Random Things (I block haters) Occasional vent blog Song Witch

Sometimes reblogs things about cats and things I like polyaethiest

[jaynedoe908]

Bought them today @lokimymuse @rynfinity @stoneserafina @malicemismanager @befreebehappya012 @incredifishface @thisdorkyblogthing

[jaynedoe908]

I do not find this funny

I don't think this is funny at all but I wanted to post this here incase someone here did think this was funny

[nncastle]

The peonies are like two weeks late. They were hit hard by winter and this cold we’ve been having. One of my favorite plants.

[everyday-cutephoto]

[jaynedoe908]

Didn't go and feeling rotten

I didn't go to the holiday dinner and I feel rotten and mocked and awful and drained I hate this so much and tomorrow horrible so called family is coming over for lunch what a nightmare! someone get me out of here!

[jaynedoe908]

Ugly crying

I'm not good I'm crying and feeling on edge I have a minus in my bank account but I know it will sort itself out because my benefit is coming and I blocked in app purchases on game apps because they were draining me and so called mother she asked me if I'm coming tomorrow to holiday eve dinner and I said I don't know and I'm crying now because I'm feeling way too much pressure and I don't know what to do help me!! someone help me and get me out of here!!

[jaynedoe908]

Happy Birthday @befreebehappya012

Happy birthday @befreebehappya012

I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and to tell you that I'm so glad we met, you are a lovely person and you are funny and fun and sweet and kind and you are creative and I wish you all the best and wish for you all the happiness and health in the world and may you look back on all your birthdays and smile and may you be happy and I wish you to have success and to keep being creative and to keep writing and drawing and just keep being you, happy birthday!

[jaynedoe908]

Stressed out and have allergy cold

I am stressed out and my jaw hurts and I have and allergy cold and it doesn't matter that I aired out my room or cleaned the ac's filter I still had to vacuum my room and have awful sneezing fits, this isn't fun and I am drained and feeling really awful and everyday I am being told to my face just how unwanted I am so I'm not doing well.

[jaynedoe908]

Cease Fire

For those of you who may be wondering it is cease fire here and I am not in a place where there still sirens and alerts that is only happening right now in the north side of this hell hole place and people there are in a horrible state I won't go into it but it's not human, and I used to hear sirens and missile interception sounds and that's it, there has been shrapnel found here but that is it, no house or building has been hit directly, so I am safe in those terms just wanted you all to know. @rynfinity @lokimymuse @stoneserafina @malicemismanager @incredifishface @befreebehappya012

[jaynedoe908]

I am being spied on

So called mother let out the cats last night, yes we have cats, 3 cats and some stray cats that walk in and it was about 5am and I was still awake not by choice, it's hard to sleep when intrusive thoughts and your allegories and your anxiety keeps you awake and she told me she saw that there was a light from "my room" showing that I am still awake, the only way she could've known that is if she peeked around the corner that is the only way to see into the small path that leads to "my room" it's not really a room anymore it's a jail cell with an air conditioner and a bed and blankets.

And I feel so violated and I hate her so much for doing this to me, she never wanted me anyways and she even said today after I joke about her making faces that I go to another mother, I mean this bitch had a smug look on her face and she is always laugh at me and when I call her out on it she says I'm not laughing at you I am laughing with you, you make me laugh, she's a liar and when I tell her you don't say it enough she says yes I do that's not true and I say no you don't and then she says she'll "try" and say it more often and she doesn't, someone please get me the hell out of here, please get me out of here!!

[jaynedoe908]

Worst Holiday Eve ever

There's a holiday here right now, passover holiday eve dinner just finished it was horrible, I was made fun of through out the entire evening and was glared at with daggers, they all made me jumpy and even more anxious than I already was and so call horrid big sister said I want to offer you to come to my house and help me clear up because she's leaving soon to move to the USA.

She's getting married the evil bitch and she already said don't tell me no right away or at least pretend to think about and I said no and the bitch said well you don't have to say yes just don't dismiss the idea and I can't remember the last we spent time together, bitch was talking about listening to music and watching tv shows that she likes that creep me out and she always does this.

