Don't Mention It | Donghae, Jea & Jia
Putting his hand back down in his lap after the fist bump Donghae relaxed the muscles in his other hand as well. Glancing down the moment he felt how Jia’s hand lie on top of his again he automatically took hold of her hand. Only when it was already too late did he actually realize what on earth he was doing and thus the Guardian kept hold of Jia’s hand. Because suddenly letting it go would make things awkward or more awkward if it already was awkward. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to take hold of her hand, no, it was that he had just hurt this woman badly and now just took the care she showed him. Oh man, what kind of bad and selfish person was he? “I should call my friends.” He suddenly spoke then, after having looked kind of pensively in front of him. “Make sure they didn’t take anything from Jea which they shouldn’t have.” Glancing over at Jia at the end of his sentence, Donghae was right on time to see the sad expression on Jia’s face when she let go of his hand. Taking her sadness in once more, her “Alright,’ reached his ears and although she had let go of his hand Donghae on his part didn’t do that. Looking at Jia, now with hurt, confusion and a very slim hint of irritation Donghae gave her hand a soft squeeze after which he then let go of it. He had to make the call in private. He had come all this way to protect their lives and he wouldn’t trip right here. Ending their eye contact as he turned his head away from her the male proceeded with standing up and heading towards his night table. Halting his movements when Jia’s voice sounded up Donghae hummed. “Water, please.” Waiting for her to get out of his room he then continued his way to his night table. Opening the second drawer of it he got an old spare phone out of it. The one he used to contact the Order with. Dialing a number it didn’t take that long for something to pick up at the other side of the line. Speaking in a hushed voice he quickly stated what had been going on here. Even telling them that she had shot him today, he finished with stating that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea of introducing her to the Order right now. Not getting many answers however from the other side of the line. Donghae hung up after but a minute of three.
Hiding his phone again in his drawer, in the secret compartment he had made there for it, he then went to sit down on his bed. Letting his elbows rest on his knees he held his head in both hands for a moment. This whole damn thing was fucked up. This world was fucked up. Being part of the Order wasn’t a mistake for him, but making sure that the people he cared about stayed alive was damn hard. Especially since he couldn’t be really honest with them. Pushing himself up again from the bed, because he wasn’t allowed to feel any self-pity like someone had told him, a soft but warm smile played at his lips as she walked to his bedroom door. Letting it slide open the next moment he found Jia sitting in the couch. Heading over to it as well he plopped himself down next to her while meanwhile he took hold of his glass of water. “Thanks.” He said right before he drank some of the nice refreshing liquid. Only realizing then how thirsty he actually was he soon poured the rest of the water down his throat as well. “They didn’t take anything else from her pc.” He said. Putting his glass down after that, Donghae’s eyes remained glued to the glass for a little while longer after which they turned to Jia. Smiling lightly to her when she told him that that was good he nodded slowly as she put a hand on his upper leg.
Turning his attention then to Bada, who came to ask him for some attention, Donghae’s face instantly cleared. Starting to stroke the dog the warm smile which he send to the dog only grew bigger when it let out a little yelp. Breathing out an inaudible huff at the little thing he murmured to it while he brought his other hand to the little dog as well so he could play a bit with the do. “Why you…” Glancing up at Jia with a slight surprised expression, when she sounded surprised, Donghae chuckled in amusement at her comment. “Aaah, it was water though. Really. Can’t mix those tastes up.” Grinning lightly over at the woman next to him, his eyes lingered on her a moment longer than they should before they travelled down again to his dog. Remaining silent while Jia pulled her hand back and drank a bit of her own water, the Guardian spoke up again the moment she positioned herself comfortably in the couch. “It’s a fuck-up world we’re living in. I can tell you that.” Huffing lightly at her reply, “It’s just great to have your own Superior pulling a gun out on you. Like seriously. You need to protect them with your life, they tell you, yeah, my ass.” Pausing for a little moment Donghae let go of the dog so it could crawl on his lap, “Just so they can shoot you?” He continued then, another huff getting accompanied by those words. Laughing when Jia stated that Jea could handle her own gun and therefore didn’t need him anymore, he easily replied to that. “The irony. It’s good then that my contract ends next month. She can play her own Superior and Guardian from then on. If she’s not kicking me out sooner.” Heaving a deep sigh after those words he hummed to himself, “And we’re just supposed to take that shit.”
