just a friend - j.l.
pairing: jordan li x fem!reader
cw: mention of rape/sexual assault, proceed carefully
wc: 3.3k
a/n: based on this request from anon. readerâs power is cholorokinesis (plant manipulation). no summary bc im a lil brain dead rn. as always, all pronouns used for jordan.
Itâs the spring break of your first year at Godolkin University.
You should be living it up in Cancun or Punta Cana like other college students. Feel the sun blazing on your skin for the first time since last October. Go to the sandy beach. Step into the pleasantly warm ocean and let the tides take you anywhere.
But no.
Far from being on a tropical vacation, you and your friends are stuck on campus thanks to a stupid weaponology class.
In place of a written midterm, your professor had assigned a group projectâa 20 minute presentation on any weapons-related topic of your choosingâwhich wouldâve been nice if it wasnât for the fact that itâs due the week right after break.
You look around the room. Lukeâs room.
His dorm has become the groupâs default hangout spot ever since he and Cate started dating a few months ago. A natural development, considering Golden Boy lives in a single thatâs almost the size of a quad, complete with a shower/tub en-suite.
Everyoneâs situated in their usual spot right now with their laptops open in front of them. You and Jordan are sprawled out on the couch, so close to each other that your arms and thighs touch. Andre is nestled in the plush beanbag chair across from you while the lovebirds are sitting side by side on the queen-sized bed with their backs against the wall.
âUgh, I knew I shouldâve dropped this class.â Cate slams her laptop shut so forcefully that youâre surprised the screen didnât shatter. âIt wonât even count towards my core curriculum once I switch to the hero management major next semester.â
She closes her eyes and pinches her nose. ââŚIs it too late to withdraw?â
âCate, babe, you know I love you.â You say while pushing yourself off the couch.
Jordan pauses her typing when she no longer feels your touch. Her focus shifts from the screen in front of her to your back as you make your way towards Cate.
Within a few steps, youâre standing next to the blonde with a hand on her shoulder. ââŚBut if you leave us to finish this project by ourselves, you will never know peace again for the rest of our lives.â
The physical contact is intentional. Your thoughts flow into Cateâs mind, letting her know just how serious you are. The corners of your lips curl into a cold smile that doesnât quite reach your eyes.
Meanwhile, Jordanâs eyes land exactly where your hand is touching Cateâs bare skin. Something like irritation flickers across their face for a split second, but they quickly force it back to neutrality.
While you remain clueless to Jordanâs shift in demeanor, Andre catches on. He makes eye contact with them and flashes a knowing smirk. Jordan scowls in response, lifting their middle finger at him.
With an exaggerated grin still on his face, Andre turns to you. âAnd what are you gonna do, Poison Ivy? Trip Cate every time she walks on grass?â
âThat. And more. You donât know everything my vines are capable of.â You display a proud yet devious smile of your own.
Cate swallows in mild horror. She looks up at Luke, giving him her best puppy dog eyes. âYouâll protect me, right babe?â
A dramatic gasp escapes your lips before Luke can even open his mouth to respond.
âRiordan, you will stay far, far away from my plant babies!â You point your finger at him, the glare on your face landing somewhere between serious and playful.
Unbothered, he shrugs. âTell your precious babies to leave my girlfriend alone then.â
âItâs so not fair that your power basically hard counters mine,â you huff before stomping back to your seat on the couch.
You snuggle up next to Jordan and wrap one of your arms around her slender waist. âYouâll be on my side if war ever breaks out between me and Luke, right?â
âOnly if youâre winning,â Jordan teases.
A laugh escapes from Andre. âIf a day comes where Jordie here isnât on your side, it might be a sign that the world is ending.â
âFuck off,â Jordan spits out, throwing up both middle fingers this time.
âItâs because they know Iâm always in the right,â you say smugly.
Jordan lets out a defeated sigh before shifting into their male form. The transformation chisels out their round face and broadens their shoulders. The curve of their waist disappears, replaced by two firm, straight lines.
Thatâs when your arm drops back to your side and you retreat a few inches. Youâre not aware of your own actions, but Jordan notices.
They always do.
Jordanâs mouth parts as if heâs about to say something, but then he closes it without ever making a sound.
ââAlright, I think thatâs enough distractions.â Cate claps her gloved hands together. âLetâs just get back to work so we can actually make it to the party tonight, yeah?â She says with a certain level of artificial sweetness as she opens her laptop once more.
