving you to wait in his car while you typed on your phone, trying to pass the time by writing some parts for your fic. When he came back, you closed your phone, clearing your throat as if you were almost caught handing out contraband in a prison yard.
Jeonghan didn’t even blink when he clocked you. “You were writing fanfiction, weren’t you?”
“I—” You tried to defend yourself, but he didn’t let you, chuckling instead.
“Jeez, angel, relax. I’ve seen you write. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, and you can write whatever you want. Now turn around so I can put this blindfold around your eyes.”
You listened, turning around as he wrapped the blindfold around your eyes, careful not to make it too tight but also not too loose. When you sat back, you could only see black, your primary sense taken away from you because of Jeonghan’s supposed surprise.
“We also need to make a small pit stop somewhere, and the surprise is a bit of a drive, so just relax and enjoy being temporarily blind, alright?” He murmured, making you turn your head to look at him with a deadpan expression, but it didn’t work since your eyes were covered. He just chuckled, caressing your cheek before he ignited the car and started to drive.
Jeonghan parked his car after he had driven the two of you somewhere, and told you to stay put while he went to get something. He came back about twenty minutes later or so, opening the door to the backseat and placing some plastic bags into the seats before getting back into the driver’s seat.
“What’d you buy?” You asked curiously, and he only hummed in response, leaving you curious.
Jeonghan continued to drive you both for about 30 minutes before stopping. “Wait a sec, I’ll get you out of the car.”
He simply said before exiting the vehicle, rushing towards your door as he opened it, taking your hand. It was chilly, and you could hear the soft chirping of crickets. You could also smell the dampness in the air.
“Where are we?” You finally asked as he took off the blindfold from your eyes. It took you a bit to get used to seeing again, but once you did, you gasped softly. You were by the lakeside, where the university used for activities. It was a popular spot among college students, but it seemed stranded.
“We’re at the more secluded part of the lake. I only know of this spot. And now, so do you.” He nosed your temple as he brought you close. You were in awe of the spot, the sun setting from afar beneath the treeline, leaving the sky with a beautiful pinkish-orange hue. “Surprise?”
“This is beautiful, Jeonghan, I—thank you.”
You looked up at him, eyes soft as he looked back at you with the same look, but it was a bit strained. You wanted to ask him about it, but he only distracted you with the view of the lake as he sat you down on the hood of his car before bringing the food he had bought earlier—burgers and fries. He handed you the food, which you eagerly accepted, as you were a little hungry.
The two of you ate in silence, enjoying each other’s company as your thoughts brought you back to that night when he brought you to that field, and he had done something similar. That reminded you of the almost-kiss.
You swallowed thickly as you sent Jeonghan short glances, your heart pounding in your chest as you remembered how tipsy you had been back then, how it felt like a good idea to kiss him when you clearly didn’t have to. It made your body tingle as the parallels seemed to happen.
Once you were done eating, Jeonghan threw the containers of your food back into the plastic bag. The two of you enjoyed the sounds of nature before you decided to say something. “Hey, Jeonghan?”
“Mmm? What is it, angel?” He glanced in your direction, tilting his head to the side.
“I… can I ask a stupid question?”
“Depends,” he murmured, scooting over closer, leaning down as he smiled at you. “What kind of question are we talking about?”
“The type that would make me regret it,” you murmured, the keywords coming out. The type that would make me regret it.
It immediately took him back to that night in the field.
“You'd better get this away from me before I finish it whole and do something I might regret…”
“Like what, angel?” He murmured, voice soft as he placed both your beers into the cooler before lifting your chin to make you look at him. “Tell me.”
“No.. It’s stupid,” you practically whined, burying your face into his shoulder as you inhaled his scent. He smelled nice. Nicer than you expected, as you sighed softly.
“Come on,” Jeonghan cooed, coaxing you to say what was on your mind. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
You moved your head away from his shoulder to gaze up at his eyes—piercing through you with an unspeakable softness. You mumbled, incoherent to Jeonghan as he leaned down to hear you better. “Mind repeating that, angel?”
“I want you to kiss me.”
Jeonghan swallowed thickly as you watched him react to what you had just said. So he did remember. It wasn’t just a figment of your imagination. He covered his nervousness with a chuckle, a familiar smirk coming to his lips as he spoke.
“And what would make you regret asking it, angel?”
“Because I want you to kiss me, Yoon Jeonghan.” You said simply, but your heart pounded in your chest as you waited for his response. You weren’t tipsy. You were fully in control of your thoughts and words, so there was no doubt that you truly wanted this, and Jeonghan wasn’t just hearing things.
He clenched his jaw as he chuckled softly, before being on you in seconds. He cradled your face into his hands, bringing it closer to his as he crashed his lips against yours. You couldn’t help but squeak gently at how desperately he kissed you, melting against him as you kissed back.
Jeonghan didn’t give you time to breathe, slipping his tongue into your mouth as he groaned at the taste of your lips against his once more.
This kiss was real. And no one was going to take it away from Jeonghan’s cold, dead hands.
“Fuck—” he muttered against your lips, moving his hands from your face to your hips, pulling you flush against him as he continued to ravage you with his mouth, grinding himself against you.
A whine left your lips as your hands tangled in his hair, causing him to grunt softly, loving the way your hands felt in his hair. “This is what you do to me, sweetheart.”
He choked out as he pulled away from the kiss to lead one of your hands to his clothed, half-hard cock, making you palm him through his pants. You whimpered, your eyes glassy as you looked up at him, lips slick with spit and puffy from kissing him so much.
Your eyes seemed to plead for something, but you seemed unsure to ask as you continued to palm his cock. That’s when he decided to ask, wanting to know what you were thinking about.
“What is it, angel? Talk to me,” he cooed, squeezing your hips as he nuzzled his nose against yours.
You bit your lower lip as he cooed at you, swallowing before voicing out your needs. “I need you to fuck me, Hannie—”
That made Jeonghan’s breath hitch, his eyes searching your face for any hint of hesitation or regret for asking that so suddenly, but he saw none. When you squeezed his dick gently, that made him groan and nod, already leading you to the backseat of his car.
You crawled into the backseat, Jeonghan following suit as he pressed his body close to yours, his hands roaming all over your body. His delicate, slender fingers trailed along your abdomen, pushing your top up to caress the underside of your bra-clad breast while he ground himself against your ass, muttering sweet nothings into your ear.
“Gonna fuck you so good, you’ll forget your name, angel. Gonna ruin this pretty pussy with my cock.”
You whined at that, grinding your ass back against him as he moved his hand to play with your breast, squeezing and pinching your nipple. “Hannie—”
“Shh, let me take care of you, sweets.. Lemme fuck that little attitude out of you until you’re only begging for my cock.” He whispered filthily into your ear, causing your cunt to squeeze around nothing as the continuous grinding only got you wetter. He pushed your top, along with your bra, higher, exposing your breasts to the cold air inside the car.
That caused your nipples to pebble into hard peaks, making you moan softly when Jeonghan continued to play with your tits until they were sore.
Once he was satisfied with teasing you, he easily dragged your jeans down, leaving you in your baby blue cotton panties, the gusset soaked with your arousal. He sat back on his heels as he palmed your ass, whistling lowly.
“This is one hell of a view…” He muttered to himself, which caused you to push yourself back against him, impatient and whiny.
“Hannie, hurry up—” you complained, only to squeal when he swatted your rear before soothing it with his palm. “Please, Jeonghan, I need it so bad.”
“I know, sweetheart, me too, but let a guy enjoy the view.” He cooed, causing you to huff softly, but you let him get what he wanted.
After a minute or two, he finally moved, grabbing the pack of condoms he had bought from the gas station. “I told you they’d be useful.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes at his words as you watched him undo his pants slowly, teasing you, a shit-eating grin present on his lips as he pulled out his leaking cock. Your throat dried up at the sight—long and thick, precum beading at the pinkish-red tip. He wrapped his hand around it, stroking himself gently at the sight of you, and all you could do was whine.
He opened the packet, ripping it with his teeth before taking the condom out and rolling it over his shaft, a soft hiss coming out of his lips.
Jeonghan stopped wasting his time now, dragging your panties down to reveal your drooling cunt. You trembled as you licked your lips in anticipation, gasping softly when he positioned his tip against your gaping hole.
“You sure you want to cross this line, angel? This means breaking your “No sex” rule,” he murmured, still giving you an out if you wanted to stop. You only pushed yourself back, jutting your lips slightly.
“Fuck me, Jeonghan,” you pleaded, too horny to think of the rule you had set for both of you. “Rules are meant to be broken.”
Jeonghan groaned in approval at that, as he pushed his tip into your tight heat, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He tried not to slam into you, letting you get used to the stretch as you cried out his name.
You dug your nails into the leather seat of his car, moaning as his cock filled you up inch by inch. “Jeonghan, fuck—”
“I know, baby, you feel so good stretching around my dick, such a good girl for me, just f’me…” He grumbled as he leaned his body against yours, pressing his chest against your back as he finally bottomed out inside you. You felt the way he stretched you out, your pussy spasming around his thick length, making him grunt as his hips bucked against yours.
Once you had gotten used to his dick inside you, you wriggled your hips, whining softly. “Hannie, move, please..”
Jeonghan listened, praising you once more, making your cunt clamp around his cock tighter at the sound of his voice. He dragged his cock until the tip was the only thing inside of you before slamming back into you full force, causing you to squeal and lean your hand against the door to prevent hitting your head against it.
He couldn’t help but be rough. Your pussy was so tight around his shaft that it was driving him insane. You whimpered as Jeonghan continued with his punishing thrusts, his cock sliding in and out of you with ease from how wet you were.
“Fuck, you’re so warm inside, baby. Choking and sucking in my cock like you’ve been needing this—is this what you’ve been wanting? Getting fucked by me like this?” He muttered into your ear, nipping the shell of it gently as he continued to pound into your sweet, dripping hole. You moaned pathetically, crying out as you nodded.
“Come on, baby, use your words, tell me how it feels.”
“F–feels—feels so, so good, H-Hannie–fuck!” You stumbled upon your words, Jeonghan fucking you harder, punctuating each thrust with your words, making you cry out again.
You could feel yourself get closer to your orgasm, whimpering as you reached for your clit, only for Jeonghan to slap your hand away. “Ah-ah, no touching. You’ll cum when I say you can cum, baby.”
“But–but—” you whimpered, and he only snapped his hips harder against you, making you understand that you weren’t the one in charge here. He was.
Your orgasm built slowly, feeling the heat coil in your gut until you couldn’t hold it in anymore as your pussy spasmed, leaking slick down your thighs. “Hannie, I’m so close—”
“I know, baby, me too..” Jeonghan grunted out as he felt himself get closer to the edge. He moved one hand from your hip towards your pudgy, neglected clit, rubbing the nub in tight circles with his fingers. “Cum for me, angel… Cum around my cock.”
Your toes curled as you wailed, panting as your orgasm hit you like a freight train, coming to you in strong waves of pleasure. Your back arched, eyes rolling to the back of your head as your pussy clenched tightly around Jeonghan’s cock, milking him for what he was worth. He came soon after with a strangled moan, spilling into the condom he was wearing.
The windows of the car were fogged up, and the damp scent of sex lingered on both of you. Jeonghan pulled out with a wet pop, tying the used condom and throwing it into a plastic bag on the floor of the backseat. He watched as you trembled, trying to recover as your empty whole continued to spasm. The sight alone was enough to make him hard again as he soothed you by rubbing your hip.