"Alright, thanks. At least I don’t have to live on the streets then." Donghae retorted to Jia stating that he’d have a nice apartment to return to if he got kicked out. Having a permanent smile, without any actually mirth to it, on his face because of the conversation they were having, Donghae’s smile broadened when she called him an asshole once more. "Too much time around Superiors, I guess." He told her then. Not really meaning those words, the smile faltered when Jia continued and told him that she wanted to do something that actually would make her feel good and forget about the world. Telling her that she must go and have sex then, his reply got answered by a huff. Not replying to that since he honestly didn’t know what he had to say to that, Donghae stared blankly in front of him. Also having stopped petting his dog, who remained lying on his lap. The silence got broken again by Jia, asking him once again what he was going to do. "I don’t know." He simply answered her. Being honest about that because he really didn’t know what he was going to do. "Wait and see I guess until Jea made her decision and sod off now if I have to and otherwise next month." Swallowing after those words he replied to her next question with, "I’m not even thinking about that right now. Besides she can be Jane Dean all by herself." Taking hold of Jia’s hand when she reached out and took hold of his, the two of them sat in silence.
It was after a few minutes only that Donghae returned from his bedroom and Jia looked up at the sound. She watched as he moved to sit down and emptied his glass of water before giving his dog some attention when the little thing went over to him. Being told then by him that they hadn’t taken anything else from Jea’s computer, Jia smiled lightly at him, hoping to be reassuring. “That’s good,” she stated softly, unable to keep herself from reaching out her hand and putting it on his upper leg. Looking at Bada for a little bit in silence as she watched how Donghae petted the dog, she eventually lifted her gaze back up to his face to see then how he was smiling widely and warmly at the dog, having completely let go of whatever had been bugging him apparently. “Wow,” she stated then, frowning lightly because of how strange it was that he seemed to be able to let go of it all that easily that quickly. “Did I accidentally pour you vodka instead of water?” Smiling lightly at his reaction - mostly because she was never able to do differently whenever Donghae showed signs of amusement - Jia nodded her head once before turning it away again. So apparently he was all fine again after having called his friends. Great. She needed friends like that too. One call and it didn’t matter anymore that the person you loved broke your heart and the world was filled with shit. Pulling her hand back from his leg then too, she picked up her glass of water to empty the rest of its contents into her mouth. Swallowing twice to be able to get all that water down, she then put the glass back down on the coffee table and just leaned back into the couch, letting out yet another sigh. If only things worked like that for her, but no, she was still feeling miserable and he was suddenly a million miles away rather than right next to her as he had seemed before when they’d both appeared to be miserable.
Huffing bitterly at his next words, she nodded her head. “You don’t have to, I already know,” she replied, the care and softness having left her voice completely now as it became a little harsh. Listening to him talk then, she had to smirk a little at his words, because he had indeed been shot by the one person he had to protect. Also the one person he loved, but hey, they were in the same boat there. Although his bullet to her had been more metaphorical. “Well, you should be glad. She killed that dude at your cell with one shot so I think she wanted to miss. I guess she doesn’t need you anymore,” she responded to him then, shaking her head lightly as she glanced over to him at her side. Listening to what Donghae responded to that, Jia huffed lightly again but a slight grin appeared on her face, although it was more bitter than happy. “Well, if you do get kicked out I have this perfect apartment lying in wait for you where you can immediately move back into. I’ll make sure to have it cleared by tomorrow evening.” Looking at him as he responded that he at least didn’t have to live on the street then, Jia huffed yet again. “Nah, I’ll do that for you,” she retorted, and after only a moment’s pause added: “You asshole.” Being told that he’d probably spent too much time around Superiors, she shook her head lightly. “You know what I want to do now?” she stated then, completely disregarding their earlier subject and lifting her head to look up at the ceiling, because that was a more comfortable position. “I just want to have sex. You know.. Forget about the crappy world and just feel good.” Being told then that she should, she huffed yet again. “Yeah.. Right..” she uttered, bitterness bubbling up in her once again because of the fact that the only person she would want to get in bed with at that moment in time was sitting right next to her and no part of the situation called for it nor made it appropriate at all. “If only it was that easy.”
