Love, Sex and Pain

Life is a Velvet Crowbar, hitting you over the head.

[fullofangstfullofangst]

moments

i swear to god there were moments

i fucking know there were moments when i loved you so much that i thought my heart was going to explode and moments when i got so scared of losing you that i lost all self-control and moments when i thought about our future wedding day and wondered why an angel like you would marry a demon like me and said to myself that this is all probably just a dream and moments when you looked into my eyes and told me that you loved me and it took everything inside of me not to just up and start running or jumping or yelling or start throwing money into the air and acting like i had just won the motherfucking lottery and i swear to god that there were moments when i’d wake up in the morning with you beside me and my heart would start racing and my palms would start sweating and i came pretty fucking close to hyperventilating because i was so sure i knew with all my heart i was fucking positive that i had either died or woken up inside of another body because there was no way on earth that the person i’d been all of my life would ever wake up with someone like you next to him and i know that there were moments i fucking swear to god that there were moments when i was certifiably 100% fucking insane and each and every time you forgave me and told me that you loved me and i didn’t know why so i became even more insane and accused you of things that you would never even think of doing but you forgave me every fucking time and told me that you still loved me and i still to this day lose my shit and i still to this day don’t know what the hell is happening and i still to this day don’t know what the fuck is going on and i still to this day laugh and cry and freak the fuck out because this is all just too mad and this is all just too breathtaking and this must be what it feels like to be actually fucking 100% living so i have to be alive and i’m not dead and everything that’s happened has actually happened and that blows my fucking mind and i swear to god that i want to keep breathing because if this is living then i never want to die

[jookiejackhouse]

“- I didn’t know what you meant At first When you told me how easily you sweat- Its like water pouring down from your body And now my sheets are wet with you. And I’ve never been able to understand anything past my own body- Yet I understand This. Wrapped in these sheets With you.”

— Jookie Jackhouse

[metaphorformetaphor]

“I am unable to resist you. I want to advance and retreat at the same time.”

— Henry Miller, from Dear, Dear Brenda: The Love Letters of Henry Miller to Brenda Venus (William Morrow & Company, 1986)

[days-of-reading]

“I keep wishing for you, keep shutting up my eyes and looking toward the sky, asking with all my might for you, and yet you do not come. I thought of you, until the world grew rounder than it sometimes is, and I broke several dishes.”

— Emily Dickinson, from a letter to Minnie Holland featured in The Letters of Emily Dickinson

[jookiejackhouse]

“Last night I watched The Sun die right before my very eyes, The blood stretched across the sky. I watched it fade away and then saw The Moon rise. Some lovers have the ability to reach a higher level of understanding that surpasses intent. The Sun dies So the lover Moon can rise. For centuries, night after night- Only lovers will know that life. True love is loving with an honest heart. It’s the magnetic pull that draws you home. When I was young- I grew up by the sea Even now- love is going home. Being in the water. I could lift a seashell to my ear and hear the roar of the ocean, The destruction of its mystery. Sometimes, I think that when I rest my head on your chest I can hear the ocean in your heartbeat. Sometimes I wish that’s where you first met me. Love is a beginning that never ends. The Sun and The Moon- Then there’s the ocean And there’s me and you.”

— Jookie Jackhouse (via jookiejackhouse)

[jookiejackhouse]

#writersontumblr #words

[unbeknwn]

No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.

[wnq-writers]

“When something bothered me, I didn’t talk with anyone about it. I thought it over all by myself, came to a conclusion, and took action alone. Not that I really felt lonely. I thought that’s just the way things are. Human beings, in the final analysis, have to survive on their own.”

— Murakami, Haruki. Sputnik Sweetheart.

[jookiejackhouse]

I didn't say anything

Today when I saw you driving on the 16 highway.

What would I say- anyway?

"There goes the broken prince with the dead eyes?"

That's what I'd say.

And maybe talk about

the smashed car

And the derogatory taillight stickers.

I say nothing and feel better.

I say nothing and still feel the constricting in my heart.

Do you still read this?

And are you still vain enough to think

that every poem I post

Says the things I could call to say-

But won't?

Jookie Jackhouse

[wnq-writers]

2017; you taught me more than I could handle. I learned love, loss, everything in between.

caracactus  (via wnq-writers)

[jookiejackhouse]

I want to sink with you.

Until our bodies are drifting along the ocean floor.

Until the quiet surrounds us

and we whisper our secrets

and will our dreams to come true.

then when we're ready- we'll release our lungs and float back up.

Jookie Jackhouse

[madgirlf]

there are always bruises on my legs but I still can’t stop swallowing aspirin. I know there is a better way to live but I can’t find my way to it. instead, I pay seven dollars for a vodka soda. instead, I consider tattooing over the scar. instead, I pull the boy into a corner and laugh when he kisses me. I don’t want to admit that I’m cruel but the evidence is all over his face. and there I am, pretending the door was ever open.

Fortesa Latifi – a better way to live (via madgirlf)

[notsoterriblymisanthropic]

I like my stories to be true to life, which means there have to be wolves in them. Wolves in one form or another. Why is that so true to life? She turns away from him onto her back, stares up at the ceiling. She’s miffed because her own version has been trumped. All stories are about wolves. All worth repeating, that is. Anything else is sentimental drivel. All of them? Sure, he says. Think about it. There’s escaping from the wolves, fighting the wolves, capturing the wolves, taming the wolves. Being thrown to the wolves, or throwing others to the wolves so the wolves will eat them instead of you. Running with the wolf pack. Turning into a wolf. Best of all, turning into the head wolf. No other decent stories exist. I think they do, she says. I think the story about you telling me the story about wolves isn’t about wolves. Don’t bet on it, he says. I have a wolf side to me. Come over here.

Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin (via illuminosity)

[jookiejackhouse]

I've never been so alone. It's a statement. It says- I've been before here before but never here. This mourn is current. It's an aching body. It's a wound that will heal slowly. My parents have left this world without me. My father- if he was alive he could have helped me with this, he would have loved me through this weakness. I'm weak. I'm weak. And I - think of my mother decomposing and I think that she's weak too. Mom- there will never be a day where I won't mourn you. I search for you in the faces of others and I'm lost. When I think about dying I think about floating in the sea forever. And I think that- you'll float too.

Jookie Jackhouse

[jookiejackhouse]

Remember when- our hearts met again?

Jookie Jackhouse

[jookiejackhouse]

I realized- Im tired because I'm tired. I am a mass of aching mess I am tired. I'm ready for bed but I wait up because Love Waits Up. Even if I'm nodding On the couch I'm Nodding But I'm waiting up. I'll wait for you forever but I might fall asleep. I'm the real life sleeping beauty and I'll- Wait up for you baby.

Jookie Jackhouse

[jookiejackhouse]

I remembered that I have been drowned. I have been sunken in the ocean. And there's an entire world Swimming around me but I don't swim. I sink. I float slowly down. I awake and I think I'm still dreaming. I try to remember dreams still worth dreaming but I can't make it past this one. Somehow the darkness wasn't so lonely and it feels like Grace. And I'm Held In that space.

Jookie Jackhouse

[jookiejackhouse]

Are you still active on here?

I am! I actually reblogged some old stuff last night, I've tried not to post too much new content lately since I'm just about finished with my book. ❤️I'm still active, still admiring so many talents. Thank you for asking!