the omgcp jewish network

A network dedicated to jewish members of the OMGCP fan community and fanworks about jewish OMGCP characters

[zim-tits]

I found some old unfinished drafts. Let me know your interpretations.

[achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily]

chowder has finally fallen prey to the green couch

reverse piggyback race

LMAO ITS SHABBAT IM FUCKING CRYING HOLSTER WOULD *ahem* chowder needs to stop studying on Friday nights WTF man who wants to do that don’t you have a gf go hang out with her

Just your regular non-Shabbat day

[dereknursey]

bully: that’s me in my regalia when i was little

hops: OHHH that’s so cute. this is me in my dad’s t shirt when i was like five

louis: this is so touching. i wish i had been a child

hops: What

louis: i was never shorter that five feet…similar to a baby doe?

bully: excuse me What the Fuck

[terefah]

a blessing for transitioning genders, rabbi elliot kukla

[vorcotec]

[yidquotes]

Here is the non-problematic version.

[captaincrusher]

Man 1500 years ago: Let me sleep with this woman or I will die.

The rabbis:

(Link to tweet here)

[halfabreath]

Hey!! Where’s my Tonight Show with Adam Birkholtz AU???? 

So Holster gets his start on SNL and immediately becomes the Musical Impression guy. The running gag is that he impersonates people he looks nothing like but somehow everyone knows EXACTLY who he is

it’s eerie, almost, and people assume that someone else is doing the impersonation and they just dub his voice in so one night for the cold open he has to run through every impersonation he’s done on the show just to prove he can do it

think of him kind of like jimmy fallon mixed with andy samberg because YOU GUESSED IT he does lonely island-esque shorts

Then, one fateful week, Justin Oluransi, grammy award winner and overall beautiful man, performs his newest single (THATS RIGHT, HE’S A NON APPROPRIATIVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE)

He was 100000% in a pop boyband with Jack, Kent, and Tater when they were teenagers

they all went solo after ~drama~ occurred and jack’s got a singer/songwriter/aka Hozier vibe, kent is pure pop, ransom has a pop/r&b vibe. tater runs the label they’re all signed to.

Musical guests will sometimes do a sketch so Ransom and Holster do a Blues Brothers homage

ransom is belushi (complete with cartwheel)

holster is aykroyd (complete with dancing)

the big difference is that it’s a really top notch musical performance because they’re both great singers so holster does more than just say “soul man” in the background and ransom breaks out some choreo from his boyband days

all in all it’s a huge hit because lbr it would be hilarious

When Ransom releases his next album he comes back to host and that’s when things really pick up

he does sketches with other cast members but it’s clear that he and holster have this incredible chemistry

they sing Dick in a Box and the world is forever changed

Ransom just kind of keeps showing up a la Justin Timberlake? Like he appears throughout the seasons to continue the Motherlover/3-Way: The Golden Rule (with Lardo as lady gaga) trilogy and is consistently in sketches with Holster 

Meanwhile, it’s super fucking obvious that Ransom and Holster are friends outside of this. They’re always on each other’s instagrams, TMZ spots them together, they sing Dick in a Box at one of Ransom’s shows 

Then Holster leaves SNL to host The Tonight Show and SURPRISE, Ransom is his first guest 

sidenote!! Holster does the celebrity games with his guests and music is HUGE so you bet your ass wheel of musical impressions is utilized 

he does an AMAZING Ransom impression that only a few people have seen but most people have heard about and it’s the stuff of mysteries 

Jack even agrees to come on the show because Ransom is there and they have a little reunion performance of their boiband hitz

then, in the interview with holster jack actually talks about anxiety and how it’s affected his life and it’s an interesting shift because it’s a serious interview in the midst of this fun quirky show 

again, Ransom and Holster are still plastered all over each others social media and do Bro Biking 

When Holster hosts the Golden Globes this happens pretty much verbatim

Then, one week, Ransom’s on the show even when he doesn’t have an album coming out. everyone’s interest is piqued because there’s no actual reason for ransom to be there so they assume they’re going to do a funny sketch or something just to fill time. then ransom comes out and he sits down for an actual interview.