Sitting like that in silence for a little bit, Jia then hummed. “So.. What are you going to do now?” she repeated her earlier question then, just to see how he wanted to spend the rest of his evening, and turned her head over to look at him again. Getting an ‘I don’t know’ in reply, she simply turned her gaze back up to the ceiling. Listening to his next words, she felt herself soften a little again. “Don’t want to work for her anymore?” she asked in a slightly softer voice, only to be told he wasn’t thinking about that at that moment in time - oh and that the Superior was able to be ‘Jane Dean’ all by herself now. “Yeah, well..” she hummed, turning her gaze over to Donghae once more. Moving to sit up a bit more properly again then, she simply reached out and took hold of Donghae’s hand once more, not caring if that meant he was no longer able to stroke Bada if he wanted to. Somehow relieved and very, very grateful when he took hold of hers in return, Jia simply stroked absent-mindedly with her thumb over the back of his hand for a while.
Lucky for Jea, Siwon was able and willing to come over to her place, so she heaved herself up from her chair and moved out of her office to prepare herself for his arrival. Being faced only then with the blood spatters on her floor, she suddenly also remembered how she was still wearing the bloodied Guardian suit herself. Sighing softly at the realisation as well as at the whole of the happened events, she decided to first clean the house before she would clean herself. And so she grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and cleared away the line of blood drops that made a clear path from her office to the outside kitchen door. Heaving another sigh once she'd cleaned up the last bit of blood, she simply threw the cloth right into the bin and then walked away to go change her outfit. After some good scrubbing with a washing cloth and some soapy water, Jea heaved herself into one of her own outfits again, taking the Guardian suit and simply putting that in her washing bin, deciding that the Inferiors her mother still sent every now and again would know better what to do with it than she herself, because she didn't want to ruin the perfectly good suit. Walking down the stairs again the moment she'd done so, she reached the ground floor just as Siwon rang the bell. Moving to open up for him, she first tapped in the entrance clearance code for the male so that he wouldn't be hindered by anything when she opened the door. Letting him in, she smiled lightly at the mere sight of her friend, already feeling a lot calmer just by knowing he was there and she wasn't alone anymore. At least no one was going to be able to just sneak in and take her away. At least someone would be aware of her absence.
Of coure Siwon wanted to know what had happened - well, actually he asked if the both of them were alright - and Jea paused a moment in her step before shaking her head. Telling him that they weren't, for some reason she couldn't leave it at that. She just had to talk to someone because the more time passed the more she started to realise how incredibly stupid she had been and how badly she had behaved towards her friend and Guardian as well as towards the other female Guardian who'd done nothing but try and help her - even after she'd kissed the woman's boyfriend right in front of her. Another one of those smart moves she'd pulled that day. Apparently November the nineteenth of that year was the best day of her life when it came to pulling stupid moves. And it was with those thoughts in mind that she asked Siwon how Ryeowook and Dara were doing. Trying to figure out if it was safe enough for her to tell him about her feelings for Donghae - even though the fact that he did not speak a bad word about his brother dating his personal Guardian should have tipped her off enough about that. But eventually she managed to tell him that she hadn't been careful and that she had kissed her Guardian. While Jia had seen it. And he had kissed back. Which honestly still surprised her a little whenever she thought of it. Oh and then there was the minor detail that she was in love with him - which she told Siwon too, eventually. And that he was in love with her, like he'd told her in January already. After which she then mentioned that she'd shot him. Of course the whole of the information completely flabbergasted her Superior friend and she couldn't blame him for any of the comments he made, even if somehow she felt her pride got hurt by some.
