A rough draft of my thoughts

A fat, brash, chicana writer from the slums of Orange County's stream of consciousness. Phase 1.

[jesseabundisawriter]

Send me a letter!

A : What is your name? Yesenia

B : How old are you? 34 -_-

C : Orientation? Mostly straight, I'd say 85/15

D : Gender? Woman

E : Are you dating anyone? lmfao no

F : Do you have a crush? noooo

G : What country do you live in? United States

H : Summer or Winter? Winter, but actually fall

I : How many languages do you know? two confidently

J : Have any tattoos? How many? yea, just 3

K : Have any pets? How many? What are their names 1 1/2: Nina and Kobe

L : Ever been to another country? Do you want to? Just Mexico, and I want to see all of Mexico and Italy and Japan and everything else I'll go to if it's free, pero no llama mi atencion

M : Favorite school subject? English

N : Favorite beverage? Diet Coke -_-

O : Favorite food? potatoes and bread

P : Do you prefer books, movies, or video games? these days movies, previously books.

Q : Do you have any favorite books/movies/games? favorite book is this Is how you lose her, favorite movie is probably then muppets take Manhattan, favorite game is speed (cards)

R : How many blogs do you follow? zero, idk if this is too relevant anymore

S : How many followers do you have? lol zero, just passively interested family mostly

T : How many blogs do you have? zero

U : Ever been in a physical fight? yes, only with family lmfao

V : What do you want to do when you're older? psh at this point, be mildly wealthy, earned as passively as possible

W : Favorite fictional character? Samantha from sex and the city and Kelly from insecure

X : Have you ever broken a bone or had surgery? uff no, cruz cruz

Y : Favorite genre of music? rn Chalino

Z : Favorite song?rn I'm vibing to el Branco fajido

[jesseabundisawriter]

Feeling very uninspired so I'mma do some of those myspace era surveys

Music Questions~!

1. What are you listening to right now, if anything?

Queen-Hammer to fall live. Listening to my Workout playlist for the pathetic amount of exercise my stamina-less ass has.

2. What’s the last song you listened to completely?

I Do by Cardi B and Sza, see previous response

3. What is your favorite song? This is too hard for me! Hip Hop - Shadowboxin'-- Gza

Punk- Caribou-Pixies

Classic-Led Zeppelin- A whole Lotta Love

Corridos- Baraja de Oro? IDK

Juan Gabriel- Se Me Olvido Otra Vez

idk I love music

4. Are there any songs that can or have made you cry? Se Me Olvido Otra Vez

5. Do you have a shower playlist? Hmm. No, but a "Get Ready With Me" one, like a blogger.

6. What about a bedtime playlist? No, girl, just murder podcasts

7. Have any guilty pleasure bands or songs? Cardi B

8. What’s one song or band you used to like but now dislike? LMFAO Yesssss all the "punk" bands, Bright Eyes, Blink 182.

9. What’s one song or band you used to dislike but now like? all hip hop, I used write "Rap is Crap" everywhere lmfao

10. Do you sing along when you listen to music you like? Yes, I wish I could resist, it's obnoxious. Funny enough I hate karaoke.

[jesseabundisawriter]

[jesseabundisawriter]

Sometimes it’s really fucking hard not to regress.

Slip ups feel like shit.

[jesseabundisawriter]

Musicians make the best lovers,

The more technically inclined, the better.

To be able to manually tune an instrument,

to have the instinct to notice

when a note on a scale is too sharp or where one

falls flat;

Or where on the scale

a note can be skipped-

or replaced-

for another-

and how to fluidly travel accross the scale-

like someone returning to their hometown after being gone too long-

in the most instinctively felt time signature-

recalling short cuts, the scenic routes, and all of the best anecdotes along them-

like a stone skipping across a still shore, rhythmically, just right.

To know where and when to tweak time signatures, tastefully;

an audible pleasure,

the language of love.