H: so what did you do this weekend? 

R: oh, I got married. 

The crowd: ……………….???

H: holy hell! congrats!!

R: thanks, I’m really happy, I know I hadn’t formally announced that I was even dating anyone, but I’ve been in a relationship for years and I’ve wanted to marry them pretty much since the day we met 

H: you know, this is pretty crazy. I also got married this weekend. 

The crowd: ?!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

R: what??? Wow!!! 

H: do you want to see a wedding picture 

R: definitely

then a picture of them under the huppah appears 

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS, THEY’VE BEEN IN LOVE THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME 

after that they don’t perform Motherlover in public anymore because it’s kind of weird but you bet your ASS they do Dick in a Box and The Golden Rule every chance they get

[lezzginka]

i’m here for the jews that don’t feel jewish.

for the jews that don’t look jewish. who are torn between rejecting or embracing a stereotype that never fit them in the first place.

for the jews who don’t speak hebrew. who fumble over prayers or can’t remember the last time they’ve stepped foot into a synagogue.

for the jews who don’t keep kosher. who text on shabbat. who love cheese burgers and especially bacon. 

for the jews who have just converted. who feel out of place. who find themselves lost during services, overwhelmed, and unsure of who to ask for help.

for the jews of color who constantly feel othered. who have their jewishness scrutinized and their opinions dismissed. who deal with antisemitism outside of their community and racism within.

for the jews who are patrilineal. who feel like they constantly have to prove their jewishness. who are looked down upon and shunned for something completely beyond their control.

for the ethnic jews who grew up detached from culture or religion. who never got to have a bar mitzvah. who have to google the meanings of holidays and prayers. who learn about their own people from wikipedia pages.

for the disabled jews who can’t participate in services. for the lgbt jews who wonder if hashem still loves them. for the atheist jews who struggle to connect. 

for any jew who has ever doubted their jewishness. 

you are important, you are not alone, and you belong in this community.

[zoombits]

anyways i hope that i’m the first to do this

[khulem-deactivated20181203]

master post of dogs celebrating passover

[daisysactuallyjewish]

The only Pesach photo set that matters

[jewishclarkkent]

Did… DC just acknowledge Superman’s distinctly Jewish origins? Am I dreaming?

[littlegoythings]

I am so sick of the “are Jews white” speil.

Not only because the premise erases Jews who are never white and never pass. But also because it erases a very fraught border for many Jews who are white or white-passing or whatever. These Jews have access to the benefits of whiteness at least some of the time. Maybe even most of the time! But that doesn’t mean antisemitism isn’t racialized. Jewish features are called such, identified as such, and harped on as such because of ethnic phenotypes common to this ethnoreligious group. Jews have been mocked, excluded, and persecuted because even though many were white-skinned, they weren’t considered white enough, based on phenotype and ancestry and ethnic point of origin. It’s entirely predicated on white supremacism. That’s racism.

In fact, the Nazis of old and alt-right and neo-Nazis today despise Jews precisely because so many of us muddy the border between white and not-white. This makes them and their white identity feel threatened. This is why they were shouting in Charlottesville “Jews will not replace us!”

This means that Jews who are white both benefit from white privilege and suffer under white supremacy at the same time. 

[pleasecallmesurely]

So I saw a fic the other day with Jewish Tater and holy hell did it set off an intense train of thought. 

Like the story was fantastic, and the thing that got me was that Tater’s dad was a Rabbi. While not impossible, it would be incredibly rare.

So that got me thinking, what if he had a more common story.

Under a cut because this got WAY more personal and long-winded than I intended

Keep reading

[pleasecallmesurely]

More Jewish Tater headcanons because I’ve started digging this hole and can’t stop! Today’s episode features: Russian New Year!

(follow up to this but this one’s a lot more cheerful)

Keep reading

[pleasecallmesurely]

I have a friend who’s interfaith Jewish-Muslim, so of course a lot of people like to make their own dickish assumptions. And most of them will go to her and and just be like “Soooo you’re Jewish AND???? Muslim???? What’s that like?” 