It was a messed up situation and simply by talking about it to Siwon she already realised how stupid her reactions had been. Trying to explain her reasoning to him for how Donghae had not answered her and had even mocked her, she realised how stupid that sounded even to her own ears. None of what she was saying was proper enough reason to pull the trigger on her personal Guardian - even less on her friend - but for some reason she had still done so. And she knew why. Because in the end her head wasn't really fixed. In the end the events of that January had left bigger gaps in her foundation than she'd wanted to admit. But finding out that her own home wasn't a safe place anymore and then even having the only certainty she'd had - Donghae - suddenly differ from the solid, trustworthy rock he'd been to her all that time; it had hit a nerve that had made her lose it. Not just lose control over her emotions or maybe her temper, no, she'd literally just lost it all. And only when he'd done that which she had asked for - give her an explanation - had she come back to her senses a little. But what she'd done was irreversible now and what would come of it, she didn't even know. Talking a bit like that with Siwon as she was thinking her own thoughts, she eventually came to the point where she knew she had to talk to her Guardian. And although she wanted to go over and have the conversation face-to-face, she knew Jia had gone along with him and most probably the female Guardian was still with him. She didn't want to disturb the two of them, for maybe somehow that was going to be fixed, but on the other hand she didn't want to leave all of this unresolved until the morning, because by then the riffs she'd punched into her relationship with her Guardian might have grown to even wider canyons that they wouldn't be able to cross over anymore.
Which was why she eventually decided to call her Guardian, picking up her phone with Siwon still sitting next to her and dialling Donghae's number as a normal call. Because she wanted to give him the choice to pick up or not, she wanted to leave every decision of what happened next in his hands, because by shooting him she had given up her right to demand anything from him. It took a few rings before the call was picked up, something which at least soothed Jea’s fear that he didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore now. Until Donghae’s voice filtered through, stating a hello so neutrally that her soothed fear instantly spiked up again. Maybe he’d only picked up out of courtesy. Or because she was still a Superior and he still a Guardian. Which meant he was just doing this because of his place below her, which meant he could still not want to talk to her on a personal level, which meant she had to prepare herself all over again to be ready to face rejection, only this time in a much shorter time span. Needing a moment or two to gather her wits, Jea then took in a silent breath before saying her Guardian’s name in a soft voice. The response was almost immediate, his yes sounding so neutral as well that she still didn’t know anything more about what he felt or thought or how he viewed her suddenly calling. But she’d called and she’d said his name so she had to persist now. Breathing out a soft sigh, she closed her eyes for a moment, actually forgetting that Siwon was still seated next to her and just focusing on the person on the other end of the line and on what would be the best way to convey to him how she was feeling and find out how he was feeling without inconveniencing him further. So she started with what seemed to be the most necessary thing at that point in time. “I’m sorry.” Which was true but just saying that didn’t hardly scratch the surface of the intense regret and guilt and everything that went with that she was feeling. Yet she had no other way of going about it, because saying you were sorry was how one was supposed to convey these emotions. They had no other words for it and one could only prove it through actions, really.
Mostly she was sorry for pulling the trigger on him, but to mention that felt like it would only make things worse. In fact, to mention any detail felt like she was just going to stick her finger into an open wound and prod around in it a little - something which everyone knew only served to hurt and possibly infect, really. Hearing him say then that he was sorry too, Jea felt her heart constrict. There was honestly no reason for him to be sorry at this point in time. He hadn’t actually done anything bad to her, she’d been the one to take this whole thing and blow it completely out of proportion - as Siwon had said; the situation had exploded. Closing her eyes, she let the silence last on for a little longer, not noticing how Siwon got up from the couch and left the living room to let her have a private conversation. Another bout of silence followed before she eventually dared to ask: “Are you okay?” Being told by Donghae that he was healed, she shook her head lightly with a pained expression. She hadn’t wanted to inquire about that, she’d known that he’d be okay because he’d be stupid not to use his Healing Chamber and he wasn’t stupid. Another set of silence and then she sighed. “I’m really sorry… About.. Everything.” Don’t mention the details was apparently once again the biggest slogan in her head, but when he went ‘Everything?’ in reply the one particular moment popped into her mind and she swallowed and shook her head even though he couldn’t see that and somehow a small smile bloomed on her face at the thought of their kiss and of how especially not sorry she was for that. “Almost everything,” she therefore replied, still sounding soft but having the smile on her face nonetheless. Thinking on about the events of that day, she eventually came back to the horrific ending of it all in her office just a few hours before and the smile died away.