“You okay..?” He asked softly, catching his breath as he leaned against the backseat door. He manhandled you with ease, turning you around before sitting you down on his lap, his half-hard dick nudging against your mound.
You were still panting as you leaned your forehead against his. “Can we go again?”
“Baby—”
“Can we please go again, Hannie?” You pleaded in that sweet tone that he wouldn’t be able to deny, even if he tried. He nodded, already nudging his length against your weeping pussy once more before grabbing another condom and pushing himself fully inside you.
Jeonghan fucked you nice and slow this time around, dragging out the feeling of his cock inside you as you ground yourself against him, riding him like he wanted you to. He played with your clit, making you reach your second orgasm quickly before he flipped the two of you over, and he was on top of you again, as you wrapped your legs around his waist. He chased his orgasm before he came into the condom once again.
He didn’t pull out of you this time, basking in the afterglow as he looked down at you with awe. When you asked for a third round, he practically groaned, not having the stamina you had. But he obliged either way, giving you what you wanted until your legs felt like jelly.
By the time the two of you were finished, you were twitching and whining, and tears were running down your cheeks from how much Jeonghan had ruined you. The two of you were cuddling in the back seat, with you on top of him as he played with your hair.
You weren’t sure what this meant, but the two of you definitely crossed a line you couldn’t come back from. But you weren’t willing to talk about it now, enjoying each other’s presence instead.
After a little while, you sat up, patting Jeonghan’s chest as he stirred from his nap. “We should get going. It’s late.”
He grunted, but you were right. It was indeed getting late, and you’d rather sleep on a comfortable bed instead of the backseat of his car. So, the two of you got dressed, cleaned up after yourselves, and headed up front to the driver and passenger seats. The drive back was quiet and full of tension, but when Jeonghan placed his hand on your thigh, you quietly welcomed the comforting touch.
He squeezed the covered skin gently, humming as he drove while you watched the treeline outside the car window. He tapped his fingers along the steering wheel before glancing at you and speaking. “You good?”
You hummed weakly at his question, closing your eyes as you leaned your head against the cool window. You moved your hand to intertwine it with Jeonghan’s, the touch surprising him, but he didn’t pull away. When you got to your apartment, he parked the car, but didn’t fully turn it off just yet.
“I, uhm…” You started, unsure of what to say, as post-nut clarity set in on the way, your brain arguing with your heart as you avoided looking at Jeonghan. He seemed to understand where you were getting at, squeezing your hand gently.
“We don’t have to talk about it, angel. Just head back upstairs,” he murmured softly, as if he wasn’t going to even try to fight you about this, brushing his fingers along your jaw as he made you look at him, and grabbed your chin gently before bringing you in for a slow, sweet kiss. He pulled away before he could slip his tongue in, holding himself back as he gave you a strained smile. “Good night, angel.”
You exited his car, dazed from the sweet kiss, walking up to your apartment on autopilot as you sat down on your couch before grabbing a throw pillow and screaming into it.
You were fucked. Both literally and figuratively.
You didn’t sleep a wink last night, spending your time writing and bothering Mingyu instead. You decided to email your professors to say you wouldn’t attend your lectures that day and would instead rot in your room.
In the afternoon, Jihyo suddenly came over with snacks and your favourite drinks after hearing from Mingyu that you were supposedly bedrotting in your apartment. She gently kicked the door to your bedroom open, throwing the grocery bag into your bed before crossing her arms. “Okay, spill. Why weren’t you in any of your classes today?”
“I stayed up all night..?” You glanced at her with toner pads on your cheeks, one knee tucked close to your chest as you stated the obvious. You fidgeted in your chair, your leg that was down on the floor bouncing gently as you looked at your laptop screen blankly.
“Okay, that can’t be the only reason you missed Classical Lit. I took notes for you, by the way, I’ll send them to you later.” She plopped down on your bed, noticing your clenched jaw as you typed. You seemed distracted, which she could clock immediately from the years she’s spent time with you. “You’re thinking about something.”
You cursed mentally, closing your eyes as you sighed. You couldn’t tell Jihyo you fucked Jeonghan and that you were freaking out about it, because that would seem suspicious for two people who were supposedly dating for a month now, right?
“I, uh.. I might’ve done something,” you started, your shoulders slightly tensing up as you continued. “I fucked Jeonghan.”
Jihyo shot up, sitting down straight as he heard the words ‘Jeonghan’ and ‘fucked’ in the same sentence. “You did what?”
You winced at Jihyo’s reaction, though you were a bit thankful that she was surprised. You turned your chair as you scratched your head before picking on the material of the sweatpants you were wearing.
“Is that why you didn’t come to any of your lectures today? Because you’re sore from getting laid?”
“What–?! No! I—I just.. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus, and– and I didn’t know how to feel about it…” You looked down at your rug, unsure of what you were currently doing as Jihyo’s gaze softened.
“Oh, honey, you’re freaking out, aren’t you?” You nodded at that, jaw still clenched as you thought of how to explain it to Jihyo without sounding like you weren’t used to a relationship with Jeonghan.
“It’s just… It was our first time, you know? I initiated it, and it was amazing, god, it was absolutely amazing, but post-nut clarity or whatever…” You muttered, chewing on the inside of your cheek.
Jihyo just hummed at that, thinking of something to say. “Did the two of you talk about it? You know, after?”
You shook your head, and Jihyo sighed at that. You bit your lower lip before adding something more, knowing that Jihyo just wanted to help.
“We did cuddle in his backseat for a little while. And he kissed me good night afterwards.”
“YOU HAD SEX IN HIS CAR?!” She covered her mouth after screaming, apologising for startling you as she cleared her throat. “I–sorry, I just didn’t expect Jeonghan to have sex with you in his car. He never does that with anyone. Did… did you do it in a parking lot or something?”
“What—no! He took me to that lake our university uses for water sports, but not to the usual hook-up spot most students go to. He took me to a spot only he knew about, bought snacks that I liked, and it escalated from there.” You scratched your cheek as Jihyo’s jaw hung open. You blinked at her, concerned as you took off the toner pads on your face, getting up from your chair to throw the pads away.
Once she recovered, she turned to where you were standing, doing the rest of your skin care routine. “Girl, you should know that Yoon Jeonghan has never fucked anyone in his car before. He treats that thing like his temple—”
“Please.” You rolled your eyes, but Jihyo seemed serious. That reminded you of what Jeonghan said to you before.
“Chill out, I don’t have sex in my car.”
“Seriously, girl, if he did all that, that means a lot. I might not know Jeonghan that well, but I do know his sex habits. He never, and I mean never, had sex with someone in his car. Never. None of the girls I know who hooked up with him has ever done it with him—”
“Okay, enough. I get it. I’m special or something…” You grumbled, still doubting inside. Not because Jeonghan never fucked anyone in his car, but you before but because you could feel your feelings stirring in your chest when you knew that this was supposed to be fake.
Jihyo could sense there was something still bothering you, so she just dragged you into your bed after you placed down whatever skincare product you were holding. “You’re literally his girl. But you’re doubting something. What is it?”
“Nothing, it’s just that we didn’t talk about it. I mean, not that I didn’t want to, but I was also scared, I guess?” You shrugged, and your friend just nodded gently.
“Do you want to do it again?” She suddenly asked, catching you off guard. Did you want to do it again? You weren’t sure. But what you were sure of was that it couldn’t happen again. It shouldn’t because you weren’t sure you wouldn’t catch feelings for Jeonghan if you did.
“I don’t know.” You just answered her, looking at your ceiling.
You wanted to slap yourself. Catch feelings for Jeonghan? That was a ridiculous thought, but it lingered in there—in the deepest pits of your hesitant heart. You could feel your anxiety spiking, but you shoved it down into the box you hid deep in your head as you just sighed. Past you really screwed you over.
A few hours into your hangout with Jihyo, you received a text from Jeonghan that you decided to ignore until it was late in the evening, and Jihyo had decided to leave, but not before giving you a tight squeeze and reassuring you that it’d be okay.
Jeonghan: Are you home?
Jeonghan: I have something for you, so please reply.
Jeonghan: Angel??
Jeonghan: I’m coming over.
That was his latest message, and you were going to rip your hair out as you continued to pace in your living room, wearing your ratty t-shirt and sweatpants. You weren’t ready to face him yet. What were you supposed to say? What were you supposed to—
A knock interrupted your thoughts, and you took a deep breath. You could do this.
You opened the door to find Jeonghan, wearing a simple navy blue hoodie and grey sweatpants, holding a white teddy bear in silly overalls and a basket of strawberries. “Hey.”
“Hi.” You stood by your door, blocking the entrance as he smiled at you. “What—what is that?”
“Oh, uh… I saw it while I was shopping earlier, and decided to buy it. It’s for you. I named it Jeonghan Jr., isn’t he adorable?” He tilted his head as he made the bear wave at you.
“I—you came over just to give me a bear?” You sputtered, blinking at him rapidly as he shrugged.
“Yes, and to talk.” His expression got a little more serious as you swallowed thickly, unsure if you wanted to let him in. “Can I come in?”
You faltered for a minute before finally moving aside to let him in, closing the door as you stood there awkwardly. You led him to your living room, letting him sit on your couch as he looked at everything—the pictures on the wall of you and your friends, the tiny bookshelf in the corner where you had your reading nook, and some other memorabilia you had. There were fairy lights on the rod of the window curtains, giving the room a warm glow as lamps lit the space instead of the ceiling light. It felt homey.
“What did you want to talk about?” You blurted out, feeling observed as Jeonghan perceived your space. He patted the space beside him, but you only shook your head as you hugged yourself. You couldn’t trust yourself to sit so close to him after last night. Not when his touch still lingered on your skin as if it branded you.
He sighed, placing Jeonghan Jr. by your throw pillows before rubbing his neck, as if he felt awkward. Maybe he was, you couldn’t tell. “About last night…”
“We, I— if you thought it was a mistake, I totally get it, I don’t know what had gotten to me last night, I’m sorry—” you started to ramble, looking around to avoid his gaze as you supported a nervous smile.
“Angel.”
“I said that rules should be broken, yes, but I wasn’t thinking straight, not really, I guess I was really horny and whatnot—”
“Angel, listen to me.” He finally cut you off, not realising he had gotten up from your couch as he grabbed your shoulders. “Listen to me, and tell me one thing.”
“Yeah..?” You looked up at him, eyes full of conflicting feelings you weren’t sure how to address as your heart continued to clash with your brain. You were supposed to hate Jeonghan, so why were you feeling like this?
“Do you regret it?” He simply asked, making you blink at him.
Did you regret it? How the hell were you supposed to answer that? How were you supposed to answer a question like that when your feelings were all over the place?
You only clenched your jaw before answering what you had to say to keep this less messy.
“Yes.” No. “I do.” I don’t. You had to prevent yourself from clenching your jaw as you looked at how Jeonghan’s face seemed to harden up as he just nodded. You could feel your heart clench in your chest, even though it wasn’t supposed to do that.
“Do you?” You decided to ask back even though you knew that the answer would hurt. You needed to know.
“No.” He shook his head, no hint of that smile you always saw on his lips. “Not one bit, angel.”
He answered simply and honestly, and that took your breath away, not expecting such an answer to come from him. “But I understand where you’re coming from, so I’ll leave you to your devices for now.”
