Remember to jot it down.

I like and enjoy a lot of things, most of them not related to one another in the slightest. My blog is a collection of those things, messy thoughts and wild dreams, with the occasional dark detour. This blog is one of several; one piece of my sanctuary that I have created to keep myself sane. Should you happen to stumble upon this roller coaster ride of mine, feel free to stick around for awhile and enjoy the ride. I have yet to find myself and who I'd like to become, but hopefully this blog can give us both a clue.

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I still feel like I’m drowning, sinking to the bottom, and there isn't a hand reaching out to me. A hand that I sometimes really need because in reality…I can’t swim. I know no one is going to come save me, that I can only save myself in this world…But sometimes just knowing there are people who would try, makes it a lot easier to float.

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I wish people would straight out tell me that they don't want to hangout with me instead of wasting everyones time by planning something then canceling at the last second. Or making me believe we're okay, then never wanting to talk or do anything. It's just becoming really frustrating and I'm tired of it all being forced. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I'm trying so hard to love myself, but in the end I only find more ways to hate myself. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

If I didn't have my boyfriend I honestly doubt I would be here right now. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I feel like I am sub-intelligent. I feel like I could be mentally challenged, that everyone except for me knows it. I have no way of knowing for sure. This all comes from the fact that I find it very difficult to express myself or to contain even the most basic of information. Even in my own mind I can hardly carry on everyday conversations, that I can't pull off jokes, that I can't relate to people, and that I have a general feeling of doubt in myself and what I do. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I feel like I'm losing my creative mind. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but a lot of the time I could just lose myself in a song and come up with a whole new world to explore. Once it was created I could go back anytime, another song would create another mood. I had hundreds of worlds I could visit anytime to escape....But I'm slowly losing them all. Music isn't pulling me in anymore like it used to, no matter the song. And it scares me. I'm scared the worlds I created and the people I've met are gone forever. The songs can't bring them back like they could before, and I'm starting to forget them. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I wish I stuck with drawing/painting when I was younger. I was really talented at a young age, and I'm really disappointed that I stopped. I don't even know why I did, but it happened.. And I regret it completely. 

I can't even begin to imagine what I would have been capable of now. But I'm going to try and get back into it, ignite that lost spark. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I have so many shows I've discovered that I really want to watch but I'll never have enough time to watch them all while trying to balance everything. First world probs?

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I've wanted to buy a sex toy for quite some time now. I just don't know how I'd introduce the idea to my bf or how to go about getting/using it while still living at home. But it's been something I've wanted to do for a long time. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I feel like I've lost touch with a lot of my friends. I haven't had a connection with someone like my last best friend. I haven't felt like I've had a best friend in a long time, or even a close one. I can't seem to remember how to connect with people anymore or how to be interesting and worth getting to know. I just can't remember how to do any of it. And I'm worried that I was so easily able to forget. I don't know how to talk to people. 

I just don't know how to do anything. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

Cheerios and Tea really do make everything better!

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I wish I had more weed in my life. Sadly I don't have any or any friends to do them with. :[ 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

I think I've had a bit too much to drink tonight and got a bit sick earlier. But besides that, I'm feeling great. Almost powerful. Inner bitch might be the right term. Fearless could be another. 

[jot-it-down-x-blog]

If you are reading this. Welcome to my mind/journal. Feel free to browse my many thoughts and opinions.