i do not play about this man. if you have anything bad to say about him you WILL be sent to 1009 years in jail. he is my babygirl. i will defend him with all my heart. (╥﹏╥)
also i love love love his hair color he’s so pretty i love you l.hs
❥ ˚₊·CW>>>: ANGST, a very rare sighting on my blog bc I hateeeee that shit, crying, can be read as part of the best!friend/secretly dating au, or not it can be separate too, Niki is trying his best😭, mentions of an unnamed best friend, emotional struggles, emotion insecurity, friendship insecurity, CRYING, Niki is spiraling the entire time, your big dog just wants you to feel better :(, petnames and comfort with fluff, this was not supposed to be this sad next Riki fic will be much s+xier I swear💀💔
.° • '+A/N= English is not my first language, sorry any mistakes.
also I miss my best friend. she’s still alive and stuff just she’s in NC and I’m in NY.
The saying “calm before the storm” never made sense to Riki.
There was hardly any calm leading up to any kind of disaster— that’s how you know it’s coming in the first place, right. However, that only applies to certain things. Things he can prevent for or at least prepare for. He’s always been good at thinking on his feet, coming up with solutions efficiently and effectively.
Except when it came to you.
Which is why he’s on his knees so he can at least look in your face as your head hangs while his heart races.
You’re crying and it’s killing him.
There had been total calm before this storm— you’d been the same as you always were.
Pretty, mean, critical and utterly hypnotizing to him just by walking through the door telling him about your day. Rambling and fussing about anything that came to mind. Riki listened, asking questions to let you know he really was paying attention then holding out his arms when you padded towards him to collapse into his hug like you always did.
You’d been annoyed a few times but overall it didn’t seem like you had a bad day. So, leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. Partly out of habit but also because you soothed him. The familiar comfort of touch he only felt with you, the smell of your perfume or lotion, how you’d track makeup and glitter on his clothes whenever you hung out. When you look at him, he kisses you softly and whispers as genuinely as possible against your lips,
“Missed you…”
You freeze.
Of the bat he’s hit with this sinking feeling. Urging that he he missed something but he couldn’t figure out what. You didn’t cry often so he didn’t exactly know what it looked like when you were going to but he learns fast.
It starts with rapid blinking followed by the uneven breaths that make you chest stutter seconds before your pretty face drops, brows drawing together in pain as the tears begin to fall.
In all his life, Riki has never had his heart plummet so fast.
Time seems to stop as blood rushes through his ears. It feels like there’s a giant spike at the bottom of his stomach, piercing his collapsed heart in two when you take a deep breath only for it to end in a pained cry.
The sound has a lump forming in his own throat as he fights back tears. He doesn’t even realize he’s shaking until he reaches his hand out to guide your face to his but you won’t. Comforting others is tricky for him but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give you his best shot. It’s not so much that you don’t want him to be there for you but your appearance is important to you.
He knows because you’ve told him but he doesn’t care that your makeup is running or that you might not be a pretty crier (completely untrue he’s seen and made you cry but now is not the time), he just wants to be there for you; as you are.
“Baby…?”
You still won’t look at him and his knees hit the carpet before he can think, eyes searching your face while yours are clenched shut in a poor attempt to stop the tears.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me, sweets—“,
He’s trying not to sound panicked to avoid stressing you more but he’s not sure it’s working and he’s scared.
What should he do?
You’re hurting and gods above it’s killing him.
Shaking with heaving breaths, you wipe your eyes, smearing the black of your eyeliner. Each hiccuping sob rips through him and it’s too much.
The hold on your hands tightens, Riki pulling you down in one clumsy moment to wrap strong arms around you. Crushing you to his chest, his voice is desperate and soft.
“Please”, he has to close his eyes to keep his own tears at bay.
“Please don’t cry… I-I—“, Deep breaths.
“I’m here, I’ve got you so please, baby— don’t cry”,
“Can’t take it when you cry.”
Niki doesn’t realize it but his hold has tightened like you’ll evaporate if he’s not careful enough, speaking so tenderly like he’ll can turn his words to salve if it means healing whatever is hurting you.
It’s gut wrenching. The silence, you crumpling against him, the uncertainty of if he’s being enough or if you feel alone in it. Not to mention that he still doesn’t know what caused this. Was it his fault? Technically he was the last to speak so maybe?
Guilt swarms him with a surge so intense it leaves him nauseous and before he can open his mouth to shower you with apologies, you sniffle.
“I just miss her…”
He’s not even breathing anymore, unconsciously rocking you back and forth until you speak again.
“My friend—she’s like a sister to me…we haven’t talked in a while so when you told me you missed me I thought of—”, your throat tightens and the burn has a fresh wave tears welling up in your eyes.
Now, Riki is not the most religious man in the world but in the moment hes praying to every higher power out there with everything in him for you to feel better before he resorts to drastic measures.
He’s talking inventing a new lip gloss brand with the first shade named after you, a sculpture bigger than lady liberty but painted in the scattered beauty of your moods, becoming an astronaut so he can go to space and bring you back a star just so you can have something that properly reflects your wonder. He’d become the moon itself if it meant you’d be comforted to sleep by his glow.
He might be acting dramatic but he can’t help it. You mean more to him than you’ll ever know, more than he can ever verbally express.
So he holds you and listens.
Until your breaths even out, no more of that choked staccato or painful sobs. You talk about her fondly and in such a way that it’s clear to him that you’ve been holding this in for a while. He understands because he knows you— you hate lingering on things. Preferring to get off the top of the stove before it got too hot. You loved ‘girlhood’ even though most girls weren’t the nicest judges of you so to him it further proved that your long-distance friend is one of a kind.
“She sounds good for you; like a sister— it makes sense that you miss her..”,
The sigh you let out shoots a hole clean through him.
“…do you think she misses me too?”
Shyness hushes your voice, making you sound almost timid because you’re usually not this open; constantly avoiding going too deep. This time you don’t run from it, instead you’re trusting him to have you.
“I do.”
You raise your head to finally look at him. Riki’s eyes soften in a way that makes all your bad days seem like forever ago when he kisses the bridge of your nose.
“You’re too easy to miss”, he hums, pressing another kiss to your left cheek.
“For example—you’re spending the night today but I already miss you because I know you won’t sleepover again until the day after.”
A soft giggle, tickled and horribly smitten leaves you and it warms him like the first rays of sunlight on grass that’s been buried beneath snow all winter. Just like he knew it’d be, your makeup is unsalvageable but it couldn’t matter less because it’s you he finds so appealing.
You melt into him, body relaxing as you let him pick you up, carrying you to your favorite cuddle spot on the couch. The quiet is less heavy now that you let it out, nuzzling deeper against him as your thoughts drift to her every now and then.
“The two of you are close so maybe you should just text her— tell her that you miss her.”
He not so subtly watches your reaction with bated breaths in case he’s horribly fucked up and made the love of his life start crying again. Much to his relief you hum, contemplating.
“…okay.
“Yeah?”
He sounds so happy for you that it has you fighting a reluctant grin as you nod and are immediately swarmed with a flurry of kisses. Loud, obnoxious smooches are all over your face, Niki praising you excitedly.
“That’s my baby; fighting for girlhood—yesss! Tell her how you feel!”
“You make it sound like I’m in love with her—“,
He ignores you, content now that you’re feeling better. You pull out your phone and he watches you text her with practically shining eyes, eager for her to text back and ease your worries. This is a big step because he knows it’s not easy to open up and tell someone that you miss them and you want them to miss you too. That kind of thing is tough whether you’re close or not. He’s just glad you’re not dealing with it alone.
A yawn grabs his attention, his dark eyes flicking to look down at your sweet face.
“Im sleepy—thanks for being the best boyfriend ever, I love you.”
Another deep breath.
He’s grown, he will not giggle but inside he’s floating; your words ringing in his head.
Best boyfriend. Best boyfriend ever. You love him. Biggest dick, biggest dick ever, you love him. Best boyfriend who’s unbelievably tall, fine, hot and sexy and you love him. Best boyfriend ever, best at taking care of you, top tier and ungodly good looking and you love him.
Yes, you said all that verbatim— his delusion memory is perfect.
“I love you more baby, don’t gotta thank me…”
You hum tiredly, sliding your hands under his shirt to rub his warm back, yawning one more time before your breaths steadily start to deepen. He coos softly, watching you with fond eyes.
i love heeseung so so so so so so much that man is my baby i’d do anything to protect him he’s the light of my life the reason i breathe air into my lungs the motivation i need to get up in the morning he’s my everything i love lee heeseung
★ 요약 - based off of this reel, in which your boyfriend riki can’t stop bragging about how cute you are while you’re sleeping on the couch.
warnings : none ( proceeds to write down som anyway) , straight fluff, skinship, established relationship, enhypen members cameo, cat-like attributes for reader, bunch of cat nicknames from riki. ( please for the love of God don’t take this in a pick-me way, some people are just really that small and dainty (not me tho stay safe yall) ).
Riki says, perching on the back of the couch, looking out the window. The enhypen members are all sitting on the couch next to him, some on their phones, some focusing on the dumb comedy movie playing on the tv.
“Ooh she’s there,” he points at the patio sofa through the glass window. “So cute.”
He’s not even trying to be subtle about it.
Riki is balanced on the back of the sofa like a cat, his chin resting on his hands as he stares intently through the glass door at you. You’re curled up on the patio sofa, fast asleep under a light blanket, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s currently making you the center of attention in his little world.
“Look, look, guys look.” he says all exited, finger flicking at the glass.
"Riki, she's literally just sleeping," Heeseung teases, though there's a fond smile on his face as he watches the youngest's expression.
"She's been asleep for twenty minutes. Let the girl rest.."
"But look at her," Riki insists, his voice dropping into that low, velvety tone he gets when he’s being sincere, his eyes softening in a way that he usually reserves only for the most important things in his life.
"She looks so peaceful. Like a little doll or something. How is she that cute?"
Jay lets out a dramatic sigh, leaning back and stretching his limbs. "She's precious, yeah yeah, can we watch the movie now?"
"Just a second," Riki mutters, not moving an inch.
He’s in his own world, that observant, introspective side of him taking in every detail of your sleeping form. He notices the way your hair is slightly messy against the cushion and the way your breathing is steady and calm, to him, it’s the most captivating thing in the world. He looks like he wants to run out there and wrap you in a side hug just to feel the warmth of you, but he stays put, content to just admire you from afar, his heart clearly full.
The day has been rough, you’ve been pretty busy and he hasn’t had time to take care of you, which pains him, he always feels the utmost need to provide with you, something he’s never felt before.
‘Her back must hurt from standing all day’, he thinks. ‘I bet she could use a massage, or a hug…’
He's spent so much of his life being "Ni- ki," the powerhouse, the professional, the one everyone in the industry looks up to. But with you, he gets to just be Riki. He gets to be the one who is looked after, the one who is loved without any pretenses, but most importantly, he gets to tend to you and make you the happiest girl ever.
He lets out a soft, huffing laugh, shaking his head at his own obsession. He wants to go out there, wrap his long arms around you, and pull you into his chest, but he doesn't want to disturb your rest. For now, he's satisfied with just being your biggest fan from a distance, bragging to anyone who will listen about how precious his 'kitten' is.
He's so focused on you that he doesn't even realize the members have started a quiet commentary session on his "lovesick" behavior.
Jungwon leans forward, resting his chin on his palm, watching the way Riki's eyes haven't left the glass for a single second.
"You're going to wear a hole in the window if you keep staring like that Ki," he whispers with a knowing grin.
Riki doesn't even look back at his leader; he just scoffs softly, that cool, slightly reserved persona flickering for a moment before melting back into pure adoration.
“I don’t care, isn’t she just so-” He pauses, his gaze softening as he watches a stray breeze ruffle the edge of your blanket. "she looks so small out there. Like she needs someone to make sure the wind doesn't blow her away."
"You're such a softie," Jake laughs, nudging Riki's leg. "Not so emo anymore… "
Riki finally turns his head just a fraction, a small, shy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, he’s amused by the comment he received countless times, telling him he looks dark and broody, but inside he’s a sweetheart.
"Seriously though," Riki continues, his voice dropping to a hushed, reverent whisper as he gestures wildly toward the glass. "Look at her hands. They're so tiny, it's actually wild. She's literally just a little blob of something out there. If anyone even breathes too loud near that patio, I'm actually gonna lose it."
Jay snorts, leaning back with a smirk.
"You're so whipped, it's embarrassing You always out there acting so cool in front of the cameras, but the second she's around, you're a mess."