[jesseabundisawriter]

My Beats aren't loud enough and I don't like the noise cancellation feature of airpods.

It's only ever perfectly loud in a car on the freeway with no traffic.

[jesseabundisawriter]

I fucking hate games

I don't like the game playing that comes with having a crush on someone. The desire to play it cool and not express too much interest is so disingenuous.

Let me love bomb you; I'm good for it! Ask literally anyone who has been in my life long-term..I know, there aren't many of them, but the ones who are there are loved to suffocating degrees.

It's kind of funny, actually. I feel like my weakness in love is my overwhelming expressiveness. Like, that's what drives men away a bunch.

But goddamn, I tell you, if a mufucker was to tell me all of the sweet things that he feels for me, I would become addicted to blowjobs. Why do they only get off on making us wonder and hating ourselves?

It's also funny that one minute I can be simping over a dude and then the moment that he doesn't reciprocate my simp-haviors exactly as I envisioned him to, I FUCKING detest him.

[jesseabundisawriter]

It’s comparable to regaining consciousness in all of your nerve endings after temporary paralysis.

First in your extremities: winter’s arrival kisses the tips of your toes and creeps up your ankles, traveling past your shins to grip your thighs.

Rhythm feels new and percussion foreign; like a baby discovering the potential in pots and pans.

A smile is inescapable even for the most solemn curmudgeon.

Your neck seems to be a separate entity in the room, bobbing your head for you.

Pleasure becomes innocent again, purely evocable by music, your first love.

[jesseabundisawriter]

[jesseabundisawriter]

Nobody makes me crave writing like Carrie Bradshaw.

[jesseabundisawriter]

It's about

It's a cautionary tale about why you shouldn't get drunk at the company xmas party, while exposing the gross way that males in power positions act around an ambitious, confident underling looking to advance her career within the company.

[jesseabundisawriter]

Something weird happened to me last night.

The invite said casual and the event was hosted at a terrible "Mexican" chain-Think El Torito's white grandma-so I dressed casual: Oversized Christmas t shirt, boyfriend jeans, my Jordan 1s and a leather blazer. I wore gold hoops and my gold rings and necklace. I blew my hair out and did my face to the 9s of course, but I went in my casual, tomboy event lewk.

The event was slow to start, but eventually picked up after my third beer. Shots were announced, so we did that and that's when shit started to get real messy.

Just for some context, I don't really ever see the people that were at the event because a lot of the employees with our company rove, and are never at the office, so I stuck to the people I get along with best and their + 1s, and we partied together. We were laughing, vibing, whatever. And then apparently- I don't remember this at all because apparently I got black out drunk-One of the higher up men started hitting on me hardcore.

According to my friends, he tried getting me alone several times and even his wife was in on it. Apparently they're swingers (this is unconfirmed) .

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a whore. I love men and women and I gets down when I want to, but i've never found this men attractive at all. Aside from that, I'm not fond of his work. He's made it clear that he wants to be a separate entity from all of us and has complained about me HELPING his employees when they were doing illegal shit.

So anyway, yeah. Apparently he tried getting me to leave with him and his wife, text me at 1 am (i didn't have my phone, so i had no idea), and asked my friends for my personal number.

I'M A LIL CHIFLADA, I MUST SAY. but weird nonetheless.

[jesseabundisawriter]

Memory 11.26-Run on sentence

This week I remembered-and now am remembering again-that when i was 18-23, i’d ride the bus all over the place. I’d most often ride the OCTA 43, the Harbor, and the 38, the La Palma. I would pop my headphones in, always bumping nas’ illmatic or mobb deep’s the infamous. As we’d drive by Knotts or Disney, I’d be daydreaming about robbing these in from outta state foos, with all their “Disney trip” funds saved up because the cost of living in their mid western home state is significantly lower than mine, on them... in cash, because they won’t leave it at the hotel; it wasn’t as luxurious in person as it looked in the ad.

