#1 Willis defender

maybe mom of the straightestmike universe professional former theatre kid i still think about that one girl from high school

[joyceisdelusional]

Overture 🎭📞

My name is Joyce. I go by she/her.

I’m bisexual.

I am the proud mother of @jonathan-bisexualers and @gayestwiil.

Cheer is my dog and also my best friend. 🦮

I work as a telemarketer from home, but spiritually I am a theatre director.

I’m engaged to @straightestella’s dad until the cheerleader who captured my heart at 17 comes out of the closet and divorces her dumb husband Teddy.

I love her kids @lesbianestnancy , the homophobic son, and @unlabeledholly , so she can take them with her when she leaves the closet.

If it turns out @straightestmike is gay just know that I WAS RIGHT and MY BABY BOY IS IN LOVE!!

If I’m not being delusional, I’m obnoxiously singing show tunes to myself or my sons or cooking (in more ways than one).

[joyceisdelusional]

Mrs. Byers!! Be honest. What do you think about my mom??

Hi Nancy!

What a sweetheart you are!

Your mother was… was the love of my life.

I see so much of her in you.

Even her love of boobies.

I met Karen in homeroom freshman year and I have been WHIPPED for that woman ever since she sat next to me and said

“Hi.”

I said “Hi” back.

We went to study at the soda shop a lot and ended up kissing killing it in our classes. She liked taking me to drive-in movies as well. Karen would always come to my shows with a bouquet of flowers and my favorite Snickers chocolate.

She ranted to me about the boys that wanted to take her out. I was an ugly duckling who didn’t get attention from boys.

All I knew was that Karen said boys were disposable placeholders who would never take my place in her heart.

Because we were friends. Good friends.

I didn’t know why, I was 15, but soon I wanted to go to the soda shop and drive-in with Karen for other reasons than studying. My theatre friends asked me if I wanted to be her girlfriend.

That’s when it hit me.

I DID want to be Karen’s girlfriend!

Except Karen went out with boys so I thought she was straight for the longest time.

I should’ve known she wasn’t.

She was a cheerleader!

So one day in sophomore year - and I have the 8mm film - she told me

Ella’s sister Kali made me this vision of what I would’ve told her if I had ruined the friendship.

And then we might have KISSED!

I would’ve asked her to BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND GO ON SODA SHOP DATES AND SING SHOW TUNES AND CHEER CHANTS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

Except I was in a production of Carousel by Rogers and Hammerstein and I was method acting as Julie Jordan.

So I had convinced myself I was a straight woman in an abusive relationship.

That’s how I ended up marrying Jonathan and Willis’s father Larry.

And my rejection shoved Karen deeper into the closet than she already was and she married that goddamn basketball player Teddy.

Ever since I have pined for Karen.

Even when I met the nicest man named Brad.

So, here I am, engaged to Ella’s dad named Jimmy whatsit and waiting on Karen while Jimmy tells me I'm beautiful.

I’m so proud of you, Nancy, because you embraced yourself back when you realized you liked @lesbianest-barb and have since found the most loving polycule of girls!

If only Karen would come out of the closet and start a Hydroflask.

MY GIRL IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE!

[lesbianest-barb]

i wish you the best of luck ms byers

[joyceisdelusional]

Thank you, sweet Barb!

[joyceisdelusional]

@gayestwiil I am SO hurt that you are going through this.

Willis, that CREEP has NO BUSINESS harassing you in your DMs.

You are a BIG BOY so I TRUST you to deal with the situation yourself, but as your mother I am also asking you to please…

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Take deep breaths. Go on a walk. Do not respond to his messages if they make you upset.

By god, BLOCK Carlton if you have to!

Thank you SO much @straightestmike for SLEUTHING OUT THE BULLYING MY SON HAS ENCOUNTERED.

Mikey, you can have ALL THE FLOWERS IN MY GARDEN FOR YOUR RESTAURANT!

And Ethan, ooc, I would give you a hug or a comfort snack if I could even though I don’t know you irl. 🫂

[joyceisdelusional]

@straightestmike I am VERY concerned about your diet.

Flowers and shoes are NOT good sources of PROTEIN!