"Bro, hello, can you blame me? Have you seen my girl? " Riki retorts, a smug, lopsided grin spreading across his face.
He doesn't even try to deny it; he's too busy admiring the way the sunlight hits your hair, his biggest pride. He turns back to the window, his expression turning thoughtful and introspective, thinking about how much he wants to go out there, not to wake you, but just to sit at your feet and be near you, the way he always finds himself gravitating toward his hyungs when he needs comfort. He wants to be your protector, even if it's just shielding you from the moonlight or the stupid chill in the air.
"Riki," Sunghoon calls out softly, "the movie is starting. Sit your ass down."
"One more minute, holdon," Riki pleads like a kid who’s been taken away his Ps5. “she looks just like a cat. Should i bring her a blanket?”.
The man doesn’t even wait for an answer, making up whatever excuse to come see you. The moment the thought crosses his mind, his eyes light up with that mischievous, boyish energy he gets when he’s decided on a mission, and nex thing you know, he’s already shifting his weight, preparing to spring from the back of the couch.
"She looks just like a kitty," he thinks to himself, his gaze lingering on the way you’ve curled into a tiny, soft ball on the outdoor sofa. To him, you look precious, delicate, and entirely too comfortable to be disturbed yet, he’s already feeling that protective instinct swell in his chest.
"Riki, don’t wake her up.” Sunoo warns, though he's already smiling, knowing exactly how Riki's brain works.
"I won't wake her," Riki defends himself, his voice dropping into that determined, bold tone he uses when he's focused on a goal. “I just wanna see her.”
He’s already halfway off the couch, his movements fluid and graceful, a testament to all those years of honing his craft. He doesn't just walk; he moves with a purpose, heading toward the linen closet, his mind already racing. He isn't just looking for any blanket, no, he’s looking for the softest, warmest one, the one that feels like a hug.
As he wanders back into the living room, he passes the members, ignoring their stifled chuckles, he’s in his own world, driven by that singular, sweet goal of making sure you're cozy. He grabs a thick, plush throw and creeps toward the glass doors, pausing for a second, looking back at the members one last time with a look of intense, serious concentration as if he's about to perform the most difficult task of his life, “Stop laughing at me. One day when you’ll all have girlfriends best believe i’ll be the first one to laugh.”
He slides the door open with agonizing slowness, the sound of the track barely a whisper, steps out onto the patio, the cool night air hitting him, but he doesn't care. He approaches the sofa with soft, measured steps, his eyes fixed on youe reaching the edge of the sofa and kneeling dow, carefully, so incredibly carefully, he begins to drape the edge of the blanket over your shoulders, as he tucks it around you, he can't help himself. He leans in just a little closer, his hand hovering near your hair for a second before he gently, almost imperceptibly, brushes a stray strand away from your face.
"So cute,” he whispers, a tiny, private smile tugging at his lips, his heart doing a little skip because even in your sleep, you managed to completely disarm him and make him the weakest man in the world.
He stays there for a moment, kneeling on the patio floor, perfectly content to just watch you breathe, feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
As he watches you, the comparison he’s been making in his head for months feels more undeniable than ever. It’s not just the way you curl up into a tight, cozy ball or the way you seem to find the exact sunniest or in this case, moonlit spot to nap. You have this quiet, soft energy that reminds him of a kitten sometimes a little shy, sometimes incredibly playful when you feel comfortable, but always possessing a delicate grace that makes him want to reach out and protect you. He thinks about how you can be so tiny and soft one moment, and then so bold and spirited the next, much like a kitten discovering its own claws.
He reaches out, his fingers hovering just inches from your cheek. He’s always been someone who expresses affection through touch a side hug for a member, a pat on the head, a gentle nudge and even though he can be a bit shy about being overly "lovey dovey" with words when people are watching, his hands always seem to find you.
“Just like a baby cat.” he thinks, a fond, lopsided smile spreading across his face.
He remembers the first time he realized it. You had been tucked into the corner of the sofa, eyes half lidded and sleepy, looking up at him with that specific, curious gaze that felt so familiar. In that moment, his heart had done that strange, fluttering thing, and he’d realized he didn't just like you; he felt a deep, instinctive need to look after you.
Slowly, emboldened by the silence of the night and the fact that you’re still deep in dreamland, he lets his hand descend. He doesn't quite pet you, he doesn't want to startle you but he lets the back of his knuckles graze your temple, a feather light touch that is purely, unadulterly affectionate.
"My pretty girl.” he breathes, the words so quiet they’re barely a vibration in the air.
He stays there, kneeling on the hard patio floor, completely unbothered by the discomfort. He’s a dancer; he knows how to hold a pose, how to endure, how to be disciplined, but this isn't discipline, it’s a necessity.
Inside, through the glass, he can see the blurry shapes of the members moving around, but to Riki, the world has shrunk down to just this patio, this blanket, and the sleeping girl who holds his heart between her palms.
The feather light touch of his knuckles against your temple is what finally pulls you from the depths of sleep. It’s a sensation so gentle, so familiar, that you don't even startle; instead, you let out a tiny, soft sigh, your eyelashes fluttering against your cheeks as you slowly blink your eyes open.
The first thing you see is the moonlight filtering through the trees, and the second thing you see is him.
Riki is kneeling right there, his face just inches from yours. In the dim light, his features look softer, more vulnerable than the Ni- ki the world sees on stage. His eyes are wide and filled with a warmth so intense it feels like he’s looking at something precious and fragile.
"Oh..." he breathes, his voice a low, velvety murmur that vibrates in the quiet night air.
He doesn't pull away. In fact, he leans in just a fraction more, his expression a mix of relief that you're awake and a lingering, quiet adoration.
"You're awake, kitten." He says it so naturally, so effortlessly, as if the nickname is the most obvious thing in the world.
As your vision clears, you realize you’re tucked tightly under a plush, warm blanket the one he just brought out for you. You feel the warmth enveloping you, and then you feel the weight of his gaze, which is so heavy and focused it's almost tangible.
"Did... did you bring this?" you mumble, your voice thick with sleep, your eyes still a little heavy.
Riki’s cheeks flush a faint pink in the moonlight, a rare moment of him being caught in his "sweetheart" side. He tries to regain a bit of that composed, 'chalant' demeanor, but the way he can't stop his eyes from searching for yours gives hism away.
"You looked cold," he says simply, though his hand doesn't leave your vicinity. Instead, he moves it from your temple to the side of your face, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw with an incredible, hesitant tenderness. . "And you were sleeping so deeply, i didn't want to disturb you.”
He pauses, his gaze dropping to your lips for a split second before meeting your eyes again, his voice dropping even lower, becoming that intimate, private version of himself that he only shows when it's just the two of you or when he's feeling particularly bold.
"You're so cute when you sleep," he confesses, his shy side warring with his desire to be honest. "I was just telling the hyungs... you look just like a little cat."
He gives you a small, lopsided grin, he looks like he's waiting for your reaction, his heart clearly on his sleeve, completely unbothered by the fact that his members are probably watching him through the glass with funny things to say.
“Mmh” you take his hand in yours, smiling “you’re cute. come lay down with me” you make space in the sofa for him behind you.
A soft, embarrassed huff escapes his lips, but he can't hide the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. "Me? Cute?" he repeats, his voice a playful, low rumble, trying to reclaim a bit of his bravado. "I’ve done nothing but prove i’m an alpha wolf, you always do me dirty.”
But he doesn't argue for long. As you shift to make space, patting the spot behind you, his indulgent side takes over. He doesn't hesitate, moving with that effortless, feline grace of his, sliding onto the narrow sofa. He settles in behind you, his large frame providing an immediate, comforting warmth.
Riki doesn't just sit near you; he pulls you back against his chest, his arms wrapping around your waist to tuck you securely into his space. It’s that affectionate, protective side of him coming out in full force the way he always wants to be physically connected to the people he loves. He rests his chin on your shoulder, his breath warm against your neck, and you can feel the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart against your back.
"Better?" he whispers, his voice vibrating through your spine.
He closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of your hair, finally letting himself relax. Through the glass door, you can see the faint, blurry silhouettes of the members still watching. You can almost hear Jay and Heeseung teasing him silently, but Riki doesn't care. He pulls the blanket up higher, covering both of you, and squeezes you just a little tighter.
"Don't go back to sleep too fast," he murmurs into your ear, his tone turning slightly mischievous as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. "Because if you do, I might start bragging about how cute you are all over again. I swear that’s all i do these days."
You let out a soft, sleepy giggle, the sound muffled by the plush blanket and the warmth of his chest. Even in your drowsy state, you can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks, and you know he’s probably blushing hard enough to rival a bonfire.
"They’re literally watching you through the glass. They're gonna think you've gone soft."
He scoffs, but there’s no real bite to it. Instead, he nuzzles closer, his nose brushing against your cheek in a way that feels incredibly cat like, mirroring the very nickname he gave you.
"Let em watch," he mutters, his voice dropping into that nonchalant tone he uses when he's trying to act like he isn't totally whipped. "they're just jealous cause they don't have a kitten to cuddle."
He shifts his weight, pulling you even tighter against him until there's no space left between you. His long legs tangle with yours, and his large hands rest protectively over your stomach, anchoring you to him. It’s a heavy, grounding sensation that makes you feel incredibly safe.
"Seriously though," he whispers, his tone shifting back to that sweet, earnest version of himself as he kisses the top of your head. "Stay awake for a little longer. I missed you today."
You hum in response, closing your eyes and melting into his embrace. The cool night air from the patio is kept at bay by the thick blanket and the overwhelming warmth of his body. As you drift back toward the edge of sleep, the last thing you feel is the gentle, rhythmic stroking of his thumb against your hand, and the quiet, contented sigh of a boy who is exactly where he wants to be.
secret bf jungwon who can’t stop looking at you it was an innocent action on the surface, a standard way to show that he was listening like the others were. but to you, it was everything you couldn’t voice. it was his unwavering attention on you, his gaze filled with nothing but an adoration unbeknown to everyone else. it was intimate, a demonstration of the sheer fixation he had on you. a simple instinct, yet enough to make your heart stutter, and confuse those around as to why jungwon was staring at you with the hint of a smile blooming.
secret bf jungwon who just won’t leave your side at first your friends assumed he just wanted to be involved in the conversations, and who were they if not kind enough to let his presence remain? it became clear to them rather quickly though, that jungwon’s presence was nothing more than a lingering shadow of yours that seemed to follow you everywhere without a word. “do you mind..?” your friend asked him, an attempt at signalling him away. but jungwon, all too oblivious, or perhaps just a lack of care, nodded his head. “you can talk.” he encouraged her, no signs of any departure present. it was safe to say your friends thought it was weird—the both of you.
secret bf jungwon who holds your hand under tables the first time he did it, you nearly shot up in your seat from the sudden warmth that covered you. you and jungwon were sat next to each other, having dinner with a few of your friends. one moment your attention was focused on listing out potential meal orders, and the next second, you were all too aware of jungwon sat closely next to you, his fingers grazing softly over your knuckles, gauging your reaction to see whether this was okay, before ultimately closing in. you felt your heart take a leap, your own hand soon tightening the hold on your boyfriend’s as the both of you tried to hide your obvious smiles that were definitely not because of the alfredo chicken shown on the menu.
secret bf jungwon who pulls you aside to make-out a friendly gathering usually meant that you and jungwon would be engrossed in conversation amongst your friend group. that was prior to your relationship, as now friendly gatherings consisted of jungwon eyeing you down several times, waiting for the right moment to strike. you felt him without seeing him, his hand tugging at your wrist before you got dragged off to the quiet that was the empty kitchen. “jungwon wha-” your words would get smothered by the sudden press of his lips against yours. you never had the time to brace yourself, and you don’t think you’d ever get used to it—the way he kissed you with such feverish need, as if you disappeared from him for far too long. “hi.” he’d mumble against your jaw, marking the outline of his smile onto you.
secret bf jungwon who subtly flirts with you for someone who agreed on keeping your relationship hidden, jungwon seemingly couldn’t find it in him to fully commit to it. he was shameless, in various ways. but especially with his not-so discreet way of flirting with you. at first it was little things, small compliments about your appearance varying from “you look good today” to “you look cute in that.” it used to not get much of a reaction out of you or even others—until he grew bolder. practically flaunting your secret. “i bet that one tastes nice when kissing.” he once ‘observed’ when you and your friend were busy discussing lipglosses. it rendered you speechless, and you friend’s jaw had actually fell in shock. and that was only the beginning "i think you should kiss it.” when jay accidentally gave him a paper cut. “she’s mine.” when someone joked about dating you. albeit not very direct, it was still enough to have your friends gushing over his ‘obvious like for you.’ if only they knew.
