"I'm not fat, I'm accumulating mass"

"There are no bad ideas, Lemon. Only great ideas that go horribly wrong."

[ichigo-kuriimu]

[double00mogar]

[spoiledchestnut]

Alien: You shouldn’t eat that.

Human: What?

Alien: That thing. Don’t you know it’s extremely acidic? Enough to cause eventual deterioration of your flesh?

Human: ….it’s a fucking pineapple.

[hornygold]

Alien: But that thing contains bromelain, it’ll destroy your body’s proteins!

Human: Not if I digest the bromelain first.

Alien: Humans are insane!

[crazy-pages]

“Not if I digest it first” is an official human motto, in close competition with “not if I pet it first”.

[angry-eevee]

adult life might be full of pain and suffering but at least we dont have to do PE anymore

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

No prob Bob

No problem Boblem

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

No probert Robert

[dcbicki]

mood: chief jim hopper, stuck in some interdimensional tunnels, lighting up a cigarette because he’s given up on life

[great-tweets]

omggggg

[babyanimalgifs]

People: how’s life?

Me:

[cactuarkitty]

Me: You’ve played this game so many times you really don’t need to collect everything. 

Also me: [collects everything]

[picdescbot]

hey quick question why does the bot tag pictures with people in it as ‘food’

don’t worry about it.

[lumnch]

Wahoo!

[lumnch]

Ya-ha!

[lumnch]

The pain is unfathomable

[lumnch]

Here we gOooooo!!!

[balamist]

game developers: our world is inhabited by unique creatures the likes of which you’ve never seen before!

game developers: and giant spiders

[thinksquad-deactivated20190405]

[sugerpine7]

somone that hacks a youtube channel is not gonna kill somebody

[tastefullyoffensive]

by Nuclear Sharingan

[paleaged]

me: logs into gmail from a different computer

my phone, having a nervous breakdown: if you don’t confirm your identity in the next ten seconds i’m gonna shoot your whole family and then myself

[lagonegirl]

me: i really need to talk this out with someone 

my anxiety: ur coming off needy. isolate urself and handle it. all u need is U!

[jeanqrey]