I love making games but I hate majoring in game design
My programming class that I took a year and a half ago went lightning fast to a point where I was so hopelessly behind in Unity that I couldnāt catch up to my class, who all seemed to just get it. So even though I was sitting there for hours listening to all the video tutorials and still messing things up, they were making awesome levels and finishing their projects with no real issues.
But Unity is one of those engines that you have to be a control freak to like because you have to program in every single thingĀ in your game to a point where absolutely nothing is pre-set.
I just donāt care nearly enough to go in and set up every single tiny aspect of my game. I want stuff set up for me so I can go in and change things, set things up, test it out, all that jazz. I hate coding in every single thing and try as I may, I just donāt get C#.
Iām a college sophomore and Iām getting kinda close to finishing my associateās degree but without fail, Iāve hated every single major-specific class I had to take, from programming to animation to even board game design. I couldnāt stand any of them. Animation was tedious, Iāve always hated board games, and programming is a huge chore because I canāt naturally think that way and a lot of the reason I passed any of those courses was pure luck and finding someone who knew programming who was willing to just do it for me when I inevitably messed it up after being told exactly what to do multiple times.
Iām at a loss here because I loved making The BOSS and Glitch but I loathe everything about every class Iāve taken.
So I guess itās early enough to switch majors, the problem is that 1) I do want to go into QA for video games because Iām a good writer and speaker and I do love to play games and donāt mind finding bugs and 2) I thought I really loved making games and Iām thinking maybe Iāve fallen so far behind that I need remedial classes to try and catch up.
But the biggest problem is this is the best Iāve done in college because Iāve actually stuck with it and Iām terrified my bachelorās degree will turn into me wanting to scream and throw my computer against the wall because I donāt understand anything and all the work is tedious. I thought college was supposed to be about doing what youāre passionate about but Iām not passionate about anything and I think thatās the problem.
I like doing what I like doing but I donāt want to do anything as an actual career.
I like writing but the idea of actually doing it professionally sounds nightmarish. I donāt want to have to jump through all the hoops to publish something. I just want to write and share it. I donāt want to be a professional game designer, I just want to make video games that people like. Iām all about getting my voice out there and getting feedback, but I donāt like any careerās structure or having to do the same thing every single day. In short, Iām not passionate about anythingĀ enough to want to put in the amount of effort college requires, and I hate collegeās structure so much that the only way Iām ever going to survive is putting myself through an amount of emotional strain akin to abject torture.
In essence, I really donāt belong in college and I really donāt want to make games or do any writing in a professional setting. Iām happiest when I have complete freedom in my own timeline and at my own pace. Thatās it. I hate being subjected to someone elseās expectations and I canāt do it well enough ever to be promoted to a position where I am the one calling the shots.
So what do I even do other than just give up on trying to better myself? What if there is no bettering myself? What if this is all there is?
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