He let go of your shoulders, passing you to head towards the front door, and you didn’t stop him. Why would you? This was fake, so there was no point in pretending to care about it.
The door to your apartment clicked shut, but it made you flinch as if he slammed it closed either way. You stumbled into your couch, covering your face with your hands as you felt the lump in your throat growing and your eyes stinging.
You let yourself cry into your hands quietly, taking in sniffles as you realised how much you craved Jeonghan’s presence even if you hated it sometimes.
You liked Jeonghan.
It had been four whole days since your conversation with Jeonghan, and the two of you acted like normal, sharing kisses here and there or holding hands in public. You pretended it didn’t affect you, but it was slowly getting to you with every lingering kiss coming from him, or whispering a joke that only the two of you would laugh about in front of your group of friends.
Right now, you were driving home a day early with Jeonghan for Tommy’s birthday party on Saturday. His hand was lazily placed on the console of his car while he hummed along to the music in the car. You, on the other hand, were fidgeting with your fingers, unable to stay still as you picked at your cuticles.
Jeonghan noticed, grabbing your hand before you could make your fingers bleed. “Stop doing that.”
He chided softly, glancing at you before looking back at the road. He intertwined your fingers together, and your throat tightened, being reminded of that night as you closed your eyes shut.
Your eyes only opened when he squeezed your hand comfortingly, a silent reassurance of sorts that gave your heart more reason to clench and ache. Was this really the same man you used to hate? The same man who picked on you and embarrassed you? You couldn’t tell anymore as you avoided looking at him.
Once you'd gotten back home, you were greeted by your younger brother as he tackled both you and Jeonghan, a soft ‘oomph’ coming out from the two of you as you laughed softly. You ruffled your younger brother’s hair before picking him up into your arms.
“You missed us, didn’tcha, bud?” Your brother nodded as he hugged you tightly, then looked at Jeonghan with a wide smile.
“Hannie is here too!” He said excitedly, and you hummed, nodding. Jeonghan booped Tommy’s nose, making the kid scrunch his face before he laughed.
“Of course, bud, I promised I’d bring your big sis home early, didn’t I?” He reminded the little boy, and your eyes softened at that. “And we have a plethora of presents.”
Jeonghan whispered with a wink, and Tommy’s eyes sparkled at the mention of gifts. When he asked to see them, you denied him, telling him he’d receive them on Saturday, his actual birthday. The boy pouted but settled down after your dad took him and coaxed him into a game of hide-and-seek.
“He’s such a hyperactive kid.” Jeonghan sighed, and you snorted softly at how tired he looked. The two of you headed up to your room, placing your stuff there before he closed the door, and you paused when you felt the air change.
“Angel…” He murmured behind you, and you could swear every hair on your body stood at that sound of his voice. His hands moved to touch your hips, hesitant, but there.
“Yeah?” You whispered, voice airy as he pressed himself against you, head leaning against your shoulder as he let out a deep sigh.
“Nothing. Just let me hold you like this for a second.” He sounded strained, as if he was holding himself back.
“You don’t have to do that when we’re alone like this, Jeonghan. That’s against the rules—”
“Screw the fucking rules, angel. We crossed lines nights ago, so just let me have this.” His tone was hard, but not harsh, as he pleaded. So, you let him hold onto you like that for five minutes before he finally pulled away.
Jeonghan cleared his throat. “I’m going downstairs. You coming?”
“I—I’ll be there in a bit. I still have to unpack some of my stuff.” You turned to look at him, expression unreadable. He paused before refraining from saying anything else and left you alone. Once he had exited the room, you let out a breath you were holding, running your fingers through your hair. What the hell was going on with him?
You finished unpacking about fifteen minutes later, going down to find Jeonghan lounging around in the living room before his gaze found yours, and he stood up, licking his lips. “Do you, uh, want to go on a walk with me?”
You blinked, swallowing thickly as you looked around to see your parents by the dining table, probably eavesdropping. Nodding, the two of you headed towards the front door, shouting to your parents that you were going on a stroll with Jeonghan.
The two of you walked in silence around your neighbourhood, feeling too awkward to talk. It’s been like that all day, or when the two of you were alone. All because of that evening.
Then, you noticed something with the corner of your eye, gasping softly, which made Jeonghan turn his head towards where you were looking. It was the playground you, Jeonghan, and Mingyu used to play in—well, mostly you and Jeonghan, since Mingyu was forced to study all the time.
“Do you wanna go?” He murmured, and you nodded, already walking towards the swings as you snorted at the memory coming to you.
“You used to push me off the swing a lot.” You sat down on one of them, glancing at Jeonghan and waiting for him to sit down.
He chuckled at the memory you triggered, sitting down beside you as he started swinging himself gently. “That was only because you hogged my spot.”
“It wasn’t your spot, Jeonghan, it’s a public playground!” You laughed softly, pushing him gently as he cracked a genuine smile. It was the first one that wasn’t as strained as the others from a couple of days ago.
“Yeah, but it was my favourite swing! The seat was comfortable back then.” He sighed, reminiscing about the times of your childhood with a fond smile. “I remember pulling at your pigtails, though.”
“You suck,” you grumbled, making him laugh as you pouted, but laughed along with him. The atmosphere between you was lighter, and you felt relief. He seemed to be looking at you now, and you looked back at him with a soft, warm smile that he returned. Something pulled at your heartstrings.
That’s when you leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Jeonghan’s lips without expecting to do it. You gasped softly, pulling away, but he chased your lips and brought your face closer once more, pressing his mouth against yours more firmly as he kissed you.
You let yourself melt into the kiss and mewled softly when Jeonghan slipped his tongue inside your mouth. He kissed you as if you’d disappear if he didn’t hold onto you long enough. He held your face as if you were something he cherished and cared about, something he didn’t want to lose. And on the inside, you hoped that the latter was true.
Both of you pulled away for air, panting softly as Jeonghan leaned his forehead against yours, smiling. “I.. I didn’t expect that.”
“Me neither,” you mumbled shyly as he pecked your slightly swollen lips before getting off the swing and offering his hand. You tilted your head in confusion as you took his hand and got up from the swing you were sitting on. “Are we going back already?”
“You don’t expect me to fuck the lights out of my girlfriend in a playground, do you?” He smirked, tilting your head up with his index finger before cooing at you. “Or are you into that thing?”
You flushed, slapping his hand away as you grumbled and started walking ahead of him back to your house, as he chuckled and followed suit. You were back to bantering, which was good. But that didn’t really confirm or deny your feelings for one another.
Heading back to the house, you made a small pit stop at a convenience store to get some snacks and drinks. On the way back, he decided to quietly grab your hand without warning, pretending to be oblivious to the fact that the two of you were holding hands. You stifled a laugh at that, buying into his deception as both of you walked home holding hands.
“We’re back!” You shouted from the front door, and your mother answered back with a brief “dinner will be ready in an hour”, giving you time to kill. Once you finished taking off your shoes, you went upstairs with Jeonghan, your mind fully straight on one thing—finishing your fic.
So you plopped onto your bed, holding your laptop while Jeonghan looked at you with a barely restrained smile. You looked back at him with a raised eyebrow, wondering what he found so amusing while your laptop booted up.
“Nothing, nothing… It’s just that I kind of knew you were going to start writing the minute you chose those specific snacks and drinks at the convenience store earlier. I find it cute.”
He sat down on your bed, putting your legs over on his lap as he rubbed your calf up to your knee, making you shudder slightly as your focus shifted from your laptop to him. “Jeonghan.. What—what are you planning?”
“Didn’t I say I wanted to fuck my girlfriend senseless earlier?” He purred, fingers trailing up your thigh. Curse you and your decision to wear shorts earlier!
“Jeonghan, you—you were joking,” you murmured, voice pitched in a soft whine as he chuckled.
“I don’t joke about that type of thing, sweetheart. Put your computer away and spread those pretty legs. We have an hour before dinner's on the table, so I'd like to have dessert first.” His eyes were lidded, tone completely serious as you fidgeted. You couldn’t tell if he was messing with you or not, and it was both incredibly arousing and nerve-wracking.
That’s when Jeonghan grabbed your laptop, closed it, and tossed it somewhere on your bed. He gently pried your legs open, slotting himself between them, and you let him as your breath stuttered.
“Can I show my girlfriend how much she means to me..?” Jeonghan’s voice was laced with nervousness and need, his crotch pressing against yours as he brushed away a few strands of hair from your face. He waited for your approval, not moving an inch until you said yes. He searched your expression, seeing nothing but uncertainty, and he wanted to get rid of it.
“I.. I don’t know, Jeonghan…” You trailed off, seeing his expression twist into something you considered disappointment, before you continued. “Can you?”
It was soft, but enough for Jeonghan to hear as he sighed in relief, muttering something along the lines of “fucking tease” before crashing his lips onto yours. He kept his grinds minimal, to tease you of what was to come, as he moved his lips against yours with vigour, his fingers skimming and squeezing your thighs. His hands travelled along your plush body, groaning softly.
“You’re so perfect, angel. You don’t even know how much you drive me crazy,” he muttered against your mouth, pushing your top gently to touch the soft skin of your waist.
You chased his lips as he smiled before pressing soft pecks, giving you what you wanted, but not enough to satisfy. “Yeah? How do I drive you crazy, Hannie?”
“Firstly, that,” he murmured, nose brushing over yours as he spoke. “Love it when you call me that.”
“What else? Enlighten me, Mr. Yoon.” Jeonghan groaned at that, grinding his hips against your clothed core a bit harder, causing you to gasp softly. He placed another soft peck on your lips, nipping your lower lip as he grinned.
“Secondly, the way you gasp when I touch you. The pretty sounds you make when I tease you.” He whispered, hands squeezing and trailing up to the underside of your breasts, cupping the soft flesh over your lacy bra.
You gasp softly, already panting when all he did was gently grind against you and touch you so lightly. He chuckled at that. “Already so worked up… my lovely angel needs me to help her, don’t you?”
He cooed, and you nodded, unable to deny the fact that you needed him. Badly. So, he gave you what you wanted, grinding his hips properly now, as he leaned his head down to kiss down along your jaw and neck, nipping the skin gently as your arms found themselves wrapping around his neck lazily.
Jeonghan worked on taking your shorts off while kissing your neck and collar bones, making sure not to leave visible marks as he finally shimmied your shorts off down to your ankles, leaving you in your baby pink panties. “Cute—hey, ow-!”
He winced when you slapped his back as he chuckled against your neck. That’s when he spotted the damp spot on your underwear, making him smirk. Your face flushed as you turned your head when he looked up at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. He then moved his hand to ghost over the gusset.
“Already so wet for me? I haven’t even done anything yet…” He pressed his fingers against your clothed entrance, teasing and rubbing along your clothed slit. You whined and squirmed, your thighs loosening and spreading a bit wider for him, which made Jeonghan smirk. He played and teased your pussy until you were drenched, your inner thighs coated with slick.
“Hannie—I, I can’t—” you whined, writhing after the amount of teasing. You craved more, and you wanted Jeonghan to give it to you. “Please, please, please—”
“Aw, resorting to begging already, angel? Okay, I’ll be nice and give you my cock. That is what you want, right?” He cooed, and you couldn’t help but nod hastily, wanting anything he had to offer you—anything that would reduce the quelling ache in your cunt.
