JoelleMelissa @joellemelissa - Tumblr Blog

bebopmoon

We're in the bad place

hashtagparksandrec

today’s the day

arsanatomica

You know those weird horizontal pupils that goats have?…. they get a lot weirder. Other places to see my posts: INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER

nosleep4sam

I did not know this.

wardenmcpherson

I see this at a farm nearby where I like to hang with the goats, but the only time I’ve seen it captured on film was in that recent episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Sweet Dee got trampled in the petting zoo. I guess it is deeply disturbing and kind of underutilized in horror, but I still wish my eyes did that.

Like, seriously, why isn’t this in more movies? Why did I have to make the .gif myself?

ainawgsd

In all fairness, human eyes do this too…it’s just harder to tell because we have round pupils instead of horizontal pupils.

[x]

waspinfested

i want there to be less information on this post please

1st-1

highlandvalley

botherfigure

rosebudmotelgroup

my favorite thing about this is that john mulaney wasn’t there that night so he emailed them the changes and apparently they didn’t tell bill at all

1st-1

incidentalcomics

How to Finish

I drew this poster for Jon Acuff and his FINISH book tour. Big thanks to Jon for this collaboration, his book has some great ideas about how to complete creative and life goals.

dedalvs

Love this, but reblogging it specifically for “Get rid of secret rules.” That’s one of the most amazing illustrations—and points—I’ve ever seen.

apricot-studies

so important especially for perfectionists who procrastinate and never finish, or even start because they set such high standards for themselves.

twitblr

The tea is HOT

whitepeopletwitter

hymnsofheresy

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

hymnsofheresy

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said “im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

hymnsofheresy

the family’s Big Theory about “Mom” is that both my cousin and her wife are referred to as “Mommy” and “Mama.” The nickname “Mom” is not used in the house because it would just be confusing. However, when interacting with the world, people tell their daughter that they will “tell her mom” if she is doing something wrong. so this child automatically assumes there is this greater “Mom” figure that is responsible for distributing universal justice.

zooeydeschanel

“How many times in your life have you been excluded from something important or talked over or ignored because you’re the only woman in the room?”

rocker-doctor

One of my favorite stories:

My mom was working as a lawyer when she was pregnant with my twin siblings. Late in her third trimester she had a court date. She asked the judge if it could be postponed due to her pregnancy but he refused saying she was “making a ridiculous excuse.” So she squeezed into the biggest maternity suit she could find and went to the courthouse. When she stood up in front of the judge, 8 months pregnant with twins and clearly in no condition to be standing for an extended period, the blood drained from his face. He tried to backtrack saying she could sit down, but being my mom, she chose to stand and glare at him for the whole damn hearing. He found in her client’s favor.

snipertrifle

They renovated the office bathroom to be ‘eco friendly’ and replaced paper towels with a blower. And got rid of all trash cans and other receptacles. Yup, even the little bins inside the stall. I and other women complained loudly, and were told that there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

So I took my used pads and threw them in the trash in the kitchenette area without being shy about it. The men were grossed out. Other women in the office were shocked, and were like ‘aren’t you ashamed to do that? I just smuggled them home in my purse”

And I was like “I’m not ashamed. The company should be ashamed to make me do this.”

We had bins in all the stalls the next day.

appropriately-inappropriate

Incidentally, a refusal to provide adequate sanitary bins contravenes workplace health and safety laws regarding the handling of biohazardous waste.

Which, of course, blood is. Feel free to point that out if it comes up.

perylenegreen-deactivated202202

now that we live across from a school I hear kids doing Screamings all through the day. and I am thinking, maybe I should also have recess. maybe it would be good for me to go outside at regular intervals throughout the day just to scream and fall down like a tiny fool with no motor development.