when the impossible becomes the inevitable

[jena-gray]

Mirrored Relationships

Laughter in my eyes and bliss on my lips

A little girl with a bundle of balloons carrying her into a clear, blue sky

Butterflies of all sizes and colors – the big yellow ones with wings that look with bright eyes on them, the majestic deep blue ones and little dainty purple ones that look like a puff of happy magic.

They all gather and flit about inside of me in the grand performance of the Butterfly Dance.

Flowers bloom, birds chirp sweet, springtime melodies though it’s fall.

Rainy days become adventures with each microcosmic sea – little watery jewels scatter about as I jump into each one.

Do you see the skip in my step as I try not to run to greet you?

My words jumble and mix, swirling around in the upside down, sideways world that exists with you.

Secure, as the lighthouse burns, beckoning for the imperiled ship to draw near

Our encounters impact those around us, exemplifying freedom and grace

Because, truly, smiles, joy, life, and wonder emanate from our times together which in turn affect our times apart.

It’s like an endless repetition of joy and wonder, joy and wonder as it’s passed from heart to heart to heart to heart

Awakening the stone hearts that have deep fissures and erosion caused by the destructive forces of this world.

When I think of you, my lips turn upward and my soul takes flight in a colorful display of cheerful jubilance.

These hazel eyes you look so deeply into become brighter as they reflect the light in your own.

[jena-gray]

“Sorry, I’m a little off today.”

Where does that phrase come from? Do we have to be “on” all the time? Think about lights in a house - if we left the lights on the entire time then our electricity bill would be extravagant and the bulbs could get burned out...

Why is it any different with human beings? If we  are expected to be “on” all the time, there will of course be burn-out...

So take the time to dial down, unplug, and turn “off” for a bit - you don’t have to always be “on.” It’s exhausting and it is slowly burning you out.

[jena-gray]

Will you?

Will you sit still and be

next to me?

Will you stand by my side

and love on people passing by?

Will you listen to my qualms

and still keep calm?

Will you hear all my fears

and still lend me your ear?

Will you watch my tears

and still draw near?

Will you know me fully

and still want to?

And, perhaps, the better question remains... What happens when you will? 

[jena-gray]

Accessing the Inaccessible - Discussions of philosophy, numena, infinity, and eternity

What is innate to the human mind?

A priori is the notion that individuals have innate knowledge not based on experience simply based on the fact that they are human (think Kant).

A posteriori is the seemingly opposing notion that the knowledge individuals possess comes from some prior experience. Empiricism is built upon this foundation (think Locke or Hume).

I have always had a fascination with archetypes yet very little time to delve deeper into the topic or rather theory of archetypes. Are there certain predispositions that all people share? Is there an innateness to humanity?

This leads us to the idea of phenomena and numena. These concepts fall under the category of various forms of thought and are quite abstract to comprehend.

For example, in my History of Anthropological Theories seminar last semester my professor, Professor Glasser, picked up a plastic bottle and placed it in the center of our circle of desks. We were told to look at the bottle and describe what we see.

We all recognized the existence of the object - we were aware of its physicality although none of us could get up out of our seats to touch it. Yet there is something else, something more. There is an essence of that bottle that is intangible, unavailable to us. We can't see the entirety of the bottle but we have the notion that we are perceiving the bottle. What we do not have is a complete notion of the essence of the bottle - this essence is unattainable and inaccessible, yet exists. We are talking about it now, the bottle's essence. So, what is that? The numena is the idea that there are objects or concepts that are not sensed and that are inaccessible - yet we are aware of their existence.

Said in another way, we have incredible difficulty conceptualizing the universe, yes? Start simply. Imagine the Earth. Now go beyond that. Imagine the Milky Way Galaxy. Now go beyond that. Imagine twenty-five galaxies. Now go beyond that. Imagine one million galaxies. Now go beyond that. Our imaginations can continue on, yet the concepts become inaccessible - our minds cannot compute what one million galaxies must be like nevertheless an infinity of galaxies - the infinitude of the universe. The universe itself.

Yet even still. Imagine that you can place a bounds on the universe, you can talk about it, weight it in your hands - if you can do that, then there is something beyond even the universe. Something outside of the universe. We cannot physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, or humanly understand or express the infinitude of things (think music, math, astronomy, language), yet we know that infinitude exists. We are aware of the limitations of our understanding and our mind and yet we innately know there is something beyond those bounds that we cannot grasp - we cannot attain. The existence of something greater than ourselves, greater than what the human mental capacity can understand: it is ingrained in our being. Something that is outside of these bounds of time, space, and knowledge remains constant.

