What "um" really means?
Have you ever heard of the expression “read between the lines”? You probably have. This is typically an expression that refers to reading books. But according to the book “Talk: The Science of Conversation,” it also relates to our day to day conversations. In this book, social interaction professor Elizabeth Stokoe explains how seemingly insignificant filler words that people use between statements can oftentimes reveal a lot about someone’s true thoughts. For instance: Imagine you ask a friend if he wants to hang out with you tonight. And then he goes “um…” Typically, people think that “um” just means that they’re processing what you just said and are deciding how to properly respond. It doesn’t. In fact, the word “um” actually indicates that there’s going to be a problem. A conversation filler word like “um” is usually a sign that a dispreferred response is about to occur. What’s a dispreferred response? A dispreferred response is the opposite response of what you want to hear. The preferred response to asking a friend if he wants to hang out with you tonight is “yes.” So when someone says “um,” it most likely means a dispreferred “no” is about to come. However, keep in mind that not all instances of “um” mean a dispreferred response is coming. It’s possible that your friend was just distracted and was mentally somewhere else when you asked him if he wanted to hang out. So although it’s not always accurate, oftentimes the filler words people say between statements such as "um" can reveal a lot about someone’s inner thoughts.
-JpH.