"I lost it," she stated then, softly, because admitting what came after had taken quite a struggle for her to achieve. "I don’t think we managed to fix my head in the end." Listening to him say how they had to live then with the way her head was now, she bit her lower lip as she couldn’t get the memories of her insane behaviour in her office out of her head. "But it does stupid things the way it is now," she countered his words, closing her eyes but quickly opening them again because it only made the images more vivid. Unable to keep a small smile from appearing shortly when he said there would be no more suit or guns for her, she nodded her head and agreed with a soft "Okay." Staying silent for a moment as she thought back to the events continuously, she couldn’t help but feel like she wanted to explain it to him, so that he would understand why she’d gone haywire, even though she hoped he wouldn’t feel like he had to take her into account. "I was scared," she admitted then, quietly, as it was one of the hardest things for her to admit to; that she was weak and vulnerable, that she didn’t always have everything under perfect control. "People do stupid things when they’re scared." Like his kidnappers had done, which was the first reason why they’d ended up in this situation to begin with. But also like she had done by getting angry at him, distrusting him and most especially shooting at him. When he asked her why, she swallowed and closed her eyes a little. “Because home was the only safe place, but then all of a sudden people got into my personal files on my personal computer and when I asked you for an explanation you didn’t answer,” she rambled off suddenly, the memory of it scaring her yet again, although she managed not to let the fear overtake her this time. Being apologised to once more, she closed her eyes and fought off the feeling of wanting to just bury herself away and leave it all behind. “Don’t apologise, you couldn’t have known. Just… Next time just answer,” she added in a small voice then, feeling an intense relief as well as warmth when he stated that he would. Swallowing with difficulty upon hearing those words, Jea stared at the window across from her which gave sight to the garden - although at that point all she could see was the closed shutter. Which was more reassuring than a dark background where someone could pop out from at any moment whatsoever.
Staring ahead of her for a long time trying to think of what to say to her Guardian next and how to get to the point of the conversation where she could figure out how he looked at it all, Jea came up short, only thinking of how she wanted him to be okay and how she wanted to know where they stood. “What are we?” she therefore asked in a soft voice once more, basically lining herself up for slaughter should his answer be a rejection of the friendship and love that had grown between them during the past year. She was ready for anything, the fear trembling inside of her even as she asked the question, but he didn’t leave her to sit in wonder because his reply was almost instant and the words he spoke sent a surge of warmth through her that made her want to simply embrace him and hold her close to him; to just take those three words and wrap them around her like a thick, warm, impenetrable blanket that would keep her safe from any- and everything. Trying to figure out a way to respond to his words with those three words of her own, somehow Jea couldn’t manage to get herself to speak them aloud in that moment. Somehow it felt like she should be careful with how she said them and when, because she needed to be sure that he knew she meant them and that she wasn’t saying them solely because of the situation they were in or because he had said them. She wanted to say them only when he knew they came straight from her heart and not just from her mind. Remaining silent because of that, trying to come up with a way to do that, Donghae spoke again before she could say anything, stating that if she wanted him to be her Guardian he would be but that she probably didn’t need that anymore since she liked to play Jane Dean. A comment which had her frown and repeat “Jane Dean?” questioningly, since she didn’t know what he meant with that.