Jeonghan pushed his sweatpants and boxers down to his thighs, letting his cock out of its confines, gently slapping it over your covered pussy. He then shoved your panties to the side, too impatient to tug them off you.
He bit his lower lip, watching as he pushed himself into you, seeing how your little hole stretched as you stifled your moan against his shoulder. He could feel your walls spasming around him as you took him in, welcoming the intrusion. “That’s it, sweetheart, just take my cock, hm? Let me make you feel good.”
“Hannie—” you whined, mouth agape as your head hit your pillows when he snapped his hips harshly, bottoming out in one thrust. Your legs trembled as he set a punishing pace, making you let out obscene noises he had to muffle with his hand to prevent alerting your parents.
“Be quiet, angel… You don’t want to get caught, do you?” He crooned, his thrusts relentless as you shook your head and tears glazed your eyes from pleasure. He was ruining you, and you loved it.
“Fuck, at this point I might cum in you—” he muttered, making your eyes go wide at the fact that he was currently fucking you raw. Were the two of you that impatient? Your eyes rolled back from the feeling of his bare cock inside you, Jeonghan chuckling when he felt you get slipperier, your drooling hole clenching and unclenching around him as filthy sounds of skin slapping, your muffled moans, and his stifled grunts filled the room.
The way you reacted to the fact of him fucking you without a condom was what got him off. “You like that, don't you? My bare dick inside your messy pussy? You just want me to cum inside this pretty little hole and fill you up, don't you? Come on, baby, tell me.”
Jeonghan moved his hand from your mouth, your soft moans turning into a soft pant as he slowed his pace down. You managed to keen out a soft whine, and he snickered at how fucked out you looked underneath him.
“So cute… You can't even utter a word because you're so drunk off my cock, aren't you?” He murmured condescendingly, a little bit mean, but you only moaned. Your fingers grasped the t-shirt he was wearing, fisting it tightly.
“F–faster, please, go faster—” you choked out, your tears running down from the corner of your eyes, and Jeonghan wiped them away before snapping his hips gently, giving you what you wanted, but not quite.
“Do you deserve that, angel? Do you deserve to get fucked hard and fast by me?” He cooed, sweet yet mean, keeping his pace achingly slow. “Do you deserve that after telling me you regretted fucking me the first time?”
You cried out softly when he stopped moving, your pussy squeezing him, milking him as he moved his hand from your cheek to stimulate your pudgy clit. Your toes curled as your legs twitched at the pleasure jolting through you in a different way.
“I didn't mean it—I lied, I lied, Hannie, I didn't regret it—” you babbled, pleading with him to start moving again. You admitting that you didn't regret that night ignited something in Jeonghan, his hips moving once more, full of vigour and need as he grabbed one of your legs and hooked it over his shoulder, reaching deeper into you, as he pistoned his cock in and out of your drippy cunt.
You clung to him, eyes closing shut as you buried your face into his neck, your release coming dangerously close. He could feel the way your walls started to spasm, sucking him in like a suction, desperate for his cum, but he knew better.
He continued his ministrations on your bundle of nerves while plunging himself into you deeply, his thrusts getting sloppier as he made sure you came before him.
The heat in your stomach coiled with each thrust and touch, your body heating up impossibly as you reached the edge and started to cum around his shaft, almost triggering Jeonghan’s orgasm as he grunted and held back.
He prolonged your high and chased his release as he rutted into you before pulling out and coming all over your stomach, groaning as his vision blurred. Panting softly, Jeonghan’s hips bucked involuntarily, a moan leaving his lips when he saw you painted with his cum while your legs shook.
That’s when the two of you froze, a knock being heard. “Honey? Is everything okay in there? Dinner’s ready.”
You could hear your mom’s voice through the door, making your sex-hazed brain clear up immediately as you spoke up with a hoarse voice, still recovering from the physical activity you’d just done with Jeonghan.
“W–we’re fine, Mom! We’ll be down in ten—no, fifteen minutes!” You stumbled between your words as Jeonghan pressed gentle kisses on your neck and collarbones to give you a hard time answering. Satisfied with your answer, your mother left, her footsteps fading as you let out a sigh in relief.
“You look so hot covered with my cum, angel…” He murmured against the valley of your breasts, nosing the soft lace as he looked at you with lidded eyes. “Do we have to go downstairs?”
“Jeonghan.” You rolled your eyes as you pushed his face away from your chest, and he grunted and pouted. “Clean me up.”
“Gladly—”
“Not like that!” You hissed, smacking him as he chuckled and got off you to grab a few tissues from the tissue box on your nightstand before wiping off the cum from your stomach and helping you fix yourself up. Once you were done, you were about to leave the room, but Jeonghan grabbed your wrist, spinning you around to face him. He grabbed your waist with his free hand before placing a soft kiss on your lips, which made you huff.
“You’re so needy,” you grumbled, cheeks flushing.
He only kissed you again, smiling against your lips before speaking. “And insatiable. But only for you, angel.”
The two of you went downstairs five minutes later than you told your mom, trying not to look awkward as both of you bickered quietly before sitting down beside each other. Your family talked as usual, unaware of what had occurred between you and Jeonghan just thirty minutes ago.
While you ate, one of Jeonghan’s hands found itself on your thigh, rubbing sensually as you tried not to squirm in your seat to avoid suspicion from your parents. He pretended like nothing was happening, happily conversing with your father about something random you had tuned out. When his hand ghosted your center, your leg jolted, and your knee hit the table, alarming your parents as they looked at you with slightly confused expressions.
“Muscle spasm, sorry.” You apologised, shoving some mashed potatoes into your mouth. “These potatoes are really good, Mom. Right, Hannie?”
You looked at Jeonghan as you suddenly shoved a spoonful of the mashed potatoes into his mouth, catching him off guard as he just chewed and hummed. That gave you the chance to swat his hand away from your thigh while you poured some juice into his cup, acting like the doting, sweet girlfriend you were.
“So,” your mother started. “Any plans for the future? Like kids, hm?”
You and Jeonghan both choked on your drinks, almost spitting them out. “Mom!”
You gave your mother a look as she looked away with an innocent look on her face. Jeonghan recovered soon after, running his fingers through his hair as he nervously chuckled.
“Where’d you get that sudden idea, auntie?” He asked, and your mother hummed softly while your father looked stiff and awkward for bringing up such a conversation during dinner.
“Oh, I don’t know. It just seemed like a good question, you know. I’d like grandbabies soon!”
“Mom. We’re literally still in college.” You deadpanned, but your mother wasn’t truly being logical until Tommy decided to chime in on the conversation.
“I don’t wanna be an uncle yet! I’m too young!” He whined, and the situation got a lot lighter as you snorted softly and Jeonghan shook his head and smiled. The conversation then shifted to Tommy’s birthday and preparations for the next day, giving you time to breathe as you continued eating dinner in peace.
After dinner, Jeonghan and you headed upstairs to get ready for bed, with you going to the bathroom first. You did your skincare, changed into your pyjamas, and headed back to your bedroom, where Jeonghan was scrolling through his phone, wearing nothing but his sweatpants. You were still getting used to seeing him shirtless, and you couldn’t help but enjoy the view for a bit.
You nibbled on your lower lip before clearing your throat, announcing your presence to him as he looked up from his phone. “You can go to the bathroom now.”
He hummed, getting up from your bed before passing you, only to stop to whisper. “Glad you’re enjoying the view, angel.”
Your cheeks and neck burned as he left the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. That’s when everything hit you. What were the two of you even doing? Was… was this real now? You weren’t sure until you asked him, but it contained more beans to spill than you wanted to deal with right now. So you shook it off, deciding it was better to enjoy the moment than overthink it.
When Jeonghan came back, he saw you half-sitting on your bed, leaning against the headboard as you read a book. Sighing softly with a fond smile, he moved towards the bed, deciding to slot himself between your legs and lie down on you. A grunt left your lips as you tried to kick him off somehow, but failed while he buried his face into your chest.
“You’re clingy,” you whined as you placed your book down, sighing in defeat when Jeonghan inhaled and exhaled deeply. “Why are you like this?”
You complained, but moved your hands to his hair, gently playing with the soft strands. He only hummed, pressing his cheek against you, and listened to your calm heartbeat.
“Because I think I’m gonna break another rule.”
Your breath hitched at that, and your heart started to increase its pace. Jeonghan seemed to notice how your body suddenly went rigid and let out a soft exhale before looking at you.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he murmured, eyes soft and full of something vulnerable as his hold on your body tightened. “Not yet, at least. I’m still figuring this out myself. But…”
Jeonghan trailed off, smiling at you. “I do want you, angel. More than you know.”
Those words hit you harder than you’d like to expect, sending your thoughts through a whirlwind of possibilities. Did that mean that this was real now? You wanted to voice all your thoughts, and Jeonghan sensed you had questions, so he simply answered them for you.
“I want you, as in I want you, angel. I don’t want to see anyone else after this whole thing ends.” He shifted, hovering over you now, his face leaning close to yours as his hair tickled your skin. You swallowed thickly, not knowing what to say as your heart raced.
“Does this mean we stop faking it..?” You finally managed to speak after a minute or two, your voice quiet and hesitant.
“Only if you want to.” Jeonghan watched your brows furrow as you looked away, as if you thought about the pros and cons of actually dating him properly. He didn’t rush you, not wanting to scare you off, and afraid of your answer.
You were silently freaking out, unsure of the whole thing as you frowned at the sudden change. Did you want to stop faking it? Did you truly want Jeonghan in the way he wanted you? You already figured out that you liked him, but you didn’t know what went through his head, and you didn’t want to get hurt in the long run.
Seeing the hesitation in your eyes, Jeonghan faltered, figuring out your answer through your face alone, his jaw clenching before unclenching as he started speaking. “I… I was just messing with you. Forget it.”
He muttered, pressing his cheek against your chest as he tried to fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat, leaving you even more confused and full of unanswered questions.
You started the day pretty early due to preparations for Tommy’s birthday party. He had invited a few friends from school, so it was going to be quite a big party, filled with kids, which meant a lot of work for you, Jeonghan, and both of your parents.
You were currently busy preparing the cake, always baking it from scratch, and trying your best to make whatever your brother requested. Thankfully, he asked for something simple—a blue three-tiered cake with toy cars. You tried to make the toy cars edible and tried your best to make them as accurate as possible to the movie characters your brother was obsessed with.
Preparing the cake also meant being distracted from your thoughts. Jeonghan left you with questions he was probably unwilling to answer after last night, but at least it wasn’t as awkward as it was a few days ago.
While you were decorating the cake, Jeonghan came into the kitchen with a stack of boxes containing new toys and a bunch of wrapping paper. He placed boxes on the counter with a soft grunt. “How’s the cake going?”
You paused as he tried to make conversation, your eyes moving from the spot you were piping to your fake boyfriend. The mere presence of him threw you off your game, and you hated yourself for liking it too much while you were still thinking of the situation that happened yesterday. The sex, the talk. Everything.
“What does it look like, Jeonghan?” You were snappy, and he understood that, but still flinched gently at your tone. You were confused and angry, but mostly angry from frustration with decorating the cake and the lingering questions in your head. “I’m decorating the cake. That’s how it’s going.”
“Got it.”
He stayed quiet after that, doing what he planned to do, which was wrapping the gifts you had bought for your brother—well, Jeonghan bought half of them, arguing with you by the register about who was going to pay for them. He ended up winning, shutting you up with an embarrassingly long kiss in public—the stupid bastard.