secret bf jungwon who suggests you sit on his lap truthfully, there was enough space in the car for one more person to squeeze in. but jungwon, the opportunist that he is, didn’t miss a beat when he tugged you by your sleeve. “sit.” he pulled you closer towards his body, his legs spread ready in invitation. you nearly let out a gasp at the sudden move, your head shooting up to scope out the audience that was watching the two of you. “jungwon” you warned under your breath, though to no avail. he didn’t listen. of course he didn’t. with a final tug, he’d managed to pull you into him, your body angled awkwardly on top of him. “is everything okay?” your friend had asked warily, as if interrupting a sacred moment. “it’s okay, i offered her to sit with me.” jungwon spoke for the both of you, his eyes never leaving yours that were obviously more panicked than his. no one said anything, but you could definitely feel the secret glances sent your way throughout the whole ride as you sat atop your boyfriend, his fingers lightly drumming against the side of your thighs.
secret bf jungwon who gets defensive over you jungwon wasn’t unfamiliar with the art of playful teasing, hell, he might even be a master at it. but all signs of teasing would conveniently leave his body when it comes to you. and god forbid someone tries to poke fun at you in a way he fears might come off insulting. “that’s not funny.” he’d deadpan, and suddenly the light mood turned more tense than needed. “dude, chill. i’m just joking.” they’d usually defend back, and jungwon would hum. his eyes scanning your face for any signs of discomfort. only when he was 100% sure that whatever the person said in fact didn’t bother you, would he let his guard down and pretend like nothing happened. like he didn’t just let obvious jokes fly over his head on purpose. “right.” he’d sigh out, and everyone would look at him weird, because it wasn’t like yang jungwon to be against jokes towards friends. but you weren’t just a friend. if only they knew.
secret bf jungwon who gets smug when people appreciate you jungwon loves showering you with compliments, but even more so, he loves hearing praise coming from those around him when it comes to you. it was like music to his ears. hearing your friends call you beautiful, which you were. jungwon thinks you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. hearing others say you’re too kind, which was true. jungwon wishes the whole world could experience the way you treat others with kindness. and his favourite of them all—how your future husband will be lucky to have you. because yes, jungwon would be. and he would make sure that any other possible husbands wouldn’t find their way into your life. because as selfish as it was, only he wishes to be your lucky future, a dream he already preaches as your unknown boyfriend.
secret bf jungwon who gets jealous when it came to the aspects of a secret relationship, the one thing jungwon might loathe with all his heart is the fact that he has to be subjected to you talking to others. though never romantic, jungwon can’t help the way his chest tightens and the twinge of jealousy he feels whenever he spots you talking to another guy. take jake for instance, jungwon likes jake. but why was he stood so close to you? why did he have the biggest grin on his face? and what could you possibly be talking about for this long? if feeling this way wasn’t already enough, his inability to hide his sour moods probably caused even more suspicions. “you’re frowning.” jay saw. jungwon couldn’t even fight the furrow between his eyebrows from forming. “it’s nothing.” jungwon mutters, but it was everything. and if it wasn’t for your constant assurance with words and actions, jungwon might think he’ll snap one day and let the whole world know you’re his.
secret bf jungwon who takes the opportunity to claim you jungwon was against you and him joining in on the game of spin the bottle. “what if someone lands on you?” he envisioned, mortified. but you promised him that you wouldn’t let it happen. and then, by the universe's grace, his first spin had landed right between you two. the whole circle let out low whistles and sounds of cheers, more excited than ever after picking up on the weird tension between you two for a while now. jungwon didn’t waste any second. he held you by your jaw, and kissed you in front of everyone like you belonged to him, because you did. it was deep, warm and nearly perfect. your mouth moved in synch with his, and your hands found their way on his shoulders. his stayed steady on your face, pulling you closer as if there was still space left. you’re not sure how long you made out, you just know the feeling of reluctantly parting, his lips pressing one last time on your lips, casting you a look of pure need. “that was disgusting.” someone yelled. it didn’t matter to neither of you, and jungwon wonders if that was enough to mark you as his without having to tell anyone.
a/n. this is what happens when you let me be delusional unsupervised at 4am... heeseung bf brainrot is terminal xoxo ♡ anyways enjoy!
paring: 이희승 x fem!reader
ᨳw. mentions of jealousy, literally just fluff
not proofread! open to requests btw :) drop a concept or vibe and i’ll probably spiral over it immediately
heeseung is the type of boyfriend to…
01. …wait until you fall asleep, then whisper “i love you” like it’s a secret too big for the world to hear.
he’ll brush your hair back, trace the curve of your cheek with his thumb, and just look at you for a second. like you’re his whole safe place.
02. …pretend he hates matching couple outfits but secretly buys you the same hoodie he wears “just in case you get cold.”
spoiler alert: it’s oversized. it smells like him. and you catch him smiling every time you wear it.
03. …send you playlists with names like “instrumentals that feel like u laughing” and “things that remind me of u when i miss u and u are not online.”
the transitions are chaotic. you’ll go from wave to earth to taylor swift to an nct b-side to mario kart music. he’s unwell.
04. …get jealous in the quietest, most unserious ways.
“who’s that guy liking your story? why’s his username just ‘matt’? that’s suspicious.”
then he’ll pout dramatically until you’re laughing too hard to answer.
05. …memorize your coffee order, your late night snack cravings, and the exact way you like your ramen cooked.
even if it’s weird. even if you make him try it. even if it’s wrong. he’ll still make it for you without complaining.
06. …act like your biggest fan even when you’re doing something as simple as brushing your hair.
“woah. you’re so pretty.”
“i literally just woke up.”
“exactly.”
07. …teases you 24/7 but loses his mind if anyone else even tries.
only he can call you a drama queen. if someone else tries, he’s immediately like “oohh okay you’re brave. or stupid. could be both.”
08. …randomly kiss your forehead, your shoulder, even your hand just to feel you close.
you could be mid rant, complaining about something dumb, and he’ll just gently pull your hand up and kiss your knuckles. like muscle memory, still fully paying attention to what you were saying.
09. …lie with his head in your lap and ask you questions like “what would we name our kids?” or “would you still love me if i was a worm?” in the same tone.
and you have to sit there and take him seriously. every. time.
10. …accidentally blurt “god, i’m so in love with you” when you’re doing something stupid.
like dancing around the kitchen in fuzzy socks, or singing super off key in the car. he’ll say it without thinking. like it just slips out.
11. …rearranges his whole schedule just to see you for twenty minutes and pretend it wasn’t a big deal.
“it’s not a big deal” (he took three trains, canceled a studio session, skipped lunch, and sprinted across town to catch your break).
12. …saves every little thing you give him.
a movie ticket from your guys first date. a sticky note. a receipt where you doodled on it. he keeps it all in a shoebox tucked away in his closet and swears it’s his “memory vault.”
13. …gets dramatic when you’re mad at him and texts another member like “this is it. this is the end. i’ve lost her. she’s gone.”
meanwhile you’re just giving him the silent treatment for stealing your fries.
14. …puts you as his phone lockscreen but acts like it’s no big deal when someone catches it.
“oh yeah, that’s my girl.” shrugs acting all nonchalant but inside he’s hyperventilating.
15. …mumbles “don’t go yet” when you try to get up in the morning.
and you stay. every time.
a/n: i maaay have gotten a bit carried away with this one… 😅 but i hope yall enjoyed! lmk if you want more ♡ 𐔌՞. .՞𐦯
i love how tumblr added a feature where you can view the posts you’ve commented on bc i always comment on my favorites in hopes that the author will like them and i can just go through my notifs when i want to reread them (i don’t always reblog i’m sorry 😞) so now it’ll be easier to look for something i want to reread instead of scrolling through all of my liked posts
in which y/n l/n, the internet's beloved true crime and gossip girl is dating the internet's favourite gamer boyfriend - lee heeseung
style : headcannon !
pairing ! : stephanie soo! reader x moreant! lee heeseung
wordcount : 4k...
includes : maknae line friendgroup for y/n, and hyung line friend group for heeseung
playlist: gameboy by katseye, your eyes only by enhypen, tick tack by illit, flowers in may by hanuel, helium by enhypen, light by ateez
author's note: i wanted to make a dynamix like stephanie soo and mr.mango but i wanted heeseung to be gamer so i inspired him based off my fav gamer ... is this too niche of a reference ? + if anyone wants like actually written scenes of these two lemme know !
INTRODUCING YOU as Y/N L/N; THE INTERNET’S FAVOURITE TRUE CRIME AND GOSSIP GIRL !
HOW IT STARTED
to be honest, you just wanted to talk to someone…
when you and sunoo got bored together (which was more often than you two should be) you would always find yourself listening to true crime podcasts and doing skincare, baking, or simply laying down
however, after hearing about an unsatisfying episode about The Facebook Killers, you and sunoo quickly found yourselves doing research by yourselves, forcing the two of you to make a document that is around fifty seven pages long compiling all the facts.
in fact you were so into it, that you couldn’t help but format it into a story, a story you desperately needed to tell someone
so you tried with jungwon, another friend who you always managed to see only when eating, meaning that the least thing he wanted to hear about was some murder that took place somewhere when he was trying to eat his american chinese food before doing his bioengineering homework.
so that didn’t work
meaning you tried with niki, who was just a baby in sunoo’s eyes - meaning that sunoo would genuinely choke you rather than you tell niki about the horrors of the world
which left you with one single thing, turning on your macbook camera, your ipad in your lap with the document open, a mic you got from your uni’s music department, and a bowl of popcorn beside a can of iced tea as you started telling the camera your most recent true crime hyperfixation
so you posted your first video… which was posted under the channel name of the notes app investigation a joke sunoo made after he helped you get your lighting to be more flattering
you didn’t get many views, like 30 on your first video after a week, but that didn’t deter you as you found your next case to hyperfixate on
you put in all the effort, using your journalism major to use as you went through all the public sources talking about anything remotely related to the case you wanted to discuss, after all you didn’t make this channel for popularity, you just wanted someone to hear you talk - even if it were thirty insomniacs who always commented on how soothing your voice is
jungwon once barged into your dorm to tell you that, holding some pad thai noodles for the two of you to share but t comment was disregarded because you immediately started telling him about the crazy conspiracy theories about elisa lam
jungwon just smiled awkwardly, not really wanting to eat after hearing where she was found
you didn’t notice though, having found yourself on weibo, now looking at the story of crazy roommates in australia
thus began your deep dive into stories beyond true crime, you found yourself talking about scandals and juicy gossip all around the world
it was simply your channel, and your ipad, macbook, and borrowed microphone, and snacks and whatever story that you were hyperfixated on against the world
you weren’t really sure when all the subscribers came in, but you did like the comments that were sharing their own opinions and offering their own theories
after a year of posting, people began calling you one of the best comfort true-crime channels the internet had ever seen, with people commenting on your neutral stance, your etiquette when discussing victims as well as gory details, as well as your attempts to ensure that the episode always ended in a lighthearted way
not that you would know, too busy having fun talking to people on niconico and having niki translate your weird conversations for you
which meant that sunoo stepped up to be your social media manager, jungwon chose to be stressed about you not only as your friend but now as your manager who forced you to sleep, and niki was there to keep you company
not that you were complaining, as the notes app investigations had six million people listening to you talk
HOW ITS GOING
you lived by jungwon’s schedule
jungwon who had stepped up to be the mother of you and sunoo, despite being younger than both of you
despite his busy schedule, jungwon always made sure that you were eating, sleeping, and touching enough grass to be sane
which meant that 25% of your channel had become “day in the life vlogs” because you were too knee-deep into your research to finish a video every week
meaning that you, sunoo, niki, and jungwon were slowly becoming known amongst insomniacs, true crime lovers, and the worst group: people you knew in real life
while your videos were still being filmed in your room and through you macbook camera - to keep your aesthetic sunoo said - your mic had become crispr, which meant when you raised your hand to ask a question in one of your lectures, someone would come up to you and ask if you were on youtube
you always glitched out and let sunoo do the talking - feeling more embarrassed to admit it more than anything
anyways, you let sunoo, niki, and jungwon, run your socials for you and when niki suggested that you do a q&a video, you just mindlessly nodded as you went through the police report you foyer requested about the case you were researching
regardless, you found yourself in front of your macbook, crisp microphone clipped to your sweater, and ipad holding in your lap with niki-approved questions
the first few questions felt like a job interview…
how did you come up with the idea?