I understand violets are a good source of Vitamin C and keep you immune from diseases like, according to you, homosexuality, but they are NOT a balanced diet.

Mikey, you know you can come over to my house if you need proper food, right?

You can come eat when Willis is out with his friends if you need to.

[gayestwiil]

@straightestmike

[gayestmike]

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

[joyceisdelusional]

WHY ARE MY BOYS I MEAN MY BOY AND HIS BOYFRIEND FIGHTING WITH AVRIL LAVIGNE SONGS?!

COME ON BOYS, BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!

Avril Lavigne is simply NOT DELUSIONAL ENOUGH for my music taste and I am SICK of hearing her sing about BEING REALISTIC and NO HAPPY ENDINGS.

This is why I MUCH PREFER TAYLOR SWIFT as my POP GIRL QUEEN.

Anyways this one is dedicated to Jimmy.

[gayestwiil]

SORRY MOM BUT HE HAS A LOT TO MAKE UP FOR

[gayestmike]

[gayestwiil]

[gayestmike]

[joyceisdelusional]

@gayestwiil my son I promise you it will be okay.

I KNOW Mikey has a lot to make up for and I KNOW you cut him off, but if you would just have a PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION with him instead of sending each other ANGSTY AVRIL LAVIGNE SONGS, you might realize that you REALLY DON’T HATE EACH OTHER.

And for the record, I always liked Mikey better than that Cody guy.

Take this time being single to enjoy the company of your friends and find out what YOU want.

Maybe this STUPID Avril Lavigne song will cheer you up.

[gayestwiil]

@straightestmike

[gayestmike]

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

[joyceisdelusional]

WHY ARE MY BOYS I MEAN MY BOY AND HIS BOYFRIEND FIGHTING WITH AVRIL LAVIGNE SONGS?!

COME ON BOYS, BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!

Avril Lavigne is simply NOT DELUSIONAL ENOUGH for my music taste and I am SICK of hearing her sing about BEING REALISTIC and NO HAPPY ENDINGS.

This is why I MUCH PREFER TAYLOR SWIFT as my POP GIRL QUEEN.

Anyways this one is dedicated to Jimmy.

[joyceisdelusional]

Mrs. Byers!! Be honest. What do you think about my mom??

Hi Nancy!

What a sweetheart you are!

Your mother was… was the love of my life.

I see so much of her in you.

Even her love of boobies.

I met Karen in homeroom freshman year and I have been WHIPPED for that woman ever since she sat next to me and said

“Hi.”

I said “Hi” back.

We went to study at the soda shop a lot and ended up kissing killing it in our classes. She liked taking me to drive-in movies as well. Karen would always come to my shows with a bouquet of flowers and my favorite Snickers chocolate.

She ranted to me about the boys that wanted to take her out. I was an ugly duckling who didn’t get attention from boys.

All I knew was that Karen said boys were disposable placeholders who would never take my place in her heart.

Because we were friends. Good friends.

I didn’t know why, I was 15, but soon I wanted to go to the soda shop and drive-in with Karen for other reasons than studying. My theatre friends asked me if I wanted to be her girlfriend.

That’s when it hit me.

I DID want to be Karen’s girlfriend!

Except Karen went out with boys so I thought she was straight for the longest time.

I should’ve known she wasn’t.

She was a cheerleader!

So one day in sophomore year - and I have the 8mm film - she told me

Ella’s sister Kali made me this vision of what I would’ve told her if I had ruined the friendship.

And then we might have KISSED!

I would’ve asked her to BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND GO ON SODA SHOP DATES AND SING SHOW TUNES AND CHEER CHANTS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

Except I was in a production of Carousel by Rogers and Hammerstein and I was method acting as Julie Jordan.

So I had convinced myself I was a straight woman in an abusive relationship.

That’s how I ended up marrying Jonathan and Willis’s father Larry.

And my rejection shoved Karen deeper into the closet than she already was and she married that goddamn basketball player Teddy.

Ever since I have pined for Karen.

Even when I met the nicest man named Brad.

So, here I am, engaged to Ella’s dad named Jimmy whatsit and waiting on Karen while Jimmy tells me I'm beautiful.

