You know, now that I think of it, this whole year is punctuated by my 30th birthday. It is many moon cycles from now (November) but its mattering is a string to which all my thoughts are tied. Why I chose to cut my hair, my anxiety of impending skin softening and hips widening, my anti-social behavior, the need for settlement into my own place, the need for security and stability, my exhaustion, my hunger. Everything feels like a moment before 30. Thirty is still young but itās not very young. And though I am youthful I know Iāll no longer belong in Neverland. But while Iām still here, Iāll enjoy the ride.
Just three weeks ago I was in Europe. M and I, along with his coworker and his girlfriend, traveled to three countries in 6 days. With a day and a half spent at each. In London, we stayed in Shoreditch. He and I had been to London before, so we skipped out on all the tourist spots and just spent our day without tracing our steps. We ate breakfast at a small hole-in-the-wall baegel shop in Brick Lane. I liked how the old lady working the till referred to everyone as darling. They all do, there. It was cold everywhere we went, and it made me like it more, an emphasis I wasnāt in LA any longer. We popped into all the vintage shops, I bought a pair of used lace up boots. We took pictures by street murals, we held hands in the park. We pub hopped about and drank a delicious un-pasturized pilsner urquell. On our last evening, we missed the Jack the Ripper tour and got hot chocolate at a chocolate shop instead, where the two till gals in their early twenties was blasting Beyonce and I danced with them. No matter where you are you in the world, you bond over Beyonce.
We took the train to Amsterdam. Our first evening there, we ate at a recommended traditional dutch restaurant called Moeders, which means mother. The walls were lined with photos of moms- floor to ceiling, from visitors and regulars throughout the years. I donāt have a picture of my mom that I carry with me and it made me think of when sheās eventually gone, if I would. Our airbnb was above a gift shop in a quaint little street in the neighborhood of Jordaan. I loved it so much- temporarily living there, even though one night, as I was putting on pants by the window, I caught the old man with white long hair and a beard directly across the way staring right at me. We were a 15 minute walk from a lot of areas, particularly the red light district. I was very curious about the windows and I kept wanting us to walk down the alleyways so I could see all the women. Many of them looked bored, on their phones, applying makeup. Few of them looked sad. But mostly they were the ones with the power, and I liked that the most. I had lost my phone that first night and miraculously found it 45 minutes later in the bar ball pit I had jumped into. The next day, we took part of the canal water tour up to a diamond museum. I bought a fuzzy maroon beret at a vintage shop. It started snowing as we walked about and it was magical. For breakfast, we had giant dutch pancakes and valentineās night, my bf and I got high and watched a sex show. Maybe porn and media has made light of sex, but seeing real people having intercourse directly before my very eyes wasnāt nearly as shocking or awe-ing as it may sound. I still have the penis shaped lollipop they gave me at the entrance. A lollicock, they said.
Afterward, we took the train to Paris. I have longed for Paris for nearly two decades and here I was, meeting my dream city. M and I stayed at an airbnb in the 19th arrondissement, which is ways away from central Paris, which made for the most challenging trip. My three years of high-school francais was most helpful as we navigated local neighborhoods and non-English speaking parisians. I ate croissants and had plates of bread and cheese and engorged myself with steak frites. I enjoyed a pink rose with dinner while watching a fotbal match amidst a thickening lay of cigarette smoke. We visited revered bookstore Shakespeare and Co that Iāve known about and read about for years. We bought a poem. We also got lost 3 times by my partnerās misdirection, which eventually drew me to tears, but I still made it to Montemarte and visited Amelieās restaurant. I ordered a creme brulee and cracked it with a spoon. I only saw the Eiffel Tower in its night gown, but oh, itās still a beauty.
Everything happened so fast, thereās not a lot to be nostalgic over. All the details a watercolor memory. "How was your trip?ā is met withĀ āIt was good.ā And it was.Ā
