Journal of Negative Results

[strange-aeons]

My elderly French neighbours are convinced that my partner is known Canadian comedian Mae Martin. I see them in the hallway and they're like “saw your partner on that magazine cover :)” “heard they’re producing a movie oooh we got famous people in the building :)” and I'm like GUYS i have told you before that MY WIFE IS NOT KNOWN CANADIAN COMEDIAN MAE MARTIN!!!! This is the greatest interaction I've ever had in my life!!!!!

[strange-aeons]

This is driving me a new type of insane

[jnr-unofficial]

Is the woman pictured on the right known Canadian comedian Mae Martin (left)?

Yes

No

See Results

Cheesecake

Voting ended onOct 7, 2025

[jnr-unofficial]

Result: chatgpt is Not capable of providing therapy.

Source: unanimous survey of two Tumblr users.

Reblog to provide peer review.

[penandinkprincess]

i swear to god chatgbt "therapy" is going to be my actual breaking point

"god forbid people need 24/7 access to therapy to-"

THAT'S NOT THERAPY

THAT IS A PROGRAM DESIGNED TO TELL YOU WHAT IT THINKS YOU WANT TO HEAR

IT CANNOT PROVIDE YOU WITH THERAPY

*UNEARTHLY SCREECH OF DESPAIR*

[jnr-unofficial]

can chatgpt provide therapy?

Yes

No

yes, but with less effeciveness

yes, but with negative effectiveness

see results

cheesecake

Voting ended onSep 26, 2025

If you want to see the results but want to give a silly answer, use the cheesecake option, please.

[certified-cervid]

[jnr-unofficial]

what is this thing called?

QUEER

Queer(or other capitalization combination)

something else

see results

cheesecake

Voting ended onSep 26, 2025

The cheesecake answer is a filter for the people who want to give a funnier answer than see results, but don't have/want to give an answer to the survey.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Did your decision to transition increase the rate at which you thought of the Roman empire?

No I’ve always been like this

[jnr-unofficial]

If you are trans, how did your transition affect how much you think about the Roman empire now as opposed to pre-transition?

trans woman/more

trans woman/less

trans woman/about the same

trans man/more

trans man/less

trans man/the same

trans nonbinary/more

trans nonbinary/less

trans nonbinary/same

see results

Cheesecake

Voting ended onOct 2, 2025

The cheesecake answer is for those who want to see the results but find clicking the "see results" option to be unacceptably boring.

[jnr-unofficial]

If you have been in a non-fatal car accident and had bone cancer at the time, how is the bone cancer doing now?

I'm cured!

I'm in remission

I'm doing somewhat better

No real change

I'm doing somewhat worse

I'm a lot worse

I'm dead (6 months or less after car accident)

I'm dead (more than 6 months after car accident)

see results

Cheesecake

Voting ended onOct 2, 2025

Feel free to answer on behalf of a friend, relative, acquaintance, or enemy.

Cheesecake is a complementary answer for those who want to see the results, but also want to give a silly answer.

[homunculus-argument]

The thing about scientific research is that 90% of the labyrinth is dead ends. And therefore, every single dead end that we can verify is important information. You really do need to make a peer-reviewed study to prove that no number of vehicular accidents has a statistically meaningful positive impact on bone cancer, just in case your moron cousin Greg decides to get rich by offering people bone cancer cure tours where you drive a monster truck off a cliff.

[homunculus-argument]

Name it "No Shit, Nobel".

[jnr-unofficial]

Give me your negative results. Let's do this.