I’m so proud of you, Nancy, because you embraced yourself back when you realized you liked @lesbianest-barb and have since found the most loving polycule of girls!

If only Karen would come out of the closet and start a Hydroflask.

MY GIRL IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE!

[joyceisdelusional]

My dear boy @straightestmike,

I just wanted to take this time to congratulate you on coming out.

I KNEW you and my sweet boy Willis had something truly SPECIAL!!

I remember when Willis came out to me, I gave him a big hug and because it was eleven o’ clock at night, I broke into the general store yelling GET MY SON HIS FAVORITE CANDY!

And I would GLADLY do the same for you, Mikey!

Back when I was dating my dear boyfriend Brad, Brad said he noticed that Willis was smiling a lot. He wondered if Willis might have a crush on a girl.

I told Brad I thought he might have a crush on YOU, Mikey, because I noticed he did these little hops when you came to our garden.

But Brad called me DELUSIONAL!

It was the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!

So now I’m going to go to Brad’s grave and tell him HA! I was RIGHT!

Straightest Mikey was always a HOMOSEXUAL!

After leaving chocolates and flowers, of course. I did love Brad.

Anyways I think it’s super sweet that you two make playlists with each other and I just wanted to wish you and Willis all the best!

I’ve always noticed how much you CARE about him, Mikey! How HAPPY he makes you!

Even when he ANNOYED the HELL out of me and my son Jonathan by playing Cut You Off by Selena Gomez for DAYS.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!

I hope you enjoy this lovely song from Falsettos that reminded me of you and my boy Willis 🥰

Because first and foremost, I am a THEATRE KID.

Also I’m sorry if it makes you cry because I know Willis hates you right now. But STILL! CONGRATS!

[jonathan-bisexualers]

MOM??

[bis3xualmax]

DAMN EVEN MRS BYERS GOT TUMBLR😭 @athleticlucas YOU GOTTA SEE THIS

[athleticestlucas]

YOO THIS IS CRAZY!

MRS BYERS, I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST RESPECTFUL WAY - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

[joyceisdelusional]

@athleticlucas HI SWEET BOY!!

I am SO grateful my boy Willis has you and @bis3xualmax in his life because you two are the SWEETEST COUPLE! The best EXAMPLE OF ROMANTIC LOVE I could NEVER BE FOR MY BOY…

To answer your question, I started a Stanley or Yeti or whatever this app is called to CHECK ON MY BOY because I CANNOT let @therealvecna CYBERBULLY him again!

I also CANNOT let @straightestmike BREAK HIS HEART! Willis has wanted to date that boy for AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER!

Also I am here for @jonathan-bisexualers because my boy CERTAINLY shouldn’t have to do ANY of the parenting on this app. Jon has been TOO MUCH of a help already!

[jonathan-bisexualers]

aww mom you know it's nothing

[joyceisdelusional]

NONSENSE, Jon!

You are the BIG BROTHER and you should stick to being the best BIG BROTHER you can be.

Love you! ❤️

[joyceisdelusional]

My dear boy @straightestmike,

I just wanted to take this time to congratulate you on coming out.

I KNEW you and my sweet boy Willis had something truly SPECIAL!!

I remember when Willis came out to me, I gave him a big hug and because it was eleven o’ clock at night, I broke into the general store yelling GET MY SON HIS FAVORITE CANDY!

And I would GLADLY do the same for you, Mikey!

Back when I was dating my dear boyfriend Brad, Brad said he noticed that Willis was smiling a lot. He wondered if Willis might have a crush on a girl.

I told Brad I thought he might have a crush on YOU, Mikey, because I noticed he did these little hops when you came to our garden.

But Brad called me DELUSIONAL!

It was the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!

So now I’m going to go to Brad’s grave and tell him HA! I was RIGHT!

Straightest Mikey was always a HOMOSEXUAL!

After leaving chocolates and flowers, of course. I did love Brad.

Anyways I think it’s super sweet that you two make playlists with each other and I just wanted to wish you and Willis all the best!

I’ve always noticed how much you CARE about him, Mikey! How HAPPY he makes you!

