I'm not quite sure if you will be able to read this since I am posting this here in tumblr. And yes, I still use this app without you knowing. I'm sorry.
I've loved you so much. So much that I was able to realise I have loved you more than myself.
I've realised my worth being a girlfriend to someone.
I prayed to God to give me a man who will love me fearlessly and whole heartedly. And He gave me you.
I was happy. Sobra. Finally, may taong mag mamahal sakin ng buong buo.
Amd yet I didnt know there will be challenges for the both us. I thought magkasundo na tayo sa lahat ng bagay from the time we were still good friends.
Remember our first fight, di pa tayo nun. You don't like what I wore that day, and I didn't expect you'll get mad too much about it. Konting away, Binoblock mo ko, Minumura mo buong pagkatao ko.
You dont know what it feels like being tortured emotionally and mentally from the one you love. Tiniis ko kasi sabi mo di mo lang ma control galit mo and you didnt mean all what you said to me and sabi mo mahal na mahal mo ko.
After all the odds, Pinatawad kita, nagsorry din ako just to make sure na acknowledge ko if ever may masama ako nagawa that cause your anger.
3 months na tayo, I can say you have changed, sa pagsusugal, sa pananalita. Syempre nag aaway parin tayo day after day, But you know what, I am so happy that I can see your maturity pag sumasagot ka. Sobrang thankful ako finally, di ka na nagpapakain sa galit at emosyon mo. Altho minsan buma balik balik pag talaga ng napipikon ka, hindi mo pa rin mapigilan makapag salita ng masama. Pero okay lang. Slow progress is still progress.
And then Friday last week, Nagselos ka kasi tumawa lang ako sa biro ng teammate ko na dati akong pinopormahan. I gave you a smile kasi mag bbreak na tayo from work. I didnt know na sobrang galit ka and you were serious when you asked me "bakit ka nakikipagbiruan sa kanya?' Happy ka? Kilig na kilig ka eh"
I reasoned out na tawa lang yun, and a simple response para di naman maging rude sa tao. You didnt listen, yet nakikita ko yung gigil sa mga mata mo. I was saying sorry because you felt that way. You told me I was stupid, "tunog-tanga" bobo. I accepted all what you said dahil pag punatulan kita, I know what will happen next and hindi maganda yun.
Until we came back to the office, obviously galit ka pa rin and I intentionally ignore all your chats until you become okay. Like, what you said, You prefer na wag na ko pumatol kasi pagmay nasabi akong mali lalong magkakagulo.
You came into my station, asking me to go on lunch with you but I cant because we have a team huddle. I thought we were okay from that time. You chatted me that you'll sleep to quarters, and then i dont know bigla ka nag but-in na magtabi nalang kami ng so teammate kong pinagselosan mo. So I responded "kayo magtabi" as a joke because I thought, we were okay.
Nag init ka lalo. Napikon ka naman. Again, I ignored your rude chats, little did I know nasa likod na kita, and you were harassing me. My boss was aking me to send something, pero di ko magawa because you were interferring my work. Simply punching me hard in the back, hinawakan ko kamay mo to stop, but then pinalipit mo yung mga daliri ko,Pinalipit na sobrang sakit kung saan nagreact na ko. I looked at your face and I saw the anger in your eyes
I cried because I realised why are you doing this? I asked you, BAKIT MO KO SINASAKTAN? Di ka makasagot. Umiiyak ako at nanlalamig buong katawan ko sa sobrang takot. You were even threatening na patulan kita inside the office. Di mo nakita yung takot sa mga luha ko.
I was so scared. Hindi na kita kilala. First time in my life I encountered a man who can hurt me physically and yet threatening me at the same time. Wala akong kakampi. Walang makarinig, gusto kong sumigaw pero di ko magawa.
Then umalis ka. I FELT SAFE. But then I sobbed crying. Sobrang bigat ng pinaramdam mo sakin, Joshua. I dont feel safe anymore with you.
Then lumapit ka again after few minutes, siguro nahimas masan ka because you realised what you did to me is horrible and really bad.
Di ako makahinga. Nakakasuffocate ang presence mo. Di mo alam ang pakiramdam ko. You dont how hard for me to breathe pag andyan ka feeling ko may katabi akong papatay sakin. Like a criminal.
SOBRANG TAKOT AND I GOT TRAUMATISED. Umuwi ka ng galit, and sobrang galit mo in-off mo yung computer ko habang may customer ako sa line. Di mo naisip na pwede ako mawala ng trabaho sa ginawa mo.
Napaka toxic mo maging boyfriend. Your emotions are not even valid para gawin mo sakin ang mga bagay na yun.
Sinaktan mo ko mentally, emotionally and now physical contact. SOBRA NA.
I guess this is already a lesson for me dahil di ako nakinig sa mga magulang ko.
prguitarman
pixelskylines
areudirty
jbbartram-illu
izzy806