Being explained that she could take care of herself because she could handle guns now, Jea squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment. “Knowing how to handle a gun doesn’t mean you can protect yourself,” she responded to him in a bit of a harsher tone of voice, just because it seemed like he was mocking her again. She clearly had not taken care of herself or anything to the likes, she’d only shot someone who had not meant her any harm whatsoever and done that because he wasn’t answering her. What kind of a deranged bitch had she turned into? Was that taking care of oneself? But at the same time she sounded harsher too because she didn’t want him to leave her and she wanted to make sure he knew that she still needed him. Because damn, sheneeded him. Being told once again that she wouldn’t be getting any suits or guns anymore, she smiled softly, both sad and loving, ahead of herself when he continued on saying he would do the Guardian things and she would do the Superior things. “Do you still want to be my Guardian?” she couldn’t help herself from asking, being very worried that he was still feeling obliged to even though he didn’t have to anymore. Being explained then that his contract was ending the next month and that if she didn’t renew his contract he wouldn’t be her Guardian anymore, Jea frowned lightly because that had nothing at all to do with what she had asked him. Which was exactly what she told him. “That’s not what I asked,” she stated after a moment of confusion, frowning lightly still, but then being told that if she didn’t give him a new contract he couldn’t be her Guardian anymore. Which still didn’t give her any answer, but she closed her eyes lightly and decided to just agree. “Then I’m going to buy you up,” she spoke softly, realising only when he questioned that that it was a Superior term most Guardians - or other Caste members - didn’t even know of. “For life,” she explained. “Superiors call it buying up a Guardian.” Hearing how he agreed with that, she then had to take the blow where he told her not to shoot at him anymore and that she had to trust him.
"I’m sorry," she instantly apologised again to those words, the agony filling her to the brim, it seemed. "I’m sorry for distrusting you and shooting at you." Being asked then whether she wouldn’t do that anymore, she pressed her lips together for a moment before shaking her head. "No," was all she replied to him, but it was a promise. A promise to herself to never let herself get carried away so far that she would lose her trust in even him. Being told then that she could buy him up then and own him, Jea for a moment felt how her eyes started to fill with tears, only to stop halfway and then settle on just being slightly more moist than usual. "I do that already now, don’t I?" she asked him then, voice sounding a little less tense than it had done up till then, because a big part of the weight on her chest had been lifted knowing that he was okay with still being her Guardian at least. She also made a mental note that the first thing she would do the next day was pay Headquarters a visit and tell them the male Guardian by name of Lee Donghae would serve as her personal Guardian from then on onwards until she would personally relieve him of such duty or either of their deaths would make it so. Donghae’s reply had been that he had to admit that she did indeed own him already, which once again warmed her heart, even though she was probably thinking of way different things than he was. Like how he loved her and she owned him in that way, which actually made it so that he owned her already too.
"Donghae-ah," she spoke softly then, wanting to tell him that she loved him, that he had every part of her and that he could go to the fucking north pole and she’d follow him blindly. But her Superior pride resisted that, resisted the thought of putting herself so blatantly below someone else. But she wanted to somehow make it clear to him that she was his, too. "Do you want to be a Superior for a little while?" Hearing his instant confusion and once again faltering in her conviction of how to say the one thing that mattered. "You could buy me up as well." Being told then how he didn’t want to be a Superior, Jea looked down at her couch for a moment, hearing how he said humans should be equal. "Well yeah, that’s why," she retorted easily, although she hadn’t been thinking of anything like that at all - well she had been, but in a different way. "I was the Guardian for a bit earlier, so you can be the Superior for a bit then." But he passed on that offer too, making her sigh softly, inaudible for him on the other end of the line. "You should be, though. Next time you come here. So that we’re equal. Since I can’t wear a suit anymore," she spoke a bit more softly then, hoping he would understand her. When he agreed with her, she couldn’t help but smile lightly. "But only in the house not outside," she then retorted, although for some reason even in the house didn’t sound safe anymore. Well, hopefully for Donghae his important friends supported Superior-Guardian relationships, otherwise they were both screwed. "We’re going to have to be careful." Smiling softly and lovingly once more when he agreed yet again and said they had to be, Jea let her eyes fall closed so she could savour the idea of just spending time with him.