After acknowledging there is something beyond our limits (our numena) and the finite-ness of the human mind through the innate understanding that there is something more, Kant stopped. He rested his case in claiming that what rests in the numena is inaccessible and thus we can only rely on the phenomena, the things that we can understand, in living our lives.

Kant acknowledged a higher intellectual being but asserted that "it" will forever remain a mystery, unattainable. Most Kantians or those who share in his philosophy declare themselves as strongly agnostic and therefore contend that there is a God but He is inaccessible and cannot be experienced.

"...I perceive that in every way you are very religious. For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription,

'To the unknown god.'

What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for,

'in him we live and move and have our being';

as even some of your own poets have said,

"'For we are indeed his offspring.'

Being then God's offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man. The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead (Jesus).'

Now when they heard of the resurrection of the dead, some mocked. But others said, 'We will hear you again about this.'So Paul went out from their midst. But some men joined him and believed..." (Acts 17:22-34).

If God was unattainable, he made himself known to us by becoming like us.

Jesus is speaking here:

"For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day" (John 6:38-40).

Even the simple acknowledgement and concept that we have of the infinitude of life, the infinitude of the universe, of math (you can always add another number), of language (you are constantly creating new sentences that have never been said before) means that we have some predetermined concept of infinity, or eternity.

Let's go deeper. With infinity - it is accepted that infinity goes in both directions, from any given starting point. You can draw an endless ray in either direction. Likewise, infinity, or eternity, exists in two directions. There are two routes of eternity. Heaven or Hell. Eternity exists. It's a matter of which end of eternity you will you end up on.

Scripture points to the truth that people are predispositioned to acknowledge infinity.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Oh, also, eternity doesn't begin when you die. It is in the nature of eternity to constantly exist. So, next time when you're contemplating the universe or eternity, know that you were created to contemplate it. But what's even cooler is that you were created to know the one who you are contemplating - you have been given access to the inaccessible. 

Live in that knowledge and explore it.

[jena-gray]

Experiences with Love - Questions & Ponderings

Do you have to experience love to know what it is?

Is the understanding of "love" a priori knowledge, knowledge before or independent from experience; or is "love" a posteriori knowledge, an understanding based from experience?

Do you have to experience love to know what it is?

Is love something you inherently know? Or, do you have to experience love first to know what it is? And even then, how do you know what you just experienced was love? Did someone explicitly define "love" as they performed some action? Semantically, how does meaning become attached to this word "love"? And what more, how many variations of meaning, experience, interpretation can this one word contain without splintering off into other words?

What are these forms that love can take? Is love an action, a word, an idea, or a lifestyle? Is it idealistic to believe in love?

For those cultures whose language does not contain a word for "love," does that mean they have no concept of what love is?

What framework are we working within in order to establish or evaluate what characterizes the oft sought-after concept of love?

What a shame it is when love remains a concept and never permeates the soil of our souls. What a shame it is when love is aloof from our immediate families. Yet, even still - I would be make a bold statement in saying that every single person on the planet has been privy to a love encounter. Love abounds. It is in the gentle smile shared between a couple whose lives have been intertwined for decades past. It is in the way a child cares for her baby doll. It is in the consideration of one friend to another. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Love is apparent in the effervescence and vibrancy of the leaves in the fall. How so?

Because not only did the Creator form this earth, but He created beauty. He created humans with the perceptions and sensations to behold beauty and to experience wonder. It is a pure and simple notion of grace that Creator God created beauty - and it is by this that I know his love for us. He took the time, effort, and care to know how my heart soars and my soul jumps over a simple stroll in the woods - this is love. All my admiration and appreciation cannot begin to be quantified and yet the awe within me continues, lengthens, deepens. Love is all around. Lift your solemn souls to see.  