And every single time she just looks right at them and goes “Well it’s a lot of fasting. Way too much not-eating.”

So my point here is, Jewish-Muslim Nursey.

[booboothedude]

shoutout to n for the lil hanukkiah in the bg for the holster pic

look at this baby jewish bro i love him

[jewishnursey]

Ngozi unlock all the Jewish characters challenge

[coffee-at-annies]

@jewishomgcp

So I’m terrible about actually writing fic but in honor of the first night/day of Chanukah here’s my headcanon of SMH playing dreidel.

It’s a train wreck. The only reason it isn’t banned in the Haus like most other games is bc they play it once a year and you can’t have a Chanukah party without playing driedel.

Jack and Holster are super competitive and rub it in everyone’s faces whenever they get gimmel.

Nursey is that one person who no matter how hard he tries can’t seem to get a good spin on the dreidel.

Dex got bored five minutes into the game and started eating his gelt to the horror of Holster.

Bitty straight up abandoned the game to go check on his pie and has to get dragged back into the room every time it’s his turn so he can spin.

He doesn’t even wait to check what it is after spinning he’s just gone. Jack is stuck having to collect his winnings or put one in. He’d prefer to quit and let his boyfriend have his gelt but Holster had a rules hissyfit and so he’s stuck playing until he’s out of gelt naturally. He keeps hoping for shin but keeps getting nun and hay.

Farmer is one of those people who can spin the dreidel on its head and she proceeds to do it every time it’s her turn.

The first time she did it play stopped for a good ten minutes because everyone needed to be taught how to do it. Holster already could and Ransom learned freshman year, but the rest of them are useless at it. Jack tries so hard but he can only get it occasionally and he totally sulks about it.

It was during this interlude that Bitty first tried to leave and was forced to stay.

Chowder has spent the entire game wrapped around Farmer who is almost as competitive as Jack and Holster but keeps getting distracted by how comfy her boyfriend is.

He and Lardo are just watching since they don’t want to get caught up in the drama and eventual fight between Holster and Jack.

Plus he doesn’t like the way the chocolate tastes/feels in his braces so he’s okay not winning any.

Chowder and Farmer are adorable and initially they kept getting fined which was okay since during the game a fine is just putting a coin in the middle. Farmer won it all back on her turn anyway.

They had to stop using that rule however when Bitty tried to exploit it to get out of playing. It was the most sickening and impressive two minutes anyone had ever experienced as Bitty called Jack every pet name in the book while sitting in his lap and staring Holster dead in the eyes and slowly putting coin after coin in the center.

Holster wouldn’t let him get out of playing but he did finally relent and let him check on his pies in the kitchen when it wasn’t his turn.

Tango spends the entire game asking what the different letters mean every time its his turn. The amount of times he has had it all explained to him is truly frightening. Holster can’t tell if he’s being trolled and at this point he doesn’t want to find out.

Whiskey is doesn’t talk throughout the game and spins quickly on his turn and is that person who always seems to get gimmel or hay no matter how badly he spins.

Shitty at some point decided to play strip dreidel without telling anyone he was doing it or letting anyone except Lardo know the rules.

According to her he’s doing things correctly but the rest of them can’t tell.

Ford is the one who bought everything and she’s having fun playing but she’s come to realize that she did not buy enough gelt or driedels.

Thank god Lardo showed up with a bag of two dozen plastic driedels and a bag of gelt bigger than both of her fists. Otherwise there would have been an issue when Whiskey got gimmel for the third time in a row and Holster chucked the dreidel across the room and proclaimed it a “bullshit dreidel.”

This has happened around half a dozen times by the time they’re halfway through the game. Holster is not the sole person responsible for needing a new driedel though. Jack has also thrown driedels and there was that one spin of Nursey’s so bad that the driedel went off the table and they’re still not sure where it went just that it’s gone.

Thank god Lardo talked her into leaving the nice one she brought from home on the kitchen table with Jack’s menorah and the leftovers of the obscene amount of latkas Bitty and Holster made for dinner. She rather likes it and it’d suck if it got broken in the scuffle.