Sitting in silence for a while again after that, her thoughts wandered back to other things until they came to an end once again on the female Guardian that was also a part of the whole messed up situation somehow. “Is Jia there?” she asked then, a lot softer than before, guilt rising up in her once more. Hearing his confirmation, she swallowed softly. “How is she?” Listening to how he told her that he wasn’t sure and that the woman was holding herself strong, Jea felt almost jealous that she was able to do that while there she had been, losing control completely. Thinking on about the reason for why the other woman could be feeling bad, Jea felt herself want to hide away again in a corner. But instead she sighed once more. ”I’m really sorry about what happened with her,” she spoke a bit more slowly than before, as if tasting her words before truly speaking them aloud. “But I’m not sorry for kissing you.” Making a slight face at that, Jea stayed silent for a short moment when Donghae admitted he wasn’t sorry either, before she then added: “Admittedly, though, the timing and place were… rather unfortunate. I should have probably picked a different surrounding.” Having him agree to that but state that it had happened now, Jea could only nod her head once. Staring ahead of herself, she was lost in thoughts for a bit again when Donghae suddenly asked her what she wanted him to be. And without even thinking about it, her reply was a simple: “Everything.” Which was accompanied by another rush of warmth inside of her at the mere thought of having Donghae by her side and being able to call him hers. Being told by him then that he couldn’t be everything - like how he couldn’t be a chair, she almost childishly defied that by stating she still wanted to sit on him. When he then said that he couldn’t be a car, she couldn’t help grinning lightly as she retorted that she still wanted to ride him. Being told then that he couldn’t be coffee, she retorted that she still wanted to sip him every morning. When he stated next that they should stop, Jea held back the chuckle that wanted to leave her and instead closed her eyes again and just savoured the lighter atmosphere for a moment.
"Donghae-ah," she tried again, but once more everything inside of her seemed to want to say the words except for her mouth which was the only part of her that could actually say them. “You should probably go to sleep.” Nodding her head automatically at his ‘you too’ she smiled softly ahead of herself. “I’ll see you in the morning?” she asked then, not even demanding it of him as she would usually do but for one last time trying to offer him the opportunity to say no to her if he did not want to be there or if he needed more time to deal with everything. But when he said he’d see her in the morning, she berated herself in her own mind. Of course he didn’t need more time or anything to the likes of that. She was the only crazy person who needed that much time to deal with things. “Alright. Goodnight then,” she answered him, voice once again soft as she looked at the window ahead of herself still. Listening to him return her greeting, she somehow didn’t want to hang up without telling him those words, without making sure that he knew she had not just said them back then out of relief or worry, that they were still true now, that he wasn’t the only one feeling things, that he wasn’t alone. She didn’t know what the main reason was for her to want to tell him, but she just really wanted to tell him. Remaining silent, she was eternally grateful to the fact that Donghae didn’t end the call yet and instead seemed to be waiting for her to say something else, as if he knew their conversation hadn’t finished yet. And listening to the crackling of the line, Jea finally found the peace in herself where she truly came to terms with the fact that she was being pathetic just for this one guy. Which was when she finally managed to bring out those three so very important words, straight from the heart. “I love you.”
Being greeted with a goodnight and an ‘I’ll see you in the morning’ once again, Jea didn’t even try to stop herself from smiling as widely and warmly as she was doing. “See you tomorrow,” she agreed, before ending the call for real then. Staring ahead of herself for a little while longer with the thought of Donghae in her mind, she eventually got up to go find Siwon when her emotions had settled again inside of her. Finding him in her kitchen with Queen roaming around there too, she offered him a glass of wine with which they returned to the living room. And once there, seated comfortably in her couch next to her friend with the knowledge that Donghae would come to her house in the morning and they could perhaps start a whole different relationship together, she allowed herself to simply explain everything to Siwon too. Having admitted it once before already, it was way easier to admit to her friend as well that the kidnapping in January had left more marks than she could’ve thought and what exactly had happened to her earlier that day to make her shoot her Guardian. Explaining it all to him without even the slightest bit of hesitation anymore, Jea eventually asked her friend if he could stay the night, offering him the guest room for his use and then eventually going to bed herself. But with the presence of both Donghae and Siwon gone completely there, she found herself reverting back to the fear and lay turning and tossing for a long time before eventually getting the guns back from where she’d put them the evening before and tucking two underneath her pillow, holding one other in her hand and having the fourth one close by. Yet another hour of tossing and turning later, she moved out of bed again to get the suit back to and actually put it back on before crawling back in bed. Calming down a little because of the certainty of the protective gear, it was then that the exhaustion due to that day’s events finally caught up with Jea and pulled her under into sleep.
