You ever try to juice a Bagel?

Hey guys, my name's Peeta and I need a life

[thesugarhole]

if we are talking in person and i accidentally spit dont even call out i saw it and im dead inside

[polyphonicchant-deactivated2020]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

A team of geneticists combined the DNA of the Hulk and Curious George and created Furious George.

[fiddly-deactivated20231003]

[sadtit-deactivated20160618]

*cancels plans* sorry i can’t come i’m ugly

[thebootydiaries]

me: bae I want to try out something different tonight (;

gf: what is it? (;

me: It's gonna be rough ((;

gf: I'm down babe lets try it! (;

me: *hands her boxing gloves* square up

[hobwithluv]

im in philosophy and were talking about how you can doubt everything’s existence except for your own consciousness and the guy that sits in front of me just turns around tears streaming down his face and goes “i am on so many drugs”

[tamamita]

Hey followers!

Guess what

[lapis-lazuli-aka-bob-deactivate]

What?

[tamamita]

Take this!

[super-metroid]

[just-shower-thoughts]

Seafood is so delicious because it’s been marinated in salt its whole life.

[onefourthprince-deactivated2012]

[sweet-bitsy]

A tailor

[kingkrookodile]

i was speaking to a customer in Japanese once at work and my coworker overheard me and later in the break room he said to our other coworkers “man Andrew was over there speakin Naruto”

[bonerfart]

there are only two genders

[whatevernatureis]

my dog: this water no good,,,, it is too gross. it has bin here in this here water bowl too long for an hour…. that… is to long for it to be dranken…

also my dog: this poddle… in the road. it is…….. so… refreshing…….

[thesymski]

HIS OWN FATHER….

[bob-belcher]

[ximxom]

[startrekdeepspacenine]

so last night when i was trying to sleep y’know it was dark and quiet and my eyes were closed but then i suddenly started laughing because i remembered this gif