why do you like true crime?
when do you go outside if you reach so much?
you answered to the best of your ability, but you honestly hated that the questions reminded you of when your parents were questioning you
still, you loosened up by the time questions like
what is your favorite case?
what is the best part of making these videos?
and finally… how do you organize your research
and that is how you became known as ms. notes app
what was supposed to be a cute q&a session for listeners to learn more about their favourite yapper (affectionate), turned into you proudly displaying your notes app and how you organized all the bloody (literally) details for twenty minutes
you honestly didn’t even care of you were dubbed as ms.notes app, after all you still got to talk about all the true stories you wanted to
INTRODUCING LEE HEESEUNG as EVAN; THE INTERNET’S FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME BOYFRIEND
HOW IT STARTED
lee heeseung was just trying to be unemployed in peace before the bills came knocking down his door
which meant that his dreams of playing league all day were slowly fading away
he sighed as he came to this realization one day at the internet cafe near campus
jake looked at heeseung who was pouting at the world’s worst bank account (which means he was pouting at his own) and couldn’t help but pat his friend as an attempt to console him
heeseung sighed as he accepted his fate, he needed money and he needed it fast
he used jay’s card, printed out all the resumes he could and started giving out to any and every establishment near campus - regardless if they were hiring or not
it wasn’t until he sat down at his gaming setup — the one that had drained most of his money — that it really hit him
he didn't want to sell it, how could he?
he practically built his set up and took care of it the way a new mom would take care of their child
hesseung is a bit embarrassed to admit that he started his channel, player evan, because while crying over his bank account he started watching video game streams
he shot out of bed and looked to his gaming set up that had emptied out his pockets - maybe he could get a return on his “investment”
so what if he looked like a creep asking the university’s video department for three cameras at three in the morning, it was going to be worth it as he set a camera to look at his hands and his mouse and keyboard, and two cameras facing him.
heeseung knew he probably should be hiding his face so he could deny ever doing this when it eventually flopped but heeseung wasn’t dumb, he knew he looked good - so not only would he be profiting off his gaming skills but also his face
he accepted his faith as he signed up for a twitch account, and quickly did his first stream on a whim
it was okay, he was absolutely cooking on league, beating everyone near him and absolutely powermaxxing, and he got like eight views!!!
at the end of a three hour league grind heeseung made like ten dollars, but that instant relief of knowing his balance isn’t at zero was enough to make him continue doing it every night after classes and doing his computer engineering homework
it was after three months of him streaming on twitch did one of his insomniac fans typed out a comment that said, ‘damn i wish you had a youtube channel’
it was like a dump of knowledge had be off loaded at his brain - so he quickly messaged sunghoon to help him learn how to edit on capcut without completely blowing up his phone
so, alongside his twitch channel he opened his youtube channel: player evan and let (meaning forced) sunghoon to edit his streams to youtube
he also expanded, because as his insomniac audience grew, so did their demands, and who was heeseung to deny his lovely fans (who donated sometimes) their lovely requests
therefore, he made jake - a decently skilled player - and jay - an easily ragebaited noob - play games together with him
he also learned how repetitive league could be - meaning he switched it up and started playing horror games
and then he forced sunghoon to help him look cool to post online to match his given boyfriend title
so yeah, heeseunf was thriving, not only did he make enough money that living off of cup ramen was a choice, but he was also getting away with playing video games for as long as he wants with his six million followers
HOW ITS GOING
heeseung was now known for horror games
which would be great, if he wasn’t a coward or dedicated to streaming at odd hours at night and the darkness did not help his fear
his most popular video, was unfortunately the one he went through hell with
his poppy playtime chapter one playthrough
listen, heeseung was having a long day but he had been putting off poppy play for so long he had forced himself to play it that day
he did not think he would ever be so scared by a walking doll to the point where his screams could be mistaken for high notes
it didn’t help that sunghoon - who was know his video editor - included a scared jake and a sleepy jay walking in with pots and pans ready to defend their roommate from whatever horror was causing him to hit perfect pitch high notes
causing player evan to go viral for his screams of terror and how “his cute bambi eyes widened in fear”
heeseung hated the bambi comment, he was a grown man after all
after that embarrassment, heeseung needed to recover
so he compiled his embarrassing loser friend group (him included) and started filming vlogs and challenges for youtube
they did everything, they did study vlogs, day in the life’s, everything to solidify heeseung’s internet boyfriend status beyond just random flirting he did on stream and with the horror characters that he was supposed to be running away from
heeseung had to be known as something more than screaming good high notes, he just had too
but he wasn’t because the fans now waited for him to play poppy playtime every single time a new chapter came out
it got so bad the his playthrough of poppy playtime one got him the name mr. huggy wuggy
when jay told him this, he almost exploded the can of banana milk he was holding
so he played more horror games, he did all the chillas art, as much of the backrooms as he could, these random horror games recommended to him
but he always found himself looking at comments that asked mr. huggy wuggy to “go back to his roots”
so heeseung found himself setting up his stream, the same camera angles just with better quality, and mentally prepared himself to be jumpscared by a pink spider and to call her “mommy”
it also didn’t help that jake decided the vlog heeseung’s getting ready process, framing it as a “get ready with me”
but as heeseung played and as he saw the views, he found himself remembering why he started player evan, the money and the idea that people found comfort in him (the second answer was made up but he needed a better reason than money in the q&as jay made him do)
so he accepted his status as mr. huggy wuggy and kept playing
after all, that is what the fans wanted to see
INTRODUCING THE COUPLE; MR AND MRS "GO TO BED"
HOW YOU MET
now why the campus film department was open 24/7 was no one’s business
in fact it helped you, as you realized that you still had the microphone you borrowed after filming a deep dive on the tragedy of Reena Kirk that you should probably return it
so off you went, at two fifty four in the morning to return the microphone that was laying around your room
you expected to be the only person there, rightfully so because who else would be at the film department at this time of day
so you reached the counter, where a sleep deprived film student who needed money was at the counter waiting for something to happen
except, you weren’t the only person there
there was a man there
a pretty man - but a man nonetheless
you paused at the door
he was also waiting at the counter, staring at sleeping student whose headphones were in watching a video
he was … awkward to say the least
he was standing there, looking over the counter, moving his hand to awkwardly hover over the shoulder of the sleeping student, with every intention to wake him up, only to chicken out and glue his arm back to the counter
you walked up to the counter, needing to return the microphone in your hand
you coughed to announce your presence - startling the pretty man and the sleeping student
you smiled at the both of them
“can i return my microphone please?’
the student nodded, still half asleep and booted the system up
the man looked at you, blinked and silently brought up the cameras in his hand - silently asking you to return it to the department
you sighed internally and brought the three mini cameras to the counter as well, mentioning them to the student who was signing in to the computer
it was quiet for another moment
and then the pretty man turned to you, “thank you for - “ he gestured to the cameras on the counter
“of course” you said, not really wanting to ask why he needed the cameras or why he was here at three in the morning - your social battery had been used for the day
the two of you stood there awkwardly, waiting for the sluggish student to do his job
the pretty man looked at you again, “i’m heeseung,” he said
you nodded politely, “y/n”
it was then that the student shot up, suddenly wide awake
the two of you blinked, unsure what caused the student get a boost of energy
he, the student, looked up at the two of you and asked, “like the youtubers?”
you blinked, and nodded while heeseung did the same
the film student, completely awake like he chugged two monsters, “woah, this is so cool, i didn’t know that the two of you went here,”
you awkwardly nodded along, not really wanting to be here any longer - still happy to meet a fan ! but maybe not someone you might see more often
heeseung wasn’t doing much better, fan interactions weren’t as rare, but it still weirded him out to actually think that people watched him to the point of recognizing him
the student went on, now more eager to help log the three cameras and the microphone back into the system, “you know its actually kind of insane, i was watching his stream before, and then fell asleep to your recent video,”
heeseung looked over to you as you were trying not to malfunction, he felt something within him stir up, you looked so awkward
he mustered up all the courage he can, “hey, i’m sorry of this might sound harsh but would it be alright if you just returned our items and called it a night, we’re kind of tired”
the student’s eyes widened, “of course,” he said, “sorry, i just got super excited,”
you smiled, “its okay, its just been a long night”
the student nodded, “i get that!” and he simply continued on with logging the resources back into the system, “the two of you could leave!” he said, “i got this!”
the two of you smiled as you left with heeseung
when the two of you went out building, you turned to him, “thank you for helping me!”
heeseung wanted to look cool in front of you, but you were so beautiful that he found himself stuttering over the words “of course,”
it was quiet for a moment, you being comfortable with the silence while heeseung mourned his cool guy image
“so,” you asked, “your a youtuber too?”
heeseung’s heart stuttered, you sounded so cute, he nodded
“i make video game content, you?” heeseung patted himself on the back for sounding normal
you smiled at him, “i make true crime and gossip content,”
heeseung’s eyes widened, “you don’t look like you do,”
your eyes narrowed, “excuse me?”
heeseung panicked, “it’s just that you look so cute and sweet, and true crime is not,”
you nodded, “i get your point, but i mean not most killers look like they kill, like ted bundy you know?”
so heeseung was out until five twenty eight in the morning, listening to a cute girl tell him about the crimes of ted bundy outside the univsersity’s film department
what a perfect way to meet his girlfriend
THE BEST COUPLE AWARD GOES TO...
jungwon was stressed when he realized he had to add “talking to boyfriend” as part of the things he needed to make you do to remain human
until he realized that heeseung came to you and not only did that task for him but also made you go outside and take breaks
sunoo and niki both told heeseung that they have never seen jungwon cry tears of joy until now
jay and jake were so happy to have someone else to ragebait heeseung while sunghoon almost cheered with glee as he realized he doesn’t have to make heeseunf boyfriend-able anymore
ignoring the friend group
you and heeseung were gross (affectionately)
around campus people would see the two of you together, you would be talking about a case or a scandal while heeseung would dit there and point out gaos in your notes, and ask questions as he was listening
you would be spotted at the internet cafe learning how to play league with him and cheering when you finally beat him (despite heeseung clearly letting you win)
the level of comfort that the two of your brought each other rivaled the comfort that 2000s romcoms brought to teenage girls
you two were magical
heeseung would listen to you talking about any obscure detail of any true case at any time of day
jake once found heeseung up a seven thirty on a saturday morning smiling as he hummed into his phone - when asked heeseung just said that you had called him three hours prior to talk about the try guys cheating scandal
you would learn not only how to play video games but about their storylines, making sure to mention to heeseung the significance of the vase he was trying to throw at the demon he was running away from
the two of you were just always around each other, just existing around each other
“you know” niki said in front of your combined friend group, “i don’t think your actually dating, i mean none of us have ever seen you kiss,”
heeseung thanked the stars for his nonchalant gamer boyfriend image because he simply grabbed your face and kissed passionately in front of everyone, making sure to show that why yes, you two were boyfriend and girlfriend
THE INTERNET'S PARENTS !
now the way the internet found was was due to sunoo and sunghoon’s amazing pr skills
filming still went as normal, you both would release something once weak, whether it be a vlog or a video
however, these two (gremlins) geniuses started adding hints
in your vlog you were seen wearing a beanie that was very close to the one heeseung wore on his streams the past month
in his stream, heeseung was spotted drinking the same iced tea brand you would be seen drinking in all your videos
small hints, but subtle enough for some heads to turn
the one hint that got many people suspicious were the matching duck keychains the two of you added to your set up
it was near heeseung’s keyboard, the white duck sitting there and can be seen on the camera that shows his hands moving
it was in your snack bowl, yellow and providing a pop of colour while you talked about the PTA mom turned stalker
it was a small detail, but fans of both were quick to point it out
it was after a month of planting small details did a vlog come out on both channels, on the same day
heeseung’s titled : girlfriend takes me out on a date !
yours titled : taking my dream man on my dream day !
it was safe to say that the internet lost their minds
that didn’t stop you though
heeseung started appearing in your videos, now instead of you talking to just your camera with your ipad, you were talking to heeseung, who soaked up every word you told him and asked questions and cracked jokes when appropriate
fans loved his commentary and how soft you looked when he talked, always commenting that they wanted what the two of you have
you started joining heeseung in games that required more than one player games, viewers loving the dynamic of heeseung’a panicked yet melodious screams while you just info dumped while running away
the next few years you both graduated, making sure that both of your content didn’t just become couple content but also adding small vlogs here and there about your dates, your next steps, your first day on jobs, your first apartment together, setting up your new filming locations
everything was perfect
you would come on heeseung’s live stream and chat with the audience who had fun telling you to “go to bed”
you two naturally refused, choosing to spend your time talking on stream with each other and fans
you two simply became the most beloved couple on the internet
and everything was amazing
so imagine, to the internet’s surprise
when you and heeseung both posted a video with the titles
mr huggy wuggy and his fiance mrs notes app
and
mrs notes app and her fiance mr huggy wuggy
congrats, you two just broke the internet for the gazillionth time
warnings: Medical trauma and graphic hospital injuries. Surgical procedures and emergency medicine details. Major character near-death experiences. Bombing/explosion trauma. Mass casualty events. Drowning and hypothermia. Cardiac arrest/resuscitation scenes. Panic attacks, anxiety, and emotional breakdowns. Heavy grief themes and abandonment issues. Infidelity/backstory cheating within marriage. Love triangle/marital conflict. ANGST and fluff!!!
word count: 9k
note: last actual part!! i have an epilogue thats more fluffy otw :)
@adorevxn
The thing that finally shifted wasn’t something dramatic. No confrontation. No hallway confession. No crisis. It was a Tuesday.