You gritted your teeth as you just continued piping the cake with the blue whipped cream, accidentally squeezing on the piping bag a little too tightly, which caused it to pop, sending the cream everywhere, mostly landing on your shirt. It landed on Jeonghan as well, prompting him to pause on what he was doing as he blinked and looked at you.
“You did that on purpose.” He deadpanned as he grabbed the bowl where the rest of the whipped cream was, and scooped some into his finger before wiping it on your face. You screeched, retaliating as you snatched the plastic bowl from him and smeared the cream on his jaw and neck. “Oh, you little—”
Jeonghan let out a scoff as he chased you around the kitchen, as you squealed, trying to avoid him. That’s when your dad entered the kitchen to see the whipped cream all over the place. Your father cleared his throat, bringing the chase of cat and mouse between you and Jeonghan to a halt, your boyfriend’s hands wrapped around your waist as he picked you up to keep you from running.
“You'd better clean this mess up before your mom and Tommy come back from the store.” With that order, Jeonghan let go of you, nodding at your father.
Once your father left the room, you got rid of your shirt, leaving you in your tank top, leaving Jeonghan gaping before turning his head away, muttering to himself as he wiped the excess cream from his face with a paper towel.
You made a new batch of whipped cream, finished the cake, and put it in the fridge to cool overnight for the party the next day. You hated the silence between the two of you, and even if you were still partly annoyed at Jeonghan, you just wanted to talk to him.
“Hey.” You started, albeit awkwardly, but that caught his attention as he finished wrapping up the gifts for your younger brother. “Sorry about earlier…”
He waved it off, shaking his head as he cocked his head to the side and smiled. “No need to apologise about that, angel. Don’t worry about it.”
“But I—”
“Hush. How about you just help me take these into your room so that the little man doesn’t see them before his birthday party tomorrow?” He countered, trying to keep the atmosphere light between the two of you.
He didn’t want to linger on what happened, like usual. So, you followed with it, taking a stack of the boxes from Jeonghan before the two of you headed up to your room. If he didn’t want to take responsibility for whatever was going on between the two of you, you wouldn’t either.
Guests—mostly kids Tommy’s age—were already filling up your backyard as you juggled between the bowls of snacks and drinks you were carrying, clearly struggling before Jeonghan stepped in. The two of you hadn’t talked since yesterday, having just cuddled in your bed in silence, accepting each other’s warmth.
Other than that, you avoided him like the plague in your own home. It was easy with all of the commotion going on, though you still bumped into him once in a while when your mother called for both of you.
“Ask for help, don’t you?” He murmured, grabbing the juice from under your pits as he walked toward one of the tables set out in the backyard. “Stop avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you, I’m just busy.” You snapped back softly, not wanting to start an argument in front of Tommy and his friends.
Jeonghan huffed and placed the juice bottles on the table before turning to face you. “You are avoiding me, and I don't blame you. I'm an asshole, remember?”
You clenched your jaw at that, knowing what he was trying to do. He was trying to paint himself as the same person you used to hate. Deciding to ignore him, you set the bowls of snacks out, kids swarming the table as you assisted them pour juice into their cups, smiling softly as you busied yourself rather than bothering with Jeonghan.
After a bit, your parents took over for you, letting you take a breather in the kitchen. You were nursing some juice in a glass, leaning against the counter, when Jeonghan came into the kitchen with an empty bowl. He paused for a second when he saw you before grabbing a bag of chips and pouring the contents into the bowl.
Silence filled the room, aside from the crinkling of the foil bag Jeonghan was crushing between his hands after filling the bowl with chips. He threw the foil pack into the trash and grabbed the bowl before finally sighing and placing it back down. You continued nursing and sipping on your drink, ignoring him, before he grabbed your wrist and dragged you upstairs.
“Jeonghan, what the fuck are you doing?” You frowned as he kept quiet and dragged you to the upstairs bathroom before locking the door. Blinking furiously, your frown deepened as you scoffed. “What the fuck are we doing in my bathroom?”
Jeonghan just shrugged, prompting you to head over to the door, but he easily stopped you as he caged you between himself and the bathroom counter. “To talk.”
“We talked, what the fuck are you on?” You muttered as you tried to get under his arm to escape, but he didn’t let you, which made you grunt softly. He was being irrational, and you couldn’t be stuck in the bathroom with him right now. Not when your parents might need your help.
“I mean, without this animosity—I don’t like it, angel.” It was his turn to frown as he leaned down. You let out another huff, snorting softly. “I’m serious.”
“Yeah, right. Tell me that when you actually mean it, because I’m not letting you mess with me again–mnf-!” You grumbled, rolling your eyes, only to widen your eyes when he pressed his lips against yours. One of his hands snaked to the back of your head, holding onto the nape of your neck as he kept you there.
His lips desperately moved against yours, fingers tangling in your hair as he tilted your head a bit to the side. You hit his chest as you tried to pull away, only to give up and melt against him after a minute of resisting.
You grasped onto his shirt, fisting it tightly as you returned his kiss, a relieved grunt leaving Jeonghan when he felt you relax against him. A sigh left you when he moved his mouth from yours down to your jaw and neck, licking and nipping but not marking. You mewled when he nipped a particular spot on the slope of your neck, making him smile against your skin.
“You drive me insane, angel,” he muttered softly against your neck, which earned him a soft scoff from you once more.
“I know, you said that before—” you cut yourself off with a soft gasp when he pressed himself against you, his clothed erection pressing against your lower stomach. Biting your lower lip, your hand let go of his shirt, snaking down to cup his hard cock against his jeans.
A choked-out groan left his lips, his forehead pressing against the slope of your neck as you palmed him through his pants and gently squeezed. “Angel, I wouldn’t recommend that if I were you…”
“And why not?” You nosed his temple, your breath ghosting his ear as he shuddered before chuckling.
“Because we won’t leave this bathroom until I’m done with you.”
You softly gasped at that, toes curling slightly in your socks when Jeonghan’s hands roamed along your body fervently, squeezing your ass before easily undoing the buttons of your shorts. He tugged them down hastily and let them pool down on your feet along with your panties. You shuddered at being exposed, squeaking when Jeonghan suddenly picked you up and sat you down on the cold counter, and spread your legs so that he could slot himself between them.
Looking down at your exposed core, he groaned, his hand already moving down to tease your soaked slit.
“You’re always so fucking wet. Can’t get enough of this sweet pussy,” Jeonghan muttered, licking his lips as you squirmed.
“Suck.” He brought his fingers to your mouth, and you opened it, sucking his slick-coated fingers while looking into his eyes, leaving him breathless. You could feel it in his gaze and from the way he pushed his digits into your mouth deeper that he wanted to see how deep you could take without gagging.
Gurgling and swirling your tongue around his fingers, you moaned around him, sending vibrations along his knuckles as he let out a strained chuckle. “You wanna say something, angel?”
You nodded, and Jeonghan took his fingers from your mouth, a spit trail connecting your lips and his slender digits. “Can… can I suck your dick now?”
Jeonghan let out another choked-out noise, rubbing his face with his other hand before chuckling.
“Anything you want, angel,” he murmured, moving from between you as you got off the counter, switching positions with Jeonghan. He leaned against the counter while you slid down to your knees and got in between his legs.
Helping you undo his jeans, Jeonghan shoved his pants down to his mid-thigh, pulling his cock out of its confines. You watched him stroke his length a bit, enjoying the view of you on your knees, before you whined and slapped his hand away.
“Bossy,” he grumbled before letting out a soft hiss when you took him into your hand, stroking and squeezing gently as his tip drooled out precum. Jeonghan could help but run his fingers through your hair, messing it up a bit as he tugged you closer.
You pressed soft kisses along his shaft, giving the tip a kitten lick as you tasted him—a tangy flavour assaulting your taste buds as you moaned. You started suckling on his tip while giving him a proper handjob, your hand working along his thick shaft. You looked up at him as you took more of his length into your mouth and saw how his head tilted back from pleasure. Sucking eagerly, you hollowed your cheeks, swirling your tongue around him as you let out soft hums that left Jeonghan reeling as he bucked his hips, pushing his cock further into your mouth.
You gurgled when you took him deeper, eyes watering as you tried to deepthroat him. Jeonghan cooed, wiping your tears as he panted. “No need to try so hard, angel, I'm not gonna cum down your throat right now.”
You let out a confused noise before he pulled you off his cock, leaving your lips puffy and coated with spit. He flipped the two of you around once more, having your lower back pressed against the counter as he pried your legs open with his knee.
Jeonghan’s eyes zeroed in on the slick covering your inner thighs, a soft grunt leaving him. “You got off on sucking my dick? You're less innocent than I thought… though, knowing what you write—”
“Just put it in, Jeonghan‐!” You hissed softly, impatient and needy. He snorted, grumbling at how bossy you were being as he positioned his bulbous tip against your weeping entrance.
A whimper left your lips when he pushed in, never getting enough of his cock inside you. Jeonghan pawed at your hips, gritting his teeth at how tight you were from this angle. He fucked you slowly and shallowly, skin slapping against skin, echoing through the bathroom. You watched how he pistoned his cock in and out of you, letting out a soft mewl before looking back up at him with fucked out eyes.
Jeonghan chuckled, caressing your hips gently as he pecked your lips. You shied away before he could, kissing your cheek instead.
You shouldn't be doing this. That was all you thought about as you whimpered and moaned for him. He could see it in your eyes even when you were so fucked out from his cock alone. When you were about to say something, Jeonghan gently placed his hand around your throat. Not to choke you, but to show a bit of dominance and ground you in the situation.
“You were gonna say we shouldn’t be doing this, right?” He started, and your breath just hitched as you looked away, but he moved his hand from your throat to your chin, making you look at him. “Angel, there are billions of different things we shouldn’t be doing, but this? This is ours.”
“Jeonghan—” you tried to voice out how you felt about this whole thing, but he just shushed you with a thrust of his hips that made you whimper.
“You’re mine, angel. Even when I’m not sure about how I feel towards you, you’re mine, and I’ve always been yours. Even when you hated me.”
Your body shuddered at his confession, knowing what it all meant deep down. He cared. Jeonghan truly cared for you, and this meant everything. He wasn’t avoiding his feelings anymore, and he was showing you his vulnerable side. So, you just gave yourself to him—to this. You wanted nothing more than to be his.
“I—I want you.” You managed to choke out as you managed to pull him closer, your lips ghosting his as you panted at every thrust he made, your orgasm getting closer. “I want you, Jeonghan.”
“I want you too, angel.”
He quickened his pace as he felt your walls spasming around him, groaning against your lips. “I’m gonna cum too soon if you keep squeezing my cock like that, sweetheart.”
You moaned at the idea of him coming inside you, your eyes lidded as you panted. Jeonghan seemed to read your mind as he chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.
“You’re trouble, angel… You want me to cum in you, don’t you? Breed this sweet pussy? Have you full of my cum while you help your mom with handing out the cake? Is that it?” He crooned, his tone sweet but his words condescending, as you nodded gently, causing him to groan. “Yeah? Of course, you do, you’re my good girl, after all.”
“Jeonghan—” you mewled, milking his cock as your pussy clenched. He continued to piston his dick into you, watching as a milky white ring formed around the base of his shaft, making him bite his lower lip to prevent himself from coming at the sight alone.