[jena-gray]

[jena-gray]

[jena-gray]

Listening is basic and crucial because it is the soil out of which all the fruits of our human relationships grow.  Listening takes radical openness to another, and radical openness requires surrender.  This is why listening is frightening, although we don’t usually think of it in that way.  It requires a kind of fearless self-confidence that most of us have never developed. Self-confidence isn’t egotism.  Egotism is being stuck on yourself, insisting; perhaps quite unconsciously, on seeing everything through the lens of your own interests, your own intelligence, and your own views, capacities, and opinions.  With too much egotism, listening is impossible.  True self-confidence is different; it isn’t confidence in your own superficial self, in your cover story, your views, capabilities, and resume.  It is, on the contrary, the willingness to suspend all of that for a while, in favor of a faith in yourself that goes beyond the surface of who you are.  When you are truly self-confident, you are flexible with regard to ego; you can pick up ego when necessary but you can also put it down when necessary in order to learn something completely new through listening.  And if you find that you can’t put ego down, at least you know that this is so.  You can admit it to yourself.  It takes profound self-confidence to be humble enough to recognize your own limitations without self-blame. If you can do that, very soon you will be able to listen. The next time you are in a conversation pay attention to your listening.  Don’t just go on automatic pilot. Instead, reflect on what is actually going on.  Chances are you will notice that often than not, when another person is talking, you are not listening.  You may be more or less hearing what the person is saying, getting the general drift, but you are probably also preparing or anticipating the remark you will soon be making in rejection or agreement with what you are hearing.  Maybe you interrupt, maybe you lose attention or think about something else, or maybe your mind simply wanders gently off to no place in particular.  Daydreaming is a habit so unconscious that it is much more prevalent than any of us realize.  Since you are so often not actually listening but rather are absorbed in your own mental habits, you are probably missing out on something, some piece of information, some discovery about yourself or that other person or the world, some news. What’s usually in our minds isn’t really news.  It’s the residue of what we’ve learned, or hoped for, or feared, or been hurt by.  Whether we are conscious of it or not, we are almost always strategizing when we engage in conversation with others-trying to find the advantage or to protect ourselves from something foreign or unknown.  We aren’t listening at all.  If we want to survive with some happiness, however, in this world of difference- a world in which we are constantly confronted with one utterly different and unknown person after another (even those we know and live with for many years are sometimes utterly unknown to us)- we had better study the art of listening. To truly listen is to shed, as much as possible, all of your protective mechanisms, at least for the time of listening.  To listen is to be willing to simply be present with what you hear without trying to figure it out or control it.  To listen is to be radically receptive to what occurs.  To do that, you have to be honest with yourself.  You have to be aware of and accepting of your preconceptions, desires, and delusions-all that prevents you from listening.  But you also have to be willing to put these pre-conceptions, desires, and delusions aside so that you can hear what the speaker is saying for what it is.  Because truly listening requires that you do this, listening is dangerous.  It might cause you to hear something you don’t like, to consider its validity, and therefore to think something you never thought before-or to feel something you never felt before, and perhaps never wanted to feel.  This feeling might make something happen within you that never happened before.  This is the risk of listening, and this is why it is automatic for us not to want to listen. But listening, however dangerous, is a necessity.  If you want to stay open to life and to change, you have to listen.  To listen, really listen, is to accord respect.  Without respect, no human relationship can function normally, for the pain and hurt that inevitably arise from disrespect eventually pervert it.  When your mind is occupied (usually quite unconsciously) with your own thoughts and plans and strategies and defenses, you are not listening.  And when you are not listening, you are not according respect.  The speaker knows this and reacts accordingly. It doesn’t take a physic to know that someone is not really listening.  We all know whether or not we are being listened to.  But we are so accustomed to not being listened to that we take it for granted and even see it as normal. This is why it is so startling, and so powerful, almost magical, when we are actually heard by another person within the openness of true listening. Perhaps the most common and pernicious form of non-listening is our non-listening to ourselves.  So much of what we actually feel and think is unacceptable to us.  We have been conditioned over a lifetime to simply not hear all of our own self-pity, anger, desire, jealousy, wonder.  Most of what we take to be our adult response is no more than our unconscious decision not to listen to what goes on inside us.  And as with any human relationship, not listening to ourselves damages our self-respect.  It occludes the free flow of love from ourselves to ourselves.  To allow ourselves to feel what we actually do feel-not to be afraid or dismayed but to open up a space inside our hearts large enough to safely contain what we feel, with the faith that whatever comes up is workable and even necessary-this is what any healthy, mature human being needs to do and what we so often fail to do.

“Listening,” An Excerpt from Taking Our Places

[jena-gray]

But where?

