You know, the thing that interests me the most about the whole “Kaidan is so boring! He has no personality! I remember nothing about him - that’s how forgettable he is!” thing is that…I feel that’s rather the point?
Like - here’s the thing. Kaidan is an L2 biotic. Per lore, human biotics have it rough. They’re not welcomed among human society. No one really likes them except the Alliance, and that’s likely only because the Alliance can weaponize them. (I find it hard to believe there’s absolutely no discrimination toward biotics in the Alliance, but that’s a discussion for another day.) L2s are especially stigmatized; there’s multiple in game references calling them “unstable” and “insane” and such, because of the neurological disorders the implants can cause. Chakwas has a line that I always take to be tongue-in-cheek, that Kaidan’s “lucky” because he “only” gets migraines, like migraines are small stuff. The point of that line is relativity. Kaidan’s relatively lucky; he still has it bad, but many have it worse.
So, again, here’s the thing: Kaidan is an L2 biotic in a society that doesn’t like him and that already views him as dangerous. Ergo, he’s going to be more heavily scrutinized than both non-biotics and the average L3 biotic. This would explain a lot about him even without factoring in his backstory, but his backstory is what really cements it. Regardless of romance, if you talk to Kaidan you always find out that when he was a kid, he killed someone in self-defense. He didn’t do it consciously; his life was threatened so he retaliated, and that retaliation killed someone.
Now, Kaidan isn’t torn up over killing Vyrnnus anymore. What he’s torn up about is how he was treated after Vyrnnus. It was never about Rahna herself, or the fact she didn’t want to date him. It was about the fact Rahna saw him as a monster afterward, on par with Vyrnnus. Kaidan was put into an impossible situation that forced him to lose control or die, and the lesson he learned is that the person he trusted was terrified afterward. If someone who was a fellow L2 - let alone a friend - reacted like that…how would a stranger? How would someone who’s not even a biotic?
There are three lines in ME1 that I feel sum up where Kaidan’s head is at the most in that game:
(upon learning about Rahna after Vyrnnus’ death)
Kaidan: I’m no more disciplined than any other biotic, Shepard. This is all ancient history. I’m over it.
Shepard: You agonize over doing the right thing. You never let yourself lose control.
(after Kaidan rushes to assure Shepard that Really, He Is 100% Competent, Feelings Who, Don’t Worry I’m Fine!!!)
Shepard: It’s okay to have weaknesses. Just means you’re human. So deal with it.
Kaidan: It’s just been awhile. I don’t usually think of much beyond the job.
(en route to Ilos, after Shepard asks him why he’s still hesitating)
Kaidan: You know what, you’re right, about everything. I think about losing you and I can’t stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers will come around again. But you and I, we are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us. Shepard, you make me feel…human.
Kaidan doesn’t want to hurt anyone again - to appear threatening - so he holds back on his biotics and his feelings and focuses on doing his job. (His service record is “impressive” and Chakwas says he has over a dozen special commendations.) Kaidan’s fear of losing control is so debilitating that by the time Shepard meets him, he no longer feels human. That’s what that line is implying. Shepard makes Kaidan feel human, because Kaidan doesn’t feel like he is. That’s how much he’s been dehumanized, by others and by himself.
So, yes. Kaidan is “boring.” That’s on purpose. He tries to project nothing but a formal, dutiful marine whose competence can never be called into question. (He doesn’t always succeed, mind you, but a lot of people stop at the “boring” part and thus never pick up on the parts where he lets the formality slip enough so his sense of humor and natural curiosity shine through.) He’s not particularly interested in drawing attention to himself, at least not outside of a professional setting. Because he’s an L2 biotic. Because he lost control once and it killed someone, and he was shunned for it. Because, because, because.
The truth of it is that Kaidan is an exceptionally well written character with a lot of complexity, you just have to be willing to read between the lines. Especially in ME1, because that boy doesn’t know the meaning of “being direct” at all in that game.
Obviously, if you let him live into ME3 and he survives the Coup, you can see how much he’s grown. He’s learned how to reave, which is implied to be a very hard biotic ability for a human to learn, because he finally stopped holding himself back. He no longer stumbles over his feelings and he is free with his affection. And one thing he is really insistent on is giving Shepard a “sanity check” or a chance to just be a normal person, because Kaidan knows exactly what it’s like to feel alienated from everyone around you, and to be seen only as a weapon.
germansingergirl
romaincrisis
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
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