Look at you, Wiping your own tears With the same hands That long to be held
Ayesha Zahra
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@jurist
Look at you, Wiping your own tears With the same hands That long to be held
Ayesha Zahra
happy international lesbian day! here’s a print about what being a butch lesbian means/feels like for me.
as a butch lesbian I often find that I make not only cishet people uncomfortable but also gay and trans people too. I’m too masculine to be seen as a woman but the fact I’m a lesbian makes it clear I’m not a man. I’m not gnc in the “right” way that appeals to most people, I don’t wear dresses or skirts, I don’t wear makeup and I take up space on purpose. there’s no neat box people can fit me into unless they want to acknowledge that butch lesbian can be a gender of its own if the butch in question wants it to be.
terfs fuck off
made in 2023
Beyond absolute fave right now
Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote
kinda random, but as someone who has serious existential slash depressive meltdowns more frequently than i’d like, i’ve been trying to find my way out of these thought mazes for years, and i’ve come to the conclusion that trying to combat it by going a few levels even more abstract in the philosophical meter - which is what i personally thought had to be the answer for a long time - is, in a lot of cases, counterproductive
what i mean by that is that i’m (still slowly) beginning to realize that the only remedy for those particular types of crisis is not isolating yourself even more radically from tangible human experiences and trying to find the answer in your own head, but to fully immerse yourself in daily life as much as possible, and allow yourself to be really, truly part of the world you live in - a kind of poiesis of being, if we’re trying to be poetic, that’s about reinventing yourself with each second you remain open to the reality that is existing in the present moment. that won’t magically sort shit out for you, but i get the feeling it helps paint a different mental picture in which your thoughts can roam in, and maybe find different, new and hopefully better paths of thinking/being
having a rich inner life is possibly the most valuable part of existing as someone capable of cognizant thought, but if your brain goes at 100mph on the daily, it can reach exhaustion levels in the blink of an eye and start almost cannibalizing itself with anxiety and circular thought patterns. the beginning of it is: take a moment to stop. check out that building, the cobblestones in this street, that person selling their artwork on the sidewalk. this is the city you live in. these are the people you’re in the world with. there’s life outside of yourself
idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it
Please take time to disconnect & fall off the grid, find a new purpose in life, make new plans, & achieve your goals w/o needing validation or applause from the internet. It can change your life.
i’d say the best thing i have learned this year is to just let people be who they naturally are. no psychoanalyzing them, no overthinking my actions, no asking what i could possibly do to keep their presence in my life. i just bring my best self to the table and always move from a place of love and respect. how that person responds is ultimately up to them. if that causes them to exit my life, i just let it happen. i will never be in the business of changing people. people are only ever ready to change when they’ve made the conscious decision to. all i can do is check myself and be kind always.
something charmingly twentieth century about this
Tumblr should have a public 'blocked by' count. just to generate drama. still no follower count though just how many people have your ass blocked
Butch is Not a Dirty Word: Issue #3, 2019
When your friend has so much himbo spirit he rigs himself a gaydar to be a better wingman.
my man here m a d e his own gaydar. he. he fucking. he made a gaydar. he made a gaydar, thought this through and put together a system specifically to find gays. he made
Butches who call themselves "average" or "unremarkable" or "unnoticable" like any femme they meet doesn't clock them from 100 yards away. Like we don't catch your hands in your pockets and the way you hold the door for the mom with two kids behind you. Like we don't hear the gentleness in your voice when you call us "miss" or "ma'am". Like we don't notice the way you're vaguely lost or overwhelmed in all the girly girl spaces you get sent shopping, or your grateful smile when we offer to help. Like we don't see your hair: unfussy, practical, and neat, and imagine tangling our fingers in it. Like we don't see the way your cheeks lift as you smile under your mask (so conscientious of others) and daydream about scattering you with kisses. Even when you think you're plain, darling, we see you and adore you.
the interesting thing about being a femme lesbian is that i’m read as very feminine in queer spaces but very masculine in straight spaces. like when im at a gay bar i’m femme and bubbly and read as such but when i’m at straight/sports bars my energy is definitely more masculine in comparison and my stance is more grounded and i just find myself being more intentionally masc. this is probably why i feel like a girl around other lesbians but non-binary to everyone else.
Excerpt from "Femme-Dyke" by Arlene Istar, featured in The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader
my favorite movie genre? “good for her”
when the sun sets my brain is like "oh too bad the day is over & I can't do any more tasks" even though it sets at 4:15 these days & I will be up for at least 9 hours after that. like can we just. do something please