the one that got away .ᐟ ahn keonho
𝄞 it’s time to face the music, i’m no longer your muse.
summer after high school ended, you guys ran as fast as possible to his mustang parked a few blocks away. hands intertwined while he ran ahead. looking back at you, his smile shined as bright as the sun that day.
radiohead blasted the whole way downtown. recklessly running each red light, laughters and karaoke filled the car. one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding tightly onto you. once in a way, he’d turn to you with love in his eyes. the intimate kiss shared in the car was stopped with silly giggles in between.
the night before, you guys talked on the roof of your parent’s house about everything: classes, work, and overall, a life with each other in it. suddenly, he randomly brought up the idea of a tattoo, one to show the love that’ll never leave.
the breeze from the night felt nice on your bare skin. his body rested onto you while you stared at the moon. it was bright enough to light up your everything, keonho.
maybe you were tipsy but without a second thought, you said yes. with keonho, you’re always able to do anything and everything. you liked that, you liked him.
like teenagers, it was always the promise of forever and “till death do us apart” between you two, neither one of you guys questioned the validity.
parking by the sidewalk in front of the tiny tattoo shop, he walked out and opened the door for you. jokingly, you guys acted out a romantic scene that belonged in a movie. giving you a slight bow, he held his hands out. “m’lady,” reaching for his hand with a grin, you both walked into the shop.
deciding to go first, you laid down on the yellow tattoo bed. the shop at the heart of downtown was ran by keonho’s dear friends, a shared space for art and music. when your hands shake with nervousness, keonho caught it and never let go. a sign that it’ll be okay.
you guy’s inside joke was permanently planted onto your skin, a pact for forever love and recklessness. it wasn’t deemed as aesthetic, but the meaning carried all the significance.
that same tattoo shop held the love of music made by both of you. skipping school like teens and rushing downtown to malls and arcades without a care in the world. afterwards, he would drive the two of you back to the shop.
sitting down on the couch, keonho played songs after songs with lyrics obviously meant for you. you’d smile eagerly and sarcastically ask, “who did you write that for?”
every single day that you are with keonho are always filled with happiness and love. when he’s not there, you always knew he was just a call away. you liked that, you liked him.
now, those years passed without any goodbyes. the memories stay up with you constantly. it’s silly to remember how naive you were back then.
things have changed drastically when you both aged, he’s now nowhere to be found. you haven’t seen him in the city in a while, that very tattoo shop have not seen you since your ending with keonho. your number has been blocked on his phone. you wish to reach him. you wish to see him.
you kept your old phone and every once in a while, you would look through it. each photo emphasized the happiness you felt during that time in your life. it wasn’t just your happiness, keonho looked happy too. each message he sent back then still gives you butterflies re-reading them.
aside from the hundreds of photos and messages, there were many recordings of his songs, the songs about you. he made it clear you were his one and only muse.
a few days later, you drove through the empty traffic of downtown. rolling your window down, you slow your car down while looking at that same tattoo shop.
the exterior only changed slightly in the past few years. the memories of you and keonho linger around the area. you remember every moment spent there, outside and inside.
looking back down at your wrist, the tattoo is still there. it has never faded or smudged in those years. that represents your love for him. you’d do anything to enter a time machine and travel back to when the idea of you and keonho together thrived.
stepping out your car, you decided to stop by, hoping that he’s there too.
the bells jingles continuously as you walk inside. sitting behind the counter in the small room was the same person who did your tattoo back then.
standing there, you didn’t know what to say. you held your hands together, wondering if you should just leave or not.
staring up, martin recognized you in an instant. small talks of “how have you been” and “what have you been up to” ignited in the space. the conversation right now doesn’t interest you one bit. instead, you wanted to know how keonho is doing and what he’s been up to.
martin knew that you still liked him. he gave you the answers you wanted without the embarrassment of you asking.
disappointment took over you as you walked back to the car. both hands on the steering wheel, you steadily drove back home empty handed.
laying down onto the bed that could’ve been for two, the conversation from earlier repeated in your head. it was told that a few weeks ago, the tattoo shared has lost its other piece. the songs he sing now are no longer about you. you’re not in his life anymore.
the promises back then had turned to dust. maybe in another life, you would be his forever girl.
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