Friends but with a bit of benefits
I know what I’m doing is wrong and against everything I stand for.
If it doesn’t work out, I will be torn but we’ll be friends. That’s the thing. Best thing I could do right now is be his friend and stand by him. I’ll stick to his side and love him from a distance.
I did that with Joel for a while. But right now...he needs this. He needs a friend and hopefully, I could be that friend.
Today, I was suppose to see his mother but he said that he wanted to see me first, have sex with me and pleasure me. I’m the only girl he wants and needs but doesn’t want stress or pressure. I get that. I don’t want stress or pressure from him either. We’re friends. We’re friends with benefits and I know what will happen if it doesn’t work.
He and I had sex (which was mind-blowing!). I kept on saying how I needed to see his mom but he kept getting turned on and wanted to continue fucking me. I mean...I wanted this. I wanted to have sex with him so I did. My mistake cause seriously, when we stepped out, His mom got angry.
She said she wanted us out. His father was in the washroom and when he came out, he made the meatloaf, turning to Jonathan after putting it into the oven and started yelling at Jonathan.
I wanted to explain myself but in this family...you couldn’t get your words out there. I wanted to say that I should of been tough and did as I said. I should of kept my promise. I didn’t. She called me a liar and his father stepped in. His family hates me. I know that.
His father yelled back at Jonathan and I didn’t understand cause they were speaking French. I was scared but I stood my ground. I watched as his father moved closer to him, shouting in Jonathan’s face. Jonathan pushed him like a ‘back-up’ push so his father reacted that he was pushing him back with force but it was a ‘whoa-too-close’ push. I know that. Jonathan shouldn’t have touched his father, he should of stepped back but he didn’t. He pushed Richard back and I swear, something in his father eyes read anger.
They pushed a little bit of each other but Jonathan was trying to stand his ground and then his father placed a hand on his neck. I didn’t know if it was choking or whatever. I was in disbelief because honestly, a family shouldn’t do this. His father eyes were blazing with red like a bull. Jonathan finally backed up and his father walked outside.
I wanted to jump in but I didn’t know what he would do. I should of intervene but fear of what his father would of done to me scared me. I wanted to jump in, I’m regretting that now.
I care, love, worry about this guy. We took a long walk to cool off. Well him. When I left, he said that his parents were threatening him to kick him out tomorrow. It was insane honestly but...I mean, I couldn’t believe it.
We have sex and he gets kicked out?
Is this a sign that I should have never shown up? I told myself that I should have done something today. I should have. If I had to get punch or shoved, I would take it. I fear his father.
They don’t like me, fine. It’s selfish of me to just care about Jonathan. I care more about him than anybody else. I love him more than I love cheesecake. I worrying about him now. I want to make sure he’s okay and stand by him. If I lived on my own, I’d take him in but I don’t live on my own.
Jonathan fears of living in the real world. He’ll have to face it sooner or later. His parents (Father doesn’t live with him but is willing to help his mother kick him out) want him out of the house. I’m there, I’m willing to help Jonathan. Call me whatever you want...I’m Jonathan’s friend now. I was his girlfriend but you know what? That’s over and done with and it’s time to go into friend mode.
If they call me names, I’ll ignore it the way I did with Malcolm. Grab whatever he needs and wants, put it into a bag or whatever, put it into the cab and whatever. I don’t mind that.
That is if he decided to move out cause he won’t have enough money. He’ll make the rent but not food. He’ll struggle a lot and honestly, struggling in life is living for me. You need to struggle in order to know how the real world is. He needs to find a job if Welfare decides not to support him and would need to act.
He wants to stay and put up with the mock, arguments and fights. He’s willing to stay in order to not struggle. I’ve struggled a lot in my life but I managed. It was hard but I had a lot of good friends and my parents were a big help. My family is a family.
His family....I don’t know what I could say about them. They disowned him, put him down, mock him and hurt him. No mother should call their kids a mistake or a bastard or bitch. He shouldn’t have called her names either and his father. His father shouldn’t have put his hands on him and Jonathan shouldn’t have put his hand on his father.
I wonder why I’m still around and caring for this guy. I remember I went into this relationship to only date HIM. I wasn’t in it for the parents or whatever. I wasn’t dating them so...yeah. Dating him or not, I’m here for him. I see his side and I see how he’s slowly becoming an outcast. He needs to ease himself to society and face his fucked up world.
Idk, whatever he decides, I’ll be there. If he doesn’t move out...I feel bad but I’m not stepping in that house. After what happened? HELL NO! If he moves out, he moves out and I’ll help him. He needs to grow up.
My family and I do have problems but we don’t do that to each other. We don’t yell or scream or put hands on each other. We talk it out, argue but we fix it.
I love this guy a lot. I wouldn’t leave his side unless he tells me.
