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@the-hello-system
Having Dissociative Identity Disorder is strange because why was I diagnosed with a rare disorder and now I can't live normally without people going like 'omg do you like.. have fictives' or 'im endogenic' or 'did isn't real' or a bunch of misinformation being spread about it.
Like... worry about my seizures rather than if I have introjects or not. And get a fucking job in the real world rather than moderating an 'endogenic' discord server.
DID is literally insane because I have to recover from trauma I donât even remember
get bbc sherlock up in this bitch already
Haveing DID but in like the I'm not trying to dissociate more and I think getting more alters is actually a bad thing way and not in the uwu fun role play way
from the bottom of my heart: just because something makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean it shouldn't be allowed to exist
"But what about <thing that literally kills people>?"
This was on a non rebloggable post so I'm setting it free.
This would have had me crucified on tumblr 10 years ago but maybe we are ready for this conversation now:
If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.
This is a PSA to about 3/4s of the Portland Youth populace
everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.
Do you think Clark Kent's first few major articles were about the continued presence of lead pipes in parts of Metropolis' water system
(Average Metropolis reader after investigative reporter C. Kent's 452nd article on yet another case of landlords/business owners/factories' continued use of lead pipes/paint/gas/glass knowingly exposing the public to dangerously toxic lead levels) what the fuck happened to this guy
One day Bruce Wayne mentions in an interview that heroes like Superman are overrated, as the most effective way to reduce crime is to provide public resources and improve local infrastructure, then cites how neighboring city Metropolis has effectively lowered their violent crime by 13% after addressing their outdated water system and investing low income housing. the reporter conducting the interview suddenly starts looking a little uncomfortable
To be clear, Clark is still a fantastic investigative reporter. He still has to track down the sources to prove all this shit
"Who, Clark Kent? Yeah, we're pretty sure he's a Meta. Is he a superhero? Like what, "Lead-detector guy"? "Captain pipes?" Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and it's a handy trick, but it's lead detection, not laser vision. He's not about to go running around in tights any time soon."
I just love the idea of a cape maintaining their secret identity by pretending to be a completely different and less impressive kind of parahuman.
everyone assumes that kent is so squirrely around superheros because heâs just desperately hoping not to be conscripted to the JLA to fix their plumbing
Local Metropolis Reporter Publically Recognized For Contributions To The City; Awarded Medal Of Distinction
They tried to get superman to present the medal but he was offended at being called "overrated" in comparison to Clark so he declined
Counter offer: Bruce Wayne disguised as Superman
beating this dead horse with memes
trauma so bad my coping mechanisms have names and pronouns
plus a lot of people live in this fantasy land where physical health problems are taken seriously and addressed immediately. like they think if you faint you get rushed to the hospital and everyone spends days and nights investigating what's wrong. instead you will spend 6+ hours in A&E waiting room only for someone to be like "well you seem fine now" and discharge you. you can be coughing blood every day, or throwing up anything you eat for weeks or months, and the people around you will not mobilise to find out what's wrong. if you can't self advocate or have someone very dedicated to advocating for you, you're outta luck
Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.
Whether you're carrying one big rock or a big ol' bucket of sand, it's going to weigh on you just as much.
This is why psychologists have started taking more of an interest in CPTSD in the last 10-15 years. What most people know as PTSD is a response to a single, intensely traumatic event (or even a series of events). However, CPTSD (chronic post-traumatic stress disorder) is caused by living for years in a situation where your nervous system cannot catch a break. Even if nothing huge ever happened to you, you always had to be on guard for a thousand little things that could and did happen.
After years and years of this, your nervous system gets "stuck" in an activated threat response. It never really lets you rest, and if this started when you were a kid, you may not develop a lot of neural pathways that you should have, because your brain was too focused on keeping you safe to bother with little things like "genuine human connection" and "interpersonal attachment."
No lie, Complex PTSD/CPTSD is HUGE.
If you are disabled, if you are queer, if you are chronically ill, if you are the survivor of a toxic but not abusive relationship, if you grew up or lived under the threat of harm but no "actual" harm (or "very little" harm) was done, you may have CPTSD that isn't getting caught because CPTSD looks different from PTSD.
