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@jmariepittman
thirty four
the past year has been one of the hardest, yet most purifying and growth-filled years of my past decade. years of focusing on how others perceived me and also choosing to not deal with my pain and issues the right way. whether that was self-sabotaging friendships and relationships or choosing to be codependent in fear of being alone. that latter part iām still dealing with. actually, justā¦
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you wouldn't believe me
you wouldnāt believeĀ me
if i told you that just one year ago, well and nine days ā my life changed forever. i really didnāt see it happening at the time, but over time i knew it. i was in a spiral. like that free-fall where all your friends know something is up, but āno, Iām all good ā just having a good timeā¦ā kind of vibe is happening, right? yeah, well ā if you read any of anything I ever posted you know myā¦
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redeeming love
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dear scenic mountain
i wish you all knew you know who you are the ones who have seen the pain, the hiding, the hurt. the one who gave me life has suffered the most, though sheād never tell. growing up, i found myself grateful to know that those i grew up alongside would be there through the good and bad but then I grew up realizing that the generations above me found it best to shove under the rug what wasā¦
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When the wait is over...
When the wait is over... An honest blog about the aftermaths of 2020 and where I'm at now.
2020 threw us all for a loop. into a year where true loss, unknown and confusion led out hearts and our minds. political unrest, met with the largest pandemic this nation has ever seen ā with each one of us experiencing it in so differently. i can say that the past couple months, i only now can see what 2020 was for me. it was the year that i just kept waiting for life to happen to me ā insteadā¦
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But what about me...
But what aboutĀ meā¦
the other day i had a crazy flashback. i was 17 and standing on the track at my hometown football field. it was homecoming. i was dressed up, did my make-up better than i had ever done before and curled my hair so good that west TX wind didnāt even make it flinch.
but i wasnāt on the court. i was on the sidelines.
i was watching 5 of my best friends get escorted on and off the field, and one ofā¦
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2019: The Year of 'In-Between'
2019: The Year of āIn-Betweenā
2018 was one of the hardest years of my life. it drove me out of the chaos that was 2017, but it catapulted me into the realization that I had to grow up ā and fast. i couldnāt hide behind who i thought i was and i knew i couldnāt run from the mess i had created.
so end of 2018 and 2019 has been me rebuilding a bit. falling on my a** more times than I like, but in that still ā doing it. movingā¦
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me vs. me
the days i could tell you my mind races on who i want to be vs. who i currently am are numerous and too many too count over these past few months.
constantly fearing iām not improving fast enough, while feeling iām focused too much on what iām not vs. what i am.
i fear missing out on the now while wanting so bad to be in the whatās to come.
am i the only 30 year old who feels this way? heck no. iā¦
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country strong
itās been almost five months since i wrote my last blog. in the past five months, iāve become more of who iāve always wanted to be than the last two years combined. some because of choice, and other because of force.
the heartbreak and strain of my heart has been more integral than iāve let on. because thatās what i do. thatās what i always do. and because most of you grew up with me, around meā¦
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to bob & joe ; thank you, next
to bob & joe ; thank you,Ā next
i wish i could tell you i was one of those hallmark movies where the hometown love of her life comes back around 10 years later and we reconnect under mistletoe and stars align for us to be together.
but thatās hallmark, and we all know that rarely is real life.
though āBobā and āJoeā are real people, they wonāt be real to you ā the reader. they live in the midst of my past and all in the same,ā¦
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shoulda, coulda, woulda
ever heard that phrase? yeah, well i grew up with my mom saying that. mostly around the time i was trying to come up with a charming excuse to why i didnāt do something that now (in the moment of repercussion) wish i would have.
and isnāt it crazy, twenty-somethinā years later and the same thing is happening ā yet not with my mom, but my inner self and then God, of course (but in a loving way,ā¦
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only then
āSo donāt get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of ā inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any of us get to hear the āWell done!ā of God.ā 1 Corinthians 4:5
over and over again i see and hear of people dreamingā¦
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when the excuses run out
when the excuses runĀ out
the past few months have been fast and furious. what those seniors wrote in my freshman yearbook was more than true ā it goes faster as you get older.
iām not even 30 yet, and i feel as if i canāt slow the days long enough to breathe them in ā let alone catch my breath.
itās taken me months of ups and downs and lows and highs ā but a lot of lows, to get to where I am. but the last 2 1/2 months āā¦
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more scars, less baggage
more scars, lessĀ baggage
when i was a little girl, probably 8 or 9 i decided to go out and play in the puddles after a rain storm. and instead of putting on shoes or rain boots, i decided to go out barefoot. and wouldnāt you know, the rain that falls in west Texas isnāt too clear, hmm? and underneath that āpuddle of funā was a nail and boy did i ānailā it. okay, okay Iāll stop with the puns. but yes, i stepped on a nailā¦
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here we go 2018
2017 was a year iāll never forget. one with heartache and strength. one that brought stability and change all in one.Ā i learned to love myself, forgive myself and push myself further and harder than ever before. 2017 started off a year with a big āYESā to myself. to stop trying to prove and start enjoying the ride. and in that ride, i fell flat on my rear, because of myself, more times than Iādā¦
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i love you for free
iāve thought long and hard about this post. about how it might look if i post it publicly. and i never knew when the right time might be, but earlier today ā i realized it was time. i pray as you read this post, you are encouraged to knowā¦ you are not alone you are never too far gone to receive ____________ i never thought i would be the girl to lose her virginity at 28. iĀ also never thought iādā¦
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i'll be okay without you
iāll be okay withoutĀ you
getting older is beautiful and painful all in one. years pass and you realize all of which who youāre becoming and who youāre leaving behind ā in more ways than just one.Ā you find yourself looking back, somehow slightly feeling bad for looking forward at what is ahead. i recently turned 29. meaning yes, iām less than a year from the year of 30. butĀ for me looking forward to what i was leavingā¦
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