I Have Been On Here Way Too Long

Melissa. she/they. U.S. Signaling the aliens the coordinates to the White House as you read this sentence.

[i-fuck-audis]

MY FUCKING CAR

[red-garden]

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

[computer-voiced-by-majel-barrett]

Shoutout to my favorite genre of TOS episode:

[boycritter]

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

[lowpawly]

people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert

[whyenn-reader]

you are not immune to inventing an arbitrary set of rules that only you have to adhere to

[yellow-cat]

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

[johnny-depp-is-loved]

[kosmogrl]

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

[slimegargoyle]

in the beginning, the trump assassination attempts were spaced by twenty four weeks. then twelve, then six, then every two weeks. the last one, at the white house, was a week. in four days we could be seeing a trump assassination attempt every eight hours until they are coming every four minutes. we should witness a double event within seven days,

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

*Griffin McElroy voice* MY TWO SPECIAL BOYS

[gloomsday]

sent this message to my coworker today and he sent me this screenshot with microsoft teams's suggested replies... incredible 10/10 no notes.

[carolsturka]

[tekunoraizu]

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and I forgot to worry about it

[melkingsbush]

[valtsv]

nothing in the world makes me more evil than just being kind of annoyed

[valtsv]

me when i'm in genuine agonising distress: i'm so sorry if i'm bothering you with my childish histrionics :/

me when i'm just in a bit of a bad mood: i hope hydrogen bombs fall on every living thing in the universe

[mottesk]

drunk karaoke best karaoke