You roll your eyes, holding yourself back from pointing out the fact that she was the one who initiated the sidetracking in the first place.
â
Six hours later, youâalong with every other soul unfortunate enough to still be staying on campus during spring breakâare at Dustyâs party.
As is the norm at these parties, the air is thick with the scent of cheap alcohol and clashing colognes. Track after track of electronic dance beats blast out of the shitty speakers in the corner, their bass levels turned all the way up.
At some point, you find yourself sitting alone in the living room. Andre and Luke are in the study, defending their title as the duo champions of beer pong. Jordan left to grab a drink a while ago and never returned. Then Cate left too, saying she would go bring them back, but that was almost 10 minutes ago.
Just when youâre about to go looking for your friends, a group of drunk girlsâsome of which you recognize from different classesâwave you over to join them in dancing. Being a bit tipsy yourself, you oblige.
Moving your body rhythmically, you dance along to loud, obnoxious music that youâll only ever be able to tolerate within the confines of a party.
During that same time, Cate enters the kitchen in search of Jordan. She stumbles upon them sitting alone on the floor with their knees bent and feet planted flat on the ground, clearly a little distressed in some way.
Parking herself on the ground next to them, she crosses her outstretched legs at the ankles and rests her quarter-full cup on her thigh.
âWhat are you doing in here alone?â Cate nudges his arm playfully with her elbow. âYou know your girl is literally less than 50 feet away.â
Her teasing grin falls when Jordan only replies with an unenthused groan.
She raises a single eyebrow. âWhatâs the matter with you?â
Jordan runs a hand through his jet black hair, messing up the meticulously gelled style that had taken him almost 15 minutes in front of the bathroom mirror earlier tonight.
âSheâs not my girl, Cate, thatâs the problem.â Jordanâs voice comes out in a grumble. âShe doesnât like me like that. Not this version of me, at least.â He gestures vaguely to himself.
âWhich version of you?â
ââŚThe one with a dick.â
Cate frowns. âYou donât really think she cares about that, do you?â
âHavenât you noticed?â Jordan lifts their head while to their female form. âWhenever Iâm like this, everything is fine. Sheâs touchy and flirty and it makes me fucking flustered as hellââ
She transforms again, now back to the same male appearance they started in. ââthen I turn into this, and all of a sudden she wants nothing to do with me.â
Finally understanding their frustration, Cate gazes at Jordan sympathetically.
The truth is that she knows exactly why you are the way you are. Why you do the things you do. But in order to explain it to Jordan, she would have to reveal to him what you had previously told her about your past in confidence, and Cate would sooner die than to ever consider betraying your trust.
âJust so you know, thereâs a reason for thatâthe whole ânot touching you when youâre a guyâ thing. Itâs not really about you per se.â
âThen what is it about?â
Her face contorts into a grimace. âItâsâŚnot my place to say.â
âFucking great. Thanks, Cate, thatâs really fucking helpful,â Jordan mutters under his breath.
âHey, watch your tone,â she gives him a stern warning. âBesides, you wouldnât need me to tell you anything in the first place if youâd just grow the fuck up and confess to her.â
Her harsh words succeed in shutting him up.
As Jordan quietly fidgets with the empty plastic cup in his hands, in step Andre and Luke, who had just finished wiping the floor in the impromptu beer pong tournament.
âPerfect timing, guys.â Cate lifts herself up. âDo me a favor please and tell Jordan theyâre being a wuss.â
Andre laughs out loud and looks down at Jordan, whoâs still glued to the floor. âYou know Iâm always down to give this one a hard time, but what are we talking about specifically?â
âWhat else other than their totally obvious crush that they refuse to do anything about.â Cate crosses her arms, glaring at Jordan with impatience.
The corner of Andreâs mouth ticks up. âIn that case, yeah. Youâre absolutely being a giant pussy, Jordan. Just go ask her out already.â
âLook, she doesnât fucking like me, okay?â In his frustration, Jordan raises his voice unintentionally. He casts a worried glance towards the living room, exhaling in relief when itâs clear that youâre too preoccupied with dancing to notice this little gathering in the kitchen.
ââŚIâm not gonna risk ruining our friendship just so I can confess my stupid one-sided feelings.â He says in a hushed tone, afraid that youâd overhear somehow even though the chance of that happening is practically zero.
Luke, who had just remained a silent observer until now, suddenly chimes in. âHow would you know for sure that theyâre one-sided if you never ask her?â
âI just do,â Jordan insists.
