[jaylonwennings]

I hate when podcasts end and they say bye to you,,,,,, like what do you mean I don’t get to hang out with you all day are you mad at me

[jaylonwennings]

dear nonexistent audience I still don’t know what I’m getting my boyfriend for Christmas and he’s so perfect and I just want to get him perfect things and I’m panicking thank you very much for listening

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

[jaylonwennings]

yeahhh that’s the man he’s mine it’s done it’s over it’s curtains I’m locked the fuck in

[jaylonwennings]

man what is going on I think I just found the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with

[jaylonwennings]

well I can’t wait to see your face again

see your beautiful smile, hold you in my hands

well the only thing baby

that keeps me goin through this life

is knowin that someday sometime

one last time you’ll be mine

I’ve missed you oh so much

since you left this earth

so I’m stuck here

and you’re so near

2 minutes from my street

or the blow of a breeze

well because of you

I can’t help but believe

I’ll see you one more time

I’ll have nothing left to say

just your hand in mine

there’s nothing else in the way

well baby I’ve missed you so

since that day you left my life

I think without you here

it’s time I leave this town behind

[jaylonwennings]

if my begging and pleading could’ve kept you here you would still be here

if every time me and your mama asked you to be safe made any difference you would still be with us

at least you knew you were loved

but fuck I couldn’t answer your last call

I couldn’t answer your last call I was busy I’m sorry

I just want to talk to you I’m sorry

please God just let me talk to him okay I’m sorry?

okay no?

no, I can’t? I can’t? I can’t hear him again right now? okay.

okay.

okay well

well what am I supposed to do now?

just talk to him, pray to somebody that I never believed in before that he hears me?

if that’s what I need to believe to see him again that’s what I’ll do

I’ll believe in anything that lets me spend more of my time with him

I’ll believe in anything that lets me think that I’m getting closer to him every day

please God this will be the only thing that I ask of you I will handle every hardship every storm everything with grace and happiness so long as you just let me see him again please

I’m supposed to be with him

[jaylonwennings]

well hello baby your birthday is on Sunday and just the thought is torture, I should be celebrating your 25th birthday and instead I’m here miserable and missing you. you should really still be here. if I could pick between the two of us I would pick you in an instant I think I’m just so tired of being here without you

[jaylonwennings]

man I fucking miss you babe more than anybody here fucking knows it’s been almost 8 months and I swear it still just feels like yesterday that you told me goodbye beautiful have a good day for the last time I’m stuck here

[jaylonwennings]

what if I just ran away if I just convinced my dad to let me go to the house in West Virginia and take care of the upkeep and I just left and lived there? what would that be like would I be happier would I be the same? would I be cursed the same way my family was before me? stuck in that same little valley forever, never having the lives they used to want, never having the children they dreamed of, dying alone in a nursing home or on the land they were born on? and my grandmother, who moved from there and left for Washington, DC when she was 18, but went back there to die - did she understand? it feels the opposite; she wanted more and I just want less. I want smaller, less people, less unfamiliarity. it feels like less bravery. my grandmother left this town that was even tinier than now when she was 18 to move to one of the largest cities in America, hours away from her home. with no cellphones, no internet, just an address. and so here is my father, and his father before him, who came here from Texas and created… something. a whirlwind within the lives of so many women. leaving a harmful wake in the lives of his favorites. and my father. who seems to do the same.

so here I am. trying to wake up after this natural disaster. trying to figure out how to not do the same. I know I am my father, and his father before him, but I’m my grandmother, and my mother, all the same. I’m them, and all of their patience and wisdom, I just hope to not use it the same.

and so the question still stands, through all of my rambling, if I die in West Virginia will it all be the same?

[nightshadewine]

*looks at books* too tired for you *looks at films* too tired for you *looks at art supplies* too tired for you *eyes fall on tumblr* oho ho

[jaylonwennings]

I feel……… like it’s time a for a url change

[kittydealer]

[jaylonwennings]

Spotify changed their layout on the little bottom bar thing where you can go to your liked songs and stuff and now my liked songs are not in the bottom right corner anymore </3

[jaylonwennings]

I swear being depressed and forgetting about everything is the fucking worst like what do you mean I keep saying I want to go see my sister and meet her guinea pigs but then every time I’m off work and sad and bored I forget that’s even a thing

[jaylonwennings]

Monday

it’s Monday and I miss you

mundane, mundane, Monday

I didn’t have work or talk to anybody

I ate dinner got drinks and came to see you

the weather was mild, the sun was shining

the wind was blowing gently enough for it to feel nice on my skin

I sat down on the grass and we listened to music

for awhile till the sun sunk low to the horizon

and it’s time to say goodbye once again

so I go right home now right to my bed

wrap your jacket around me to be in your arms once again

well they never warned me about this type of loneliness

where the one that you love is one who can only be missed

I’ll speak of you in songs in endless ways

so that you can live on for endless days

[kosmogrl]