y’all remember when dan and phil were famous 😔👊
i don't do bad sauce passes

⁂
taylor price
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Cosimo Galluzzi

oozey mess
trying on a metaphor

JVL
Sweet Seals For You, Always
🪼
NASA
h
Misplaced Lens Cap
RMH
cherry valley forever

Product Placement
Stranger Things
Not today Justin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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@joetasker
y’all remember when dan and phil were famous 😔👊
going to be posting dan and phil merch that i will be selling next week on depop!!! depop is @/angelzbite
Magic | d.h imagine
So my boyfriend did magic tricks on FaceTime with me and it was seriously the cutest thing ever. But ya know, he always tries to throw in a bit of some sexual thing.
—
"Alright baby, is this your card?" Dan takes out the card. My eyes go wide as I act impressed.
"WOw! That's crAzy!"
"You wanna know how I did that trick?" He looked so happy it was so adorable.
"Sure!" I shrug, wrapping my grey blanket around my head.
"So I flipped the card but kind of hid it, look!" He showed me the cards.
"Wow, you got me." I clap and giggle.
"Now, I'm going to blow your tiny, American brain, cause ya know...Britain is way smarter than stupid America!" He teases.
"Yeah Shut up and show me some magic." I roll my eyes playfully.
"Look," He slaps the card and smiles warmly as the card changes.
"Baby...I saw the card behind that one!" I laugh at how he messed up the trick.
"Oh shit! Dammit!" He chuckles and shakes his head. "Well look at me, shuffling cards."
"Impressive!" I clap slowly.
"You know, since I'm good with cards, that just means I'm good with my fingers!" He starts laughing as I groan.
"You're lucky I have earbuds on." I scoff. "And you're just trying to turn me on but it ain't working!"
"Oh am I? Am I really trying to turn you on? Or are you already turned on? Cause you are pretty easy to fuck with." He smirks.
"Shut up." I flip him off.
"Oh fuck-" the cards shoot out at his face. I laugh and almost begin to cry.
"That's karma!"
"I do that all the time, that wasn't shit!"
"Was too!"
"Was not."
"Was too."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
—
An actual conversation with my boyfriend.
Person: What do you and your friends talk about online
He looks like a fleshlight
It would have cost you $0.00 to not say that and yet you did.
nonutnovembersexual
a sexuality in which you experience sexual attraction, however you experience no sexual attraction in the month of November. this is under the the asexuality spectrum uwu
(this post is satire, do not take it seriously)
Peter dares tony to run for president and tony wins
I took some liberties with the ask hope you don’t mind…
Peter: Trump is sucky… I feel like we could definitely do better next election
Tony: yeah even I would be better than that guy
Peter: …
Tony: no
Next day
Tony, sitting in White House, feet propped up on desk: yeah my dudes anyone can marry whoever, anyone can be any gender(s) they want (or none at all), woman get equal pay, pedophilia= life sentence no excuses, same for rape, colored folks get same opportunities and pay and no racism under my watch no sireee and…
Politicians: *eyeing each other warily* you can’t just make up laws mr stark… there’s a process-
Tony: *glares over sunglasses* did I f*cking stutter
Tony: *sees knocked over pile of trash*
Tony: Big…
Tony: *glances at peter*
Tony: ..mood?
Peter: *glowing with pride*
Maybe I'll be Tracer😩🤧
😪🔫I'm already 😔👊Tracer
😵👺What about 👀🤯Widowmaker?
😓👌I'm already 😖🥳Widowmaker🥵🤭
I'll be🤢🤤 Bastion👽🎃
Nerf Bastion👍🤛
You're right. 🙏👃🏼So, Winston🧠👂🏼
I wanna be Winston
I👶👧guess 🧒I'll 👩🦱be 👩🦰Genji🧓
I'm 👅💦already🤡🤠Genji
🌪🔥Then 🌈☔️I'll be 🐈💨McCree🏄♀️🧘♂️
I already 🤸♂️🤐chose 🙄😬McCree😱😶
That took too long
Periodt
Ah the sweet feeling of suddenly starting your period. The cramps, the bleeding, the crying, and sometimes the unintentional attitude. Dan was the man, the man with a plan! And the plan was to keep you warm and cozy and happy, but the plan had flew off the tracks. I was yelling and I was throwing pillows at Dan who was only trying to help.
"I just asked if you wanted apple juice or tea!" He ducks as another pillow flies over his head.
"I. don't. care!" With every pause, another pillow is thrown, leaving no more on the bed.
"Okay then! I'll just get you Apple juice!" He pulls on his hair.
"No! I'm so cold!" I go under the blanket.
"So I'll make you some tea. Are you done being a-"
"Being a what? Mcscuse me Daniel? Are you really going to finish that sentence?" I sit up.
"No ma'm!" He runs out.
—
"Dan!" I drag out his name.
"What!"
"Come cuddle with me!!!!" I yell, slightly straining my voice.
"Going!" I hear his sweet voice.
—
"I think I'm in love with you!" I hug him tighter.