Jeonghan moved his hand from your hips to your clit, rubbing the sensitive, throbbing nub with his thumb in tight circles, making you cry out softly against his shoulder, leaning your forehead against it.
“I–I’m gonna cum—Jeonghan-!” You squealed as your release hit you like a wave, your boyfriend prolonging your pleasure as he continued to pound into you and rub your clit ruthlessly.
Jeonghan could feel his orgasm coming closer, his thrusts getting sloppier as he buried himself deep inside you, moaning as he filled you up with sticky, hot cum. He shuddered as your cunt pulsed around his sensitive half-hard dick, spurts of his release filling you up to the brim, and dripping down your thighs.
“Fuck…” He muttered, panting heavily as he kept you plugged with his dick, not wanting to pull out just yet. Jeonghan, ever the gentleman, pressed a soft kiss to your temple after ruining you for anyone else. “I don’t wanna pull out.”
He mumbled with a soft pout, making you hit his chest as you chuckled with a soft exhale. “Well, you have to. We need to be there for when Tommy blows out his candles.”
“Oh—fuck, right. I’ll clean you up, then.” Your boyfriend pulled out hastily, prompting the two of you to moan in unison as he grabbed a few tissues and cleaned your sensitive cunt up before helping you into your shorts, and helped you fix yourself up.
Heading downstairs, you bumped into your mom, who had been frantically looking for the two of you. “Where have you two been? We’re gonna blow the candles off the cake soon! Come on, Tommy’s looking for the two of you.”
She dragged both of you to the backyard, where your dad held the camera as he took pictures of your brother standing by the cake, smiling widely when he saw you and Jeonghan. That’s when all of you started singing happy birthday to him, and he thought of a wish. He blew on the candles, his friends and your family cheering and clapping, before your mother took the cake to cut it into slices for the kids.
You kneeled to your brother’s level, giving him a hand-five, smiling softly. “So, what did you wish for, little guy?”
“If I tell it won’t come true!” He huffed, crossing his arms as he pouted. “But I can write it down! That’s what Dad said I could do so they’d come true even more!”
Your brother ran to your dad to ask for a pen and paper, then returned to you to write down his wish. “Here! Don’t read it out loud though… I really want it to come true.”
“Okay, okay.” You ruffled your brother’s hair and took the piece of paper from him.
‘I wish for big sis and Hannie to stay together forever! And for big sis to keep making me cakes until forever!’
Your heart squeezed, smiling as you pocketed the piece of paper before picking your baby brother up and spinning him around. “I’ll make sure that wish comes true, little man, I promise.”
Tommy cheered as you put him down so he could eat some cake, leaving you with Jeonghan once more, standing happily.
“What’d the paper say, angel?” He asked, hiding his hands in his pockets as he glanced at you.
“If I say it won’t come true, Jeonghan.”
“Fair enough,” he murmured, but pouted nonetheless. “Is it something about us dating forever and ever?”
You sputtered, hitting his shoulder as he snorted out a laugh. “You—you read it over my shoulder!”
“I did, so what? I plan on keeping the same promise you made to the little menace.” He smiled at you, the gesture full of warmth as he wrapped his arm over your shoulders. “Come on, I wanna try that cake you baked. I wanna check if it’s as sweet as my girl.”
He nosed your temple as he whispered the last part into your ear, making your face turn pink as you hit him again. It was a good day.
When Easter break was over, you and Jeonghan had to go back to campus, bidding your goodbyes until summer vacation. By then, Jeonghan would’ve graduated, and you’d be a junior with your friends. Doubt filled your chest again as you thought about it while typing on your laptop in Jeonghan’s car. He seemed to notice your perplexed expression, poking your thigh gently as he focused on the road.
“What’s bothering you?” He asked, and you just grunted softly. “Come on, sweetheart, talk to me. I know it’s definitely not the smut you’re writing right now. That’s your ‘I’m worried about something’ face.”
You tore your eyes from your laptop at that, looking at him incredulously. “What?”
“Yeah, you heard me. You make a face when you’re perplexed with something, and I wanna know what it is because… just because.” He paused at the last second, stopping himself from saying something stupid as he shrugged.
“I was thinking about you graduating this year…” You murmured, glancing back at your laptop as the light turned red. Jeonghan’s eyes softened at your concern, taking your hand into his.
“I’m not going anywhere, angel. I still have a master’s degree to pursue, remember?” He squeezed your hand gently, reassuring you, but you still had some doubt. Jeonghan sighed softly. “Don’t make me fuck you in my car again, because I will, just to prove—”
“Okay, okay—no… no need to go such lengths.” You flushed, clearing your throat as you closed your laptop with your free hand before looking at him, as he started driving again. “I just… I don’t know. I thought you didn’t want to pursue a master’s? Didn’t you say it was stupid to get a master’s degree in PoliSci?”
“I changed my mind, angel, people can do that, you know? Plus, it gives me more time with you on campus.” He shrugged before smiling. “Just to look out for you. And drive you to campus.”
“My apartment is a fifteen-minute walk to campus, smartass.” You retorted, but understood his reasoning. The thought of him staying made you both giddy and guilty. Did he really want to spend another two years in uni just for you? Jeonghan brought you back from your thoughts when he called out your name.
“Stop overthinking. I want this, really. Like more than you know.” He brought your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. “I won’t let some other grimy college students steal my girl.”
His girl. You were his girl.
Once you got back to campus, your friends decided to steal you away from your boyfriend, saying something along the lines of, "Spending this much time with Jeonghan is unhealthy." You snorted at their logic, but let yourself get dragged away anyway, wanting to catch up with your friends.
“Sooo, how was break for you guys?” Seokmin started as he took a sip of his iced coffee. Mingyu and Seokmin were mostly glancing at you since you had practically ignored the group chat for the whole break, spending your time with your family and Jeonghan instead of updating them. Minghao wasn’t interested, scrolling through his phone instead, but still listening.
You sighed, rolling your eyes as you started. “It went well. I can show pictures of the cake I made for Tommy.”
“No, spill the tea. What happened between Jeonghan and you during? Did you guys do something fun?” Mingyu waved off the idea of you showing the three-tier cake you worked so hard on, making you want to smack your best friend. Memories started flooding into your brain as you flushed.
“You’re mine, angel. Even when I’m not sure about how I feel towards you, you’re mine, and I’ve always been yours. Even when you hated me.”
“You’re trouble, angel… You want me to cum in you, don’t you? Breed this sweet pussy? Have you full of my cum while you help your mom with handing out the cake? Is that it?” He crooned, his tone sweet but his words condescending, as you nodded gently, causing him to groan. “Yeah? Of course, you do, you’re my good girl, after all.”
“Fuck…” He muttered, panting heavily as he kept you plugged with his dick, not wanting to pull out just yet. Jeonghan, ever the gentleman, pressed a soft kiss to your temple after ruining you for anyone else. “I don’t wanna pull out.”
You snapped out of your little bubble, your face now a red hue as Mingyu’s face turned smug. “They definitely had some fun–ow!”
He hissed when Minghao gently karate-chopped Mingyu’s head. “It’s none of our business. Let her have a personal life, Gyu.”
You sighed in relief when Minghao reprimanded your best friend, thankful as the conversation switched from you to some random thing Seokmin did during his trip to the Maldives.
When the three of you had caught up enough, you texted Jeonghan on your way home to come over to your apartment, rolling your eyes when he sent a bunch of winky faces. He was waiting by your building when you came into view, his expression brightening up.
“How was catching up with your besties? Fun?” He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead as the two of you headed upstairs. You just groaned, sighing softly as you pressed yourself against Jeonghan’s side.
“Yes, but tiring. I enjoyed it a lot.” You smiled as you unlocked the door before entering your home, tossing your shoes into the shoe rack and dragging Jeonghan towards the bathroom.
“Woah, right now?” He cocked his eyebrow, amused at your decision. You sent him a deadpan look, making him chuckle.
“I just wanna shower with you, smartass.” You rolled your eyes as you started shedding your clothes without much care, earning a hum from Jeonghan.
“We both know it won’t just be a shower, sweetheart.” He murmured against your now bare shoulder, kissing it softly. “And I know you won’t complain.”
After your shower, the two of you huddled up on your couch, refreshed and relaxed. You were on top of Jeonghan as the two of you cuddled, and Jeonghan was on his phone, scrolling through his socials, while you listened to his heartbeat, slowly dosing off.
That’s when a small flash and soft muttered “shit” brought you back from your almost-sleep, grunting against Jeonghan’s chest. “Did you take a picture of us?”
“...No?” You snorted at his unsure tone before you just nuzzled into his chest, making him sigh.
“God, I love you,” he murmured before realising his slip-up, the two of you freezing up in your spot.
“Say that again?” You moved your head to look at him, your expression soft as your eyes showed warmth. “Please?”
“I—fuck,” he muttered, flushing pink as he rubbed his face. “I didn’t want to say it like this.”
“Come on, Hannie, tell me again.” You tugged on the string of his hood, jutting your lip into a small pout. God, you were going to be the death of him.
“Kiss me first. Then maybe—” You cut Jeonghan off, not hesitating to press a soft kiss to his lips as he flushed further, his ears burning.
🎉 Announcement 🎉: Coziercloud is officially open! WOOOOO! If you'd like to book personal readings please visit my shop on Etsy.
🚨 Disclaimer 🚨 Readings are for entertainment only! I am not responsible for any decisions. My readings are not a substitute for professional advice and will refuse service for the following: legal services, health, mental health, finance, pregnancy, death, sexuality, child-rearing, privacy breaches, or the lottery.
Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.
Pile 1
Energy Check
Tarot: The High Priestess, 7 of Cups, 8 of Swords (Reversed)
Oracle: Shark, Snow
Hi pile 1!! Hope your day is getting better – what I immediately get is that you are very intuitive, like once you know or catch a tiny scent you immediately understand the situation. You may be in a more isolated or at a pause in your life. On the other hand, some of you are a lot more solitary and probably prefer that for the time being. I feel like you’re also fearless – like you’re a risk taker, if your heart is set on that choice it is very much set and you will face the challenges head on.
Another thing that is really sticking out is dark colors, specifically nay blue or indigo. There’s a lot of deep blues and I’m getting that you may be someone who has a lot of layers and isn’t afraid of the deeper and scary things in life. You’re may also be someone who is very self assured and hard to read. You may be someone who also has a lot of sides to them. With the dark blues here it reminds me of the deep sea – the lesser known but known area. You may be mysterious but sometimes, with the right people it peaks out.
What is your vibe
Tarot: 6 of Cups, Queen of Wands Reversed, 4 of Cups Reversed
Oracle: Gossip (Reversed), Samaritan (Reverse)
This is other people’s perception of you, this doesn’t define you. So what I am immediately getting is: with the lack of information you give to other people they tend to fill in the blanks for you. You may just be someone who keeps to themselves but of course people need to talk and you happen to be the hot topic. It sucks. You do have the queen energy but maybe for the wrong reasons. There are times where people tend to bother you at the wrong time, they tend to ‘poke the bear’ when the bear just got out of a fight. This leads them to believe you’re some witch who lives in the woods. I think people tend to provoke you just because you’re an ‘outcast’. Also, you may be very outspoken about your morals and tend to tell correct people, which leads to them feeling inferior.