The teardrops still hang loosely and wet in my eyes like stubborn clothing hung on the line that just won't dry. Will a man I ever find? Until then, Faithful and True I choose to serve You.

[jena-gray]

What Do You Seek?

Years ago if you had asked me, "What do you seek?" I would have told you, "Nothing - for I am fragile and weak." If you had asked me, "Who will you be?" I would have told you, "I don't even know how to be me." If you had asked me, "Where will you go?" I would have told you, "Nowhere - for I move far too slow." But now, if you were to ask me, "What do you seek?" I would tell you, "To be made humbled and meek." If you were to ask me, "Who will you be?" I would tell you, "I'm forgiven and free to be me." If you were to ask me, "Where will you go?" I would tell you, "Wherever my Lord God will show."

[jena-gray]

I Am From

I am from ancestors of hypocrisy I am from years unseen I am from fields of green, dotted and splashed with flowers of color I am from a conglomerate of brown and green, reflected to the world through my eyes. I am from a past filled with lies I am from ponds of blues and picturesque views that periodically have been dulles by chronic pain. I am from a quiet land, inhabited by trees that see and tranquil streams I am from silence, shattered by God who spoke to me, "Be." I am from blindness now made to see I am from a childhood of laughter and games; from adolescence overflowing with shame I am from starry nights and internal fights I am from concealed tragedy I am from a stoic heart that now can breathe I am from walls built high I am from love gone nigh I am from a gallery of masks, which, while people admired, I conspired to pick and choose the right one to lose my identity behind I am from a family that tried, yet through my pride I would hide the fact that I did actually cry I am from a mindset that simply didn't care, from a secret world that I didn't share. I am from brokenness now healed where I am no longer concealed beneath pressing shackles and chains I am from a past now changed. I am from a stone heart now compassionately beating I am from joy, not happiness fleeting I am from lies now destroyed by the Truth, from a God who loves and sent His Son as the proof I am from freedom and joy and life to the full I am from incompletion, now made whole. I am from a blackened-now-pure soul I am from the domain of darkness, now transferred to life. I am from the shadows, now living for Christ.

[jena-gray]

Plato’s Theory of Forms

As I was reading in my Bible the book of Hebrews, I came to the tenth chapter and paused after reading the first verse. As I continued on through the chapter, I was astonished to see all of the connections that Plato’s Theory of Forms has with the Word of God. Hopefully this will enlighten you as it did me:

“For since the law has but a shadow of the good things to come instead of the true form of these realities, it can never, by the same sacrifices that are continually offered every year, make perfect those who draw near” (Hebrews 10:1).

To offer context for those who may not be familiar with the Bible (totally fine, by the way - it’s easy to become familiar, it starts now)... the law that James is referring to in this verse is the Mosaic law. You know, the Ten Commandments, as well as all of the other laws that were spelled out for the Israelites to follow throughout the first five books of the Bible (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy - which were all written by Moses, fyi). These laws were held in place so that the Israelites would be set apart, that they would be different from others of their time. They were, after all, a chosen race, a holy priesthood, set apart for the glory of God - salvation was to come from the Jews (salvation referring to Jesus who was Jewish but came to seek and save the lost, not just the Jews but the non-Jews as well). 

[Sidenote: Why did Jesus come to seek and save the lost? Who are the lost? Why do they need saving? How is this relevant to me? Am I in this category? These are all excellent and valuable questions that are worthy of asking. Ask them. More to come on that later.]

So, this law was “but a shadow of the good things to come,” a shadow of “the true form of these realities” (Heb.10:1). The law was that which Jesus came to break, Jesus came so that “now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code” (Romans 7:6). Jesus broke us from the bondage of having to constantly sacrifice animals and present offerings to assuage the penalty of sin, to abate the wrath of God. Yet these offerings had to be presented to God many times (see the entire book of Leviticus for a list longer than you would care to read honestly - one that makes me all the more thankful that Jesus came so that could all come to an end) because “it can never, by the same sacrifices that are continually offered every year, make perfect those who draw near” (Heb. 10:1). 

This brings us, finally, to Plato’s Theory of Forms as well as my previous post on Perfection and its previous post, Plato & The Allegory of the Cave... Sacrifices were necessitated because “under the law[,] almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins” (Heb. 9:22). So, therefore, in accordance with the Bible - forgiveness only comes from the shedding of blood and we are all in desperate need for forgiveness for our imperfections before a perfect God. Yet all of the forms of sacrifice on this earth are only mere “shadows...of the true form.” So, in order to abolish the need for sacrifice, the Form from which sacrifices are modeled after, since they are a reflection of a truer form, must be the one to finish off sacrifices completely. 