A completely normal Tuesday that felt insulting in how ordinary it was. Aeri stood in the resident locker room staring at herself in the mirror longer than she meant to. Scrubs slightly wrinkled. Hair tied back the same way it had been for years. Tired eyes that still somehow didn’t match the rest of her.
She barely recognized the version of herself that had been living in this loop. Waiting. Pausing. Measuring her entire day around the possibility of seeing someone who still hadn’t fully chosen where he stood.
And suddenly something in her just… clicked. Like a decision finally landing after weeks of hovering. Cristina found her a few minutes later leaning against the lockers.
“You look like you’re about to either cry or commit a felony,” Cristina said.
Aeri didn’t look up. “I’m fine.” Cristina gave her a look. “That’s the third time you’ve said that this week. It’s slightly concerning.”
Aeri let out a small breath that almost became a laugh, but didn’t fully make it. “I’m tired,” she said instead.
Cristina softened slightly. “From what.”
That question sat there for a second too long. She finally looked at her, and for once there wasn’t confusion in her face. Just clarity.
“From waiting,” she said.
Cristina didn’t interrupt. Aeri pushed off the locker slowly. “I keep thinking I’m being patient,” she said quietly. “But I’m not. I’m just… paused.” Cristina’s expression shifted slightly at that.
She continued, voice steadier now. “I put my whole life on hold for someone who’s still figuring out if I fit into his,” she said. “And I hate that I let that happen.”
Cristina nodded once. “Good. That means you’re waking up.”
Aeri exhaled slowly. “I’m done doing that,” she said. Cristina didn’t smile, but something in her eyes approved. “Good,” she said again. “Because you’re annoying when you’re emotionally suspended.”
That actually pulled a real laugh out of Aeri this time. Small.
After that, things changed quietly. Aeri didn’t announce anything. She just stopped orbiting. Stopped timing her routes through the hospital. Stopped looking up when she heard footsteps behind her. Stopped letting herself linger in spaces where she knew he might appear.
It wasn’t misery or anger anymore. It was distance. Clean, intentional distance.
And the strangest part was how quickly the hospital adjusted around it. Cristina stayed close. George checked in more. Izzie tried to bring food she didn’t ask for. Alex pretended not to care but subtly stopped letting anyone interrupt her in trauma.
And Heeseung noticed immediately. Of course he did.
At first, he thought it was just coincidence. Then patterns formed. She wasn’t in the same hallways anymore. Not at the same times. Not in the same spaces where they used to keep accidentally colliding into each other. And the absence started to feel louder than the presence ever had.
He saw her once that week. Across the surgical board. She was laughing at something Izzie said, head tilted slightly back, eyes brighter than they had been in weeks. Not directed at him. And something in him tightened painfully.
Because she looked like herself again. The version he first met without all the exhaustion layered on top. And she wasn’t looking for him at all.
Hana noticed his expression immediately.
“You’re staring,” she said softly.
He blinked once. “I’m not.”
Hana followed his gaze anyway. Saw Aeri. Understood instantly. Then looked back at him.
“She’s moving on,” Hana said gently. Heeseung didn’t respond. Because it didn’t feel like moving on. It felt like being removed from somewhere he had started to belong.
That night, he tried again. Not in a hallway this time. He waited outside the intern lounge. Aeri came out alone, rolling her shoulders slightly like she was exhausted but functional. She saw him immediately. Stopped.
“Hi,” he said again.
Like an echo of every other attempt. Aeri nodded once. “Hi.” Heeseung took a breath.
“I noticed you’ve been avoiding me,” he said.
She tilted her head slightly. “I have,” she said.
That was it. No apology. No justification. He nodded slowly like he was trying to keep up.
“Can we talk,” he asked quietly.
She looked at him for a long moment. Not soft anymore. Not pulled in. “I think we already did,” she said. It was final in a different way.
Heeseung’s voice dropped slightly. “I didn’t get to finish.” She held his gaze for a moment longer than before. Then said, very gently:
“I did.” The hallway around them kept moving like always.
People passing. Phones ringing. Life continuing. And for the first time, Heeseung didn’t step forward to close the distance. She adjusted her badge, then shifted her bag slightly.
“I have rounds,” she said softly. Then she walked past him. And this time, he didn’t call her back because he finally understood she wasn’t waiting in that space anymore.
It had been almost two months since the bomb patient. Long enough for the hospital to convince itself it had moved on. Long enough for routines to rebuild. Long enough for people to start saying things like “we’re back to normal” like normal meant anything after what had happened.
Aeri acted fine. That was the lie everyone accepted because she made it believable.
She showed up on time. Took cases. Smiled when spoken to. Made jokes when required. Ran trauma like nothing inside her had shifted permanently. But Cristina noticed the cracks first. Always did.
That morning had marked a month since Izzie and Cristina moved in with Aeri and they all became housemates. Cristina paused in the kitchen when she heard the shower running too long. Then she heard it. A sound that didn’t belong in Aeri’s version of “fine.” Quiet. Broken. Crying.
She went still. Across the counter, Izzie slowly lowered her coffee. “Did you hear—”
“Yes,” Cristina said immediately.
They didn’t say anything else for a moment. Because there wasn’t much to say. Just the realization that she had been holding it together in public and falling apart where no one could interrupt her. And somewhere else in the hospital that morning, Heeseung heard about it anyway. Not directly. Never directly anymore.
Just fragments and whispers from Aeri’s best friends when they were discussing their concerns over her. .
“She’s been crying in the shower.”
“She thinks no one hears her.”
And something in him tightened so sharply it was almost physical. Because he didn’t even have access to being the reason anymore.
After all this chaos already, one may think that life should get back to a better state. But that was never the case at Seattle Grace.
The ferry disaster hit at noon. It started like chaos usually did. An announcement. Then another. Then suddenly the hospital was no longer a hospital but a command center for disaster triage.
Mass casualty. Multiple injuries. Possible drownings. Helicopters overhead. Ambulances pouring in. Surgeons pulled from ORs mid-procedure.
Aeri didn’t hesitate when she was assigned to the shoreline triage team. None of them did. Cristina went immediately. Heeseung was already in the field before most people finished reading the board. Hana stayed back at the hospital coordinating neonatal overflow.
And Aeri, she ended up near the edge of the dock, knees in wet sand, working fast. Too fast.
Bleeding patients lined up. Hypothermic victims being stabilized. People shouting, crying, fading in and out of consciousness. She moved from one to the next like muscle memory was the only thing keeping the world intact.
“Respirations weak.”
“Start IV.”
“Keep them warm.”
“Next.”
Everything was controlled. Everything was contained.
Until it wasn’t.
The patient she was assessing was half-submerged on a broken section of the ferry ramp. Unconscious. Barely breathing.
She knelt carefully beside him, checking airway positioning, fingers steady despite everything around her.
“Stay with me,” she said automatically. No response.
She shifted slightly closer, and the man jerked violently awake. No warning. Not gradual. A sudden, disoriented movement. His arm slammed into her shoulder. She lost balance instantly.
There was no dramatic scream. No slow fall. Just one moment of footing— and the next— cold water swallowing everything.
The shock hit first. Ice-cold, immediate, disorienting. She went under before she even processed what had happened. Her body reacted automatically at first.
She kicked once. Twice. She knew how to swim. She absolutely knew how to swim. But the water was dark. Debris moving around her. Noise above distorted and far away.
And something worse, her breath hitched at the wrong moment. Water entered her lungs. Panic spiked instantly. She tried to orient herself. Tried to push upward. But her body didn’t respond the way it should’ve. Because her brain wasn’t just processing drowning.
It was processing everything. The bomb. The weeks of exhaustion. The emotional collapse she’d been hiding. The constant holding on. And for one terrifying second, her body stopped fighting properly.
Above her, someone shouted her name. Not clearly. Muffled. But familiar enough to register somewhere deep. And then she went under again.
On the dock, chaos shifted after a few minutes when a patient informed someone that they saw a doctor fall into the water. “Doctor down!”
“Someone fell in!”
“Get a line—”
Cristina turned first, eyes snapping across the water. Then froze.
“Aeri—”
Heeseung heard it at the exact wrong moment. He was already pulling a patient onto a stretcher when he looked up. And saw it. The water. The movement. The gap where she should’ve been on the dock.
Something inside him shut off. Instantly.
“Aeri!”
He dropped everything. Actually dropped it. Ran.
Cristina was already moving too fast, yelling at people to get ropes, shouting her name like volume could change physics. But Heeseung reached the edge first. And saw nothing but ripples. No head above water. No sign of her resurfacing.
Just lake. Just cold, indifferent movement.
“Get her out!” Cristina screamed.
Heeseung didn’t hear most of it. Because all he could see was two months ago. Her in a hospital bed. Her unconscious. Her hand wrapped around a bomb.
And now, water. His body moved before thought again.
“Get a line,” someone shouted behind him. But he was already at the edge, scanning desperately.
“Aeri!” he shouted again, voice breaking this time. Nothing. Cristina grabbed his arm hard. “You can’t jump in without—”
“I don’t care!” That snapped something in her face. Because she knew that tone. That wasn’t protocol. That was terror. And then, a hand broke the surface. Faint. Struggling.
Aeri. Heeseung didn’t think. He jumped. Cold hit him instantly like a wall. He swam hard toward her, arms cutting through water that felt too heavy, too slow. “Aeri !” he choked out underwater.
She was barely visible. Fighting. But not effectively. He reached her just as her head dipped again. And grabbed her. Locked his arm around her immediately.
“Got you,” he gasped. Her body went slack for a second against him. Not unconscious. He kicked upward violently, dragging both of them toward air. Breaking the surface felt like tearing through something. She coughed immediately, choking, gasping for breath. He held her tighter.
“Breathe,” he said sharply. “Breathe.” Her hands clutched weakly at his scrubs underwater.
“I—” she tried, coughing again. “I’ve got you,” he repeated, voice shaking.
Cristina and others were already pulling them toward the dock. Ropes lowered. Hands grabbing. And when they finally got her up, Aeri collapsed onto the dock coughing violently, soaked and shaking.
Heeseung stayed on his knees beside her immediately. Not letting go. Not even for a second. Her hands trembled against his wrists. And she looked up at him through wet hair and panic-shocked breathing like she couldn’t fully process what just happened.
“I’m fine,” she tried automatically. But her voice cracked. Heeseung stared at her for a long second. Then said, quietly but completely wrecked:
“No, you’re not.”
And for the first time in weeks, he didn’t sound like a man trying to fix something. He sounded like someone who had almost lost her again.
The ambulance lights cut through everything like a warning that came too late. She was barely conscious by the time they got her off the dock.
Her skin was wrong. Not just pale, wrong. Cold in a way that made even the paramedics move faster than usual, voices sharper, hands more urgent. “Severe hypothermia,” one of them said quickly. “Possible aspiration. We’re losing temperature regulation.”
Heeseung was in the back of the ambulance before anyone could stop him. No argument. Cristina followed right after, still soaked, still furious, still terrified in a way she would never admit out loud. “Dr. Kim stay with us,” a paramedic was saying.
Her eyes were half-open. Not focused. Heeseung grabbed her hand immediately.
“Hey,” he said, voice breaking slightly. “Hey, look at me.” Her fingers twitched weakly against his. Too cold. Too still.
