💫 @jayzjerin - Tumblr Blog

Pssst. Psst hey. You there, reader.

Hey um, I know it's not February and I'm supposed to be on a writing break still so don't tell my friends I did this. I had to though, I said I was going to do something gay and madhel with our newly unlocked height difference, then I blacked out. Now this exists and has escaped containment. Please enjoy Helen's reaction to the day she found out Madeline was taller than her.

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She's not going to give in. Not this time. No matter how soft and needy the voice in her ear is. No matter how nice the hands feel running over his skin, Helen is not leaving this bed until her alarm goes off.

"Please." The sleepy word whispers into her ear again while she fights with herculean effort to ignore the siren pleading with her. The only defense she has is tugging the comforter up higher but it doesn't block out the begging. "Pretty please, Hel?" The voice tries again and Helen groans.

All these years, you'd think her tolerance for this would be higher. It shouldn't be this easy for her to fold but Madeline has always had that power over her.

"Why can't you do it?" Helen mumbles into where her face is buried in the fluffy pillows. Finger tips trail lightly over her spine, a kiss is pressed to her shoulder blade and she can’t help the relaxed sigh that hums out of her.

"You make it taste better." Madeline whispers, her soft lips placing another gentle kiss to Helen's neck.

"That's because you don't wait until the water is boiling and you don't use the right filter." Seriously when Madeline makes coffee sometimes it tastes like lukewarm water.

"See, my personal barista is so much more knowledgeable about making coffee than me." One of her hands glides down Helen's back, fingers idling over her warm skin and the fading marks from previous activities.

"Your resident batista was up all night because of you." Helen rolls onto her back, smiling softly when Madeline gently cups her cheek.

"And oh what a punishment that was." Madeline sighs dramatically, a little matching smile tugging at her lips. Memories of the prior night flit through her mind. The feeling of Helen tugging her hair, desperate little pleas leaving her mouth. Her voice always pitches up in that perfect adorable way right before she–

"Get your mind out of the gutter." Helen's monotone voice yanks Madeline back to the moment.

"You don't know what I'm thinking." She tries but Helen arches a brow.

"You're about to start drooling, I can take a few guesses."

"Then make some." She purrs, her hand glides a few inches lower down Helen's stomach.

"Nice try." Helen kisses her cheek, sliding out of bed. A pitiful whine follows her retreat. She can't give into the dramatics, they have places to be today and if Madeline gets her hands on her, they'll never leave this bed. So instead she continues to make her way to the dresser feeling Madeline's eyes track her naked body while she picks through the drawers for something to put on to go make coffee.

She scoots to the kitchen in the pair of fuzzy slippers she stole from Madeline’s side of the bed. The delightful roasted scent of coffee beans drift up to her when it's poured into the coffee maker. Next to her the kettle heats and she checks to make sure they have creamer, squinting into the fridge. Without her glasses she makes out the shape of the bottle through her fuzzy vision and places it on the counter.

Not wanting to squint at everything she shuffles to the living room where her old pair of glasses rest on the mahogany side table. She's gotten used to wearing contacts now but sometimes her eyes need a break, especially in the mornings. When she goes back over to the stove the water is almost boiling. While she waits, she peers out the kitchen window, pleased at the sight of a clear morning sky. The sun is cresting over the horizon, painting the sky in a pretty splash of color. Her finger pushes up where her glasses have slipped down partially as she continues to stare out the window until the sounds of footsteps catch her attention.

"I like when you wear those." Madeline yawns when she comes into the kitchen in her flowy ivory robe.

"You don't say?" On multiple occasions Madeline has made it very clear how much she enjoys Helen in her glasses.

"Mmmhmm. They were the first thing I liked about you." She nods, perching on the kitchen island.

"You gave me so much shit about these in high school." The aroma of the coffee beans strengthens when the boiling water is slowly poured over them, steam fogging up the lenses.

"Yeah well I didn't know I liked you back then. Maybe not until like...sophomore year of college?” Madeline tilts her head, trying to remember if that's right.

“Took you that long, huh?” Helen teases over her shoulder with a little smile.

