He who dares, wins.

Home of the creative, energetic & (now) explorer, Boy Parker

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Crossing the Cambodian border

[joewparker]

The loooong road to Cambodia

We’d read the books and heard tales of arduous cross-country journeys, filled with scams, ancient Flintstones buses and dodgy looking guys starting sentences with phrases like “my friend…”, but we didn’t think they’d ring quite so true as they did.

Dawn. The sun was already out and heating things up to a modest 30 degrees, when we climbed in to our (thankfully) air-conditioned mini-van. We were met by a trio of heavily hungover, hilariously entertaining English guys, persistently mocking a poor, defenceless American girl. She’d somehow been accepted into their pack, the same way Mogley was taken in by wolves - and stood out just as much.

We crossed to the mainland just as the pack started looking a tad peaky, dozed and all pretty much went without issue. That was of course, until we reached 400 meters from the Cambodian border.

For those of you who’ve seen the Jungle Book, you’ll remember vultures, dancing round their prey. This was no different. People circling us desperate for us to buy visas at “very good price” in exchange for them sorting all the paper work at the consulate. Much debate and arguing later - 2hrs of my life i’ll never get back - we crossed the Thai border in to no mans land. A world of debauchery, housing casinos, Vegas style hotels and scantily clad women dressed like hookers. The modern day Moulin Rouge, in the only place it’s allowed to be. We picked up the pace.

Another 400 meters and we hit a 150 strong queue of people waiting for their visas to be checked. It wasn’t moving and we were told “it will take around an hour and a half”. By this point it was 35 degrees, the sun was beaming down and Grace, with her bag being twice the weight of mine, seemed to be leaning ever more like the Tower of Pisa. We were offered VIP queue jump for less than a fiver and jumped at it. We were skipped through in no more time that it takes to make a cuppa.

From there we thought we were home free. At least until we’d sat on a bus that pre-dated air-con for over an hour. For all intents and purpose, it was an orange, toaster shaped oven.

Another 4hrs saw just sweat and a woman trying to literally buy the dress off Grace’s back. We then made it to Siem Riep. Well, a short 7 clicks out. After thanking the driver for dropping us in the desert and telling him to enjoy his sack of gold from the local tuk-tuk patrol, we were in our motorbike driven sleigh, on the last leg of our epic journey.

We were overtaking in the middle lane mostly, as road rules really don’t apply in Cambodia. Red lights I hear you ask? Nope, they don’t bother with those.

After 13hrs we arrived at the hostel and I felt like a migrating swallow must on completing the annual journey south - exhausted. Happily, we accepted a free upgrade and headed up to the hostel’s bridal suite to settle down ready for some tomb raiding action. A journey I won’t forget in a hurry.

[joewparker]

Randoms from Asia - Man only Yorkie stylie drink. Time for a new award Air Asia! Waitrose abroad. Hair products for real men.

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Me with Rambo + Tesco get everywhere!

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Koh Chang - Elephant trekking

Trekking through the jungle on a rampaging elephant. Something i thought only dreams were made of! Well not here, on Koh Chang. Ok, the rampaging part might be a bit of an exaggeration, but he certainly did have a mind of his own, and was out to prove it. Enter Rambo, our aptly named elephant. He was big, he was bold and boy was he hungry, stopping what seemed like every 5 seconds to tear down yet another tree. We sat on a cushioned seat, feeling lofty as we trundled through the forest floor in what can only be described as a very calm and quirky hour of my life. Our guide on the other hand was busy straddling our wayward friend and hitting him on the head with a small scythe like stick whenever he refused to play ball. We saw rock pools, wild flowers and took in the musty air. But no memory is quite so vivid (and lasting!) as that or the obscene, hand sized spider eyeing me up for dinner as we passed at our slow marching pace. Jungle - tick!