“We’re getting you to the hospital,” he continued. “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” But her breathing was uneven. Wrong rhythm. Cristina leaned forward. “Her temp?”
“Thirty-one and dropping,” the paramedic replied sharply. Heeseung’s stomach dropped. That was already critical. Her lips parted slightly like she was trying to speak, but only a weak sound came out.
He bent closer immediately. “What?” Her eyes flickered toward him. Not fully focused. And then her body suddenly stiffened. A sharp inhale. Then nothing. The monitor beside her spiked once, and dropped..
For half a second, nobody processed it. Then chaos detonated inside the ambulance. “No pulse!” “Start compressions!” “Charge—”
Cristina’s hand was already on the defibrillator before the words even finished.
Heeseung froze. Actually froze. Because for a split second his brain refused to accept it. Not again. Not her. Not like this.
“Aeri,” he said sharply, like his voice alone could pull her back. Nothing. The paramedic started compressions immediately.
“Two minutes from hospital!” someone shouted. But the monitor stayed flat. Continuous. Merciless. Heeseung grabbed her wrist harder. “Aeri,” he said again, voice cracking now. “Come on.” Nothing. Cristina looked up at him once mid-compression. And for the first time all day, even she looked scared.
“Clear!” someone shouted.
Shock delivered. Her body jerked slightly, but the line stayed flat. No rhythm. The ambulance felt too small suddenly. Too suffocating. Heeseung’s hand didn’t let go of hers. Not even when Cristina shouted again.
“Again!” Another shock. Another pause. Still nothing. Her face stayed slack and pale and terrifyingly still.
And Heeseung, Heeseung stopped breathing properly.
Because his brain went somewhere it wasn’t supposed to go. Back to the dock. Back to her falling. Back to the water swallowing her. Back to two months ago with the bomb. Back to every moment he almost lost her before this one.
And now, this.
“Don’t you do this,” he whispered under his breath, voice breaking completely now. “Don’t you leave me like this.”
Cristina didn’t look at him. She couldn’t.
“Charge again!” she snapped.
And the ambulance tore forward through traffic like the world outside didn’t know someone inside was slipping away. Heeseung leaned down closer, forehead nearly against her cold hand.
And in a voice no one else could hear over the chaos, he said, “I choose you.”
Like it mattered now. Like it could still reach her somewhere deep under all that silence.
But somehow, luck was slightly on his side. They got her pulse back in the most fragile way possible. Not stable or strong in any way, it was barely just enough.
A flicker on the monitor that kept disappearing like it couldn’t decide whether to stay. “Sinus rhythm—barely,” a resident said urgently. “She’s bradying again.”
“Keep compressions going,” Bailey snapped when they wheeled her out of the ambulance. “She’s not cold, she’s frozen. Keep warming blankets on her, get the bypass ready if we lose her again.”
The trauma room was chaos in controlled form. Hands moving. Orders flying. Machines beeping like a second heartbeat trying to replace hers. Aeri’s body looked almost unreal on the table.
So still. So small under the heat lamps and blankets. Heeseung stood in the doorway for exactly four seconds before Webber physically stepped in front of him.
“No,” Webber said immediately. Heeseung didn’t even blink. “I need to be in there.”
“You can’t.”
“I can help—”
“You are not a surgeon in this room right now,” Webber cut in sharply. “You are a man who is about to lose perspective.” Heeseung’s voice cracked. “That’s my—” He stopped. Couldn’t even finish it, because what was he even supposed to say?
Webber didn’t soften. “She’s coding in and out,” he said more quietly. “We don’t need you breaking down in there.” Heeseung’s hands were shaking now.
“I can’t leave her,” he said, voice lower, desperate. Webber held his gaze for a long second. Then nodded once to a nurse. And Heeseung was guided out. Just… removed. Like something too close to the center of disaster to be allowed inside it.
Outside the room, the hallway felt wrong. Too bright. Too loud. Heeseung stood there like he didn’t understand what to do with his body anymore. His scrub top still damp from the water.
His hair still messy from the dock. His hands still shaking like they were waiting for something to hold. And behind the closed doors, machines kept fighting for her. He pressed both hands against the wall for a second. Then slid down slightly. Not fully sitting. Just collapsing halfway.
Eyes red. Breathing uneven. Trying not to lose it in front of everyone passing by. He heard her name once from inside.
“BP dropping!” And his head snapped up instantly. But the doors didn’t open. Nothing came out. Just more urgency behind them.
Then Hana arrived. Fast footsteps down the corridor. Still in scrubs. Still mid-shift. She saw him before she even saw the doors. And she stopped. Completely. Because she didn’t need anyone to tell her. She already knew. The way he was standing.
The way he couldn’t look away from that room. The way his entire body looked like it was being held together by nothing.
“Heeseung” Her voice was quiet. He didn’t look at her at first. Couldn’t.
“Hana,” he said hoarsely. She stepped closer. Saw the wet scrubs. Saw the shaking hands. Saw the tears he wasn’t even trying to hide anymore. And everything clicked into place in a way that wasn’t painful so much as final.
“She’s inside,” Hana said softly. He nodded once. Like saying anything more would break him completely. Hana looked at the doors. Then back at him. And her expression shifted, not angry, not bitter. Her eyes just held deep understanding. Deep, quiet understanding that hurt more than anything else could have.
“I think I finally get it,” she said gently.
He didn’t respond. Because he couldn’t. Hana exhaled slowly.
“I thought I could come back and fix something that already existed,” she said. “But you’re not… torn.” A pause. “You never were.” Heeseung closed his eyes briefly. Hana continued, softer now.
“You love her,” she said simply. Heeseung’s voice came out broken immediately. “I can’t lose her.”
That was all he said. And it was enough. Hana nodded once, almost sadly. “I know,” she whispered. Then after a beat, “It’s already gone, Heeseung.” she mentioned their marriage, because she could see it now. The marriage she thought she could rebuild wasn’t being rejected by competition. It had already been replaced by something that never stopped forming.
Something she had walked back into too late. Hana looked at the doors again. The place where Aeri was fighting for her life.
And then she stepped back slightly. “I hope she lives,” she said quietly. And she meant it. Not for him. For her. Then she turned and walked away down the corridor, trying not to breakdown. And Heeseung stayed exactly where he was. Eyes locked on the doors. Waiting for the next update like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
It had been another 20 minutes. The doors opened before anyone heard anything. Not slowly. Not carefully. Just that sudden swing that meant something had changed inside the room. Burke stepped out first. Still in scrubs and gloves. But his face was different. Something heavier. Something that made the entire hallway go quiet before anyone even spoke.
Heeseung saw it immediately. The expression. That particular surgeon’s stillness that only shows up when everything has already been tried, and they were aware they had to deliver terrible news. .
And his body reacted before his mind caught up. “No,” he said under his breath. Burke stopped just outside the doors. Looked at him. And didn’t say anything right away.
That silence was the answer. Heeseung’s face changed instantly. Like something inside him gave out all at once. “No,” he said again, louder this time, voice breaking. “No, no—” He took one step forward and then stopped, like his legs forgot how to work. Burke stepped closer instead.
And for once, not the surgeon in charge, just the man who had been inside the room trying to hold someone back from disappearing. He put a steadying hand on Heeseung’s shoulder.
“She’s still in there,” Burke said quietly. That should have been comforting. It wasn’t. Because it didn’t sound like victory. It sounded like holding. Heeseung shook his head slightly, breathing uneven now. “You said she was stable.”
“She isn’t anymore.” His jaw tightened hard. Inside the room, monitors continued their uneven fight. Beeping that kept dipping. Coming back. Dipping again. Burke didn’t move his hand.
“She coded twice,” he said quietly. “We got her back twice.” Heeseung’s eyes burned immediately.
“And the third time?” he asked. Burke hesitated. That hesitation alone was almost worse than an answer. “We’re still in it,” Burke said finally. Heeseung’s knees went weak for a second.
Burke tightened his grip slightly, keeping him upright. “Don’t go down,” he said quietly. “Not yet.”
Heeseung let out a broken breath that almost turned into something worse. “I can’t lose her,” he said again, but this time it wasn’t controlled anymore. It was unraveling. Burke didn’t correct him.
Didn’t tell him to be professional. Didn’t tell him to step back. He just stayed there. A steady weight beside him in the hallway while the world kept breaking inside the room.
Inside, the trauma room was still chaos. Her body lay under warming blankets, lines everywhere, monitors screaming at intervals like the machine itself was exhausted.
“Core temp still thirty-two,” a resident said urgently. “We’re not gaining ground fast enough.”
Webber stood at the foot of the bed for a second, watching her. Longer than he should have. Then something in his expression shifted.
“She’s not leaving this room,” he said quietly. Bailey looked up. “Richard—”
“She’s not,” he repeated, sharper now. Something personal.
Because for a moment, she wasn’t just a patient. She was the kid who used to stand at the edge of his ORs back when he worked along with Aeri’s mom, asking questions no intern should know yet. The one who stayed late. The one he’d trusted early. The one who had been too good at surviving everything thrown at her until this moment.
“Again,” Webber said. Bailey stared at him for half a second. Then nodded.
“Charge.” Another shock. The room tensed. Machines stuttered. And then thankfully, a flicker. A weak rhythm trying to form itself out of nothing.
“Wait—” a resident said quickly. “I’ve got something—” “Keep going,” Bailey snapped immediately. “Don’t lose it.”
Webber stepped closer to the monitor. Watching. Not breathing.
“Come on,” he said under his breath. And then, another beat appeared. Then another. Still fragile. Still wrong. But no longer absent.
Outside, Burke finally spoke again. “She’s responding,” he said quietly. Heeseung’s head snapped up instantly. “What?” Burke nodded slightly.
“Barely,” he added. “But she’s coming back.”
Something in Heeseung’s face collapsed all over again—but this time it wasn’t just grief. It was relief so intense it almost hurt more. Burke kept his hand on his shoulder for another moment.
Then let go. Because even he understood that part of this wasn’t his to hold. Heeseung stayed frozen in the hallway. Eyes locked on the doors. It came out of him in pieces, like his voice couldn’t decide how to exist anymore.
“She knows,” Heeseung said suddenly, staring at the doors like if he looked away she’d disappear again. “She knows how to swim.”
Burke turned slightly.
Heeseung swallowed hard, breath shaking. “She grew up around water. She told me. She—she used to go with friends, she—” His hands lifted helplessly, like he could explain her into safety if he just got the details right fast enough.
“She wouldn’t just—” His voice broke. “She wouldn’t just go under like that.” Then it hit him harder. His face crumpled. “She stopped fighting,” he whispered, like saying it out loud made it real. “She stopped fighting and I don’t know why she would do that.”
Burke stayed quiet for a second. Just watching him. Heeseung’s breathing got uneven again, like the words were dragging everything back into his chest.
“She knows how to swim,” he repeated, more urgently now, as if the fact itself should change what happened. “She can swim. She can—she should’ve been fine.”
His voice cracked completely on the last word. “Burke, she should’ve been fine.” That was the breaking point. The idea that skill should have protected her.
That knowledge should have mattered against shock and cold and panic and everything the body does when it stops listening. Burke finally spoke, very quietly.
“Dr. Lee.” Heeseung didn’t look at him. “Don’t,” Burke said, softer now. “Don’t do that to yourself.” Heeseung let out a broken laugh that wasn’t humor at all.
“Do what.” “Try to make it logical,” Burke said. “There’s nothing logical about what happens to the body under stress like that.” That landed, but it didn’t soothe anything.
Heeseung shook his head slightly, still staring at the doors. “I was right there,” he said. “I got her out and I still—” His voice gave out for a second. He swallowed hard, trying again.
“I still almost lost her again.”
Burke’s hand returned to his shoulder, firmer this time. “She’s in there now,” Burke said. “And she’s fighting.”
That word, fighting, made Heeseung shut his eyes. Because that was her. Even now. Even after everything. Still fighting. But it didn’t erase the image in his head. Her under the water. . He wiped his face quickly with the back of his hand, frustrated at himself for breaking but unable to stop it.
“I couldn’t reach her fast enough,” he said quietly.
Burke didn’t argue. Just stood beside him while the doors stayed closed and the monitors inside kept trying to turn silence into a rhythm again.
And somewhere beyond those doors, Aeri’s heart stumbled.
Then steadied.
Then stumbled again.
Like it was deciding whether to come back at all. By the time they got her out of trauma and into ICU, the hospital had already started to feel like it had aged a year in a single shift.