This feels like Alphaba vibes in which she tries to bring awareness to people but they just see her as someone who only wants attention because she’s different or the ‘fun police’ when really she has a point, nothing is funny in a world full of criminals in office and are against human rights. Another thing that also rubs people the wrong way is how you genuinely don’t give a fuck about what people think. To you, if they really care about you – they’d make an effort to know and understand you. Until then you’d rather be alone than to be with people who (silently) hate you.
How Do You Inspire People
Tarot: Queen of Wands (Reversed), 5 of Wands, Page of Swords
Oracle: Conch, Blue Morpho
You inspire people the fight for what they want and who they are. That no one is truly alone in this world. You may be a loner, but you also don’t make anyone feel alone. If anyone gets it, it’s you. You may have went through so much or witnessed people who went through it. As much as some people may not like you – they do admire and are inspired by your uniqueness. People are weird for that, hating someone they aspire to be, like it's easier to just be kind? Jealousy is a hell of a thing.
You also inspire people to take a chance and follow their gut or inner voice as some people like to call it. You definitely inspire people to be confidant with themselves and to not second guess who they are. You are a rarity but that doesn’t mean you are unable to connect. Since you’re happy about yourself and don’t plan to change it, people feel inspired to look at themselves with more respect.
Alright pile 1 this is all I have for you for now! I hope you have a wonderful day or evening. If you’d like to show your support please like, comment, and reblog. If you would like a personal reading please checkout my etsy: coziercoud. See you in the next one, bye!
Pile 2
Energy Check
Tarot: Queen of Cups (reverse), Five of Cups, The Tower (reverse)
Oracle: Blue Morpho, Asphodel, Geode
WOOOOOW pile 2, nice to meet you, did anyone tell you that you rage is like a roaring river? It’s rapid and it van drown people, it’s mesmerizing as it is dangerous. I’m getting the Mekong River specifically – maybe you’re Southeast Asian and in this case, a very special hello to my Seasian Siblings AAAAAAHHHH. So what I’m getting is that you’re in a healing but ‘fuck you’ stage. In away if feels like you’re barely staying afloat. Something unexpectedly huge happened between someone’s son and mother.
I don’t know the details but it’s enough to shake your inner world. All I can get is that this person you’re dealing with is an adult child who has a mother that coddles them. Maybe this can be a mother in law or an ex who took on a care-giving role. Honestly I’m mainly getting that this might be a romantic connection rather than platonic. Either way this caught deeply because you thought they were someone you can count on, that they were your knight in shining armor.
You may be feeling stuck but the water always moves – it never stays and if it stays for too long it’ll become a danger. Now I’m not trying to instill fear, what I’m saying is that you must go in order to grow of you hadn’t already. For those of you who are currently changing for the better, who began to see the beauty within yourself; you should be so proud of yourself. It’s not easy going out of a situation you thought was safe, it takes a lot of courage and strength. If someone hasn’t said I’ll say it: I’m so proud of you.
What Is Your Vibe?
Tarot: Ace of Swords, Page of Pentacles
Oracle: Frogs, Caiman, Child: Nature, Addict (reversed), Thief (Reversed)
Like I said before, you do give off the water itself. I wanted to say siren/mermaid but nooooo it’s far deeper than that. I feel like you’re the embodiment of water itself. You have an entire world inside you. And I think you want someone to really dive deep to learn all about you. You might be someone who’s moody but also whimsical. There’s this distance you have from people even though you wish to be understood.
Perhaps you were told your emotions are “too much” and when you try to not show anything it’s suddenly being too aloof. You never can be yourself and maybe that’s why you’re afraid to show who you are because once the wrong person sees it, it feels ‘tainted’. For some of you, you might be neurodivergent which makes it a bit harder to open up to people because you’re exhausted of trying to make everyone understand you. It felt like the more you did it the more people “liked you” but the entire time you were just hiding in plan sight.
I pictured forgotten treasures, gold jewels and vases to be exact, buried underneath the ocean floors and in caves. Maybe you thought it was better to hide these aspects because people not only misjudged you but they also took from you. So by keeping this aspect private, it kept you safe.
How Do You Motivate People?
Tarot: Moon, 6 of Cups (reversed), 9 of Cups, The World
Oracle: Dawn, Kelp, Manta Ray
Pile 2, you really do have a lot of sea themes coming in – I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re connected to the water of if you live by it. You motivate people by exploring the depths of yourself and being okay with your duality. There’s also something about how you’re okay with letting certain people into your world. It feels almost exclusive but not superficial. This very much feels like “If you get it, you get it and if you don’t then you don’t, got it?” because there’s no point on making the world understand you.
You also motivate people by taking some time to heal, that it’s okay to take your time to heal and sometimes it’s not pretty. It sounds odd but what I’m saying is that – you motivate people by letting them be human. That it’s also okay to implement boundaries when needed. The last thing is: because you’re content with yourself and accept yourself for who you are – this motivates people to embrace themselves.
Alright pile 2 this is all I have for you for now! I hope you have a wonderful day or evening. If you’d like to show your support please like, comment, and reblog. If you would like a personal reading please checkout my etsy: coziercoud. See you in the next one, bye!
Pile 3
Energy Check
Tarot: Queen of Cups, The Moon (reversed), 9 of Cups
Oracle: Fog (reversed), Badger (reversed), Hermit, Angel
Hi pile 3! Your reading is so far pretty clear – a little bit more straightforward than the others. You currently like your solitude and feel very content that no one is disturbing your peace. Now it’s not like you actively avoid crowd, it’s just that the quietness is comforting. It’s like you’re Mortica Adams mixed with Grandma Aggie vibes. You’re just in this very calming energy despite accepting that not everything is all fine and dandy.
You’re currently in this charitable energy – helping your community when the need it. Being a companion when you see someone alone. The best of all, it doesn’t feel forced or weird. It’s just – you’re you and the way you expre4ss yourself is very refreshing. I feel like you would invite anyone to tea and just have a nice talk for a bit. Another example is playing chess at the park and people just go to you to play and chat.
By understanding the horrors of this world while also talking to various everyday people, this makes you feel sad that people get treated in such an awful way. How you wish circumstances were better and if you were a billionaire you’d go broke because you’re heart is just that big. You know the community well enough and they pull your heart stings. Pile 3 you’re energy is just so sweet!
What is Your Vibe?
Tarot: Wheel of Fortune (reversed), Everything is Fine (reversed), 6 of wands
Oracle: Kelp, Chambered Nautilus, Priest, Athlete
Wow you really do not give up, which is wonderful! Some of you may be in a religious background but for most I’m just getting that you’re someone who is dedicated to do something good for the community. The funny thing about this reading is that, prior to pulling cards I actually looked for the pictures for the mood boards first and you got the angel statue. Pile 3 you really do have an affect on the community.
Some people are genuinely shocked about your outer appearance (goth specifically and other alternative subcultures) and your actions. You continue to look back at the past, dive deep into the unknown and see how you can make the present better for the future outcome. Sometimes things get a little tangled and difficult but you still come out victorious. Sometimes your wins are small but it makes a difference and that’s a great thing. As long as you try it makes a big impact.
How Do You Motivate People?
Tarot: 3 of Cups, The World, 5 of Cups (reversed)
Oracle: Ocelot, Night Sky, Guide, Bully
The way that you motivate people is by being a friend to the world. How you attempt to understand people and how disagreements should go. You definitely do intimidate people who aren’t open minded – somehow you or your energy alone confronts their inner beliefs. Seven though you’re someone who prefers solitude you always leave the room like you are someone’s friend.
What motivates people is your guidance, maybe you unknowingly drop knowledge or clarity without people asking which makes people want to open up to you. Maybe your solitude and the way you interact with people makes the moment special. You motivate people to be kind to others, to inspire love between another no matter the form. You motivate and remind people that we should understand each other and find ways to make the world a better place.
Alright pile 3 this is all I have for you for now! I hope you have a wonderful day or evening. If you’d like to show your support please like, comment, and reblog. If you would like a personal reading please checkout my etsy: coziercoud. See you in the next one, bye!
Pile 4
Energy Check
Tarot: King of Clubs, 3 of Spades, Jack of Spades
Oracle: Alchemist, Opossum, Clown fish & Anemone
Hi pile 4! So I’m getting two scenarios:
For some of you, I’m getting that you may have chosen to make the best out of a situation. Maybe you two have gotten into an argument or disagreement. There’s something that was said but the more time you two spent apart from each other, you both realized that you two were valid in the way you feel. Which ended up making a decision that you two will choose each other and work on the problem. You two realized that you two really do work well but it was the situation that affects you.
As for some of you: you may have chosen yourself because you thought it’d be better than continuing a connection where someone hasn’t grown as much as you. You two were probably focusing on different areas of life which gradually put a wedge between you two. Perhaps it was a mutual agreement that it’s best to put a pause or to go your separate ways. However I do see a possibility that you two will find each other again but it is up to you if you want to continue this connection.
It does feel like both of you were deeply hurt during that time and trying to do some repairs. As time goes on you will feel at ease and have changed your circumstances for the better.
What is Your Vibe
Tarot: The Moon (reversed), Eight of Swords, Two of Swords (reversed)
Oracle: Grasshopper, Orchid, God, Fool
Your vibe is being lost at sea, finding the light in the thick fog and despite the uncertainty you still manage to find your way. You somehow manage to make a quick decision to get you out of a pinch. It really gives off that you know exactly what you’re doing.
Another thing I’m getting is that you don’t fear failure. It feels like you’re very in touch with your intuition or faith. The reason you’re able to make these decisions is because you have a growth mindset, if you made a mistake you’re able to learn from it.
I feel like your vibe is the adventurer at sea, able to explore and write all about your journey. You have a need to live and to learn. Once you leave your book, your ship, all your knowledge will be left behind for someone to pick up once again.
How Do You Inspire Others?
Tarot: the Star (reversed), ace of pentacle, and waxing gibbous
Oracle: Hedonist, king (reversed), fog (reversed), moth
How you inspire others is that you work for your dreams instead of waiting for them to come true. You not only have your sight toward the goal but also remain present, you’re appreciative of people and experiences that present themselves to you. You inspire people to live in the moment and to cherish it.
Another thing I’m getting is that you don’t give up on your dreams. You inspire people to continue to pursue their dreams and see how far it takes you. Just like the moth finding the light, you’re the same when it comes to your goal. You inspire them to really go after what they want when it comes to their goals and to not be afraid of failure.
Alright pile 4 this is all I have for you for now! I hope you have a wonderful day or evening. If you’d like to show your support please like, comment, and reblog. If you would like a personal reading please checkout my etsy: coziercoud. See you in the next one, bye!
My *personal* astrology observations and hot takes pt. 2 🚬
* these may get more intense with time ~ I am a veteran shit poster but idk what the reception is like here so I'm tryna take it easy, ok 🌫
☆ people think Aquarius are the weirdos of the zodiac but Pisces are the real freaks.
~ Pisces with Jupiter and Neptune as rulers of their sign have very little boundaries or hard limits. They are able to embody anything, giving them the most unique approach to self expression
~ mercury here can be absolutely hilarious but in the strangest way ~ like how in tf did someone even come up with this??????
~ their expansive mind can make a Pisces moon super dramatic and theatrical. Particularly because they believe they are special so their expectations are high ~ like wdym you wouldn't reincarnate as a butterfly just to suck nectar off my skin???