“Well when did you figure it out then, hmm?” Madeline taps her nails across the counter top expectantly.

“It was sooner than that I'm sure.” She remembers the year it happened but the exact day? Helen thinks for a few more moments until her eyes widen and she gasps.

She does remember. It's been well over thirty years but Helen remembers the day because it's clouded with guilt. The deep ache in her chest is a feeling that she'd never forget. She recalls wanting to just stay hidden in the passenger seat of her father's car. That wasn't an option though, since it had been the first day of her junior year of high school after all.

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Her head ducks as she quickly makes her way to the main double doors, waving at her father over her shoulder when he pulls off. She walks inside with the crowd of students, keeping her head down while people chat excitedly with friends they'd missed over the summer vacation. Laughter and excited squeals fill the atrium but Helen can't indulge in it. Not that she has that many friends anyways.

Traveling all summer with her parents had been a wonderful break from this until a few weeks ago. Every ounce of excitement Helen had for traveling got doused by guilt and worry from being the worst best friend on the planet. She has no idea how she’s going to fix it. The last month she'd been going over in her head how to even attempt to salvage this. She'd come up empty handed every time and decided to do the mature thing…by being a coward.

Her backpack slumps to the floor while she quickly shoves a few things into her locker. Down the hall the sight of a familiar figure flares the guilt back to life and she swiftly grabs her things and bolts down the opposite hallway. This isn't sustainable, she knows that. Still, this way of handling it is easier than confronting the real issue right now. So she spends her first day of the eleventh grade as if she's a shadow, ducking and hiding away in any place she can find. In the morning she skips the assembly, hiding out in the music room with a few others who don't care to bother hearing the start of the year announcements from the principal.

Her first three classes are filled with waiting, praying and hoping that the person she's avoiding doesn't come walking through the door. The universe seems to want to give her a break because all three classes are full of people she's barely ever talked to and that's fine by her. When lunch comes around she hides out in the library, sneaking inside and tucking herself between the old dusty shelves. This cowardly stupid plan might actually work...that is until her second before last class of the day.

As Helen sits in chemistry she looks around the room zoning out for a second while her eyes wander. There's colorful tables and charts that line the walls, lab tables riddled with doodles and marks from failed experiments. Helen trails over the beakers in the corner until she turns back to the doorway of the class. Across the hall she sees the other classroom has their door ajar too. She nearly jumps out of her skin when sees that someone is watching her.

Oh shit.

Through the open door, Madeline stares right at her. Her hands are folded on top of the desk, legs crossed, eyes locked in on Helen. The irritation swimming in them is unmistakable even from where Helen sits. The pencil in Helen's hand nearly snaps; she grips it so hard, unable to tear her eyes away from Madeline. On the wall, the clock ticks, slow minutes passing by but neither of them look away.

"Helen, would you mind reading the next passage?" Her teacher asks suddenly and she freezes, tearing her eyes away back to the book in her hands. By the grace of some higher power Helen manages to find the right paragraph and starts reading. Every few moments her eyes flicker up across the hall, words stuttering slightly when those same blue eyes look back. Madeline's head rests on her hand as she dreamily pretends like Helen is reading to her. It's distracting. Beyond distracting. Through the playful expression Madeline is trying to put on, Helen can still tell that she's pissed. Somehow Helen trudges through the page anyways, guilt and worry churning in her stomach. The last sentence of the passage finally leaves her and she lets out a breath, slumping back in her seat when a classmate starts the next page.

She doesn't want to look up again, afraid of what she’ll see. Instead she checks the clock on the wall seeing there's four more minutes left. Unfortunately her eyes seem to have a mind of her own and they slowly turn to face Madeline again who she's surprised to see has her hand raised. A smile is on her lips while she answers whatever question was asked. She seems to get it right but the smile drops as soon as she looks back at Helen again, the icy glare returning.

It feels like the longest three minutes of her life under Madeline's unwavering gaze. Helen doesn't even register the instructions for homework because she's too busy planning her escape. Before the bell rings, she packs everything up at the speed of light and just as it chimes, she runs out the room. Quickly as she can she makes her way downstairs through the crowds of students, she doesn't look back, only focused on avoiding that piercing gaze again at all cost. This isn't right. She knows that but she's already dug herself too deep. How can she face Madeline after all this?