I’d just find the whitest person i could , with the least style-preferably a man in jorts, or a woman in mid calf length capris and long socks with sneakers-, carrying a water bottle and a fanny pack. Basically, the more functional accessories, the brighter the target. I’d wear my most raggedy outfit, carry a costco box of chocolates, and solicit near the parks, off the main streets. I’d hide an airsoft gun that I painted black underneath a Hershey’s bar, reveal it to a dumb and naive midwesterner, and theyd hand over their money. I’d disappear back into the backdrop.

[jesseabundisawriter]

I’m finding that lately, Mexico calls me. My paternal FOMO is kicking in at 32 and i’m sad that I missed out on summers in Guadalajara with my extended family; with a developed familiarity con el paiz conectado con mis raizes.

Jesse and Jonny summering in Guadalajara

Stressed with the recent loss of her single mother and with the weight of being the eldest of two underdeveloped adults, a 34 year old Mexican American woman finds herself in a coma after complications during an emergency gallstone removal surgery. During said coma, she dreams of 5 consecutive childhood summers in Guadalajara with her brother and the time since then, what it would have been like if she reached out to her estranged father and familiarized herself with that side of her family-all while accurately illustrating the under discussed pangs of growing up “ni de aquí, ni de allá”.

[jesseabundisawriter]

fantasizing

I’m fantasizing about Jesse and Jonny, as kids, summering in Guadalajara every year of their childhood.

[decorate-the-city]

Tryna go get tacos with a cute girl

So I can give her some lenguita and cabeza 🥰

[jesseabundisawriter]

PT .1

Sometimes i crave closeness, but more often I bask in my loner lifestyle; Fueled and contented by decadence: Over spending, over eating and over chilling.

I’ve never been much of a regimented person, except for maybe a solid 5 consecutive years in my life.  This post will break down those 5 years.

2013-2016

My boyfriend at the time pretty much held it over my head that our relationship was contingent of losing weight and adopting a healthy, vegan lifestyle.

At the time that we got together I weighed  around 255 lbs., 25 pounds healthily lost by me before I met him over about 3 months (TY Weight Watchers and Crunch fitness videos from the 90s on Netflix circa ‘12-’13).

I had fully intended on doing this for me before even meeting him. Honestly, I didn’t even like him much when we first started dating. I wasn’t even ready to start dating anyone. I had just turned 23 and was finally getting into a field that I’d had my eye on for years, an escape from the suffocating hell that was working in retail.

Anyway, all to say that I was headed in the right direction for my own personal growth, at a healthy and maintain-able pace. And then in swoops this mother fucker who’s hobbies included drinking with his friend and his underaged female cousins who worked the drive thru at a Carl’s Jr! No shade to service workers, but as I said: Not for me.

This man is in love with me instantly, I can feel it. There’s this deep, soulful connection between us and we even find out that our parents hung around together growing up!

We listened to the same type of music, with our own strong opinions on the weight of the intrumentals vs. the lyrics in a classic hip hop track. We were an astrological match, too: Two fire signs (a leo and a saggitarius).

He asked me to be his girlfriend, officially, after two or three weeks of kicking it  in person almost daily, and then prior to that we’d been texxting heavy for about two more weeks (OKcupid).

In those first three weeks, we scratched a lot of surface. We were thirsty for love, it seemed. He didn’t kiss me or touch me, or even flirt with me. I figured I was friend zoned for suuuure. One day, though, we picked up drive thru sushi and set up shop at a cute lil’ park. I mean, we had to step over a couple fucking on the grass in broad day light, but it was super cute. On this day, he surprised me with a bouquet-never had that-and to my surprise, asked me if I’d be his girlfriend. I said I’d think about it, but we wolfed down our lobster rolls and went in on a heavy makeout sesh, hickeys and all.

Anyway, as soon as he locked me down as his official GF, it started. The laughing at every bite of food I took when i ordered a burger and fries or anything decadent, suggesting a joint gym membership, asking wouldn’t I love shopping in the straight size section?