Allow me to explain a bit further. No human could perform the perfect ceremony, no form of sacrifice would suffice, “for it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins” (Hebrews 10:4). Then James quotes from a passage in Psalm 40:6-8 and then explains why he quoted it and what it means. He says in verse 8, talking of the Psalm passage which he re-quotes here, “When he said above, ‘You have neither desired nor taken pleasure in sacrifices and burnt offerings and sin offerings’ (these are offered according to the law), then he added, ‘Behold, I have come to do your will.’ He does away with the first in order to establish the second. And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all” (Hebrews 10:8-10). 

Then the next one gets me: “And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified” (Hebrews 10:11-14). 

So, Christ, being God’s Son, perfect and holy and righteous before God (because he was God - #Trinity #theologicaldiscussionstobehad), was the Ultimate Sacrifice. The one and only Form that could be sacrificed and forever assuage the wrath of God for those who are being sanctified. Those who are “in Christ,” those who have decided to follow Jesus are being sanctified. They have already accepted that sacrifice and have turned away from the sins that Jesus died for while also having received and acknowledged the forgiveness of sins. For “where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin” (Heb 10:18). Once we are set free, once we are clean, washed pure - we are made new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), holy and righteous before God because of Jesus’s sacrifice for all (”once for all”). For it is “for our sake he [God] made him [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin [for Jesus was perfect like we’ve mentioned], so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:21). 

So, that rocked my world a bit this morning. It is a simple and powerful truth to know that Jesus, being perfect, was truly, truly the only one that could abolish the old law of sacrifice. He was the only one that could remove the necessity to strive without yield, sacrificing once and for all. 

[jena-gray]

Be known here Be known in this place Be known here Jesus, show them your face.

prayer sung in Guatemala, me

[jena-gray]

Innocence Revealed

Miguel sold us chicle in la Parque Central again (por “10 quetzales”) and Katie and I were able to play with Miguel, Hugo, y Mario for about 45 minutes. And, for a time, they were able to be kids. 

Miguel is 7 and says he is in the park from 5am until 8pm every day of every week. He works 15 hours a day selling chicle (gum) to people. 

But, today we got to see a rare occurence - Miguel laughing and smiling and running and playing and simply being a seven-year-old little boy. Hugo, with his hands black with shoe shine smiled when we offered them a piece of the chicle we just bought from Miguel. As I dropped the gum into his cupped and grateful hands, the stark white piece of gum almost shone as brightly as the smile that spread across Hugo’s face when he popped the rare treat from his filthy hands into his mouth. 

For a short while we were able to give them a break from work. For a short while, we breached the wall they have learned to put up at such a young age, the wall that surrounds them and prevents them from having an innocent childhood.

Connor with Miguel

Hugo con sus manos sucias y Miguel [Hugo with his dirty hands and Miguel]

Guatemalan y gringo version of “leap frog”

He missed!

[jena-gray]

When you begin a great work you can't expect to finish it all at once; therefore do you and your brothers press on, and let nothing discourage you till you have entirely finished what you have begun. Now, Brother, as for me, I assure you I will press on, and the contrary winds may blow strong in my face, yet I will go forward and never turn back, and continue to press forward until I have finished, and I would have you do the same.... Though you may hear birds singing on this side and that side, you must not take notice of that, but hear me when I speak to you, and take it to heart, for you may always depend that what I say shall be true.

Teedyuscung, Delaware

Because my frame of reference and source of wisdom is the Bible, as I read Teedyuscung’s words, I was reminded of these verses. I think it is beautiful the way it was said above and I see threads of his words within the following texts:

”And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” - Philippians 1:6

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 3:14

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” -2 Timothy 4:7

“Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.” -Proverbs 4:27

“And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you shall only go up and not down, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today, being careful to do them, and if you do not turn aside from any of the words that I command you today, to the right hand or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.” -Deuteronomy 28:13-14

[jena-gray]

Thoughts

If a man never developed the ability to speak... What do his thoughts sound like? Or should I ask, what do his thoughts look like? 

[jena-gray]

It does not require many words to speak the truth.

Chief Joseph, Nez Perce