âWell, I donât.â Luke replies nonchalantly.
âOkay, but what if youâre wrong and she does like you?â Andre asks.
Jordan doesnât answer.
The thought has certainly crossed their mind before. What if you do like them back? What if all the seemingly-mindless physical contact and affectionate banter was actually you flirting with them?
But then theyâd remember the way you react to their malenessâa vital part of who they areâand it becomes that much easier to convince themselves that you canât possibly reciprocate their feelings.
âLook, Jordan.â Passing her drink off to Luke, Cate crouches to be eye level with Jordan. She places her gloved hand on his knee. âEven if she doesnât feel the same way about you, wouldnât you rather just like, know for sure? Instead of doing whatever it is youâre doing right now?â
Jordan doesnât answer, but heâs clearly shaken.
âPlus, she would never stop being friends with you. I know that and you know that, so what the fuck are you so afraid of?â Cate adds.
The gears in Jordanâs brain turn for a solid minute before he exhales.
âFuck,â he admits before finally picking himself up and off the floor.
Thatâs when you finally walk through the doorway, your cheeks completely flushed from all the dancing.
Your face lights up when you notice everyone.
âI wasnât aware that the kitchen was where the partyâs at!â Laughing, you joke.
The tipsiness youâd felt earlier in the night had mostly subsided, so you figured that you would come into the kitchen and pour another drink for yourself, only to find all your missing friends here.
âRound of shots?â You grab the bottle on the counter and pour its contents into five glasses before anyone has the chance to object.
Once you gulping down your shot, Jordan approaches you with a small cup of cranberry juice to chase with.
Theyâre normally not great with details, so itâs amazing that they somehow always remember little ones about you, including the scrunched up face you make after every drink that betrays just how much you hate the taste of alcohol.
âThanks, Jordan,â You grin, happy to get the aftertaste of vodka out of your mouth. âYouâre the best, yâknow?â
âI know.â he smiles, standing a comfortable distance from you. âHey, can we maybe talk for a bit? Privately?â
You nod.
No matter how dense you are, you can sense Jordanâs blatant nervousness. So you follow closely behind as he walks out the sliding glass door and into the backyard.
March in upstate New York means that the night breeze is still nippy and will remain so for about two more months. You had arrived at the party wearing a jacket, but itâs currently hanging in the coat closet inside, next to the front door.
When Jordan notices the goosebumps on your exposed arms, he wastes no time sliding off his cherished blue&white varsity jacket and draping it over your shoulder.
You smile. âLike I said, the best.â
Without very little grace, you plop yourself down on the nearby leather sofa. Then you lightly pat the empty spot next to you, signaling for Jordan to sit as well. They shift into their feminine form before lowering themselves into the seat.
You lean back with your full weight as you start to feel the buzz from the shot. âSo, whatâd you wanna talk about?â
Jordan takes a deep breath in preparation.
âLook, Iâm bad at stuff like this, so let me just come out and say it. I like you. Like, really fucking like you. And I know you donât feel the same way and thatâs okayâwell actually, itâs fucking devastating, but whatever. I just⌠I need you to just reject me because the uncertainty really fucking blows.â
You straighten your back as Jordan concludes their ramble, your mouth sitting slightly agape from the shock of being confessed to. Not to mention, by the one person thatâs been on your mind since the day you met.
Then the second part of their confession finally registers in your brain, and it makes your brows furrow instinctively.
ââWait, what makes you think I donât feel the same way about you?â
âI mean, you only think of me as a girl friend, right? As in a friend whoâs a girl? Thatâs why you only play-flirt with me when Iâm feminine and why you always withdraw from me every time I shift. Itâs âcause you donât like me as a man.â
Their words have you stunned.
You bite hard at your lip, trying to think back to every time Jordan has shifted in your presence and how you reacted, but your mind blanks.
âJordan, thatâs not true,â you whisper.
ââŚSo it doesnât bother you that Iâm not just a woman?â She asks, uncertainty evident in the slight trembling of her voice.
âNo!â You gaze into her eyes with as much sincerity as you can muster. âNo way. Please donât ever think that.â
You take her hand in yours.
âI like you too, Jordan. A lot. And not just when youâre a woman.â
ââŚThen why do you get so distant whenever Iâm a man?â
You hold your breath at the coming of the inevitable.