Even when he ANNOYED the HELL out of me and my son Jonathan by playing Cut You Off by Selena Gomez for DAYS.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!

I hope you enjoy this lovely song from Falsettos that reminded me of you and my boy Willis 🥰

Because first and foremost, I am a THEATRE KID.

Also I’m sorry if it makes you cry because I know Willis hates you right now. But STILL! CONGRATS!

[jonathan-bisexualers]

MOM??

[bis3xualmax]

DAMN EVEN MRS BYERS GOT TUMBLR😭 @athleticlucas YOU GOTTA SEE THIS

[athleticestlucas]

YOO THIS IS CRAZY!

MRS BYERS, I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST RESPECTFUL WAY - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

[joyceisdelusional]

@athleticlucas HI SWEET BOY!!

I am SO grateful my boy Willis has you and @bis3xualmax in his life because you two are the SWEETEST COUPLE! The best EXAMPLE OF ROMANTIC LOVE I could NEVER BE FOR MY BOY…

To answer your question, I started a Stanley or Yeti or whatever this app is called to CHECK ON MY BOY because I CANNOT let @therealvecna CYBERBULLY him again!

I also CANNOT let @straightestmike BREAK HIS HEART! Willis has wanted to date that boy for AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER!

Also I am here for @jonathan-bisexualers because my boy CERTAINLY shouldn’t have to do ANY of the parenting on this app. Jon has been TOO MUCH of a help already!

[joyceisdelusional]

Hi! I would just like to say that I absolutely adore Falsettos, and Unlikely Lovers always makes me cry. The harmonies on “let’s pretend” are absolutely astounding. Do you prefer the original or revival recording?

I think there’s something so raw and touching and sweet about the original from Falsettoland. The original cast harmonies would save anyone from @therealvecna.

Falsettos has always been a favorite because I see my children in the characters.

Whizzer sings his first note and I immediately think “THAT’S MY WILLIS!”

Trina takes the stage and I get all maternal for her cause “THAT’S MY ELLA!”

Marvin steals his own show and I bristle with maternal anger and love because “THAT’S THAT ABOMINATION WHO BREAKS INTO THE GARDEN TO ASK IF MY SON IS OKAY NAMED… MIKEY!”

Falsettos, like my favorite show Stranger Things, is also split into three volumes.

I wonder if it will play out the same way.

[joyceisdelusional]

@gayestwiil this is your MOTHER.

OPEN THE, OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE!

Willis, honey, are you okay?

Mikey just told me that you BLOCKED him!

I don’t understand why you would do this because I know he is a VERY NICE BOY deep down!

Even when he acts like a TOTAL ASSHOLE WHO IS HETEROSEXUAL.

I promise you he is just REPRESSING HIS TRUE FEELINGS. Like Karen and I did in high school.

I’m not gonna punish you, baby. I just want to understand why you thought it was a good idea to block Mikey.

I trust your choices because you are all grown up now but you should know that Mikey is VERY UPSET by your choices.

Maybe listening to Little Shop Of Horrors would make you feel better. Like I used to sing it to you before I tucked you in.

[joyceisdelusional]

My dear boy @straightestmike,

I just wanted to take this time to congratulate you on coming out.

I KNEW you and my sweet boy Willis had something truly SPECIAL!!

I remember when Willis came out to me, I gave him a big hug and because it was eleven o’ clock at night, I broke into the general store yelling GET MY SON HIS FAVORITE CANDY!

And I would GLADLY do the same for you, Mikey!

Back when I was dating my dear boyfriend Brad, Brad said he noticed that Willis was smiling a lot. He wondered if Willis might have a crush on a girl.

I told Brad I thought he might have a crush on YOU, Mikey, because I noticed he did these little hops when you came to our garden.

But Brad called me DELUSIONAL!

It was the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!

So now I’m going to go to Brad’s grave and tell him HA! I was RIGHT!

Straightest Mikey was always a HOMOSEXUAL!

After leaving chocolates and flowers, of course. I did love Brad.

Anyways I think it’s super sweet that you two make playlists with each other and I just wanted to wish you and Willis all the best!

I’ve always noticed how much you CARE about him, Mikey! How HAPPY he makes you!

