More Children Than One With a Husband
Not being a mom has been one of the major life struggles that I have had to contend with. When I was in my early twenties, just seeing an infant made me weep for one. Literally weep. The desire for having a baby was painfully engrained in my heart.
As I have grown older and the possibility of bearing children becomes less likely, my level of desperation intensified. During a season in my life, I was nearly inconsolable. When you are there, ask God to help. Ask for Him to give you understanding. He answers, in His beautiful, kind, gentle way. It will not be your way. It will be His way. The trick is to yield to His way and let go of your way. His way is always better, even if you do not think so.
Like many women, I prayed, intently, to be married and have children. Jesus said “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it (John 14:13-14).” This is what the Bible says. I did not understand why I did not have any children, after asking in His name. I told God that I did not understand and that I wanted to understand.
Later, I read Isaiah 54 . . .
“‘Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,’
says the Lord.
“‘Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities (Isaiah 54:1-3).”
Before reading that, I had not considered myself a mother. I do not have biological or adopted children. But Isaiah 54:1 was telling me that I have more children than a woman who has plenty of children. So much so, in verse 2, that my DESCENDANTS will dispossess nations and settle (perhaps fill?) cities. What a revelation! Hearing this was certainly a pivotal point in my life. Slowly, but surely, I became more aware that God had indeed fulfilled my petition for children. This passage continues to remind me that God has answered my prayer. Not in my way, but in HIS way.
A couple of friends, who did not know each other, asked me if I would watch their children on a regular basis. I started watching a three year old boy and a three month old baby, twice a week, in January. As my commitment to these families comes to a close (end of school year), I reflect and realize what a treasure this time has been for me. The intellectual acknowledgement of having more children than one with a husband has seeped into my heart and satisfied my hope.
This season has been a very sweet, lovely, blessing to me. God has certainly quenched my longing for motherhood. If, in the future, He does assign me to have children of my own, that would be wonderful. But if I never give birth to biological children, I recognize in a deeper way that God has given me more children than one with a husband (Isaiah 54:1). It has been a DELIGHT to watch these kids grow and learn, and especially to see the way that I have influenced and contributed some cultivation during this tiny window frame of time. I am here (watching the kids) just enough to make it fun, and not so much that it has become work. God is gracious. God really is gracious.
Here I am, singing, bursting into song and shouting for joy. My tent, my domain, my life is not void of children. In addition, my territory is not restricted to one house and one set of children. The world is my oyster, so to speak. There are so many children to love. No holding back.
“‘Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,’
says the Lord.
“‘Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities (Isaiah 54:1-3).”
Jenny Hershberger is an author (www.SingleAndContent.com) and photographer (www.JHersh.com) who likes to travel (www.BeyondRoadSigns.com).