She was moved carefully, surrounded by warming blankets, forced-air heat systems, IV lines running constant fluids, monitors recalibrating to a slower, steadier rhythm that didn’t look like panic anymore. Hypothermia protocols. Post-arrest care. Watchful silence.
The kind of quiet that only exists when someone has almost not made it. They finally left her alone after the last adjustment. Just machines now. Just beeping. Just her.
A few hours passed like that. ICU never really sleeps, but it does dim into something softer at night, voices lowered, footsteps slower, everything careful around fragile life.
She came back to consciousness the way people do after something too violent for the body to fully understand. Cold first. Then sound. Then weight. Her eyes opened halfway. Blinking. Confused.
The room felt too bright even though it wasn’t. Her body didn’t feel like it belonged to her yet.
A nurse noticed immediately and moved closer. “Hey,” she said gently. “You’re in ICU. You’re safe.” Aeri tried to speak but only a small sound came out. Her throat burned. The nurse checked her monitor quickly, then hesitated like she was deciding something.
Then softer: “Dr. Lee has been here all day,” she said. “He hasn’t really left. Do you… want to see him?” Aeri didn’t answer with words. She just nodded. Small. Like there wasn’t even a question.
The nurse gave a quick nod and stepped out. A moment later, the door opened again. And Heeseung was there. He didn’t look like a surgeon anymore. Not really. Hair slightly disheveled. Scrubs still on but wrinkled from sitting too long. Eyes red at the edges like he hadn’t stopped being afraid long enough to reset.
The second he saw her awake, something in his face changed so fast it almost hurt to watch. Relief first. Then disbelief. Then something softer that didn’t have a name. He stopped right by the bed. Didn’t rush her. Didn’t touch her yet.
Just looked at her like he needed to confirm she was real. Aeri tried to sit up slightly. Immediately regretted it. Her body shook faintly from the cold still lingering deep inside her. He moved closer instantly.
“No,” he said softly. “Don’t sit up.”
Her eyes found his. And that was it. Everything else in the room stopped mattering. The machines. The monitors. The ICU hum.
Just them. Her eyes filled almost immediately. Like her body finally caught up to everything she hadn’t been able to feel underwater.
Heeseung’s voice went quieter. “Hey,” he said gently. “Hey, it’s okay.”
She shook her head slightly, barely. Cold. Still so cold. Her lips parted like she was trying to say something but couldn’t get it out properly. He noticed immediately.
“Are you cold?” he asked.
Another small nod.
He exhaled shakily, like that answer made everything simple again. Without waiting for permission this time, he carefully pulled the chair closer.
Then hesitated just once. His voice soft:
“Can I?” she nodded again, faster this time. Tears sliding now. And that was all he needed. He shifted carefully onto the edge of the bed, moving slow so he didn’t disturb any lines or monitors, then gently leaned in and gathered her into him as much as the equipment allowed.
Not tight enough to risk anything. Her hands immediately gripped the fabric of his scrubs like she’d been holding herself together by force alone and finally didn’t have to anymore.
He held her carefully, one arm behind her shoulders, the other steadying her side. “Okay,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.” Her face turned into his chest immediately, breathing uneven.
Still shaking. Still coming back. “I know,” he said immediately, firmer now. “I know.”
Her fingers tightened slightly. “I couldn’t breathe,” she whispered. “I know,” he repeated again, softer. “I saw you.” That made her cry harder. Just quiet, exhausted breaking. Like the fear had been waiting for permission to leave her body.
He didn’t stop it. Just held her through it. And after a while, when her breathing started to settle slightly, he spoke again, barely above a whisper. “I stayed,” he said. Her eyes lifted weakly toward him.
“I didn’t leave,” he added. And something in her expression shifted at that. Not relief exactly. Something deeper. Like her body finally believed she wasn’t alone in the aftermath anymore. Her grip loosened slightly, but she didn’t let go. Neither did he.
Just stayed there in the dim ICU light, her still half-frozen against him, his hand steady at her back, like if either of them moved too fast the world might still try to take her again.
He held her a little tighter when her breathing finally started to slow, like he was afraid the moment he loosened his grip she’d slip back into somewhere he couldn’t reach.
The ICU was still humming around them, but inside that small space it felt almost like it didn’t exist. Her fingers were still curled into his scrubs, weaker now but refusing to let go completely.
Heeseung swallowed hard. His voice came out rougher than he meant it to. “I know you know how to swim.” That made her still slightly, even in exhaustion.
He shook his head once, eyes fixed somewhere over her shoulder like he couldn’t bear looking at her face and saying it. “And I don’t know why…” his voice cracked, breath catching, “I don’t know why you weren’t.” A pause where he tried to steady himself and failed.
“I don’t know why you stopped fighting.” That last part broke more than the rest.
Because it wasn’t accusation. It was fear trying to make sense of helplessness.
Her eyes filled again immediately, but she didn’t pull away. She just stayed pressed against him like she didn’t have the energy left to exist anywhere else. He exhaled shakily, wiping his face with his wrist quickly like it would fix anything.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.” His hand tightened slightly at her back, grounding himself as much as her.
“I should’ve been faster. I should’ve—” He stopped, voice breaking again. “I should’ve never let you go into that water alone in the first place.”
She made a small sound, like she was trying to interrupt, but he kept going anyway, quieter now but more raw. “And I can’t…” He shook his head slightly. “I can’t lose you like that again.” Silence stretched for a second, only the machines filling it.
Then his voice dropped even lower. Almost like he was afraid of it.
“Don’t ever stop fighting.” He finally looked at her properly then, eyes red, completely unguarded. “I love you.” The words landed between them like something irreversible.
She froze slightly in his arms, like her body registered it before her mind could. He didn’t take it back. Didn’t soften it. Just stayed there holding her, shaking slightly himself now, forehead almost brushing her hair.
“I love you,” he repeated quieter, like he needed her to hear it again without the chaos of everything else. “So please… don’t stop fighting.”
And this time, when she clutched his scrubs again, it wasn’t just fear. It was her holding on too.
She didn’t answer right away. Not because she didn’t hear him. Because she did. Every word. Clearer than the machines. Clearer than the room. Clearer than everything she’d been drifting in and out of for the past few hours. Her fingers tightened slightly in his scrubs again, almost reflexively, like she needed something physical to confirm she wasn’t still underwater.
I love you.
Heeseung didn’t rush her. He stayed exactly where he was, one arm around her shoulders, the other steady at her back, breathing uneven but controlled enough to not overwhelm her.
“I’m here,” he said quietly after a moment. “You’re okay. Just… stay with me, okay?” Aeri swallowed. Her throat hurt. Her whole body still felt like it belonged to someone else. But his voice was real. His arms were real. And the way he was holding her wasn’t like earlier in the hallway weeks ago, or the chaos of the dock, or even the ambulance.
Her eyes finally lifted to his again. Slowly. Tired. Still glassy with tears that didn’t seem to know when to stop. Heeseung’s expression shifted immediately when he saw her looking at him like that.. Breaking a little more.
“Hey,” he whispered, like he was afraid to scare her away from the moment. “You’re here. You’re safe.” Her lips parted slightly.
Her voice came out weak, scratchy from the tube earlier, barely holding shape. “…you said it.”
He blinked once, like he didn’t fully understand. Then his breath caught.
“Oh,” he whispered. Aer stared at him like she was trying to make sense of him through exhaustion.
“You said it,” she repeated quietly. He nodded once, slowly, like he was bracing for impact.
“I did,” he said softly. Her eyes flickered down for a second, then back up again, searching his face like she didn’t trust what she was seeing. “You don’t say things like that,” she murmured.
A sad, almost broken half-smile touched his mouth for a second. “I know,” he admitted. That honesty did something to her. Because he wasn’t trying to make it smaller.
Wasn’t trying to walk it back. Just standing in it. Her grip on him loosened slightly, not letting go, just less frantic now. Still cold, still tired, but not slipping away the same way anymore. Heeseung noticed immediately. His hand moved gently up her back, slow circles like he was trying to remind her body it was allowed to rest.
“I meant it,” he added quietly. “Everything I said.” She closed her eyes for a second, like even that was too much to process all at once. When she opened them again, her voice was even softer. “…you can’t just say that and then leave again.”
That hit him instantly. His entire expression changed. “No,” he said quickly. Firm this time. Steady. “No, I’m not leaving.” “I’m done doing that to you.”
Her eyes searched his face again, like she wanted proof, not promises. He exhaled slowly, leaning his forehead just slightly closer to hers without fully touching.
“I don’t care how long it takes,” he said. “I don’t care how messy it is. I don’t care about anything else right now.” His voice dropped. “I’m not losing you again.”
Her breathing shook slightly, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, her forehead finally rested lightly against his chest again, like her body had decided it trusted gravity more when he was holding her. He stiffened for a second at the contact, then relaxed into it immediately, arms tightening just enough to be sure she was still there.
For a while, neither of them spoke. Just the steady beep of the monitor. Her breathing slowly evening out against him. His hand still at her back like a promise he didn’t know how to take back anymore.
And somewhere in that quiet ICU room, surrounded by machines and exhaustion and everything they had almost lost, it finally stopped feeling like survival.
And started feeling, very carefully, like staying. Aeri only let him leave after a long silence where she just watched him like she was memorizing the fact that he was still here at all.
“You should go back to work,” she said eventually, voice quiet but steadier now. Heeseung frowned slightly. “I don’t want to.” “I know,” she said, a faint hint of something almost like a smile. “But you’re still a doctor. And I’m… not dying anymore.”
That last part made his jaw tighten immediately. He didn’t like how close it still felt.
Still, she gave him a small nod, like permission she didn’t fully want to give but knew he needed. “Go,” she repeated softer. “I’ll be here.” That was the only thing that got him moving.
Even then, he lingered at the door for a second too long, looking back at her like he still didn’t trust the room to keep her safe without him in it. She lifted her hand slightly from the blanket.
“Go,” she said again, but this time it was gentler. So he did. Like every step away from her was physically wrong.
He didn’t even make it halfway down the corridor before he stopped. Hana was standing there. Still in scrubs. But she was holding a thin folder. And something in her face told him immediately what it was.
Heeseung slowed. Then stopped fully. “Hana,” he said quietly. She nodded once, holding up the folder slightly. “I brought them,” she said.
The word didn’t need clarification. Divorce papers. There was a beat of silence. Then Hana gave a small, tired exhale, almost like she’d been holding this in for longer than she admitted even to herself.
“I wasn’t sure how to do this,” she admitted. “I thought I would be angry. Or hurt in a way that made it hard.” A faint, almost self-aware smile crossed her face.
“But honestly?” she added, glancing at him. “I’ve been watching you for weeks. And I think I was the only one still confused about this situation.” Heeseung didn’t speak. He didn’t interrupt. Hana stepped a little closer, but not into his space.
Just enough to be honest. “You love her,” she said simply. He didn’t deny it. Didn’t hesitate. That in itself answered everything. Hana nodded like she expected that. “Yeah,” she said softly. “That’s what I thought.” A pause.
Then she tilted her head slightly, more thoughtful now than sad. “You know what’s funny?” she said. “I actually tried for a while to convince myself I could compete with that.” “I couldn’t.”
Heeseung finally looked at her properly. Hana’s expression stayed calm, but there was something warm in it too, strangely enough.
“It wasn’t even big dramatic moments,” she said, almost lightly. “It was small stuff.” She gave a faint, almost amused exhale.
“The way you look at her when she walks into a room like she just made gravity optional,” she said. “Or how you stopped mid-sentence during surgery that one day because she laughed outside the OR and you didn’t even realize you did it.” “Oh, and don’t even get me started on the bomb thing,” she added dryly. “You basically tried to become a human shield in a hallway. That was… honestly embarrassing for my dignity.”
That got the faintest flicker of something like a broken laugh from him. Hana softened slightly. “I don’t blame you,” she said. “I actually don’t. I think I just… arrived after the ending already happened.”
She held the folder out gently. “So let’s not drag it out.” Heeseung took it slowly. Their fingers didn’t linger. Just a clean handoff. She watched him for a second longer, then added more quietly, almost kindly:
“She’s good for you,” she said. “And you’re good for her. Even if you’re both kind of a disaster individually.” That earned another small, reluctant breath from him. Hana smiled faintly.
“Also,” she added, tilting her head, “if you make her cry again I will personally haunt you. Just so we’re clear.” Heeseung exhaled through his nose, something close to real amusement breaking through the exhaustion for the first time in days.