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The beautiful Grace on the ferry and the ever-so impressive swan towels

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Ko Chang - The new Isle of Dogs

When I calmly rocked up to see the travel nurse 5 weeks ago, I wasn't quite prepared for my flippant 'Oh, I'm not going to have the rabies jabs' comment to be met with such vigour. The one nurse fetched the head nurse who stood tall in what can only be described as a 'better make myself look BIG' moment (Red Dwarf aficionados will know what I mean). He crossed his arms and put on the kind of stern face that most people probably only experience when constipated. His first words - 'if you don't have the shots, you'll likely die out there'. The shock tactics worked and I handed over a palm of hard earned cash in exchange for pain and a few days worth of muscle spasms. Having been to Koh Chang island, I can safely say - Worth. Every. Penny. With beach time calling like food does when the blue shredders hunger monster strikes, we set off on our first actual travel adventure. Like the explorers we now are, we got up at dawn and headed south on a cute little toaster shaped bus. The trip took about 8hrs, once we'd finished loading and unloading the driver's mate's dodgey boxes at obscure and discreet city locations and traversed the land gap on the world's slowest ferry. We arrived to a tropical storm nearby and promptly headed down to the golden sandy beach. Across the shark infested waters, we caught a glimpse at the fork lightning over a group of smaller islands, making its presence known with almost deafeningly loud claps of thunder. I loved it. We spent the rest of the day looking around and relaxing in a 3 little piggies and a very windy wolf scenario, once the storm hit our island. The resort was perfect, boxed in by the chav resort to the north and the hippie resort to the south. I do enjoy walking that line. The downside - the pack of wild muts roaming the island like a plague. They looked cute at first but you got close and they growled, bearing their upper canines with a look of malevolence in their eyes. While being followed one time, I whispered to Grace 'just keep walking, but don't run or they'll definitely attack' and at that exact moment we turned round to witness a viscous and bloody fight break out between them. Surprisingly scary! I leave you with these lyrics - an apt description of our island terror... It's close to midnight Something evil's lurkin'in the dark Under the moonlight You see a sight that almost stops your heart You try to scream But terror takes the sound before you make it You start to freeze As horror looks you right between the eyes You're paralysed 'Cause this is thriller Thriller at night And no one's gonna save you From the beast about to strike You know it's thriller Thriller at night You're fighting for your life Inside a killer Thriller, tonight.

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Drunken antics and crazy nodding horse!

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Bangkok - Monks and Big Buddhas

Hungover in 40 degree heat...apparently a big no no for your body. And so goes my first rookie error. Although painful, I'm pleased to report that I haven't learnt any lessons, as the occasional 'lads on tour' night out will continue across Asia. We set out at a fashionably late 3pm, into the land of historical and religious astonishment. Sadly, driven mostly by my slightly epic failure to check opening times, the majority of my astonishment was at the wacky Thai road rage that seems to persist in all Bangkok taxi drivers. 'Patience is a virtue' - certainly not a lesson they've learnt as they performed death defying stunts, weaving in and out of 2-way traffic, honking the horn at cars that simply couldn't go anywhere and continuously repeating, 'no, no, no' until all I could think was I'd somehow been transported into a Vicar if Dibley scene and the famed 'no, no, no, YES' was just around the corner. Sadly, it never came. Just as we thought all might be lost, we lucked out at the Big Buddha temple, where the 150ft behemoth towered over the surrounding shanty town, beaming down its famed, calming smile. But the best part was arriving just as a group of Buddhist Monks began leading prayer in the temple. They let us quietly observe from the back of the temple, what was literally an eye widening experience . As they kneeled and bowed to Buddha, and lines of stone soldiers, their almost song-like prayers echoed off the tapestried walls in an all engulfing wave of spiritualism. Definitely one to tick off my bucket list. Ooo, what's that, beach time calling... :D

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Bangkok - The Anarchy of Khao San Road

