Silly straws connecting stars

[jeremyhappens]

I kinda liked leaving my blog where it was for two years because it seemed like I just found something happy and it just consumed my life in the best way possible.

That’s not how it happened.

I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the pain I’ve faced in the last few years. It’s sort of becoming normal now and just this sort  of dull numb pain that I live with and exists with me through everything I do. It’s not exactly what I was going for, but I guess this is how life worked out. You chase happiness and you land on working out how you can turn overwhelming pain into not feeling anything at all. Fun.

Anyway, when I started a tumblr it was so I could have an outlet. A place to exercise the one artistic expression I’ve been given, writing, and turn it into...I’m not really sure. But maybe it can be that again.

[kremlinofficial]

Oh yeah, so my valentine still lives 85448829300 miles away from me, and it’s not even valentines day anymore but I forgot to post this so here. Me and forget-to-blink

Also I am wearing a swimsuit as we were about to go swimming in these photos (not that you can tell with Jeremy). Heh.

[jeremyhappens]

Oh! I just saw this. This is cute. 

And yeah. We went swimming. I'm not in swim trunks because I forgot them. Yep. 

I was really aware of valentine's day this year. I was down about it for the whole week. To be honest, I was pretty down for most of the day too. I should have stayed in and ate my weight in pizza but instead I went out with a bunch of other lonely people that weren't so lonely by the end of the night but I still was. But you know what? It was completely okay. Because by the end of the night I realized I was being a complete idiot. I had the best valentine I could ever ask for. Just because she couldn't be around that day didn't make it any less true or me any less lucky. So thank you a lot valentine, you mean the world to me.

Sorry for the mush.

As an aside, I'm so glad I cut my hair.

[jeremyhappens]

THANK YOU ALEXA!

[jeremyhappens]

I hate my profile picture but I take shitty selfies in bathrooms and that's it help me PLEASE.

[jeremyhappens]

Wanting everyone to be okay was the biggest mistake I've ever made.

[jeremyhappens]

Minds are super weird. We try to measure their capability even though we know it's totally in vain. They're capable of so many things that we can't possibly say one is better than another. The only thing we know for sure is each flavor of mind, imagination, and cognitive ability meshed together makes the world we know and live in. 

I don't fucking know what mine is. I know it thinks about things most people don't like to. And I know it comes up with things other people don't. I also know that it's a ticking time bomb. I know that it's going to crush itself under its own weight at any given moment. 

And that's why I can say I love as much as I do. I want to pour all the passion I have into the feelings I have today. When I implode, I don't know what will happen. It's something like knowing you're dying. 

[waifu-club]

forget-to-blink replied to your post:Flying under the radar is my best quality. If i…

pfffffffffft

Y’all are taking that way too serious. I don’t mean it in like a depressed “I’ma disappear” kinda way.

Jeremy man, you know I love you dude and I’m terrible at talking to people I call friends, but I will never forget all the crazy shit we did on tinychat.

I like having a smaller number of followers because I connect to y’all a lot more personally.

[jeremyhappens]

Disappearing is serious business! Especially being good at it. That just indicates things that most people just can't wrap their heads around. Being invisible is a choice. And it's a choice that feels deceptively good. But I know you, dude. And the work will function better if they know Dom. So you should be visible! Because that would be the shit!!! You're the coolest and nicest dude. Own it. You got this.

Glad to hear theres no depression though. That's kick ass.

[jeremyhappens]

You should all start explaining your reblogs. I feel like people reblog the inexplicable hoping that someone will randomly place the coolest reason possible to their post so that they seem cooler than they could ever possibly be.

FUCK YOU OWN UP TO WHO YOU ARE FUCKING TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU LOVE CUNTS

[jeremyhappens]

Well I mean...I guess it's going to happen again. I'm going to say things I wouldn't normally say.

I mean that's a big category. 'Things I wouldn't normally say' because I don't normally say anything. I'd rather the rest of the world work itself out without me having to do anything at all. It's not because I'm lazy. It's just because I feel really powerless. I look at people like they're mountains and I'm an ant and when I push on them it doesn't do anything. I think a lot of people think like this. Some don't really admit like to admit that.

The fact is I'm a nuclear missile and the effect I have on a mountain can be really fucking devastating. 

That's the really weird thing about people. Some of them are completely oblivious to the gigantic impact they have on the people around them. 

I'm not oblivious. I'm just really afraid of it. I don't want to impact. I don't want to make those mountains fall to boulders or dust. I just want to leave them the way they are. I respect all of them and appreciate each of their cliffs and valleys. I want them to remain unchanged forever. I'd rather be passive. And that's why I'm quiet.

But when I want them to change me...that's when everything changes. That's when I start pushing against them with all my helplessness and leaving my fear behind. Most of the time they feel threatened. And I don't understand why. I want everything that they are and not everything I think they should be. Apparently that's rare. I don't really get it.

[jeremyhappens]

I feel like the best way for me to grow as a human being is to develop the ability to stop myself from providing sarcastic commentary. 

[jeremyhappens]

Dear Alex,

You pet your cat in your sleep. It's the most ridiculously cute thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[jeremyhappens]

I am actually not the ugly ass hole I see in the mirror every morning and that is really awesome.