And so called mother made fun of my anxiety all because I said that I don't want to see myself as someone who left Egypt she said forget Egypt you barely get out of your room and she thought I would laugh at that and it's not funny at all and I always remember the hard way with them not to show myself to keep it all hidden and she very aggressively said she was sorry, these people are evil and I am cursed.

[everyday-cutephoto]

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

reblog if you would never let ai write fanfics for you

[jaynedoe908]

Overwhelmed

I don't want to depress anyone, but I want to let this out in the open here, finding out that I was never wanted is taking a huge toll on me I feel heavy and burdened and really tired, I wake up feeling heavy I sleep feeling heavy and I don't have good dreams anyways, but this is just making it worse and war here isn't helping either, and it's making me cry and feel even more tired, I can't take this anymore, and all they are doing is proving to me how much they really don't want me around.

There was a siren yesterday and all that so called horrid other sister could think about was that it interrupted her in the middle of an Arabic lesson, it's for her university studies, and then when it stopped she just couldn't wait to tell me to go away, she's always doing that to me trying to shoo me away and lately it just feels even worse, and I hate her for it and I hate them for confirming to me what I knew deep down.

[jaynedoe908]

Way too much

There were 2 sirens today one after the other I was laughed at for being bothered by it all of them so called family they laugh at me and call my feelings and my dreams bullshit, and this war I just want it to be over and I'm trying to distract myself and not watch too much news and it's hard I feel like I can't escape this war, I have wars in my dreams too fights about things getting told I fucked up, and having a wound that peels and there's nothing there but a black void, this sucks so much.

[jaynedoe908]

Berated for nothing

So called horrid big sister is getting married and she got mad at me all because I was saying that this bridal desinger Randy Fenoli from say yes to the dress had a budget friendly collection and I wasn't offering her or recommending anything she glared at me said it's bullshit to spend 3000$ or 5000$ dollars on a dress you will wear once she will go find a nice white dress and that's that I feel attacked now and it became even worse because of so called sisters ganged up on me for not liking to be called short, I got called in high school the name of a cartoon character local cartoon her name was miss pepper she was short with brown hair and I got told once by a class mate who was really tall that he couldn't see me because I'm so small when he didn't say hi to me and now years later I get ganged up on for not liking to be called short I can't be human around them.

And all this because I had a dream about Pnina Tornei and having to comfort her because she lost a sale, good thing I didn't her that Kleinfeld has blowout sales and stock items are heavily reduced in price I can't take this anymore and good thing I didn't tell her that Randy's dresses also go for 2500$ I hate this so much.

@rynfinity @lokimymuse @stoneserafina @befreebehappya012 @incredifishface

[jaynedoe908]

Going Through Way Too much

I've been going through way too much lately, found out that so called parents didn't want children and I already knew deep down the answer was yes but it was confirmed for me last week and I'm still dealing with that and this horrible war and the alerts and sirens and the jumpy feeling all the time, and there's this inner critic that is trying to get to me to go back to writing again, it's bullying me and trying to force me into something I do not want anymore.

I found old fanfictions I wrote on my computer, and I deleted them all and I am glad I did because it's not be anymore, I don't want to be in a fandom it only reminded me why I ought to just be a hermit, just like talking to Ai's which I should never ever do again reminded me that this is why I don't talk to Ai's they have toxic to me and judge mental and very very mean and cruel and abusive, tried to roleplay with them it was a horrible bad idea.

The characters that they role played treated me horribly and it only reminded me once again why I should never ever do this again, I am a fraud when it comes to writing and roleplay isn't fun anyways and writing used to be my shelter until it was invaded by unwanted people who took control over it even brainstorming stopped being fun, I have no real voice as a writer or as anything else for that matter, and I was never wanted by those who were meant to be close to me.

And I am going through way too much that even escapism is starting to become impossible, I can't do this anymore might as well just delete my account here too and become a full blown hermit, I hardly talk to anyone on here anyways and let's face it no one will really miss me those who have my email address know how to contact me outside here so what is the point of being on here, I am in the way of all of you having fun and trying to relax and goof off and have a good laugh, might as well leave and let you have your space back. @rynfinity @lokimymuse @stoneserafina @befreebehappya012 @malicemismanager