Itâs just a phase. A phase that comes every month. A phase of uncontrollable depression. A phase of anger, doubt and endless tears. Iâm over it. I want to know what itâs like to not be crippled by not only a mental illness but physical illness. This shit gets in the way of everything. Whatâs it like to not have one or better yet neither? Because having both sometimes feels unbearable. It comes on like a tidal wave that sweeps under your feet and makes you lose your breathe and feel like your drowning. Itâs dampening my work, my social life, my family. Knowing thereâs no cure I can afford for either makes it feel hopeless sometimes. Why work for anything anymore if it feels like I get dragged back to square one every month. All the personal growth, gone in one afternoon. All the healthy choices and exercise, gone in two. Lifeâs not fair but damn Iâd love a break. To feel loved despite being crazy. To go a few weeks without crying my eyes out. At this point just a break from my body fighting against me every day would be great.