[rayrusiart]

[jeremyhappens]

Bye old URL. I tried to find Hopesfall - It happens to commemorate this occasion but I didn't. So. 

Lame.

[jeremyhappens]

I'm actually pretty wasted and I'm supposed to write something in drunken inspiration but do you KNOW HOW MANY THINGS ARE IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW? It's crazy. But I'm like...insanely happy? So it's different. Usually I'm thinking about something funny, something smart, and ten billion things I don't want anyone to know I'm thinking about right now. 

But right now I'm just thinking about a trillion really awesome things and I kinda wanna go to sleep so I can wake up and talk to her again but I don't want to post that shit because omg what if tumblr thinks I'm a huge fuck off but really though, what do I care what you guys think? 

I actually do care a lot about what some of you think I just never tell you because that would be awkward and you'd think I'm a huge fuck off or whatever.

What even is a fuck off I don't even know? Someone irrelevant or something? 

I'm not even sure.

I told her she was beautiful and I almost wanted to write about it and she said "you should write about it so I have something nice to read in the morning" but instead I wrote this and those other two posts and now she's just going to read about me wondering what a fuck off is. But you know what's just insanely great? She's going to love it. And I'm not completely sure what to do about that but I guess I can roll with it because I mean what more can you ask for? When you're really fucking weird you cherish the people that think it's cool.

I've had like half a bottle of vodka. It's supposed to help me sleep but at the moment it's just obliterating my inhibitions in a way that's making me spill everything to tumblr. What's up with that? I mean really vodka, I thought you loved me?

Vodka doesn't love anything it just wants to hold your hand while you do stupid shit and while that's super comforting it still kind of makes vodka an ass hole.

You know I have liked people before but never enough to just go ramble about it to everyone I've ever talked to ever.

You know you guys are pretty much the only people I talk to. I mean I could post this shit on facebook but no one really understands what the fuck is going on over there so why the hell would I do that?

So about how beautiful Alex is. I can write about that so this is almost nice enough for her to read in the morning. Do you ever go to the same place every time you're feeling like you need something beautiful in your life and think "holy shit this is beautiful" ? Maybe that place is a small waterfall that goes to a pond, or a forest, or a mountain peak. Or maybe just disney world if you're just super jaded. Well just magnify that times a thousand because every time I see this girl it's like "holy shit the world is just great. It's fine the way it is we don't need to change it just leave me alone with her forever." Because there is beauty that makes you affirm beauty. Like models in a magazine. "Yeah, I've heard about beauty. And s/he seems to fit that description." And there is beauty that makes you question what beauty is. "Wow, s/he is really...I don't know..I think..insanely...unequivocally...beautiful?" But then there's beauty that makes you feel better about everything ever. Like yeah, they're beautiful. And since something that fucking beautiful exists, the rest of the world is aight, too. That's pretty fucking intense.

I don't know how she'll take this in the morning.

Alex, I'm pretty buzzed. But I'm pretty in love with you.

I wonder if I can just send this to you and not have to make everyone else suffer through how completely disgusting this is.

I mean...maybe I'll figure that out later. For now, enjoy babe. And have a great day. I'm sure I'll be awake soon so I can be dreadfully late for work.

And for the rest of your tumblarians. Is that still a thing? I don't give a fuck, party like it's '09. Have a really fucking great night because you're aight too.

Nah but seriously I love the shit out of all of you.

[jeremyhappens]

I miss when blogs were more personal because they always inspired me to write and that was my favorite thing about tumblr. It's not just that I love writing, which I do, it's just that everyone here were my favorite subjects. 

[jeremyhappens]

It's stupid easy to do the wrong thing. No matter how alone you feel you almost always have way too many people in your life. It's too many, because people are complicated. There's a lot going on with each and every one of them. They all have their own opinions and dreams and that makes it nearly impossible to coincide with them. Within each mind there is a perception in the world. That means there is no planet earth. There is a rock with 7 billion human beings on it. Which means there are 7 billion perceptions of the planet earth. This isn't a planet, this is a universe. Every time you walk into a room you're walking into a flood of what people see as the world. And whether that's one or 3,000 that's insane. 

Think about a concert. You're sharing a space with hundreds of other people that find the same lyrics just as beautiful and motivational as you do. They all have a similar perception as you and that connects you to them on a level you can't achieve with your friends, your parents, or your cat. It's insane. In that concert hall there are a hundred different planets and they all have one thing in common. And often times, one thing is more than enough.

So if one thing in common is enough, how many differences is too many? It's insanely easy to do the wrong thing. That makes doing the right thing much more precious. When life is hard, but those hardships continue to point you to what you need most, that's beautiful. Perhaps the most beautiful thing life can offer. We can only sit and ask ourselves what we ant so much before we just need to be shown. 

I'm making huge changes. And I know each and every one of them are hurting so many people. But nothing has ever felt as right as this before. I'm excited for the future for the first time. I'm shattering so many worlds but the only two that matter to me are finally realizing their hopes and dreams.

People matter to me. Perhaps more to me than they do to most. Despite that, I'm still willing to do this.

That means a lot and I know she sees it.