You should never underestimate the amount of fun you can have with a 6ft6 blond English guy living in Bangkok, 3 of his party hungry mates and some Long Island Ice Teas to boot. That's my lesson of the day. We rested up, after having our bones broken and reset, and then put our glad rags on ready to hit the town - after a cheeky cocktail in the lush sky bar of our hotel, of course. We read Khao San Road was lively, but we didn't quite expect the sort of bullish eastern culture shock you see in films like Push, depicting the in-your-face street sellers of the crazy underground Honk Kong markets. Or, in fact, the mixed in 'little England', epitomising the British art of drink til you drop. Still, we embarrassed it and thrived. If we were beautiful caterpillars at the start of the night, we were mature, haggard, wingless butterflies by 5.30am when we completed our 4 bar, 2 club tour. Still, it was great. So too were the McDonald's chips that I pray my culture hungry brother never finds out I ate! My favourite moment? Perhaps being repeatedly asked if we want to see a ping-pong vaginal show. "Hmm, not now, maybe later...

[joewparker]

Angry Birds take Thailand by storm!

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Bangkok - the adventure begins

Bangkok - the City of Vile Smells, or at least so it should be known. We landed late at night after the joy of delays caused by, oh you know, just a ferocious sand storm in Dubai - no biggie. So it wasn't until the next morning the hustle and bustle started. Every street was packed and every corner inhabited by traders peddling their random wares. Anything from old, redundant Thai notes to a multitude of fried meaty treats. It hadn't rained over night, but still, murky water dripped out of pipes every few yards, leaving us baffled as to exactly where the lingering and potent, putrid smell was coming from. If there's one thing I won't miss about Bangkok, it's the nasal invasion. Having done some exploring and beaten by the heat we decided to try out a local Thai massage. First she made me strip and I'm thinking 'please no, don't offer me the clichéd "happy ending" I'm always hearing about'. Thankfully it was to put on my gown - save - before she lay me down on a yoga mat and pummelled me for 40minutes like she was Muhammed Ali and I was his frail, punching bag. It was a proper eye opener for me...why the hell was that my first massage...at 27?! A...mazing!

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Crazed pre-flight madness

So it's been an "interesting" slash hysterically hilarious week. The planning that goes in to going away for a month can only be equated to that of packing up your life and carting it off to some distant land for the rest of your days. It's odd hearing people say 'be safe and see you in a month', obviously in a pretty damn rewarding way! But despite my occasional moaning about the stress of shopping til you're dropping and a list of appointments that never seems to end, I gained a bit of perspective from a colleague, who caught me off guard with an 'on the nose' quip of "first world problems". So true I thought as I fell about laughing. I really hope I gain a bit more of this level of perspective from my adventures. Anyway, at gone 2am the night before I jet off west, I'm starting to think sleep would be a good idea - as would packing! So i'll leave you with this picture, undeniable proof of my dedication to the cause - the most tanned person this side of the med. See you on the other side...

[joewparker]

1 week to go...

So, as my grandma once said to me, the older you get, the faster time flies. How true that's been the last 3 weeks! I've had needles in my arms on a weekly basis, been told by a nurse that if I don't have rabies shots, I will likely die, paid shocking amounts of money for multiple prescriptions and fought with crowds and blizzards in London to buy a new summer wardrobe. I've now got a 4 day weekend (love you Easter) to become proficient in packing a list as long as my arm and gain some upper body strength! 5 days after that, we'll be exploring a brave new world. #tripofalifetime

[joewparker]

4 weeks to go...

So, this time on 7th April I'll be sat on an Emirates Airbus A380, clawing the arms of the chair after a 16hr flight. The air hostess will be coming on the tannoy about now, saying "just 30 minutes to landing, please turn off all electronic devises and try not to die of boredom before landing". "Shut up and land already!" is all I'll be thinking. But for now, lots of things to buy, needles to have in my arm and packing and repacking to be done. Im so excited I'm struggling to think I have 4 weeks yet to go. Can. Not. Wait.