For the Voiced

[joltthemind-blog]

This week is a rough one. Sister Barbara from my high school, died in a head on  car collision a few days ago. She was such a bright person, always smiling for the one reason that she could. I admired that in her. often it was the case where walking into that school, she would be the first person, smile, and burst of sunshine a student would see. And that’s what made stepping into that school one rock less difficult. Guess i never really appreciated her joyful disposition until it was gone. Of many things I am not, but I am sure of at least one. Sister Barbara will be missed because she impacted everyone who knew her. 

Few days until the anniversary of the death of my grandma. March 10 to be exact. The worst and most traumatizing moment in my life but still can’t make it leave my thoughts. Based on movies and books and plain old individual thoughts, most of the time, people are able to block out really bad things in their past. So, I guess the question still remains. Why can’t I? I always looked at this as a curse. that when I close my eyes, I’ll always be able to see that horrible moment through a young girl’s scared eyes. 

[joltthemind-blog]

Friendship Understood

Everyone says how easy it is to forget about friends you may have lost because you are constantly making new ones. And I wished nothing more than to say it was true. But, for me, it’s those friendships I’ve lost that spring to mind when I start to daze at the falling leaves. On this journey now, I had hoped that making new friends at college would erase ones that fell through the cracks but truth is... doing that just made it easier to deal with because I avoided how much I would miss that friend. And I was wrong. Because I’ve realized that what was better lied in acknowledging how much I wish we were still friends. So, I guess for now, I’ll go back to watching the leaves fall and hoping one day I’ll have a friend where I can say that she reminds me of a friendship I had, with nothing but gratitude for that friend I once relied on. 

[joltthemind-blog]

Friendship

Friendship. Sometimes it is easy to let go of what that means. Just so happens, recently I found myself a victim of those who forgot. It hurt most that those I consider close friends, as well as roommates, were the ones that lost track of what it means to be a friend. I felt let down. And maybe I caused that upon myself, maybe I didn’t. I hold people to the same high standards I hold myself too. I’m realizing that, that might be one of my greatest flaws. I don’t think I ask much from those in my life. To them, maybe I do. I just want those in my life to be a friend to me.  But, what friendship looks like varies with the painter. In my experience last night, I realized how much truth there is to that statement. I’m the kind of person who will go through an experience once but will make sure that it doesn’t happen again. After last night, I will not put myself in the same situation with the same people. I lost trust in the people I went out with. They didn’t have my back. What is friendship if you can’t rely on someone to stand next to you? Because last night, when I looked to my left and my right, not one of my roommates/friends were by my side. And that is something I am not so certain that I am able to forgive. Or forget. They chose alcohol and music over me, their friend and roommate. I want to scream at them, but to them, it feels like a joke. How do I pretend that I wasn’t left alone? How do I be friends with these people?

[joltthemind-blog]

Paper Towns Novel

Recently finished John Green’s novel, “Paper Towns.” The same novel that will come out as a movie, I think, fairly soon. And by soon, it could be months, because I actually have no idea. Anyway, I really wanted to read it before watching the movie because I am so excited to see it on the big screen! But then I read it and the excitement in me sort of took a plunge. Maybe plunge is too strong of a word so I’d like to replace it with “shattered.” Probably offending so many John Green fans with what I am about to say or declare or whatever but here it goes. I am not a fan of Paper Towns. Thought the mystery dragged on when there was really no significant find until the ending. And even the, it wasn’t anything to scream happiness about. Besides the mystery, the romance aspect of the novel didn’t seem to get off the ground. They weren’t in love, it was just a boy obsessed with a girl. Reading this book in full made me hesitant in reading another one of his novels, “Looking for Alaska.” Since that one thought isn’t a mystery then maybe it will allow the romance between the two characters to fully develop. 

[joltthemind-blog]

This is Me, well, Some of Me.

Welcome to my blog. Should probably start off by saying that I’m a college student, not some creepy old person.  Writing this, I have no followers which sounds like a creepy old person but I promise it’s not, in fact I am the only one who knows about this as of now but I’m hoping, by some kind of luck that has yet to cross paths with me, that that will change. Maybe not overnight or during the upcoming weeks but fingers crossed sometime in the future. Thinking about being a communications major with journalism but still undecided which I guess is something I should probably figure out instead of writing away on tumblr. But then again, usually I don’t do what I should probably be doing. Guess it’s a flaw but oh well. Moving on, at times I can get off topic--one minute I’m writing this post giving some background on who I am then suddenly find myself using this post to talk about what I should probably be doing. Come from a family of decent size, two siblings making me the “baby” of the family, which calls for more stories than I have time to tell or energy to type. But eventually I’ll get there, I figure. I’ve lived a past, thought of a future but stay in the moment. Be where my feet are because that is really all I can do. Call my spontaneous or not but most of my memories are looked on as “LOL remember when...”