âCateâs the only one in this school Iâve ever told. Iâll tell you if you really want to know, but first you have to know that itâs not a fun story.â
âIâm listening.â Jordanâs tone is soft and warm.
You nod.
âIn junior year, I had this boyfriend. Weâd been dating for like three months when we went to this party at his friendâs house together. I donât remember exactly how much I drank, I just know I got really fucking drunk. Towards the end of the night he took me to the bedroom and heâŚâ You trail off, the hazy memory of what happened that night bringing tears to your eyes.
In the quiet, you feel Jordan lightly squeeze your hand, letting you know that youâre in control and have the option of stopping whenever. You make the choice to continue instead.
ââŚI remember saying no, but he was so insistent. And heavy. When I confronted him about it the next morning, he argued that Iâd wanted it too but his face told me that he knew exactly what he did. I broke up with him on the spot and that was that. I didnât tell anyone because I knew it would eventually come down to his word against mine, and it didnât look good for me. I willingly went to the party, got myself shitfaced, andââ
âAnd you didnât do anything wrong. That cunt took advantage of you. He deserves to rot in hell.â
Jordanâs jaws are clenched, her anger visible from the slightly protruding vein on her neck. The hand that isnât holding yours is balled up into a tight fist in her lap. It brings you comfort, knowing how much Jordan cares about you.
âYeah, thatâs what Cate said too.â You say softly. ââŚAnyway, for like five whole months after that, I couldnât have any physical contact with men without completely freaking out. It got better over time, but I guess maybe it just morphed into something else entirely.â
You know that the trauma of being assaulted had affected you deeply back then, but you never thought that, even two years after the fact, it would still play such a significant role in how you interact with the world around you.
âWhatâs the douchebagâs name?â
Your eyebrow ticks upward at Jordanâs question as a smile appears on your face.
âI know youâre only asking so you can go find him and beat him up. Donât bother. He died last year. Tried to drive home from a party drunk as fuck, veered off the road, and that was it.â
âOh,â Jordan whispers with slight disappointment.
âI was glad he died back then because it meant I didnât have to see him in school around anymore, but now I kind of wish he was still alive so that I could kill him myself. Is that really fucked up?â
âMaybe,â Jordan shrugs, âbut I support it. Maybe we can go piss on his grave together?â
That elicits genuine laughter from you.
ââŚIâm really sorry I made you feel like I only cared about a part of you, Jordan,â you say, looking into their eyes. âI need you to know that I like you fully as you are. Both genders.â
âYou have nothing to be sorry for. Iâm the one who misunderstood things all on my own.â
Jordan studies you closely for a second.
âWould it be okayâŚif I shift? Like, right now?â
âPlease.â Itâs your turn to give their hand a reassuring squeeze.
As they shift, you make it a point to take note of exactly what does and does not change about them. While they become physically larger and sharper, the timid way they smile remains the same. A smile that you donât think youâll ever get tired of.
You pull him into a tight hug, the distancing between you disappearing as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. He freezes for a second before tenderly placing his hands on your back and beginning to move them back and forth in a comforting rhythm.
As one of the strongest supes in school, Jordan could easily overpower you in two seconds flat. Youâre fully aware of that fact and yet youâre not scared in the slightest.
You trust them. Perhaps more than youâve ever trusted anyone else before.
When you finally pull apart, thereâs a mischievous glint in your eyes.
âSo,â you flash him a crooked grin, âyou âreally fucking likeâ me, huh?â
Jordan rolls his eyes, but thereâs no real annoyance on his face. âYouâre probably the last person on campus to know that.â
âSeriously?â
âYeah, Iâm not exactly a good actor. Itâs honestly a little impressive how oblivious you are.â
âThereâs no way. Youâre just messing with me.â
Jordan just shakes his head at your disbelief before hopping off the couch and then reaching his arms out to help you up as well. His hand continues to hold onto yours as you both head back inside.
You step into the kitchen where your friends had just been standing around, watching the entire situation play out. Jordan slides the door closed behind them.
âFucking finally,â Cate approaches, a grin on her face that only gets wider when she looks down and sees your interlocking hands. âIt was honestly getting super tiring constantly hearing your thoughts about how much you like each other.â
With a smug look, Andre puts his arm around Jordanâs shoulders. âNice work, Jordie, but I do have to point out that I was right and you were wrong.â
âEven Andre knew?â You turn to Jordan. âShit. You really werenât kidding, were you?â
âTold you.â