When she gets to the choir room she sees the teacher is already there, drawing on the board. "Are you alright Helen?" They ask when they notice her almost frantic expression.

"I'm good. I'm fine, just...long first day." She breathes out.

"You're telling me." They sigh, resuming the writing on the board as Helen takes a seat. Another entire class goes by that she barely pays attention to. Seeing Madeline has only made her feel worse and running from her makes her feel like she's going to puke. It can't go on like this. The thought repeats in her mind when she walks to her locker, done with this stupid first day of school.

She just needs to get to her locker and then figure out– a familiar melodic laugh fills her ears and sends a spike of terror through her veins. Helen's head slowly turns in the direction of the sound, gripping onto the handles of her backpack harder.

A few feet down the hall there's already a gaggle of people chattering with Madeline, surrounding her on all sides hoping to get a second of her attention. Helen knows how special getting it can feel. Shaking herself from her stupor, Helen turns to flee. Her shoe squeaks with the moment and she immediately goes still when people turn her way. From the middle of the crowd sharp blue eyes flash with surprise then narrow. Helen swallows nervously, taking a step backwards. She sees Madeline’s lips move, unable to hear the words she says but Helen's soul drops when Madeline pushes through the crowd of people and...oh god she's coming this way.

Helen turns on her heel and flees down the hall. She makes a right, then a left before an annoyed voice barks out,

"No running in the hallways, Ms. Sharp!" Her English teacher, Mrs. Reynolds scolds, forcing Helen to slow to a brisk walk.

"Sorry." She mumbles out hastily.

"No running applies to you too, Ms. Ashton." Mrs. Reynolds scolds again. Helen's eyes widen, looking over her shoulder to see Madeline slowing to a quick walk as well.

"I'm sorry, I've just always got places to be. You know how that is, right?" Madeline smiles brightly at Mrs. Reynolds who just rolls her eyes while Madeline locks back on Helen’s form down the hall. The smile morphs back into an enraged frown.

Helen panics, turning down another hall that is painfully vacant but she can't turn back. She doesn't even get the option to break into a run because Madeline grips the handle to her backpack, tugging her towards an empty classroom. She's pulled inside and the door slams shut behind them. Helen barely finds her footing before a finger pokes her shoulder.

"What. Is. Your. Problem." Each word from Madeline is punctuated by a forceful poke.

"Ow! Mad quit it." Helen smacks her hand away, rubbing the sore spot.

"No you don't get to, Mad me." She folds her arms. "You think I didn't notice you hiding from me all day?"

"I wasn't hiding." Helen lies, staring at the floor.

"You're such a crappy liar." Madeline scoffs.

"I'm–" When her eyes finally turn up, Helen forgets what the fuck she was about to say.

What the hell happened over summer break?

She and Madeline have been friends for the past five years and Helen has never had to look up to speak to her. Yet here she stands, forcing herself to tip her head up slightly to meet Madeline's irritated gaze. Her eyes flicker back down, trying to see if she's wearing heels which would be odd for school but not out of character for Madeline. But no...there are no heels, just regular flats. Helen doesn't even know why this new change is affecting her like this.

An emotion flits through her mind that she's only ever felt a couple times in her life. It had only happened with a few boys that she thought were cute but this feels different. Those times had felt like butterflies fluttering in her stomach, while this feels like her brain has stopped functioning altogether. Whatever this is she doesn't think she should feel it for Madeline of all people. She's her best friend and that would be weird…right? Regardless, this is a fucked up time for it to spring into her mind. The thought immediately has her meeting expectant eyes.

"Well?" A blonde brow lifts but Helen has no clue what the hell Madeline just asked her yet still finds herself speaking,

"You got taller." She whispers dumbly.

"I—what?" The statement seems to derail Madeline's anger, bewilderment etching across her face.

"You got taller." Helen repeats. Madeline blinks a few times, confused.