At the risk of falling into a trivialization trap, a lot of things you may not perceive as traumatic actually are. I was embarrassed for a long time in both group and individual therapy to say anything in my childhood was traumatic, because I was sitting with people who had suffered horrible physical or sexual abuse. But here are some things that are, in fact, traumatic and - when they occur over a long period - can set you on a course of maladaptive coping for decades if not addressed:
Being told or shown that your emotions are not valid, that you have no safe place to express them
Parents or caregivers oversharing graphic trauma from their past with you
Threats of physical violence, even if not carried out
Being told or shown that affection or approval is contingent on competency or academic success
Prejudice from inside OR outside the family (homophobia, racism, body shame)
Mocking or dismissal of things that are meaningful to you
If you constantly feel unworthy, afraid, ashamed, or even flat and emotionless, it's worth exploring why. And, because you've been so consistently undermined and minimized, you may feel like a fraud for being upset or functioning poorly. You're not a fraud; it's years of conditioning telling you "I should be able to handle this" or "lots of people are worse off than I am so I shouldn't complain." Your conditioned brain is lying to you; you won't be able to open yourself to the joy of trusting relationships with others OR do meaningful things to help those who are worse off until you do the work to melt the block of ice surrounding you. All my love to you, friends.
Pete Walker is a therapist that's been on the cutting edge of this for many years, and he has a website here with plenty of free resources. (Just straight PDFs of parts of his books!)
Also, his books are not that expensive, well-written, and truly helped me process a lot of my trauma. I did a ton of it alone because I couldn't find a therapist for years, and those books (complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving & the tao of fully feeling) really changed the trajectory of my life.
He talks about grieving, about changing our internal dialogue to one that's positive instead of negative, talks about SEVERAL trauma typologies, and more.
As someone who has been diagnosed with the big trauma PTSD but most of their problems were coming from the little stuff that was CONSTANT and made me run on 2000% all day every day, this guy is a lifesaver. I'm so different from how I was before, especially with the help of some in-person therapy. Finding the right person makes all the difference, truly.
You can pick up his books on the website, but if you're looking for resources on this and you have the space and support to be able to do some of your own work (please don't do it completely alone unless you must) check out the sidebar over at pete-walker.com. He made this incredible resource that not everyone knows about and I try to share it where this comes up.
Thank you for informing people about this.
Reblogging for the additional info and resources, and to emphasize that the C does indeed stand for "complex," not "chronic." (Understandable that people would get mixed up, though.)
youâd be surprised at how many doctors will tell you that schizophrenics shouldnât masturbate, have sexual fantasies or write/draw erotica, let alone date or have actual sex, because it âdistracts them from recoveryâ, as if schizophrenia is a two week course of antibiotics and not a lifelong neurotype and disability
in general I notice this attitude in the schizophrenia and bipolar treatment community that people with these DXes are never allowed to do anything non-constructive that normal people can do in moderation, no alcohol, no caffeine, no thc, no going to late concerts or parties, no unplanned trips, no spontaneous situationships, not even junk food. the only thing weâre really allowed to partake in is nicotine, I assume because cigarettes and gum are good incentives for controlling our behavior. our lives have to be All Working On Ourselves, All The Time, because we have Erratic Crazy Person Who Canât Make Their Own Decisions Disorder, and itâs an endless, thankless task because thereâs no actual cure.
sane person goes through a depression era in high school and does one bad thing that wasnât illegal or even really mean-spirited, just irresponsible: wow Iâm so glad youâre through that, that was a tough time but you pulled through
insane person goes through a depression era in high school and does one bad thing that wasnât illegal or even really mean-spirited, just irresponsible: sorry but we just donât ever feel like we can trust you alone again even though you havenât done anything like that in over a decade. this is why you canât go to a party on your own at 32.
This is a named phenomenon, it's called the dignity of risk. Essentially, neurotypical and non-disabled people are allowed to make "bad" decisions. They're allowed to stay up late and drink too much and whatever else, even though those things could have negative impacts. However, people who aren't those things aren't afforded the ability to make "bad" decisions and do detrimental things. There's more to it than that but my shift is about to start, sorry.
therapy for DID is so fucking stupid. like yes iâm paying you to ask me about my trauma but i wont answer. yeah sorry man you have to talk to the bouncer first
I spoke about my DID to a therapist and asked if it would be an issue because it might be a bit to navigate, and she said "as long as they all can work together and get along, I don't see why we even need to talk about it"
Ma'am, I don't mean to assume you know nothing, but I don't think you quite understand what it is that we're doing here.
