This Is Me - Introduction to Jocelyn
Hello everyone and my name is Jocelyn Davis. Well legally its still Janesha Hamilton, at least until I get my driver’s license, but let me tell you why I currently go by two names.
Well, it all starts from birth basically. As a little kid, I was always shy and insecure around strangers. I was always worried about being judged and what people thought of me. Like that was very important to me as a kid and even up until a few months ago that I am liked and accepted. I mean, everyone wants to have friends and starting out in headstart I was always a quiet kid. Never said anything unless I was spoken to or had to talk.
I was breaking out of my shell a little bit in kindergarten but was still worried about being judged. My teachers always loved me because they said I was cute and a nice, well-behaved kid. My kindergarten teacher even told me that she wishes more of the kids in the class were like me.
But still, as I progressed on into middle school I started to feel stressed and worried because the friends I had made were changing, and not in good ways. But they were the only friends I had so what was I going to do? So I just ignored my feelings, big mistake, and just kept faking the “friendship”. They talked about things that weren't really important and that I’d wasn't comfortable talking about. Like sex and giving their boyfriends blowjobs. *Yuck!* They also cursed every now and then too. So to make myself feel like I was one of them I started cursing too. We were in gym class sitting in the corner and I just stood up and starting yelling out random curse words. They were laughing and saying things like, “Whoa someone needs to get Janesha I think we've done too much”, or something like that. While I was saying those bad words, on the inside I was scared and worried that the teacher was going to hear me and that I was going to get into trouble.
I have never been comfortable with my name “Janesha”. It looks cute, but the way your teeth and mouth look when you're saying it...are not. So even in middle school, I would make up names for myself. I still wanted a name that started with a J. So after the movie “Julie & Julia”, I gave myself the name Julie. I started writing it on all of my belongings that I brought to school. But soon that name fizzled out because I felt that it wasn't really for me.
The Makings of Jocelyn Davis:
It was only recently that I gave myself the name Jocelyn Davis, I’ve been going by this name on social media for over a year. And what a year its been! My family and I were in the car on our way somewhere, and at first, my google search starts out as me looking at baby names (yes I want kids, no not right now) but then, still resenting my birth name I start looking at other names that I think would suit me, I was also looking at last names. I had found five first and last names that I liked and that sounded important to me. At first, after talking to my sister, I was going to try to keep my last name for the sake of my family. But as I was going through the names, none of them fit well with “Hamilton” not even Jocelyn. When I saw Jocelyn on the list of Girl First Names, it's like a light lit up inside of me. Like I had finally found my person, all I had to do to feel complete was find my last name. There were a lot of last names that my cousin and I liked, she was helping me pick my new name, and when we scrolled upon “Davis” I was like “huh” *thinking face emoji*. I said “Jocelyn Davis” to myself in my head, out loud and it was like winning a prize. I had finally found out who I was supposed to be.
Sidenote: BTW my sister/best friend and her whole family’s name is Davis and I know some people who know us are going to think that I chose Davis as my last name because of them. Not true. When I told her what my new name was gonna be I said, “The truth. I wasn’t even thinking about you when I chose that name. After I chose it I was like oh yeah lol” I also told her that when we get our French Bulldog that we can name him Frankie Davis since I’m changing my name anyway so it can be Davis, because she had asked what his last name was going to be.
So in conclusion, the two names are like two sides of me. One of who I used to be (Janesha Hamilton) and one that I am and secretly always have been (Jocelyn Davis).
Janesha Hamilton stressed and worried too much about everything. Jocelyn Davis is positive, happy and doesn't care about anyone’s negative comments.
Thanks for reading the story of how I became the happy person that I am.
- Jocelyn Lashae Davis
