crueltaes, ᴍᴏɴᴛɢᴏᴍᴇʀʏ ᴅᴇ ʟᴀ ᴄʀᴜᴢ.
he knows that he shouldn’t have turned to violence, but he’d been afraid. & that’s the way monty’s learned to deal with fear, the way he’s learned to survive. aggression he can’t take out on the true source of all his fear is instead channelled through all the other things he’s afraid of. he couldn’t fight his father, couldn’t fight himself, so he’d just have to fight anyone who came close to the things he was afraid of. ❛ i was SCARED. ❜ defensive but quiet, the slightest shake in his voice. he’s admitting a lot to himself tonight, & admitting it to bryce as well was absolutely terrifying. it’s all a bit much for him to handle, a bit much to take in. he’s doing everything in his power to hold back his tears, but they still threaten to spill. the hand on monty’s shoulder makes him JUMP, mind had instinctively assumed that it’d be a different much more violent kind of touch. bryce’s words only make monty confused, genuinely unaware of how he could have known & not cared. all monty had ever known was people caring about that, all he’d ever heard was his fathers homophobic insults whenever he did anything deemed even remotely feminine. the outright acceptance, the not caring, it just doesn’t seem to click for monty. doesn’t seem to make sense. some part of him had been sure that bryce would flip like a switch at the admission, would cut off the friendship & leave monty in the dust. but he wasn’t doing that, & monty had no idea how to react. head turns towards bryce again, gaze lingering on the hand on his shoulder before trailing up to bryce’s face. he’s being genuine, monty can tell, & that only confuses him more. confusion is written all over his face, tears still threatening to spill, vulnerable in every way. ❛ you— you don’t care? ❜ the shake in his voice is obvious, he’s barely trying to hide it anymore. ❛ you’re not… mad? ❜
his family wasn’t progressive. and traditionally speaking, neither was he. there was a lot that bryce still needed to LEARN and UNDERSTAND. the long road ahead still felt steep and in order to get through it, approaching the little things that mattered in this life with more empathy was first & foremost. one could argue that that the only reason he even gave two shits about monty right now was based solely on the fact that he had no one. that the least he could do was make sure his only friend was okay but he did care. he had cared about justin, in a twisted way their dynamic had been at that point something bonded by blood --- they had a connection, and while justin was quick to SEVER that cord --- there were just some things that could never be broken. bryce had never appreciated monty’s loyalty during their time at liberty ; to him, he had been a dog on his hind legs waiting for his scraps. and he loved that about him, he had loved how every single member on his team had worshiped him on that level. ❛ why would i be mad about that? ❜ it comes out so casually, the bafflement in his expression evidently readable but he understands the need for that answer of assurance. not all kids grow up with role models for parents, he could hardly say that his own were being awarded for parents of the year but people like monty’s dad or justin’s mom were just not capable to fill that role & in return that became a cycle that would either be broken or result in catastrophic consequences. he was living proof that he was now living with his own DEMONS behind closed doors. ❛ i know i haven’t been a good friend to you. and as it evidently shows ... i could've been a better influence at liberty. ❜ his gaze wavers, admitting that kind of vulnerability took guts & frankly he wouldn’t be surprised monty came back with a round of his own insults. it’s how they were all wired. they hadn’t been taught to let those emotions out, they had been taught how to be men. that meant scoring chicks and picking on the little kid but he didn’t want to be that anymore. he wanted to be different. ❛ did i tell you that my parents weren’t around much as a kid? yeah my parties were all the rage but as a kid i didn’t have that. i just had the fucking maid to fall back on and justin. it wasn’t until my dad saw my interest in baseball that i started to finally become apart of his embrace and my fuckin’ mom was just along for the ride. so no, i don’t care that you prefer the company of men. ❜