“I deserve that,” he murmured. “You really do,” she agreed. Then Hana stepped back. “I hope we can be okay,” she said. “Not like… friends friends. But not strangers either.” He nodded once. “We can be okay.”
That seemed to satisfy her. She gave him one last look, soft, final, no lingering bitterness. Then she turned and walked away.
Heeseung stood there for a moment holding the papers. Strange how light they felt. Stranger how heavy everything else still was. Then he looked down the hall.
Back toward ICU. And without hesitation this time, he went back to her. She was asleep when he came back. Not the restless, half-conscious kind from earlier. Real sleep this time.
Her breathing had evened out, the machines around her no longer screaming urgency into the room, just steady rhythm and soft monitoring tones. She looked smaller like this. Heeseung stopped at the doorway for a second, just watching her.
The divorce papers were still in his hand. He didn’t look at them for long. Just long enough to understand what they were asking of him. Then he signed. Just a pen, a signature, and a quiet kind of certainty that had taken him far too long to reach.
He folded them carefully afterward.Handed them to the nurse at the desk outside ICU. “Please give them to the other Dr. Lee,” he said quietly.
When he came back into the room, the lights were dimmer now. Shifted into night mode. Still curled slightly under the blankets, one hand resting loosely near the edge of the bed like she’d fallen asleep mid-thought and forgotten to pull it back in. Heeseung moved slowly this time. Like the room might still punish sudden movement.
He set his things down quietly. Then sat in the chair beside her for a moment. No urgency. No crisis. No hallway interruptions. No machines screaming at him. Just her. He exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand over his face once, tired in a way that had nothing to do with hours anymore.
Then, carefully, he stood.
Moved closer. Carefully lifted the edge of the blanket. And got into the bed beside her without waking her. The mattress shifted slightly under his weight. She stirred faintly, making a small sound in her sleep, instinctively turning toward warmth. He immediately wrapped an arm around her gently, careful of IV lines and monitors, adjusting so she could settle against him without strain.
She exhaled softly, face relaxing almost instantly once she found him. Like her body recognized him before her mind could argue. He held her like that..
One hand resting at her back, the other near her shoulder, grounding her in place like he was afraid even sleep might try to take her away again. His forehead rested lightly near her hair for a moment.
And in the stillness, he finally let himself breathe properly for the first time in what felt like months.There were no more decisions left hanging between them now, waiting room versions of love and certainly no almosts.
He’d chosen her. She’d chosen him. And they both stayed.
Morning light in ICU always feels too clean for what people have been through.
Aeri blinked awake slowly, the kind of waking that doesn’t feel like entering a day so much as returning to it. Her body still ached in that dull, distant way hypothermia and trauma leave behind, but it wasn’t frightening anymore. It was just evidence.
She shifted slightly. Warmth shifted with her. That made her pause. She turned her head a little. And saw him. Heeseung was still there.
Asleep.
Half sitting, half lying against the side of her bed, one arm still loosely around her like he had refused to let go even in sleep. His hair was slightly messier than usual, face softer like exhaustion had finally caught up to him. There were faint shadows under his eyes that told her he hadn’t really left in a long time.
For a few seconds, she just watched him. Like she was checking if he was real or something her mind had made up in recovery. Then he stirred slightly, sensing the shift.
His eyes opened slowly. The second he saw her awake, fully awake, something in his face changed instantly. Alert. Relief. Fear still lingering underneath.
“You’re up,” he said quietly.
She blinked once. “Yeah.” Then her mouth curved slightly, small and tired. “I think I’m allowed to leave now.”
That landed fully a second later. He exhaled like he’d been holding his breath since the moment she coded on that dock. “I’ll talk to Bailey,” he said immediately, already shifting like he would handle everything that needed handling.
A nurse came in a short while later, surprised but pleased to see her awake and stable. After a quick check of vitals and a few confirmations with Bailey, the decision was made quickly.
Medically stable. No longer hypothermic. Oxygen good. Labs improving. She could be discharged. The words should’ve felt big. Instead, they just felt… slow.
Like they were finally catching up to everything that had already happened. She sat up carefully while nurses helped remove lines and monitors. Heeseung stayed close the entire time, not hovering, just present. Ready if she needed anything. When it was finally done, and she was changed out of hospital gowns into a loose set of scrubs someone brought for her, she stood carefully at the edge of the bed.
He immediately moved closer without thinking. She didn’t pull away. Just accepted the support for a second longer than necessary. Then looked up at him. “You look tired,” she said.
A faint, almost amused breath left him. “You almost died.” “Again,” she added quietly. That got a small flicker in his expression. Then she reached for his hand. And when their fingers laced together, it didn’t feel like chaos anymore.
“I’m okay,” she said softly. He didn’t answer immediately. Just looked at her like he was still afraid the sentence might change at any second. Then he nodded once.
“I know,” he said. “I just don’t think I am yet.” That made her look at him more carefully. Because she knew that feeling too now.
They stood there for a moment longer before moving out of the room together, slower than everything that had brought them there, like neither of them were in a rush to re-enter the world outside just yet. The drive from the hospital felt quieter than anything had in months.
She sat in the passenger seat of Heeseung’s car, still wrapped in the hospital-issued hoodie someone had found for her, her body finally starting to feel like it belonged to her again instead of a stack of protocols and monitors.
He kept glancing at her at red lights without saying anything.
Like he was checking she was still real.
“You’re doing that thing again,” she said eventually, voice soft.
“What thing,” he asked.
“Staring like I might disappear if you don’t look fast enough.”
“Sorry,” he said quietly.
Aeri shifted slightly, turning her head toward the window.
“Don’t be.”
That was all she said. But her fingers were still loosely curled near his on the console the whole way.
Her house looked exactly like what people assumed a surgical intern’s place would look like when they were too tired to decorate life properly but still tried anyway. Big space. Warm lighting. Slight mess that made it feel lived in instead of staged.
The second they stepped inside, Aeri paused like her body didn’t fully recognize the concept of “home” as a place she was allowed to be sick in.
Heeseung noticed immediately.
“I’ve got you,” he said gently. She nodded once. But didn’t move further until he did first. So he did. He set her bag down, took off his jacket, and immediately started moving like he already knew the rhythm of her space without needing permission for it.
“Sit,” he said softly. “I can sit on my own,” she replied automatically.
“I know,” he said, not arguing. “Still sit.”
That made her huff a small, tired laugh and finally obey.
Within an hour, the house had shifted. Heeseung had somehow taken over kitchen duty without asking, checking her meds schedule on his phone like it was another post-op chart. He made her drink water, eat something small, rest when she tried to insist she was fine.
She watched him from the couch with a faint, amused disbelief. “You’re bossy outside the OR too,” she muttered. “I’m consistent,” he said.
“That’s not a defense.”
“It is for surgeons.”
She shook her head slightly, but there was no real resistance in it.
The door opened later in the evening without warning. Keys. Familiar footsteps. Loud talking before anyone even fully stepped inside. “Okay, I’m telling you, if you try to make me do one more post-op—”
Izzie stopped mid-sentence. Cristina followed right behind her.
Both of them froze in the entryway. Because there was Heeseung. In their kitchen. Cooking something. Because of course he was. And there was Aeri. On the couch. Blanket over her legs.
Alive. Very much alive. A beat of silence stretched so long it became its own kind of noise. Then Cristina broke it first.
“…so he just lives here now?” she asked flatly. Aeri closed her eyes briefly. “Please don’t start.”
Izzie blinked. “Are we… interrupting something?” Heeseung turned slightly from the stove. “You live here too, apparently.”
Cristina narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t get comfortable.”
“I’m not,” he replied calmly. “This is temporary.”
Cristina looked at Aeri. Then at him. Then back at Aeri. “…this is not temporary,” she muttered.
Izzie, already walking in, immediately softened. “Okay, I’m glad you’re alive, but also why is there a man in our house cooking like he pays rent by simply caring for you?”
Aeri buried her face slightly into the blanket. “I don’t know anymore,” she said honestly. Heeseung, without turning around: “Eat before it gets cold.”
Cristina pointed at him. “He’s bossy.”
Aeri nodded. “Yeah.”
Heeseung: “You’re all loud.”
That got a reluctant laugh from Izzie.
Cristina sat down like she had accepted reality against her will. “Fine. But if he leaves dishes, I won’t hesitate to shove a scalpel up his ass”
Heeseung, startled, finally looked over his shoulder slightly. “Noted.”
_________________________________________________
The rest of the evening didn’t become less awkward. It just became shared.
Cristina arguing about everything out of habit. Izzie hovering between concern and relief. Aeri slowly coming back into herself in pieces. And Heeseung staying exactly where he said he would, like it was the most natural decision in the world.
At some point, she leaned back against the couch and exhaled. Tired. Heeseung noticed immediately and walked over, sitting on the edge of the couch beside her without asking. She leaned into him almost automatically.
Like her body remembered before her mind did. Cristina saw it. Of course she did.
“…I hate all of this,” she said. Izzie smiled faintly. “No you don’t.” Cristina didn’t deny it this time. And for the first time in a long time, the house didn’t feel like people orbiting separate disasters.
And finally, not alone.
Later, when the house finally quieted down and the noise of Cristina’s commentary and Izzie’s soft concern faded into distant rooms, Heeseung found Aeri where she’d drifted off again on the couch.
She just looked exhausted in the way recovery always leaves behind, like the body is still negotiating with everything it survived.
He crouched slightly beside her. “Hey,” he said softly.
Her eyes opened slowly.
“…what time is it,” she murmured.
“Late,” he answered.
That made her sigh faintly. He didn’t rush her. Just waited until she shifted a little, acknowledging him.
“I’ll take you to bed,” he said.
She blinked once. “I can walk.”
“I know,” he replied gently. “Still taking you.”
That got a small, tired look from her, but she didn’t argue anymore. Just let him help her up. She was steady, but he stayed close anyway, one hand hovering near her back like a reflex he hadn’t unlearned yet.
The hallway upstairs was quiet. Her room felt warmer somehow, familiar in a way hospital rooms never could be. Heeseung didn’t turn on too many lights. He guided her to sit on the edge of the bed, then reached for a blanket without being asked.
She watched him for a moment.
“You’ve been here all day,” she said.
“I said I would be,” he replied.
“I’m not going anywhere tonight either.”
That made her eyes linger on him a little longer than before. He hesitated then, like he’d been holding something in place all day and finally decided it couldn’t stay unspoken in the middle of her bedroom.
“I signed them,” he said quietly. It took her a second.
“…the papers,” she said, already understanding.
He nodded once. “Yeah.”
Silence settled immediately after that. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, hands loosely clasped together for a moment before he looked up.
“I didn’t do it because it was easy,” he said.
She didn’t interrupt.
“I did it because it was already done,” he continued. “Even before the signatures. Even before everything.” His voice softened. “I just stopped pretending I was still in it a while ago.”
She looked down at her hands for a second. Then back up at him.
“You didn’t tell me sooner,” she said quietly.
“I know,” he admitted immediately. No defensiveness. No delay. “I didn’t know how. And I didn’t want you to feel like you were part of something I hadn’t closed properly yet.” He leaned back slightly, exhaling.
“Hana and I… we’re done,” he said. “Properly.” Then, almost quieter:
“She was actually… really kind about it.” Aeri didn’t respond right away, just processing.
Heeseung glanced at her. “I’m not telling you this to put anything on you,” he said gently. “Or to make it feel like you owe me anything.” His voice tightened slightly.
“I just don’t want there to be anything between us that isn’t honest anymore.” That made her look at him more directly. Then she shifted slightly closer on the bed.
Just enough that the space between them stopped feeling like distance and started feeling like choice. “You could’ve told me earlier,” she said softly. “I know,” he repeated again. “I was scared you’d think I was using you as a reason to leave.”
Her expression changed slightly at that. More understanding than anything else. “I wouldn’t think that,” she said. That seemed to ease something in him.
He nodded slowly. “Good,” he whispered. She lay back slowly, adjusting the blanket.
Heeseung immediately stood to help, pulling it up properly around her shoulders like it was second nature now. She watched him do it.
Then, quietly “Can you stay the night,” she said. He paused for half a second. Then nodded.
“Yeah,” he said simply. “If you’ll let me.”
Her eyes stayed on him for a long moment. Then she reached out slightly, fingers brushing his wrist. “I think I already did,” she murmured. That made his breath catch quietly.
He sat back down beside her, slower this time, like the moment needed space to exist without breaking it. And when the room finally went still again, it didn’t feel like endings anymore.
Just the beginning of something neither of them were trying to escape.
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