[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]
i love truck stops in winter bc i love a little good old fashioned reconnaissance. i’m at a wyoming truck stop eating taco bell with a bunch of random truckers discussing road conditions like we’re in a high fantasy tavern & inn and we’re warning each other about monsters and highway men. everyone talking about where we’re coming from and going to and how bad it’ll be getting there.
THE tallest man i’ve ever seen in real life just stopped me in the hallway by the coin operated laundry apropos of nothing and asked “which direction are you going?” i said east and he said “good” and walked away.
i caught up with him and asked why and he said “west’s no good right now. i just came from there.”
apparently a truck jackknifed and has traffic backed up ten miles but he sounded for all the world like he just found his village raised to the ground by an evil mage’s army
Attention ancient history nerds and fans of really weird and unusual fantasy books, THE WISDOM OF EMPERORS kickstarter campaign just launched!
Hello, btw, I'm Alexandra Rowland, the author of A TASTE OF GOLD AND IRON, RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND, YIELD UNDER GREAT PERSUASION, and several other books. This is my new one!!
Inspired by the story of the Ancient Roman emperor Hadrian and his lover Antinous, THE WISDOM OF EMPERORS is a second-world adult fantasy novel written in the style of a fictional academic text. It documents the translation and study of a world-changing artifact discovered in an archaeological dig: a manuscript which provides the clues to finally unravel one of the most perplexing mysteries in all of ancient history.
If this sounds like your jam, go back it on kickstarter! If you're not sure whether it is your jam, the merch reveal updates on the campaign include excerpts from the book so you can get a flavor for it -- the ENTIRE Foreword to the book is on there!
I do not have a publisher to help with a marketing and publicity budget, so this book's success really depends on grassroots support from readers -- if you can spare a signal boost, that'd be amazing.
I'M GONNA GO WALK INTO THE SEA NOW AND BECOME ONE WITH THE MOLLUSCS, but before i do, here is the full summary of the book:
SUMMARY:
An ancient emperor who, along with his entire army, vanished from the historical record for ten years, as if into thin air.
A long-suffering scribe, dragged along on a quest that was doomed from the start, furiously scrawling his thoughts in a manuscript that will be lost for millennia.
An enslaved young man, as beautiful as a marble statue, breaking his chains and flying to freedom.
And a patient, steadfast scholar, dauntlessly seeking the answer to a mystery that has plagued historians for two thousand years.
The great tragedy of studying history is that there is so much we will never know. But a recent archaeological excavation has discovered an ancient manuscript, allegedly the journal kept by one of Emperor Cabian’s scribes during the years of his mysterious disappearance. Though most historians initially dismissed it as a hoax or a forgery, Amatio Orlanti took on the challenge—not only proving the authenticity of the manuscript, but translating it, uncovering the most jaw-dropping corroborating sources and, at last, presenting these astonishing revelations to the world: The truth of Cabian’s ill-fated journey, the twin poisons of imperialist violence and desperate, misguided love that drove him relentlessly onwards, and the ultimate fate of his lost beloved, the legendary beauty Anaticula. This new edition of Orlanti’s dissertation, with its academic commentaries and explanatory footnotes now revised for the general public, offers a glimpse of one of the most famous figures of Ancient Lausa—and casts a light on the rot and depravity lying behind the empire’s outward magnificence.
Miracles in history and archaeology just don’t happen… except when they do.
A new fantasy novel by Alexandra Rowland, author of A TASTE OF GOLD AND IRON, RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND, & YIELD UNDER GREAT PERSUASION
Reddit keeps recommending me various skin care communities, and they’re all just ultra close up photos of someone’s face with a request for advice like “please help me fix this minor blemish”. And as someone with my own skin insecurities I can tell you from experience that the answer is almost always “stop looking at your face under harsh lighting in a bathroom mirror at a distance of one inch”.
Just had to tell someone on r/FTMfitness (who was freaking out about the idea of having fat on their body) that instead of giving Chat GPT shirtless photos of themself and asking it to analyze how much muscle and/or fat they've gained since the previous month (what???), they should instead consider going for a walk and taking pictures of any interesting bugs they find...so the same advice continues to hold true. If you are deeply, intensely stressed out about the way you look, try looking at something else for a while.
Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️
If I was a parent, and I saw an ad that said "if your impressionable child shares a video that was designed to trick them into support for palest-.. ehh terrorism, we will ruin their life" then my response would be a strong urge to set fire to the nearest police station.
i really like this thing where websites will have separate "log in" & "sign up" buttons and if you click "log in" it takes you to a sign-up screen anyway so you have to click "i already have an account" and then it will ask if you want to sign in with your facebook account or with instagram or linkedin or deviantart or whatever, and if you choose "username & password" it asks if you want to put in your username or use your thumbprint, and once you put your username & password it emails you a confirmation code, and once you put in the code it says "do you want to give us your phone number for future sign-ins? do you want to sign up for facial recognition? do you want to give us your bones? give us your fucking bones?
gummygunk
vaporwave
kianamaiart
jbbartram-illu
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