For the rest of her life, Jorunn carried an unhealed wound within her. The fact that Meyrin had to endure the horror of necrosis and the loss of human functions because of her forced her to kiss his cold armor every night with a silent apology:
- I live in regret, Deny, -Jorunn said softly, her dull blue eyes fixed on the fire dying out in the fireplace. Her fingers, adorned with silver rings, clenched convulsively together.
-Every single day, from dusk until dawn, I am trapped in a consuming, suffocating guilt.
Daenerys froze, afraid to interrupt this rare moment of sincerity from a woman who usually seemed unshakable.
-Meyrin and I made a mutual decision to go to the East. We knew what we were getting into, and we knew that dangers awaited us. We thought we would have time... Meyrin could have had a choice, you see? Other ways to prolong his existence, perhaps -less difficult, less terrifying and agonizing than the body he ended up with. But I deprived him of that choice. I decided everything for him in a single fraction of a second.
-Because on that cursed day, I lacked the skill, I lacked the courage, and I lacked my own boasted gift. What is the point of seeing the bends of history and the fates of kings if the life of your own husband slips away from you on a dirty road? Now that we are here, now that you are on the threshold of the throne - everything is going almost according to our plan, and outwardly I am calm. But as soon as my thoughts return to that day...
She swallowed the lump in her throat, her shoulders trembling almost imperceptibly.
-His gaze was fading, his soft brown hair stained with dust and blood. I am holding him, huge and heavy, in my arms, and in absolute panic, I don't know what to do. What if I hadn't succeeded then? What if Morgul hadn't accepted his soul? What if the Moonsingers had slammed their doors in my face? These questions crash over me in waves every night, Deny. And I know this storm inside me will never subside.
