Snake!!!SNAKE!

Just a 23 year old lad with a love of reptiles and animals in general. My animals: Yellow-tail Cribo Common Boa Corn Snake Hypo Brooks Kingsnake Surinam Redtail-Boa Western Hognose Columbian Giant Red-legged Tarantula Cameroon Red Baboon Tarantula

[jojmadden]

Happy birthday to this old lady! I have had her for 15 years now.

[jojmadden]

Gomez looking good on cleaning day

[jojmadden]

Gomez looking fab after another perfect shed.

[jojmadden]

Alfie in the sin bin while I deep clean his cage.

[jojmadden]

I feel like tarantulas are low key adorable. Especially my M. Robustum sling.

[raptorific]

Honestly if you want to know why Batman is necessary in Gotham City just remember that the Gotham City Police Department had a banquet honoring Commissioner Gordon and they ordered a cake from “Crazy Clown Catering.” Honestly, guess who jumped out of the cake, much to the surprise of the entire Gotham City Police Force, who by all logic should have an entire division devoted to Clown Felonies by this point

[magistrate-of-mediocrity]

In the criminal justice system, clown based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Gotham City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these comedic felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Insane Clown Posse. These are their stories.

*honk honk*

[tastefullyoffensive]

Always yes. (by Mr. Lovenstein)

[jojmadden]

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think

[theonion]

T.J. Maxx Recreates In-Store Shopping Experience With New Website That Randomly Scatters Products All Over The Place

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Hoping to capture the “unique essence” of its discount retail stores for online customers, T.J. Maxx unveiled a new website Wednesday that recreates its in-person shopping experience with a selection of miscellaneous products haphazardly strewn everywhere.

Company CEO Ernie Herrman told reporters that the site—which features a disorganized jumble of closeout name-brand apparel and home fashions alongside a random inventory of neck pillows, pill organizers, cocktail olives, and dozens of other items—would provide users with the same sense of disorientation that regularly overwhelms shoppers at the chain’s nearly 1,200 brick-and-mortar locations.

“When you visit TJMaxx.com, you’ll immediately be presented with an assortment of surplus clothing available exclusively in sizes that don’t fit you, just as you would if you actually walked into one of our stores,” said Herrman, explaining that all merchandise on the website has three to five different prices attached to it, or else no visible price at all. “Select ‘shoes’ from the drop-down menu, and you’ll see scores of the same pair of Dolce Vita pumps, a variety of sneaker styles for which only the left shoe is available, some Tupperware without lids, and the occasional ceramic owl.”

He added, “Longtime T.J. Maxx customers should feel right at home when they visit us online.”

Keep reading

[thenatsdorf]

Baby gator feeding frenzy.

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

handler: whose next?

these babies: :V :V :V  :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V :V

[veidolon]

sometimes i dont know if Animal Planet’s The Most Extreme was a real show or just a cosmic fever dream when i was sick and home from school

[goodfuuuuuuuckinriddance]

people who are afraid of snakes are fuckin’ WILD, like dude, just carefully step over these fat babies’ sausage bodies and gently move the burmese python chillin’ against the door, then you become unfathomably rich. i would do this for $10. i would do this for FREE. 

[william-snekspeare]

I would pay $10 to do this

[cuttleskulls]

GG EZ

[Patreon]

[shesnake]

[morgiecorgi-deactivated20171110]

[overpricedvodka]

(Facebook: It’s Okay To Be Childfree)

“Congratulations - you just made a conversation about salad and hamburgers about the struggle of childbirth.”

TBH Parentfriends, I’m probably tired of looking at pictures of your kid every other day, so I just hid you from my Newsfeed, because what’s important to you isn’t all that important to me. Sorry, not sorry, no one’s feelings got hurt.

But if you start mommyjacking my posts, I will 100% make you cry into your keyboard.

[koivulehma]

#how unsatisfied are these people with parenthood that they have to validate themselves like this

[squided]

“My dog died and I miss them so much now” “Lol take mine it ate my kids cookie and I don’t love it anymore”

[anx1ous-op0ssum]

This is why I stay off Facebook these days

[your-favorite-cryptid]

This is why I don’t want kids

[slsblog]

[orpheusmorpheous]

[madeinchernobyl]

I’m adding to this because y’all gonna learn some shit about housing your pets.

Someone make more I love this new meme.

[mellepell]

Someone do one for tiny 28qt ball python racks.

[wheremyscalesslither]