journal. sideblog

@atcomicalsys

[journalie-re]

day 4 or 5 i think sept 24 2019

nanamis out

not feeling so good

wish i could get * again...so i can feel complete

[journalie-re]

here!! im nico hi!!

uhh 9:57pm

[journalie-re]

im host again 6:06pm

[the-hello-system]

Me: I'm fine

Also me,: hideing under a desk in my college because I am so fucking burned out

[the-hello-system]

TO BE HONEST THIS IS ACTUALLY HELPING LIKE A LOT

[selfconstructedself]

“Severe and prolonged traumatic experiences can lead to the development of discrete, personified behavioral states (i.e., rudimentary alternate identities) in the child, which has the effect of encapsulating intolerable traumatic memories, affects, sensations, beliefs, or behaviors and mitigating their effects on the child’s overall development. Secondary structuring of these discrete behavioral states occurs over time through a variety of developmental and symbolic mechanisms, resulting in the characteristics of the specific alternate identities.  The identities may develop in number, complexity, and sense of separateness as the child proceeds through latency, adolescence, and adulthood.”

-Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults, 3rd Revision, ISSTD, 2011- 

I’m going to have to process this a bit more but the “identities may develop in number, complexity, and sense of separateness” part could explain why my alters/differentiated parts of self didn’t seem to develop until adolescence, when in reality they were there far before that. This is super validating. 

-Lina- 

[owenology]

name a better color combo than green/purple. you can’t

[honeymiillk-deactivated20200531]

pink and yellow

[owenology]

can’t beat this

[honeymiillk-deactivated20200531]

Are you sure about that

[honeymiillk-deactivated20200531]

you know what I'm gonna name a whole bunch of other great colour combos

pink and green

purple and yellow

red and green. (liev this one is 4 u) Made Using my Little Knowledge of Colour Theory™

[owenology]

orange and blue is my second favorite combo but green and purple will always be number 1 in my heart

[putrid-boy]

IM fucking COLOR BLIND

[journalie-re]

2:16pm

co con with naz cmon dude take me over im fucking tired

[journalie-re]

sept 23 2019 1:45pm

breakdown bc of bugs im food

[journalie-re]

day 4 sept 23 2019

12:48pm

been feeling ickie and my head hurts but its prob bc hunger

[wishbzne-deactivated20210526]

plainwater: essays and poetry — the anthropology of water: kinds of water, anne carson

[ID: “I feel so lonely, like childhood again.” end ID]

[journalie-re]

7:11pm

its really loud i cant get my head around it whattttt thd fuuuuuck

[journalie-re]

sept 22 2019

6:25pm

blurry

[journalie-re]

hiiii dear journal!! ooo 4:15pm

im nanami autumn! autumn like the autumns! love going out i think im going to cry ah!!

[journalie-re]

sept 22 2019

cleaned for host

hello!

also im having some research and hes lowkey co con with me

[journalie-re]

day three, 22 sept 2019

10:02am

naz and i were co con last night. helped him cry. im so glad i did, he was holding onto so much hurt. soothed him with a good daydream a la nazareth and some sleep

[journalie-re]

system

[journalie-re]

why do people think persecutors are bad? its so shitty, i dont get to be out so often because ugh, apparently im a bad influence and im going to ruin host's life? like, its already ruined whats the big deal? and i dont even get to share or vent or talk guess what thats why im such a pain in the ass see?? anyways. their loss