Feeling all kinds of upset tonight. One of the young ladies training with us (who has been around much longer than me, she started training at 10, she’s now 21) was crying in the locker room after practice.
It turns out, she’s super stressed because she feels she should try to go for nidan in March, but she doesn’t feel ready at all. Many of our older sempai have told her she should try. It’s hard in Japan to make a difference between a gentle nudge/encouragement, and a kind of ‘okay, now do it’. She told me and other ladies that it had gotten worse since another guy, her age, passed his nidan last year. Suddenly, it’s her turn.
But - and that’s where I feel bad - she is now even more under pressure, because every time I can, I try to practice a couple of nidan techniques and it makes HER panic.
I don’t do it because I plan to test anytime soon, only because 1) I love to learn new stuff that we don’t practice during normal training as it keeps me motivated to progress AND work on the basics, 2) I have no opportunity to do them outside the 10 minutes of free practice we have because of work and family that makes me leave right away, 3) it will take me FOREVER to nail nidan requirements because it’s super hard and I’m a coordination mess with poor hip mobility - and again 10 minute slots! 4) I’m an hyperactive overachiever who just needs to do this kind of stuff, and while I’m grateful people call me a model sometimes, I swear that it’s not healthy.
However, what I didn’t know, is that it sent HER the message she should really do it because she’s been a shodan for more years than me.
I felt SO BAD, like a bad guy or bully.
With my poor Japanese, I tried to tell her that everyone went at their own pace, that nobody could force her to test, that it didn’t matter if she did it this year, the next or two years from now, that practice was meant to be fun and enjoyable, not stressful. That’s it HER choice, her move, nobody else’s.
For sure, at 21, it’s harder for her to grasp that for me (twice her age), time is running a bit faster, my body and mind are harder to shape and ‘rewire’, so I need to tackle all of this sooner than others.
I wish I could tell her that with time, she’ll grow the thicker skin that comes with years and experience, pain, rough situations etc., that will protect her from inner self-pressure and self-esteem issues AND outside peer pressure (even when it’s positive). The language barrier really sucks sometimes.