"I guess so...yeah?" She looks down at herself and back to Helen, unable to read the expression on her face.

"People usually stop growing at like 14..." Or in Helen's case when she was twelve.

"Yeah so what? I'm a year late with the whole growth spurt thing?" She waves off the comments quickly. "Will you just answer my question and stop with the height bullshit?"

“I'm sorry, what did you ask?" Helen hates having to ask that and pushes the strange emotions to the back of her mind, focusing back on the real issue at hand.

"Did you hit your head over the summer?" Her arms fold, eyeing Helen strangely for a few seconds, "Since you weren't paying attention, I asked why you were hiding from me after what you pulled."

"I didn't mean to–" She starts but Madeline doesn't give her the chance to finish.

"You didn't mean to? You didn't talk to me for like a month!"

"I know Mad, I'm sorry." Helen shrinks under the crushing guilt.

"You promised! You said even if you weren't going to be here, we would still talk everyday. And then you just disappeared halfway through the summer!" Her fists clinch at her side, her eyes becoming glossy. "I was worried about you." Madeline's anger dissolves and her voice wobbles. Guilt constricts Helen's heart again.

"Madeline I'm so sorry, let me explain, please." Helen hesitates to touch her but she pushes past her nerves to reach out to take Madeline's hand. "I wanted to call you, I really did, but I lost my phone.” This earns her a suspicious look.

“You did?” Her eyes swim with unshed tears, shoulders relaxing ever so slightly.

“I did.” Helen nods rapidly. “And my parents wouldn't get me another one because they said it was distracting me." She'd begged, pleaded with them for days to get her a new phone, not like they couldn't afford it but they'd refused anyways. Claiming that they didn't want her to spend the whole trip talking to Madeline when this was supposed to be a vacation. She knows that the real truth is that they don't like Madeline that much but blocking them from talking was ridiculous. It was unfair and Helen had no way to tell her what happened for three whole weeks. Helen was certain that breaking her promise to talk over break did irreparable damage to their friendship and couldn’t bring herself to face Madeline. She swallows back her guilt, continuing,

"We just got back a few days ago so...I didn't get a chance to call you." Helen shakes her head. "That's I lie, I was scared to call you because I thought you'd be mad at me." She admits and Madeline sniffles again, a few moments of silence tick past.

"You know for a person on the honor roll you really are stupid sometimes." Madeline wipes at her eyes. "I am mad at you. Not even at the fact that you didn't call but you avoided me all day too, Hel."

"I know. I know, that wasn't right." Being terrified of confrontation usually ends up making things worse, it's a lesson she's yet to learn.

"I thought I did something wrong." She says quietly and it breaks Helen's heart. She steps closer, taking Madeline's other hand in hers.

"No no, you didn't do anything. I'm just an idiot like you said. I'll never do this again, I mean it Mad. I mean it so much." She squeezes her hands and relief floods her system when Madeline gives her one in return.

"You better not. You already owe me so much yap time, it's going to take days to tell you about the past few weeks." Some of the tension begins to ease.

“I can ask my parents if I can come over tonight and we can catch up?” Helen looks away again. “If you want.”

"I do, you idiot. Just know that you're not getting a wink of sleep. I've been so busy and we're going to be up all night talking." She's already trying to pick what story to share first, eager for a sleepover.

"I'm fine with that." Helen shrugs, smiling softly.

"And you're taking detailed notes about all my stories." She does need to get started with her memoir for when she's rich and famous.

"I'll make a table of contents for them." Helen's smile turns into a cheeky smirk and Madeline rolls her eyes, staring down at her for a few fleeting seconds before wrapping her into a tight hug. Helen returns it with just as much force. "I missed you." She murmurs into Madeline’s shirt.

"I missed you too." She nuzzles into Helen's hair, the scent of her familiar shampoo eases her nerves. They stay like that for a few moments until the bustle of the basketball team coming past breaks up the moment.

Madeline pulls back, holding Helen at arms length. A little smile starts tugging at the corner of her lips. "Have you really always been this short?" A giggle slips out when Helen groans.

"Shut up." She playfully pushes Madeline away.

"What? You pointed out that I was taller first."