"I think I'm in love with me too." He smirks. I lightly hit his shoulder.
"Dick." I mumble.
"Oh shut up, ya little shit!" Dan squeezes my cheek.
"No! You're a dick! Dick dick dick! Ugh! I-You are so annoying sometimes." I roll my eyes.
"Okay Miss Cranky pants! I'm such a dick." Dan releases me from his grip.
"No no! I was kidding." I roll closer onto him.
"Oh no, I'm such a dick! You said it yourself." He says in an exaggerated voice.
"Fine whatever! I'm going to Phil's room." I sit up, immediately groaning and falling back down on the bed, which sparks Dan's laughter.
"Oh god, you are such a sweet girl." He pecks my cheek, still laughing at my failed attempt to get up.
"Look, I'm sorry for calling you a dick, even though you are-"
"Nuhu! I am not a dick. You wanna see what a dick lo-"
"Oh yes please! Only yours." I wink.
"I'd fuck you if you weren't on your period." Dan pouts.
"I heard orgasms help cramp pain." I smirk.
"Well you better take out that vibrator you tried hiding." Dan laughs.
"What-Which vibrator? I have like three!" I laugh, confidently. He turns bright pink which flips the tables from what he wanted the situation to end.
"That's some tmi shit." He covers his face.
"You're my boyfriend." I mimicked his action. "Besides, you've shared your own tmi type of shit that I enjoy listening about!" I rest my chin on his shoulder.
"Me talking about the time I thought I had herpes isn't something enjoyable!" He points a finger out. It was completely enjoyable. I could tell he was super nervous the week he thought he had that but I just didn't know why, and now, I know why.
"Remember, back when we weren't dating, you told me about this ex you had, Ally? Was it?" I lift my face from his shoulder and push him down on the bed with me lying on top of him.
"Annie? Ann? Whatever the fuck." He shrugs.
"Why do you still remember her name? I bet you still like her don't you?" I turn away dramatically, giving him the silent treatment for a good three minutes, somehow resisting the temptation of turning back and giving his nose a little kiss.
"What about her?" He lazily asks.
"You used to tell me how she was extremely freaky, sex wise." I point out before continuing. Oo when Dan and I were just friends, we could go hours and hours talking about what he missed about his little bitch ex Ann.
"Oh god Y/N, yes-Yes I remember! What does this have to do with anything?" He groans.
"It has nothing to do with anything, I just wanted to say how much you definitely talked years about her. What about now? Can you talk about me for hours?" I pout falsely.
"Of course! I'm sure I could! I fucking obsess over you in the healthiest way possible! You're so wonderful and—Shit! That's exactly what you want me to do! Talk about you for hours! Nah mate! Ain't about to do that! Cheers love but I'm out!" He stands up. (Why did I just turn Dan into willne)
"Mm-no! Give me food please! I'm hungry and I'm mad and cranky and I'm scary because I'm mad! Right?" I grit my teeth.
"Aw dear, you're fucking precious! That's probably the cutest thing you've done today Aw baby" he slides back onto the bed, probably earning him a burn mark.
"Please get me food." I whine.
"Right away!"
THINGS SONY DID: THAT
Important about the Tumblr “Purge”
Tumblr has made and official statement on twitter about what’s going on:
We’re committed to helping build a safe online environment for all users, and we have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to media featuring child sexual exploitation and abuse. As this is an industry-wide problem, we work collaboratively with our industry peers and partners like NCMEC to actively monitor content uploaded to the platform. Every image uploaded to Tumblr is scanned against an industry database of known child sexual abuse material, and images that are detected never reach the platform. A routine audit discovered content on our platform that had not yet been included in the industry database. We immediately removed this content. Content safeguards are a challenging aspect of operating scaled platforms. We’re continuously assessing further steps we can take to improve and there is no higher priority for our team.
Please please please, for the love of everything, stop spreading fear in our community. They are not purging your blogs for having NSFW content. If your blog gets deleted and you didn’t have any of the above mentioned content, or something that could be percived as such, then please contact Tumblr Support to regain your blog. They can be contacted via the form here.
Please reblog so people stop spreading false information and cause unnecesary fear.
U DO NOT NEED CLOSURE FROM EVERYONE YOU DONT HAVE TO BE IN GOOD TERMS WITH EVERYONE
yes
Phil is the embodiement of the word “horny”.
This is how I feel anytime I’m on tumblr.