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[jdashley-blog]

Me not being the ideal trans person

23-year-old cis woman at school: I mean, if you're not going to have ~tHe sUrGerY~ wouldn't it be easier to stay a girl, since you like gay guys and gay guys like penis and you don't have a penis, why don't you just date straight guys?

Me: Okay, what I'm going to say in response to your question is going to sound really rude and ignorant. But I'm saying it anyway because I want you to know how you sound. I don't mean any of it. Your tits are great.

"Why don't you get a boob job? You like straight guys and straight guys like boobs. You don't have boobs, but you wear really padded bras, so wouldn't it just be easier to date gay guys since your chest looks like a guy's? I mean, it's like lying when you stuff your bra anyway. Did you even think about the feelings of the straight guy who's going to take you home thinking you have boobs? What's he going to think when you take your shirt off and you don't have boobs? I mean that's just not fair to him. He was only attracted to you because he thought you had boobs, since you know, straight guys are attracted to boobs. So wouldn't it just be easier to date gay guys, you know, because they wouldn't be turned off by your lack of tits? Boob jobs are a really expensive, major life decision with risky health side-effects that you can just walk into a plastic surgery office and get however big you want so if you're not going to have ~tHe sUrGerY~ you might have more luck if you just wear a strap-on dildo and date gay guys instead of tricking all these poor straight guys into having sex with you and your small tits. 

Did you see how rude and ignorant that sounded? Can you see how saying something like that to someone who's insecure about their body might make them feel really bad? People are attracted to one another for lots of different reasons, not just what's under their underwear. 

Her: Oh wow, I really did sound like that didn't I? That was really rude. I'm sorry. And like, really invasive. Yeah, okay, so I think I get it. But you're the only trans person I know, so if you don't answer my questions, how am I supposed to learn anything?

Me: -_- #1) I'm not the only trans person you know. #2) The Internet #3) Do you talk this openly about genital surgery with other people you've only known a few weeks? Or is it just me because I look like a girl in a suit and I told you I'm trans? Because FYI most trans people don't "look trans", they look completely indistinguishable from everyone else. Also, I merely said that I like guys, not that I'm only attracted to gay guys. Very different. I like women, too, I just haven't dated as many. And I tend to date bisexual or homo/hetero flexible persons. 

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If I were a few months on testosterone, she wouldn't have asked me those questions, she probably would have asked me to go shopping with her so she can complain about how "all the good guys are gay". -_- really with this. Some days. Some people.

Coming out was great. I came out to family and friends and felt instantly relieved and way less neurotic that I could just be open about the fact that whether or not I ever medically transition, I've been struggling with my gender ever since I can remember and it impacts my life to the point where I'm considering some aspects of medical transition. But randos at school? They're on a 'need to know' basis. Sucks, because pronoun wars. "He's a she!" "No, I heard the teacher say 'he.'" Again, -_-. 

[jdashley-blog]

Jon Hamm gets angry at being sexually objectified because of his penis.  Calls it "rude" and didn't think it was "part of the package" of fame. 

Being treated like a sex object is something women have to deal with on a daily basis, famous or not. I hope he can have a powerful enough experience to want to use his visibility as a media star to promote organizations like #Hollaback or Take Back the Night. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/11/worlds-largest-breasts-102zzz_n_1665638.html

While you're add it, donate some money to the Richmond Reproductive Freedom Fund , now more important than ever in helping secure women's safe access to abortions and reproductive healthcare in Richmond, Virginia. The fund provides financial assistance to women seeking abortions in medical facilities, where first trimester abortions are performed in medical offices, and not to compare early-term abortions to a procedure like a root canal, but there are already medical offices where minor surgeries are carried out safely every day.

Doctors have vowed to "do no harm." There are some doctors who believe abortion falls under the definition of "harm" because it "harms" the fetus. Other doctors weigh that harm against the fetus against that of the harm of requiring women and children to carry unwanted pregnancies. They see the harm to society and to the individuals carrying those children, those future people. That a system where rape, almost coincidentally illegal, is still a crime perpetrated often enough and casually enough, is allowed and encouraged to exist, signals a deep and fundamental wrong with morality in our society.

Bearing unwanted children is the miserable side effect of many women's biology. It leaves them vulnerable in many ways. And it can happen at almost any time. The answer to the question of "why haven't women in hordes risen up and gained power?" is, "they tried, but someone found a way to silence her." 

The myth of the woman so powerful (crone, neglectful mother, seductress, whore) she needs to be controlled is simply a lie created to encourage succeeding generations of 'gentlemen' to believe, patronizingly, that women are lesser and to be controlled. The myth of the whore, the baby killer, is perpetuated to justify the harsh measures taken to enforce submissive gender roles. "If you don't keep them submissive, they'll start going crazy and killing all the babies". 

Well, Our love affair with submission, tenuously hanging by the thread of our love of D/s play, #50shadesofgrey is not a viable way of structuring society if we are to prevent things like mass murder and school shootings. These violent outbursts are directly related to way some people react to the way our culture defines and values masculinity, and treats its men. Suicide and mass killings are male phenomena because they are products of an underlying sense of entitlement to control people, something that is deeply socialized. (A desire for control in women, conversely, is shamed or used for comedy, e.g., the "neurotic freak" (for reacting appropriately to the stresses and demands of "successful" womanhood, the "bitch" (for asserting power), the "slut" or "whore" (for asserting control over one's sexual life), and finally, the insane, controlling, normanrockwellesque mother who, for the most part, is pretty much just trying to raise her child the best she can under god-knows-what circumstances and the child's overreacting to her mostly well-intentioned micromanaging, because they had an overblown sense of entitlement to resources and top-knotch care that rape culture instilled in them?) You see how that's a recipe for disaster?