"And I'm regretting it already." Helen can't help but smile at the lovely laugh that comes from Madeline.

"Come on short stack. You want to come with me to harass Mr. Fields?"

"And why are we doing that?" They're already walking together out the door, headed back downstairs.

"I need to know what show he's planning on doing this year and secure my lead spot." She winks.

"You know you still need to audition for the lead right?"

"Duh." Madeline tosses a hand up. "But if I know what the part is I can start getting into character now."

"Right, right. Of course I'll come, Mad."

"I knew you would." Madeline beams, looping their arms together. Helen smiles brighter, holding her close as Madeline starts telling her about what she's been up to. It's weird their shoulders don't touch anymore but if Helen was honest she really really likes that Madeline is taller than her now.

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Helen finishes the story while she puts too much creamer into her own mug and just a splash into Madeline's, who is still just staring at her.

"That's when you realized you liked me?" Madeline cannot believe her ears. She remembers that summer too. But she mainly remembers Helen's absence and the elation that they were still friends. "I was so sad that day and you were over there having a freak out because I was taller than you??"

"Hey, I was sad too and I apologized! But...the height thing just kind of caught me off guard." Helen admits and can feel Madeline grinning at her.

"I never knew you liked it that much?"

"Well I...do."

"You little freak." Madeline slides off the counter top with a laugh as Helen turns to face her with the two mugs of coffee in her hands.

"Don't act like you have a problem with that." She tries to hand her the flamingo shaped mug but Madeline doesn't seem to be that interested in caffeine anymore.

"Oh I don't have a problem with it at all." Madeline runs her hands up Helen's sides, smirking when some coffee sloshes to the ground.

"Mad." Helen warns weakly.

"Hmm?" Her hands smooth up to Helen's arms, plucking the coffee mugs from her hands to place them on the counter so she can pin Helen against it.

"We have to leave in an hour." It's hard to hold her resolve under Madeline's focused attention.

"I'm aware." Her teeth nip that sensitive spot just below Helen’s ear that drives her wild.

"And we still need to get dressed." It's really hard to hold in the sound that threatens to escape.

"Very aware of that too." Madeline feels nails grip the back of her robe.

"We're going to be late."

"Super aware."

"Mad." She pleads but finds herself melting.

"I just want to tease you a little bit." She chuckles against her skin. "Because you just admitted that you like that I'm taller than you."

"I never wanted to tell you because it would go straight to your ego, like it is right now." The smug expression on her pretty face makes Helen shake her head.

"An ego? Me?" She pulls back with an aghast hand against her chest.

"This is going to bite me in the ass, isn’t it?"

"Not if I get there first." She playfully clamps her teeth in Helen's direction.

"God, you're going to be so annoying about this." The defeated sigh that follows makes Madeline laugh and she drapes her arms over Helen's neck.

"Of course not my vertically challenged girlfriend." She coos knowing how much Helen loathes the baby voice.

"You're not that much taller than me."

"And yet you need me to get things out the top cabinets." She teases still doing the ridiculous baby voice, nuzzling into Helen's hair.

"Alright we're done here, I'm getting dressed." Helen goes to extract herself but Madeline holds her tighter.

"You don't like when I do this voice?" She squishes her face against Helen's cheek, giggling. "Come on let momm—" A finger swiftly presses to her lips.

"If you refer to yourself as mommy right now, I will turn on the stove and burn this house to the ground with us inside." The threat doesn't work, Madeline just giggles.

"Dramatic." She kisses Helen's cheek, unfazed. "Why can't I? Would you like it too much?" Helen doesn't respond, looking caught and Madeline’s eyes go wide. “No way.” She says, astonished.

"Helen would you?" Madeline asks and watches how pink suddenly tints Helen's cheeks.

"I'm getting dressed." Helen deflects before bolting towards their bedroom, leaving Madeline standing there stunned for a few seconds until she snaps back to reality.

"No come back!" She rushes after her, still laughing. "Do you want to call me momm—"

"I can't hear you!" Helen yells from where she's locked herself in the bathroom.

This is definitely a conversation they're going to have later.