Even when he ANNOYED the HELL out of me and my son Jonathan by playing Cut You Off by Selena Gomez for DAYS.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!

I hope you enjoy this lovely song from Falsettos that reminded me of you and my boy Willis 🥰

Because first and foremost, I am a THEATRE KID.

Also I’m sorry if it makes you cry because I know Willis hates you right now. But STILL! CONGRATS!

[jonathan-bisexualers]

MOM??

[joyceisdelusional]

Oh hi there Jonathan! You seem to be doing well.

Sorry we haven’t caught up, I’ve been so worried about Willis lately.

I see you take pictures of @gayesteddie and his band a lot. What a cutie he is!

[joyceisdelusional]

My dear boy @straightestmike,

I just wanted to take this time to congratulate you on coming out.

I KNEW you and my sweet boy Willis had something truly SPECIAL!!

I remember when Willis came out to me, I gave him a big hug and because it was eleven o’ clock at night, I broke into the general store yelling GET MY SON HIS FAVORITE CANDY!

And I would GLADLY do the same for you, Mikey!

Back when I was dating my dear boyfriend Brad, Brad said he noticed that Willis was smiling a lot. He wondered if Willis might have a crush on a girl.

I told Brad I thought he might have a crush on YOU, Mikey, because I noticed he did these little hops when you came to our garden.

But Brad called me DELUSIONAL!

It was the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!

So now I’m going to go to Brad’s grave and tell him HA! I was RIGHT!

Straightest Mikey was always a HOMOSEXUAL!

After leaving chocolates and flowers, of course. I did love Brad.

Anyways I think it’s super sweet that you two make playlists with each other and I just wanted to wish you and Willis all the best!

I’ve always noticed how much you CARE about him, Mikey! How HAPPY he makes you!

Even when he ANNOYED the HELL out of me and my son Jonathan by playing Cut You Off by Selena Gomez for DAYS.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!

I hope you enjoy this lovely song from Falsettos that reminded me of you and my boy Willis 🥰

Because first and foremost, I am a THEATRE KID.

Also I’m sorry if it makes you cry because I know Willis hates you right now. But STILL! CONGRATS!

[gayestmike]

OH MY GOD. I LOVE YOU JOYCE!!!!! CAN YOU PLEASE CONVINCE WILLIS TO UNBLOCK ME???????

[joyceisdelusional]

ABSOLUTELY!

Because Mikey, you are my SON, too!

Wait…you’re not… you’re just the son of the love of my life…

Anyways I will ask Willis VERY NICELY to unblock you. Because Willis has not been on his BEST BEHAVIOR today.

I hope his new friend @lesbianestrobin isn’t getting him into any trouble.

[joyceisdelusional]

My dear boy @straightestmike,

I just wanted to take this time to congratulate you on coming out.

I KNEW you and my sweet boy Willis had something truly SPECIAL!!

I remember when Willis came out to me, I gave him a big hug and because it was eleven o’ clock at night, I broke into the general store yelling GET MY SON HIS FAVORITE CANDY!

And I would GLADLY do the same for you, Mikey!

Back when I was dating my dear boyfriend Brad, Brad said he noticed that Willis was smiling a lot. He wondered if Willis might have a crush on a girl.

I told Brad I thought he might have a crush on YOU, Mikey, because I noticed he did these little hops when you came to our garden.

But Brad called me DELUSIONAL!

It was the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!

So now I’m going to go to Brad’s grave and tell him HA! I was RIGHT!

Straightest Mikey was always a HOMOSEXUAL!

After leaving chocolates and flowers, of course. I did love Brad.

Anyways I think it’s super sweet that you two make playlists with each other and I just wanted to wish you and Willis all the best!

I’ve always noticed how much you CARE about him, Mikey! How HAPPY he makes you!

Even when he ANNOYED the HELL out of me and my son Jonathan by playing Cut You Off by Selena Gomez for DAYS.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!

I hope you enjoy this lovely song from Falsettos that reminded me of you and my boy Willis 🥰

Because first and foremost, I am a THEATRE KID.

Also I’m sorry if it makes you cry because I know Willis hates you right now. But STILL! CONGRATS!