~ idc that Venus is exalted in Pisces these people have an affinity for trash, they collect strays in desperation to be loved (pls get better boundaries)
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙
☆ cancers are the real villains of the water signs
~ they are literally moon ruled and projection is high. They can be very psychologically destablising.
~ Martian/Plutonian expressions of anger seen in Scorpio are raw and thus, have an element of predictability. Cancer placements can roll in on you like a tide, drown you, spin you around a few times until you are struggling to come up for air and you don't know which way is up.
~ their betrayal can hit the hardest because it tends to rock the foundations of who you are and can trigger mother wounds (if you already have them).
* on a side note, this also makes Scorpios the real cry babies
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙
☆ conjunctions can be hard aspects
~ idk why people seem to only consider oppositions and squares as hard aspects in astrology when people have the luminaries conjunct malefics like a conjunction makes it easier?? 😭
~ Unlike a square where there is actual tension to work through, or an opposition where the friction is more external, conjunctions enmesh the energies together and this can make it very hard to discern where the "issue" is
~ people with malefics conjunct the luminaries are the problem whilst also being the solution
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙
☆ idgaf about most asteroids and never really have
~ I think there's a tendency to get too carried away focusing on asteroids and to me they are like more like the tiny fine print of the main story
~ most of the time they are not relevant unless prominent in some way and doing this can lead to over identification and a lack of structure because you could find just about anything
(I literally made a meme years ago about astro newbies asking for a read on an unreadable chart bevause they heard about asteroids somewhere ~ I promise most of them do not need to be included)
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡⋆˙⟡
☆ compatibility in synastry is... overrated
~ i mean...perception is key, right? Sometimes easy aspects in a synastry chart can be boring and predictable (is my Martian asc showing?? Ooops) but sometimes friction is necessary for self growth, and learning this through other people/relationships is how we evolve
~ it is so much more nuanced than just saying "this thing equals this thing and that means you're soul mates or that means the relationship is doomed."
~ Energy is malleable and synastry charts are not fixed in time or determimative.
~ house overlay can also be more important than the aspects imo
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆˙⟡
☆ there is no such thing as an evolved or unevolved sign or placement
~ i honestly just think these takes create moral hierarchies and a weird spiritual elitism within astrology. It's easy to just not like someone and justify it by saying they are "in the shadown expression of their sign" when the archetypes can't be cleanly divided by "good versus bad" or "shadow versus light"
~ astrology is not a moral system!! (Even tho I make jokes about it sometimes) ~ most of us are complex and sit grey areas. Placements contain a wide range of possible expression and most people sit in between the archetypes and their everyday human experience shaped by their environments.
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆⋆˙
☆ libras lack the most insight into their own behaviour
~ I'm not sure why libra placements seem to think that being easily likeable means they can get away with the most nefarious shit.
~ they way i have watched this play out in real time is crazy. Because they are socially skilled they can get away with a lot of shit. They ooze Venusian charm.
~ They also prioritize being nice and social over confrontation because they believe simply being liked, included and accepted is a reflection of moral worth. This thinking can get them dragged into questionable situations easily (and by their own doing, but they'd never admit to that)
The axes of fame – angular power in celebrity charts 🔥
*tw this post contains mentions of death, drug use, violence, and suicide.
I think those of us who could only wonder what the experience of being famous is like have a natural curiosity about those who have lived their lives in the spotlight.
They become almost mythic-like figures in the public sphere ~ untouchable, adored, and placed on pedestals of worship. The elevation and infatuation of celebrities feels like a 12H/Neptune sphere to me ~ being known (but never truly), mystery, obsession, confusion, projection, beauty and art. And this is only amplified when celebrities meet tragic or mysterious fates ~ like people still talking about how Princess Diana died almost 30 years on.
But recently I got curious thinking about celebrities who have died young, or under circumstances where their cause of death is hazy.
I analysed 21 celebrity charts to discuss the interplay of fame and power, beauty, obsession, and mystery.
Firstly, let’s talk about the celebrities I chose (here is a list):
☆ Amy Winehouse – died at 27 from accidental alcohol poisoning
☆ Marilyn Monroe – died at 36 from barbiturate overdoes
☆ Sinead O’Connor – died at 56 from COPD (though there was initial mystery surrounding her death, so I still included it)
☆ Princess Diana – died at 36 in a car accident
☆ Kurt Cobain – died at 27 by suicide (this is still highly debated)
☆ Aaliyah – died at 22 in a plane crash
☆ River Phoenix – died at 23 from an accidental drug overdoes
☆ Vincent Van Gogh – died at 37 from suicide
☆ Karen Carpenter – died at 32 from heart failure caused by anorexia
☆ Christina Grimmie – died at 22 by murder
☆ Sid Vicious – died at 21 from a heroine overdose
☆ Lil Peep – died at 21 from accidental drug overdose
☆ Tupac – died at 24 by murder (legally pending as solved)
☆ Jimi Hendrix – died at 27 from asphyxia after choking while intoxicated on barbiturates
☆ Elliot Smith – died at 34 (this one’s still a mystery)
☆ Lisa Lopes – died at 30 in a car accident
☆ Elvis Presley – died at 42 due to cardiac arrest (thought to be attributed to drug abuse)
☆ Edgar Allen Poe – died at 40 (multiple conspiracies surrounding death)
☆ Jim Morrison – died at 27 (found in bath unresponsive – lots of speculation)
☆ Nicole Brown Simpson – died at 35 by murder (unsolved)
☆ Michael Jackson – died at 50 of intoxication
Every celebrity on this list has been highly worshiped or empathised with, or had mass public interest in their death ~ they have also had speculation and conspiracies surrounding their deaths.
When I pulled their charts, I noticed in 19 of the 21 charts the angular axes fell along Leo/Aquarius (fixed) or Gemini/Sagittarius (mutable) as either the Ascendant/Descendant or Midheaven/IC.
In astrology, the angular houses are the 1st, 4th, 7th, and 10th. These are the most activated and powerful houses of the birth chart. They are also cardinal houses or houses of initiation.
*I have also seen people debate whether stating they are the most “visible” houses is correct as the 4th is more private, but I would still say the angle marks visibility to the 10th by acting as the foundation or support for public perception.
☆ 1st house cusp = ascendant – the self-image
☆ 7th house cusp = descendant – how the native relates to others
☆ 10th house cusp = midheaven – the public image
☆ 4th house cusp = IC – the natives’ inner aspects of the self
Basically, there are relational differences across ac/dc, and public/private differences across MC/IC.
☆ If we take Marilyn Monroe as the perfect example of a Leo ac/Aqua dc, she captivated the world. She was charming, regal, and charismatic. She was a performer, a symbol of glamour and femininity. Here Leo is not just concerned with getting attention, they want to be remembered and honoured. She was also polarising and had many notable struggles with interpersonal relationships. This is seen with her Aqua dc; her private and public life became widely consumable media for the collective.
☆ Princess Diana had a Sagittarius ac/Gemini dc. I think this is why she was the “people’s princess” ~ she had a great humanitarian aspect about her and is known for being attentive and compassionate. On the other hand, her life was extremely curated and stories about her circulated constantly (rumours and gossip etc, even conspiracies surrounding her death). She was also intensely harassed by the paparazzi (a mercurial field).
☆ Kurt Cobain had a Gemini MC/Sag IC. He was known for his voice and song writing, but also multifaceted nature (Gemini as the twins or two faces). He was extremely anti-establishment, and the nature of his Sag IC suggests this ~ restless and seeking truth or meaning in his private life.
☆ Edgar Allan Poe was a Leo MC/Aqua IC. I mean, do we have a bigger icon?? In classic Leo fashion he shaped an entire genre of storytelling. He is a symbol of gothic horror. He also had intense struggles with personal relationships, detachment and instability (aqua IC).
Using these examples, we see themes emerge between how these celebrities are seen and perceived:
· between Leo/Aqua - mass public consumption and a polarisation between adoration/projection and interest/critique.
· between Gemini/Sag - narrative construction and a polarisation between truth-seeking/scrutiny and meaning/belief.
But I didn’t stop here ~ I also looked at planets in the angular houses and themes arising between charts.
Firstly, I found between the 21 charts, the 10H was the dominant angular house having the most planets here. These planets were predominately the Sun, Mercury, Mars, and Saturn.
· Sun in the 10th house are ambitious and power-driven. They can be very successful and well-known. They can be perceived as naturally confident thus their identity is also very open to scrutiny.
· Mercury in the 10th can be perceived as very adaptable and have the ability to change their career often or wear many faces, making them good at networking. They can also come across as deceptive or selfish.
· Mars in the 10th house are perceived as driven and energetic, and though they may have confidence and surety in themselves, this placement leaves them open to scrutiny for being perceived as demanding. They can also encounter a lot of conflict (especially with authority or others).
· Saturn in the 10th house are perceived as independent and successful. They may have worked hard over a long time to gain their reputation. This placement can lead to burn out and feelings of extreme pressure if others assume they can handle more than they really can.
I also found out of the 19 charts with either a Gemini/Sag or Leo/Aqua axis, 18 had the planetary ruler of at least one of their angular points in an angular house ~
Basically, there is strong activation of the angular energies and themes I stated above playing out in these celebrities’ charts. These all correlate with their personal expressions, public and private events, perception, performance and popularity, and their careers. The expression of these planets are forced into visibility.
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Out of the 19 charts, 12 had their Moon aspected by Pluto or Neptune (I only counted conjunctions, oppositions, or squares).
I wanted to analyse the Moon as a source of fame, popularity and the emotional reactions ones Moon placement can bring about in others. In this context Neptune is related to the arts ~ but also mystery, projection, and illusion. Pluto is related to power, obsession, and profound crises.
· Amy Winehouse had her Sagittarius Moon conjunct Neptune in the 7th house. Amy related to others because of her emotional depth. Her art was heartbreaking and she had a transcendent voice. But she had her personal struggles amplified by the voice of others often and she was exploited. A lot of people also projected their own ideals of her onto her.
· River Phoenix had his 7th house Taurus Moon opposite a 1st house Scorpio Neptune. He was very intensely charismatic and attracted people to him emotionally through his mysterious and sensitive demeanour. He was also a talented artist. Unfortunately, like Amy, he was very idealised.
· Karen Carpenter had Moon conjunct Pluto in the 3rd house. She was (and still is) very known for her powerful emotional expression through her music and voice (personally, I feel she has one of the most recognisable and beautiful voices ever). What is interesting about her is she was perceived as very soft spoken but had incredibly intense drive and was a perfectionist (masking her struggle with anorexia).
On a final note, 8 out of the 21 charts analysed overall had Moon in the 7th house (an angular house).
I thought this was an interesting point as 7th house Moons can be polarising because they can either be extremely popular with other people, or very unpopular. Projection from others is high with this Moon placement. And though the risk of scandal is higher for Moon in the 10th, I would still consider it a factor in the 7th due to this house’s relational nature.
Across the 21 celebrity charts I analysed, patterns emerged linking fame, obsession, mystery, idealisation and public perception.
The angular axes across Sag/Gemini and Aqua/Leo point to the tension between private and public life, the self and others, and how celebrities are perceived through the signs and their planetary rulers.
Moon house placement and aspects play a part too ~ I have always thought of the Moon as a source of popularity and fame through idealisation and projection of others ~ adorning them with lasting speculation and obsession long after their deaths.