Needless to say I was magically graduated from therapy 2 weeks later without anything really changing.
As long as your disorder isn't disabling you'll be fine :))) hold that helps!!!!!
Manifesting
seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now
there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimerâs, i hope yâall know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and thatâs just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.
please stop treating disabled people like some scary âotherâ that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!
I hope this isnât derailing but I feel something very similar with the schizophrenia spectrum. So many people agree with the sentiment that once they start experiencing any sort of struggle with sanity, life is over and itâs time to let it end, whatever form that takes. Often phrased as âMy mind is most important to me and I donât want to live to lose it.â
And I do get it. But from the perspective of someone who started having psychosis and mania at 21 (a very common age for it), life does not stop. I still had and have things I want to do and accomplish and live for. The moment I became a psychologically disabled person didnât magically make me okay with life ending any more than any other moment makes me okay with life ending.
Becoming disabled is not the end. At any age, you may well lose or develop limited mobility, memory, or sanity. If and when that day comes, youâll still want more out of life.
Beyond just not being conducive to personally planning your life, itâs also not a friendly mindset towards people currently disabled. Our lives have meaning. Thinking they arenât worth continuing is cruel and simply wrong.
so many people see being disabled as the End of Who They Are when it's just a lot more like having problems with your car or your house. Your car doesn't suddenly evaporate just because it's got a nail in one tire and now you have to get air twice a week while you scrape together the money to get it changed. Your house doesn't stop keeping the rain off just because the fridge died or there's an electrical fault. These things are scary and exasperating but you just.... you keep going. You drive on the tire and you hope it doesn't blow out on the highway. Your power gets shut off and you use a hotplate instead of the stove.
Like, you keep going. The YOU that is you just keeps going, stressed out and inconvenienced, but you're still as much yourself as you've ever been. It sucks, but nothing is OVER, it's just a pain in the ass to deal with.
I have a few of the aforementioned causes of memory loss: Dissociative disorder and trauma. I also have ADHD and Autism, all undiagnosed until i was 18.
Life didnât stop after this developmentâ Damn, it hadnât even started yet. I was like 7 when i started having problems, and it was a rough ride until i finally got to know what was up 11 years later.
You adapt.
In my case, it is working towards a state of functional multiplicity (getting alters to communicate and operate together. We arenât amazing at it yet, but we make do.) Itâs writing my strawberry allergy on the fridge so I know not to consume anything with strawberry in it when I donât even know my own name. Itâs keeping peanut butter, a knife, and bread out on my table so I know thereâs at least one thing to eat that is practically muscle memory. Itâs having a support network both online and in person (i know, im lucky here) that checks in on me and asks me about my repetitive chores (bills, med pickups, therapy, if Iâve been outside).
Itâs not perfect, but i have managed to live alone for 2 years now. I have supported protests and kept doing what I cared about. I have hobbies.
Yes, there are things I personally canât doâ I canât do traditional jobs anymore because i had several traumatic incidents on site over the 4 years i worked, causing dissociative splits that got me a reputation at work I couldnât come back from.
But, I can still help my community. I can still enjoy the sun and wind on my body, and i can still use my college certificate in IT to keep up with and speak about the changing technology around us.
Iâm more me than ive ever been before, memory loss be damned. I still have so much life to live, and so does everyone else, whatever that looks like for them.
You can do hard things. I love you. Drink water and brush your teeth if you havenât in a while, I just remembered I need to do both.
Smoking on that we'd
DID symptoms that people don't talk enough about
The cycle of forgetting and then re-remembering trauma memories
Constant depersonalization and derealization
Feeling as if you're stuck living someone else's life
Failure to plan for the future because nothing feels real + losing time
Thinking a flashback is over when you've actually just dissociated away from it, and having it resume as soon as you stop dissociating
Dissociative stupor/trance
Alexithymia
Identity issues outside of alters
Inability to connect with other people
Being unable to tell if you've healed from a past problem/trauma or if you've just dissociated away from it
Not learning from past mistakes because of amnesia and dissociation
Feeling nothing psychologically despite physical shaking, racing heart, nausea, crying, etc
The extreme disorientation + identity confusion that comes with co-consciousness and co-fronting
Somatic flashbacks
Being triggered by your own DID symptoms because you know the only reason you're experiencing any of this is because of what they did to you
